Page 39

The Misery! The Exquisite Tragedy! The Matty Lemon of It All!

Ricky kissed me.

And, dear reader, I told him I loved him. In one big messy word vomit, I did it.

And he said—well, he didn’t exactly say it back, did he? But still!

Now we’re separated by circumstance. Again!

While the parentals are journeying into the Blue Grotto—Ricky’s mom, dad, and aunt in one boat, the Coven in the other—Topher and Sienna waste no time corralling the bridal party for group pictures.

Like a cancer cell that won’t go away, Cam magically reappeared, a plot point of extreme inconvenience, and has ushered Ricky to the other side of the yacht, completely out of view, making me question my own reality, Ricky’s phantom touch lingering on my bare skin like a soft breeze.

Matty leans in. “What happened in there?”

My ears perk. “Huh? Nothing.”

“Lies,” Matty says. “We just got out, and that place was the pinnacle of romantic.” His arm wraps tightly around Nic’s waist, the bare skin of their torsos fusing. “If Benny wasn’t in our rowboat, we would have been naked.”

I roll my eyes. “With the tour guide right there?”

Matty shrugs. “He looks like he’d enjoy the show.”

Topher yells, “Let’s gooooooo!”

“I’ll have you know I make the best third,” Benny says, before adding, “wheel.”

Monroe covers Tyler’s ears. “Fielder! Details! You and Ricky! Grotto!”

“Yeah, andiamo! You roped us into this on the PJ; you need to follow through and not be like every other gay man I’ve ever known and not disappoint me.”

“I don’t kiss and tell.” I wink. “But I don’t want everyone on the yacht to know, right now, because Ricky and Cam are still, whatever, and we haven’t talked through our issues, really, so, but, yeah. We hardcore made out.”

Matty slaps my shoulders hard, and Topher hollers like a frat boy.

“What’re we screaming about over here?” Sienna’s hands are perched on her hips. “As the bride, I demand to know any and every bit of juicy goss.”

Matty grins nervously, and my cheeks grow hot. I freeze, but Matty swoops in to my rescue with a redirect nobody saw coming. “I lost my virginity last night!”

“That wasn’t on my bingo card.” Benny raises his cup. “But cheers to that!”

“Salute!” Nic Jr. doesn’t miss a beat.

Tyler high-fives them both.

“Ew, you people really need a trigger warning,” Jenni Lee says, her ignorance sucking out all the oxygen from the planet.

“ ‘You people’?” I cock my head.

Matty’s cheeks go fire red, and his face falls to the floor in embarrassment.

“Relax, I’m an ally, a member of the LGBTQ + AI community,” she says, suddenly sounding far too sober, and saying more than she has the entire trip. It’s almost as if she was waiting for a spotlight.

“Did you just canonize artificial intelligence as gay?” Benny asks. “ A doesn’t stand for ally. Sorry, girl.”

She looks unbothered, arms folded. “Isn’t the point of your community to accept everyone ? Hypocritical much? I have lots of gay friends. And a gay cousin. I think I’m—”

“Nope. That’s not how it works. That’s how we cannibalize our own,” I say. “Why’d you say we need trigger warnings?”

“Everything is about sex with you people.”

“Again with the ‘you people.’ ” Heat builds in my chest. I don’t want to blow up at Sienna’s cousin, so I’m hoping she’ll chime in and drag Jenni Lee before I do.

Instead, Sienna looks petrified.

Fine, I’ll do it myself. “ You keep othering us . There are a bunch of gay people here, and your ignorance and intolerance is showing. The bride’s brother is gay. You’re in a space that doesn’t belong solely to you. Be normal and navigate it, don’t be weird.”

Ever the politician, she says, “You misunderstood. I was simply pointing out an observation. Guess what? I don’t need to hear about your sex lives while at a wedding ! Is nothing sacred?”

“Meanwhile, in straight religious wedding culture, ‘wedding nights’ and consummation is revered,” Monroe says with an eye roll. “But go off.”

Ignoring Monroe, Jenni Lee says, “I didn’t consent to that .” She waves between me, Matty, Benny, and Nic, as if we’re taking turns blowing each other.

Monroe’s eyes bug out. “Did you really just weaponize consent?” She crosses her arms and digs her nails into the skin on her forearm. “I want to skewer you over an open flame and serve you with a spicy dipping sauce.”

“Relax, Roe,” Jenni Lee says. “I’m just doing what you all do. Demonizing anyone who doesn’t agree with you. I’m an advocate for tradition .”

“You’re a walking buzzword,” I say. “And you make zero sense.”

“You’re a content creator, right?” Jenni Lee asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer.

