Page 25

Suddenly annoyed, Regina tore the roll in half and slapped butter on one side with rather more vigour than necessary.

What did she care what he got up to? It was none of her affair, and if he was so fickle as to want her friendship one day and not the next, well, that kind of friend she could well do without.

He was her employer, nothing more, and she would do well to remember that and keep to her place.

Yet visions insinuated themselves into her mind’s eyes, images of the earl taking some unknown but lovely creature into his arms and…

and…. Regina pushed the images away. This was intolerable.

How dare he cut up her peace so thoroughly?

First, he unsettled her by inviting her to have a drink with him, and to speak freely, and then provided her with a horse so she might enjoy the loveliest day out she could ever remember, and then he had to spoil it all.

If he had no intention of doing any of the things he had said, why must he say them at all?

On and on her mind seethed. One moment she was telling herself she would not think of it, or the earl, for a moment longer, only to drag the whole argument up again until she was so irritated with herself for her weakness she wanted to scream.

Her ill temper plagued her throughout breakfast and on through the morning, though she did her utmost not to give Tilly any reason to suspect she was not in the best of moods.

By late afternoon, however, she was sick of the sound of her own internal voice and wanted only to have a moment's peace, so when Mrs Morgan invited Tilly to the kitchens where she was making biscuits, Regina jumped at the opportunity to go outside and walk off her wretched mood.

It had rained all morning but the afternoon, whilst bitterly cold, offered little more than a fine mizzle which gradually left off.

Still, the wet ground squelched under her sensible boots as she strode through the gardens.

She walked quickly and with purpose, though she had no particular destination in mind and only wished to outrun her disagreeable thoughts.

In some part of her subconscious she knew she was being unfair to the earl and knew too that it was not disapproval that was making her so furious.

She was not a prude, and understood that men’s attitudes to love affairs were not necessarily the same as women’s, but the truth was she was bitterly disappointed.

Though she had told herself she must keep Ashburton at arm’s length, she had still wanted to be his friend, still craved the warmth of his regard and the opportunity to sit and spend the evening in his company talking.

It would have been disastrous, naturally, for spending such a lot of time with an intelligent and handsome man whom she could not deny held some strange sway over her was a foolish thing for a woman in her position to do.

No, she decided, this was better. Though she was disappointed, she would get over it, and this way she was in no danger of making a fool of herself.

“Good afternoon!”

Regina jumped at the voice, looking about as if emerging from a dream.

The day, which had been so grim when she had left the house, had brightened somewhat, the skies filled with a tumble of grey clouds, but showing glimpses of glorious blue.

Belatedly, she realised she had made it some distance from the gardens, and was walking down a muddy lane that would eventually come out by some of the newer estate cottages.

She turned, and her heart plummeted as she saw the earl riding towards her.

The horse slowed and then stopped beside Regina and, to her surprise, the earl jumped down, throwing the reins over his mount’s head so he could walk and lead the horse instead.

“Good afternoon, my lord,” Regina said, careful to keep her voice tranquil, for seeing him thus, riding towards her with the afternoon sun going down and glowing behind him, lighting him up like some hero in a Gothic novel, did nothing to soothe her temper.

“Where are you off to in such a pelter?” he asked, regarding her with curiosity.

“I am not and have never been in a pelter . I am simply taking some exercise,” she replied tartly, avoiding his gaze.

Though she refused to look at him, she felt the weight of his scrutiny upon her face.

“Really? I felt certain Tilly must have done something appalling, for you looked as if you were on your way to do someone an injury, or possibly throw yourself off a bridge, though I’m afraid the nearest river is probably only three feet deep even at this time of year. ”

He spoke lightly, and Regina knew he was teasing her, yet that he had so easily divined the turmoil of her thoughts was infuriating.

How dare he spy on her! Could she not have a few moments of solitude in which to walk off her bad mood?

Before she could think better of it, Regina turned, sending him a look of such frigid disgust it was a wonder he didn’t turn to ice on the spot.

“Tilly has done nothing wrong, and I would never contemplate throwing myself off a bridge simply because people continue to prove themselves unworthy of my regard,” she snapped, belatedly appalled by how cold and pompous she sounded.

Who was this awful, angry woman? But she was too overwrought to calm herself now and simply strode off before her tongue ran away with her and said anything worse.

“Whatever has happened?” Ashburton asked in concern, keeping up with her angry strides with ease. Damn his long legs. “Has someone offended you? One of the staff? I promise you, if anyone has said or done anything to cause you upset, I will deal with it at once.”

“Ha!” she exclaimed, her sarcasm surely audible.

The earl, now thoroughly confused, continued to keep pace beside her. “I promise you, I would allow no one to treat you with disrespect,” he said earnestly, clearly believing she doubted he would lift a finger to help her.

As out of temper as she was, she found his words were sincere.

He was a just and kind master to all the staff and took their welfare seriously.

If anyone had ill-treated her, he would not stand for it and would act quickly.

Yet even knowing this and seeing the evidence of it, the seething mass of confused and angry feelings writhing in her chest would not be quieted.

“I do not believe you are capable of changing anything in this instance,” she replied, wishing he would just give up and leave her be. But not only would he not do so, he reached out and caught hold of her arm, stopping her in her tracks and forcing her to turn to face him.

“Mrs Harris, I beg you will tell me who has upset you to such a degree,” he demanded, his voice at once frustrated and filled with concern.

