Page 38 of What If I Hate You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #6)
Corrigan
Group pact: We never let them live this down.
Layken
And we absolutely ask for it at the worst moments. Like in the Target parking lot or mid-coffee sip.
Marlee
OMG. YES. “Babe, when are you gonna give me the Blakely Special?” While he’s tying his skates.
Me
And here I thought I was evil. I’m obsessed with you all. Never change.
BARRETT
Oliver changed the group chat name to Men Down
Oliver
Bros. I just pretended to pull a hamstring to get out of round three. Scarlett said, “That’s okay, babe. Just use your mouth.” I AM NOT OKAY. What the fuck is happening?
August
I feel you. Ella keeps whispering “be better than Barrett” like it’s a fucking battle cry. I feel like I’m trying to win the freakin' Hunger Games with my dick.
Me
Again… I never told anyone. Y’all exposed yourselves. May the odds be ever in your favor, man.
Griffin
Layken’s been watching TikToks with titles like “how to unlock your full female potential.” I caught her ordering WRESTLING MATS.
Bodhi
Corrigan brought a ring light into the bedroom. Why? WHY?? Why is this happening?
Ledger
Marlee made me drink a green smoothie and said, “Hydrate. You’re going back in after this.” I THINK I’M IN A TOURNAMENT I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT!
Harrison
Meanwhile I’m sleeping great, staying dry, and my spine still works. Single life for the W!
Me
Yeah but you know what isn’t squirting, Harrison? Your DMs.
Harrison
Oliver
Scarlett just texted me “watch tape” and sent me a video labeled “HOW TO TRIGGER A TSUNAMI.” Bro.
August
My Fitbit thinks I’m training for a triathlon. It just asked if I want to sync with MyFitnessPal. I’M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE. I mean I like sex. A lot of sex but this? Bruh, I’m tired.
Bodhi
Corrigan brought a pulse oximeter to bed the other night. Said we’re tracking “performance vitals.”
Griffin
Layken gave me a pep talk like I’m her starting quarterback. “Make eye contact. Be confident. Adjust for turbulence.” WTF does that MEAN? Turbulence??
Ledger
Marlee put her HAIR UP mid-round and said, “Let’s go for the hat trick.” First of all, where the hell did my woman find all this sexual energy and secondly, why do I feel like I’m being coached through a BATTLEFIELD SIMULATOR?
Me
You’re all just mad I hit legendary status first.
Oliver
Legendary? Bro I’ve iced my groin TWICE today. You’re not a legend. You’re a menace.
Harrison
Just say you’re all jealous I sleep alone and my thighs don’t cramp.
Griffin
Layken asked me last night if we could “turn on the NHL network for ambiance.” I CAN’T EVEN HEAR THE PUCK OVER MY PTSD now.
August
Barrett, next time you unlock a girl like a sex cheat code, keep it to yourself. Some of us like living.
Me
LOL!
Ledger
You guys, Marlee keeps winking at me. WINKING. Like I’m her favorite employee. But now I kind of want to quit this job.
Bodhi
I just want missionary with the lights off again. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??
Oliver
If I die in bed, tell Scarlett I loved her. But also tell her I’m haunting Barrett.
BLAKELY
Corrigan
How’d the guys look during morning skate? Because Bodhi walked out of here this morning walking like a baby giraffe.
Ella
Welllll I’m not going to lie. August was holding his stick like it was a walker. LOL He winced when the puck hit the boards. THE BOARDS, LADIES. Also, Oliver groaned during the practice faceoff. And not one of those sexy kind of groans. It was legit a grandpa-get-off-the-couch kind of groan.
Scarlett
That tracks. He literally groaned when he got out of bed this morning too and when I asked if he wanted to have a quickie before he left he cried and ran from the room. HAHAHA!
Me
I’m pretty damn sure you guys are breaking your men! LOL
Layken
Honestly, I’m here for it. The sex has been great squirting or not.
Marlee
Ledger asked me if we had any electrolytes. He’s dehydrated from round 4 overnight. Who even AM I?
Scarlett
Yep. I told Oliver to have a great trip to Chicago and I swear to God he mumbled something about his dick appreciating the rest day. BAHAHA! I’m dead!
Ella
August asked if we could have a “rest night.” I said “Sure babe. After you break Barrett’s record.” He looked at me like he was in the third act of a sports movie where the coach says, “You’ve got ONE shift left in you, kid. Give it everything you’ve got!”
Marlee
OMG I was on the plane when Ledger boarded, looked at me, and shook his head and said, “I just need to finish this road trip alive” and I am DYING LAUGHING!!! Seriously, I can’t stop!
Me
Teehee…Barrett got on board and handed everyone except Harrison TWO WATER BOTTLES and a package of Liquid IV! Harrison got a Diet Coke! Seriously, holding back my laughter is giving me a stomachache!
Corrigan
All I’m hearing is Operation Squirtgate is a success! LOL
Scarlett
I mean…Do we feel bad?
Ella
Absolutely not. We’re making them EARN it.
Layken
That’s right! They always want to get laid and now the tides have turned Let the league know: The WAGs are no longer playing defense. We’re running the offense now.
Marlee
To quote my man’s new safe word: “Barrett.”
Everyone