“Kids watch your videos. They get exposed to nontraditional ideas. You get spicy online. You make sexual jokes sometimes, and all week, all I’ve heard you all talk about is sex, sex, sex.

It’s representative of a larger issue that needs to be addressed with gay media.

What values do you uphold? I represent something more palatable. ”

Nic Jr. laughs. “I heard Americans are, how do you say, prudes, but—”

Matty turns to Nic. “Did I overstep?”

Nic Jr. shakes his head. “Amore mio, in Italian culture, we are open. Sex is something to celebrate. It’s passion .”

“But you’re not queer!” Monroe says. “You don’t represent anything for anyone here. You—”

Jenni Lee waves a hand in dismissal. “It’s impossible to have a constructive conversation without being assaulted or contradicted. My opinion is valid, and I have a right to voice it.”

“Matty said one thing that was pretty innocuous, and you imply you’re ‘assaulted’ by that.

That’s not a conversation. That’s an accusation.

” Monroe’s voice trembles. “Beyond that, you’re around a bunch of queer people and trying to play victim when you say offensive things about them.

Sienna ignores it because you’re family, but we all know your entire personality is going after gay people, and you think your law school education and mayor father protect you, but you’re no better than a picture-less profile on social media who say whatever hateful shit they want yet hide behind anonymity.

You have a history of saying you’re queer so you can rail against LGBTQ + content online from the ‘inside,’ ” Monroe says, and Sienna’s eyes widen, though Jenni Lee remains stoic.

“It’s true,” Sienna says. “I never said anything to you to keep the peace in the family, but it’s offensive.

Monroe showed me what you do online, how you constantly post about the need for laws that ban explicit gay content and propose censorship, yet you claim to be a member of the LGBTQ + community. You use it as a shield—”

Jenni Lee interrupts her. “Don’t police me.”

“Are you queer?” I ask, knowing the answer.

Jenni Lee clenches her jaw. “It’s gross that my own family is attacking me, but I’m not surprised.

The bottom line is that normal people don’t want to hear about your private activities, and I don’t need your lifestyle shoved down my throat.

Come on, Fielder just posted a Clock story making out with Ricky in the grotto for the entire world to see even though Ricky has a boyfriend and I’m on trial? ”

As the blistering sun beats down on my skin, my blood runs cold.

“How about this: don’t tune in, love,” Benny quips. “We’re people just living , not PornHub.” He motions to me, Matty, and Nic. “All this ain’t for you anyway.” He makes another comment about how he’s glad they’re not blood related, but I’m not listening.

As Jenni Lee grabs Trav’s hand and yanks him away, spilling his drink on himself, I fumble with my phone.

My hands are numb and trembling. I nearly drop it when I see the light blue circle around my profile picture.

I didn’t even realize I was still recording!

I run through everything in my mind—I thought I was pulling up the camera app, not Clock.

But Clock is so second nature and I clearly wasn’t thinking (I was busy quivering from being so close to Ricky while worrying about an ever-growing boner), and I just went to Clock instead. By mistake!

A few thousand views and almost ten comments in the last twenty minutes already. Stupid clumsy club thumbs and dizzy headiness from Ricky’s beautiful, plump pillow lips! I blame him and the grotto.

Without hesitation, I delete it. No view count or “like” amount is worth losing the ground I’ve made with Ricky.

Matty leans in and whispers, “You okay?”

My mouth is dry; my heart races so fast my chest might explode.

There’s no way Ricky saw, right?

“I dunno,” I whisper.

Topher and Sienna argue. “I’m not cool with her talking like that. To our cousins, or anyone! I don’t even want her here.”

Sienna sits with her clear discomfort. “I know, I’m sorry. She’s done after this week. But one thing I keep thinking about is why Jenni Lee does this. I mean, her mom is a romance author, and she has sex with Trav, so it’s not like she’s a nun.”

“People tolerate gays existing as long as we’re neutered.

Whenever gay relationships come into conversation, the first thing associated with them is sex,” I answer, and Monroe cedes the floor.

“Historically, from gay liberation to the AIDS crisis to Folsom. Our sex is labeled degenerative behavior. And you’d be surprised how often it happens from inside the community, especially in our generation, from people who call themselves blanket ‘queers’ but don’t stand up for actual LGBTQ + issues.

It, like, dilutes the power of individual identity, uses public outrage to distract, and then contributes to the very thing outsiders use to target us. ”

“And Jenni Lee uses that to her advantage, like a political tactic,” Benny says.

I nod. “I see people like her all the time in the comments section. If I post anything overtly ‘gay,’ my views get suppressed. Real, authentic gay people and lives are targeted while more toned-down, sterile gays are supported because a neutered, sexless gay is more tolerable.”