“You have!” she shot back, the words out of her mouth before she could consider the consequences. Immediately, she wished them unsaid as his eyes widened with surprise.

“I?” he repeated in bewilderment, letting go of her arm like the touch burned him. He stared at her, and then to her consternation, he paled visibly, his dismay at having hurt her perfectly obvious. “How? What have I done to cause you such pain?”

Regina put up her chin, cursing herself for being such a damned fool. Now she would have to explain herself to the earl, and the idea of doing so made her feel physically ill. Yet she could not accuse the man of upsetting her to his face and not give him a reason.

“Not pain, my lord,” she said, forcing herself to modulate her voice until it sounded calm. “Only regret that my faith in you was proven misplaced with such speed.”

His keen gaze studied her face, and whilst he still could not fathom what he had done, she saw the determination to discover it in the set of his jaw and knew they would have this out, here and now.

“Then I beg the indulgence of having my fault put before me in plain terms,” he said, his voice cool. “You cannot condemn a man without a fair trial.”

Regina swallowed, wishing she had not been such a fool to begin this conversation.

What the devil had she been thinking, saying such a thing to her employer, of all people?

No doubt she would have her bags packed before this day was over.

Still, she was not a coward, and she had begun this argument, so she had best finish it.

Taking a deep breath, Regina forced herself to meet his eyes.

“You asked me to help you, to give you my time and engage you in intelligent conversation so you might not be tempted to return to your old ways. You led me to believe you wished for my friendship, as foolish an idea as that is. But I was clearly unable to live up to your high expectations and entertain you sufficiently to keep your attention for more than one evening before you decided the idea was too dull to contemplate further. I am simply disappointed to realise that a woman’s company cannot satisfy you unless she takes her clothes off! ”

Regina watched him, her heart thundering in her chest as part of her wanted to run away as fast as her legs would carry her.

His cool blue eyes flashed with anger and then shuttered, hiding his feelings from her, but the set of his jaw was still rigid, and she doubted he was in the sunniest of moods.

In the light of his displeasure, she had to admit that her anger had been for all the reasons she had just stated, but there had been another reason too, one she had not wished to look at in any detail for it was beyond mortifying.

She had been jealous.

For a brief time, she had believed the beautiful Earl of Ashburton had desired to be her friend.

Oh, she had not considered for a moment that he desired her as a woman; she was not completely lost to all reason.

But she had thought he had seen something of value in her.

Intelligence, perhaps, and a sense of the ridiculous that appealed to him.

Fool , she scolded herself. How could she have believed for a moment that this exquisite man, who could have any woman he wanted, would look at his child’s dowdy governess with any emotion warmer than pity, and perhaps the fondness any employer might feel towards a servant who had proven themselves more than adequate?

Anxious now, she watched him, noting the rigid set of his jaw. He stared at her for a long moment, apparently fighting some internal battle. She did not know which side had won, but finally his expression softened, and he let out a soft huff of laughter and shook his head.

“Damn me,” he muttered, and reached up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as though a headache throbbed behind his eyes. “Well, I’ve made a mull of this, just for a change.”

Regina stared at him warily, wrong-footed by his air of wry amusement. Why wasn’t he shouting at her for her temerity in speaking to him so boldly? Surely, he wished for her to pack her bags and leave.

He looked up, studying her with an intensity that made her feel hot all over.

“You did not fail, Mrs Harris,” he said softly.

“Far from it. I have not been to see my mistress, or found a new one, should you think me the type to split hairs. I have not discovered some den of iniquity where I may indulge my proclivity for vice, either. Indeed, I have not left the estate but have been working with my steward, who I feel sure will attest to my whereabouts, should you wish to interrogate him.”

That he believed she might have the audacity to interrogate anyone about his whereabouts made Regina feel slightly queasy, but she held her ground, refusing to look away.

“I don’t understand,” she said, for why should he suddenly make himself absent and spend so much time out of doors when the weather was so inclement? Now she looked at him, she realised he was soaked through, his boots caked in mud and his hair wet.

“If you want the truth, neither do I,” he replied ruefully, which did not clear things up at all.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she accused him, as if she hadn’t behaved badly enough by judging the man for visiting his mistress when it was no business of hers how he spent his time.

“Yes,” he agreed, startling her into silence.

He admitted it!

“Oh.” It was not an elegant reply, but he had so thoroughly taken the wind out of her sails she did not know what else to say.

Regina shivered, belatedly realising how cold she was as the damp air sank into her bones.

If she was chilled, he must be frozen to the bone.

“I think we had better discuss this later before you catch pneumonia,” she said briskly, five years of working as a governess forcing her to think of his health before satisfying her own curiosity.

“Yes, Mrs Harris,” he said solemnly, as if he recognised the voice of command and would not dare to disobey it, though one corner of his mouth quirked a little.

He was teasing her, but she was too flustered and confused to take him to task for it. Instead, she ushered him back to the house, refusing to allow him to see to his own horse as he usually did and giving him strict instructions not to come down until he’d had a hot bath.

It was only when he was halfway up the stairs, having given her no rebuke for her bossiness, that she realised how appallingly she had not only overstepped the mark, but dug the mark up and thrown it away.

Confused by her own behaviour and the earl’s willingness to be bullied, Regina could do nothing but return to her own room to change into dry clothes.