Page 45

“The Point of No Return”

Deep breath in, I center myself.

No time for fear. Not anymore. This is a point of no return, and I intend to tackle this head-on. I’ve done enough damage to Fielder and Cam, and I won’t do more.

At the very least, I owe them both that.

When I step outside La Sponda, straighten the collar of my suit jacket, and see Cam underneath the lit restaurant sign in a delicate script hung on beautiful blush pink Italian tile that spills down to the ground, for the first time in a long time, the dense fog in my head clears.

“You knew where to meet me.” I hold out my hand to him, and together we walk to the railing overlooking Positano. The cascading town built into mountains littered with lights looks like a world from a fantasy movie.

“Did you know La Sponda translates to ‘The Shore’ in Italian. Didn’t take The DaVinci Code to crack your message.

” Cam recalls my message after the poem, mimicking my voice.

“Meet me at the place they call The Shore overlooking the sea. Clever. And romantic.” He threads and rethreads his fingers with mine, and I look down at our hands and smile.

The shoreline, with rippling gold-tipped waves falling in soft whooshes against the sand, comes into view. In the distance, on one of the docks, a gozzo is outfitted with lights.

Two shadowy figures wait, the captain and Fielder Lemon.

I hold my breath as I make my way onto the dock.

“Uh, surprise?” Fielder says, confused. “Where’s Sienna?

You were supposed to bring her. Did you forget your part of the plan?

Topher is on his way literally right now; he’s going to freak out .

. .” His mouth is going a million miles an hour like Monroe, and I can’t help but laugh because it’s adorable.

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny, we had one job to do!

” He starts pacing back and forth, and I have to stop him before he flings himself off the edge of the pier.

“They’re not coming, Field.”

He sucks in a breath. “What happened? Are they okay?”

I hold out my hand for him.

“I was afraid to love you,” I admit to Cam. “I think I stopped myself.” But I don’t stop myself from looking into his eyes.

He kisses me, passionately, like he’s never kissed me before.

“I don’t understand,” Fielder says, rubbing his temples. “I’m sweating like a stuffed pig.” He slips his phone out of his pocket. “My battery is almost dead, and Topher isn’t answering any of my texts. Why are you holding out your hand?”

“Do you trust me?”

Cam kisses me and I open my eyes; he curiously looks at me.

“Why did you stop yourself from loving me?” he asks. “Was it something I did?”

I shake my head. “It wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t fair to you. I see that now.” The corners of my eyes sting. “You made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I needed that.”

“You do that for me, too,” Cam says, then sits back and slowly lets go of my hand, our fingers coming undone. “You said ‘made,’ ‘needed.’ Past tense.”

My heart sinks. “You’re an amazing friend to me, Cam, and I want to have you in my life. I don’t want that to end.”

He pivots away from me, looking toward the water. “You think that’s realistic?”

I go for his hand again and pull it into my chest. “I don’t discard people.”

“You did it to Fielder,” Cam says, and that stings more than I was prepared for. “Sorry. I—”

“No, you’re right. I deserve that.”

His voice shakes, with sadness or anger I can’t tell. “Why couldn’t you love me?”

“I do, but I think what I’ve come to understand is that it’s a different kind of love, more of a friend, which is why I want you in my life, and I know it’s unfair to ask that of you, especially after bringing you here and putting you through this, and I get it if you hate me, but I don’t want to keep putting you through this. It’s not fair to you.”

“No, it’s not.” He stands up, and I follow. Just when I think he’s going to yell and scream or cause a scene, he bites back his lips, wipes tears from his eyes, and asks, “Can I have a hug?” His voice cracks.

Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around him. “Always.”

“I love you, Ricky.”

“I love you, too, Cam.” Because friend-love is real and important, and it needs to be said and known. He needs to know I won’t abandon him.

He holds me a little tighter as he cries into my shoulder.

“Thank you for an amazing six months,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t say anything back, and I don’t expect him to.