Page 40 of What Would Dolly Do?

I was so sick that for several days I couldn’t get out of bed.

I wasn’t malingering, I was properly poorly.

A migraine combined with aching limbs meant my whole body hurt.

Constant stomach-churning nausea so I could hardly eat and just the thought of food made me want to hurl.

I slept a lot which gave some relief from the discomfort but when I was awake I had so little energy I barely got out of bed. I didn’t leave the flat at all.

My mum kept up a steady supply of hot drinks, soup and toast, most of which went untouched, but I was grateful for her attempts to stave off starvation.

She didn’t send for any medical intervention, however, and once I started to emerge from the fug of illness I did ask her why she hadn’t called a doctor?

‘There’s nothing a doctor can do for what’s ailing you,’ she professed which I thought was rather presumptuous of her because I was sure I must have picked up some deadly bug or virus or something.

If she was trying to make out that I’d been nothing more than ‘love sick’ then I didn’t think she had really understood the extent of my suffering.

I’m not saying I wasn’t upset about the break-up with Tom.

Knowing our short but sweet affair had come to an end was painful but we’d only known each other for a short time and I’d told myself often enough that the writing was on the wall as far as a long-term love affair was concerned.

Once the symptoms of my mystery illness started to subside I didn’t feel I could indulge the notion I was suffering from a form of grief or even heartbreak.

Surely I hadn’t loved for long enough for that to be the case?

Whatever the truth of the matter – and as my mother had not seen fit to call for a medical professional we would never now know what it was that had ailed me – I needed to pull myself together and drag myself back to work.

I discovered my dad had been spending the extra time he’d suddenly found he had to spare on his extended visit to Edinburgh filling in for me at Sonny’s Bar.

He’d always been a natural host and it was good to know Donald and Stella hadn’t been left too short-handed while I’d been out of action.

My two regular staff members didn’t say all that much when I went back into work.

That wasn’t too unusual for Donald, of course, he wasn’t ever what you could call ‘chatty’.

Stella looked a bit shamefaced, maybe she was feeling a bit guilty about how jealous she had appeared just before my romance with hunky music star Tom Coltrane had come crashing down around my ears.

At least she wasn’t gloating or glorying in my misfortune, I had to give her that; if anything her tone was kind and considerate but I wasn’t in the mood to be pitied.

‘Stella, it’s fine, you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me.’

At that Stella fixed me with her more familiar steely gaze; ‘No one is walking on eggshells, Becky, or are we supposed to call you Reba now?’

I stopped setting up the bar and snapped my head up to look at her, the comment had hit me in the solar plexus and I felt winded.

Stella took the pause I gave her to carry on; ‘I’m not saying that to be cruel in any way, honestly I’m not, but it looked like you’d made some big life decisions, found a way to move forward with a music career and I think it would be crazy to let all that go to waste.

The name Reba suits you more than Becky ever did so I’m happy to stick with Reba. The question is, are you?’

Stella was always straightforward and to the point, it was one of her very best qualities and it was clear to me she was speaking, as always, from the heart and with no hidden agenda.

She’d also made a direct hit on the very subject I knew I had to address.

I told her yes, I was sticking with Reba. Decision made.

‘Robbie will be relieved to hear that too,’ Stella said carefully, then as she saw me grimace at the mention of his name, quickly tried to explain how much my former partner truly regretted upsetting me so much the night I made my debut performance as Reba Moon.

‘We both know Robbie can be a bit of a doofus but he really does care about you, Reba. You just took him by surprise and he’s really struggling in his new job.

I think he misses Edinburgh more than he thought he would. ’

I heard her out; she and Robbie had worked together at Sonny’s for a long time and were good friends.

It was good to learn he regretted what he’d said and it chimed very much with what Dorrie had presumed was going on, that it was more to do with what was going wrong in his life than what was happening in mine, but I needed to hear a proper apology from Robbie himself before I’d be ready to properly forgive him.

As Stella and I worked side by side setting up the bar we chatted about what I was going to do now.

Stella was a good sounding board, listening as I talked through various feelings and potential scenarios about launching Reba Moon into the wider world and chipping in with her own thoughts now and again.

It was hugely helpful and rather cathartic.

She made some insightful observations that made me think; the first was that I needed to get hold of record company executive Steve Bannister and see if an offer of a record deal was still on the table despite my split from Tom.

That was still my voice on that record with him – even if the thought of having to hear that song ripped my heart out right now.

‘Your talent has nothing to do with Tom Coltrane,’ Stella said.

I was grateful for that verdict on my abilities as a performer.

She pointed out that although it might have been cool to do more recording or gigging with Tom it could be better if people didn’t think I was riding on his coat tails.

It was something that had occurred to me too.

People could be very quick to judge if they thought I was only getting a break because of my relationship with a famous musician.

There weren’t many upsides to our relationship ending but maybe that was one.

I said as much to Stella with a heartfelt roll of my eyes. ‘Every cloud and all that.’

Stella placed her hands on the bar between us and looked me straight in the eye. ‘Don’t do that,’ she said, not unkindly.

‘Don’t do what?’

‘Don’t pretend you’re not bothered about whatever has happened between you and Tom.

’ She held up her hand as I opened my mouth to stop me from saying whatever I was going to say.

‘Obviously something has gone on and I’m not just talking about some bits of gossip going around on social media.

You and Tom, it really was something else, wasn’t it?

Something very special. The way you were together the night he introduced you on stage as Reba Moon, the connection between you, it was so …

’ Stella faltered at that point as she noticed my stricken face.

‘I’m sorry, I’m not trying to upset you, it’s just, I know only too well that finding someone you feel like that about, having them so into you too …

what you and Tom seemed to have together, it doesn’t happen every day.

I was a bit taken aback when I could see how crazy you seemed to be about each other, it was so obvious how proud he was of you and how comfortable you were together.

Are you sure it’s all over between you?’

I was finding it hard to swallow and didn’t trust my voice to say too much so I just nodded emphatically.

‘I’m really sorry to hear that, Reba. No wonder you were knocked sideways, that kind of heartbreak hurts like nothing else can. Are you sure you’re okay to come back to work?’

The sentiment was genuine and her tone was kind and considerate but Stella might as well have picked up the razor-sharp knife we used to slice the lemons and plunged it into me.

She’d seen me trying to put a positive spin on my split from Tom and had skewered that with breath-taking accuracy.

Who was I trying to kid? Myself? I certainly wasn’t convincing Stella but I had another go, spluttering my retort.

‘I had a bug … a virus … some sort of weird lurgy, I was really ill, not … Tom … I mean … it wasn’t … ’

My attempt to explain tailed off as Stella grimaced and shaking her head said, ‘Okay, Cleopatra, play it your way.’

‘Cleopatra!?’ I was completely stumped. What the hell was Stella on about now?

‘Cleopatra,’ she repeated speaking slowly, ‘Queen of de Nile?’

Ahh. I got it. Very clever. There was a slight smile playing at the corner of Stella’s red-lipped mouth and I couldn’t help but give a rueful grin back when the penny dropped.

‘Actually, forget Cleopatra,’ Stella said then. ‘You’re more like Miss Adelaide from Guys and Dolls !’

‘You’ve lost me now, Stella, what are you on about?

’ I stood back with my arms folded and waited for Stella to expand on this theory.

‘C’mon, this had better be good.’ I knew what she was trying to do, she was trying to make me face the fact I had a broken heart and cheer me up at the same time.

It was a tough task but Stella was a tough cookie.

I waited patiently while she gave it her best shot.