Page 24 of What Broke First (The Cheating A$$hole #1)

Dr. Colleen crossed one leg over the other and smiled gently at both of them.

“Welcome back. I know it’s been a couple of weeks since your last joint session. Let’s start here: What have you each discovered about yourselves in that time?”

Matt and Sarah sat on opposite ends of the couch, a cushion between them like a silent buffer of shared history.

Matt cleared his throat first.

“I’ve discovered I’m capable of effort. Not the bare-minimum kind I used to offer, but real, uncomfortable, time-consuming effort. I cooked. Like, actually cooked something edible. I’m trying to make space for Sarah again, even if that space doesn’t lead where I want it to.”

Dr. Colleen gave a nod, then turned to Sarah. “And you?”

Sarah took a breath, her hands folded tightly in her lap.

“I’ve discovered that I don’t miss the version of myself who spent her energy managing someone else’s chaos. I’ve been able to breathe. And I realized... I like who I am without the constant emotional scrambling.”

Matt’s smile faltered, but he nodded.

“That’s fair.”

Dr. Colleen leaned in.

“This is progress, honesty, reflection, accountability. But I want to touch on something deeper. Sarah, what’s holding you back from reconciliation? And Matt, how do you cope with that uncertainty?”

Sarah hesitated.

“It’s not about punishment. I’m not trying to hurt him. I just... don’t trust that this version of Matt is permanent. I can’t afford to rebuild only to watch it fall apart again.”

Dr. Colleen tilted her head slightly.

“How do you think it would fall apart again? What are you imagining when you say that?”

Sarah looked down at her lap.

“The smallest thing, stress at work, a bad day, a misunderstanding, and I’m the one absorbing it again. I’m the one left patching the cracks. I can’t go back to constantly bracing for impact.”

Dr. Colleen nodded slowly.

“Are you afraid he’ll cheat again?”

The room went still.

Sarah’s voice was quieter now.

“Yes. I think about it more than I want to admit. It’s not just the act itself, it’s the betrayal. The erasure of everything I thought we were. If I let him in again and he does it again... I don’t think I could come back from that.”

Matt’s hands balled into fists on his knees. His voice was low, but steady.

“I get it. I do. I broke something sacred. And I know trust doesn’t grow back overnight. But I need you to know something, Sarah. I hate who I was when I did that to you. I hate that I gave you a reason to look at me like I’m always going to be the guy who wrecked everything. I’ve spent a great deal of time since trying to become someone who never would.”

He paused, swallowing hard.

“I can’t promise I won’t mess up. But I can promise it won’t be that. Not ever again. Not even close. I’ve already lived through losing you once. I wouldn’t survive doing that to you or to myself a second time.”

Sarah didn’t respond right away.

Matt added, more quietly.

“But if you still think I’m capable of doing that again... then maybe I’ve already lost.”

Dr. Colleen stepped in gently.

“Let’s pause. Matt, how does hearing that make you feel?”

Matt looked at the carpet, jaw tight.

“Like I’m swimming toward something that keeps moving. Like maybe she’ll never stop punishing me.”

He didn’t say the rest out loud: Maybe I should stop. Maybe I’m setting myself up to be broken again.

Dr. Colleen watched him carefully, then turned to Sarah.

“Sarah, can you acknowledge that Matt’s trying without committing to an outcome?”

Sarah’s expression softened just slightly.

“Yes. I see it. I do. I just can’t rush it.”

Matt nodded, barely. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was something. A flicker. A maybe.

Dr. Colleen glanced between them, then asked.

“Sarah, are you still dating?”

Sarah hesitated, folding her hands tighter in her lap. “Yes.”

Dr. Colleen nodded.

“And do you think it’s possible to be actively dating while still trying to work things out with Matt?”

Sarah opened her mouth, then closed it. Her voice, when it finally came, was quieter.

“I don’t know. I guess... part of me thinks we won’t make it, that we’re too far gone. And the other part... doesn’t want to be alone forever if we don’t.”

Dr. Colleen absorbed that, then turned to Matt.

“What about you? Are you dating?”

Matt shifted, eyes flicking to Sarah before landing on a spot just over Dr. Colleen’s shoulder.

“Tyler and his girlfriend Jules have a friend. Marley. They asked if I’d go on a double date with them Saturday night. I said yes.”

Sarah blinked. Her posture stiffened.

“You’re going on a date?”

Matt sat straighter.

“Yeah. I wasn’t going to mention it, but yeah.”

Her tone sharpened.

“Then what the hell am I doing here?”

Matt’s frustration flared.

“I don’t know, Sarah. Why are you here? You’ve been on dates with James. With Carter. With Jordan. I’ve been here. In this room. In this work. In this version of myself, I built to try and be worthy again.”

The silence burned between them.

Then Sarah whispered.

“I didn’t think you’d actually move on.”

Matt’s voice cracked with something raw.

“Who says I'm moving on?"

Dr. Colleen lifted a hand, her voice steady and grounded.

“Okay. This is the moment where we slow down and pay attention. You’re not fighting each other; you’re fighting the fear of being replaced. Of being left behind. Of healing at different paces.”

They both went quiet, the air thick with everything unsaid.

Dr. Colleen leaned in gently.

“Sarah, it’s okay to be unsure. But Matt deserves clarity, even if it’s incomplete. And Matt, it’s okay to feel angry. But you can’t punish her for protecting herself.”

Matt exhaled, dragging a hand over his face.

“I’m not trying to punish her. I just... I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something I already lost. And every time I try to get closer, I get reminded that it might already be too late.”

Sarah’s voice was barely audible.

“I didn’t know it would hurt to hear you were dating. I thought I wanted that. I thought it meant I could let go.”

Dr. Colleen let the silence hold them both for a moment, then said softly.

“This is a rupture. But it doesn’t have to be the end. Sometimes the break is what lets in the light. What you do next, how you respond, not react, that’s where healing lives.”

Matt looked at Sarah.

“I don’t want anyone else. I want you.”

Sarah didn’t answer right away. But this time, she didn’t look away.

She just nodded once. “I know.”

The session ended with no firm resolution, but Dr. Colleen called it one of their most productive yet. She wasn’t wrong.

They left separately, as always.

And Matt drove home wondering if hope was a gift or a slow, beautiful kind of torture.

With Too Sweet by Hozier playing low on the stereo, the question began to shift. For the first time since his mistake, he wondered if he should just cut his losses, focus on the kids, his career, maybe getting partner. Maybe that was the version of the future he needed to accept. The ex-husband. The co-parent. The friend.

But not the husband. Not the one she chose.

He didn’t blame Sarah. He couldn’t. And he sure as hell didn’t want her to come back out of guilt or muscle memory.

Still, as the song played on, Matt’s grip on the wheel tightened. He hadn’t stopped loving her. He just wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep hoping that might be enough.