Page 14 of What Broke First (The Cheating A$$hole #1)

Matt sat alone in the waiting room, thumb scrolling through photos of the kids on his phone, not really seeing them. He wasn’t sure if this session would help or unspool more of what he was barely holding together. The door opened, and Dr. Colleen called him in. He stood, like a man about to take the stand in his own trial.

He sat across from Dr. Colleen, arms crossed, posture tense.

She looked at him with calm interest.

“Anything on your mind you’d like to start with today?”

He hesitated, then nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I almost called Lily.”

Dr. Colleen remained still.

“Tell me about that.”

He rubbed a hand over his face.

“I had her number pulled up. It would’ve been easy. The easiest thing in the world. And the worst.”

“Easy how?”

“No responsibility. No history. No guilt. Just something mindless that could have made me feel wanted. For five minutes, at least.”

“And what stopped you?”

“Sarah.”

His voice cracked around the word.

“She showed up to get the kids and looked like someone who didn’t need me anymore. Not in a cruel way. In a... radiant way. She said she had plans, which is another way of saying she was going on a date....again. And I knew that if I made that call, I’d never get Sarah to look at me like anything but a disappointment. Even if she never found out, I’d be undoing whatever scraps of progress I’ve made.”

When he finished, she leaned back slightly.

“And how has Lily been handling the breakup? You still see her every day, correct?”

Matt grimaced.

“She’s… volatile. One minute she’s ice, the next she’s throwing daggers with her eyes. We keep it professional, but it’s like sitting next to a lit match. I know she’d burn the whole office down if she thought it would get to Sarah.”

Dr. Colleen nodded slowly.

“And what do you think Lily represents to you?”

Matt hesitated.

“Control, maybe. Escape. She’s chaos, but I never had to prove anything with her. With Sarah, it’s different. It’s real. It matters. And I already screwed it up.”

Dr. Colleen tilted her head.

“So, comfort? Or punishment?”

Matt looked up, startled.

“Punishment?”

“Matt, you just described Lily as an easy way out. Something you go to when you’re not willing to do the hard thing. But you also said it would undo your progress. So I ask again. Would calling her be a comfort? Or a way to punish yourself?”

He sat with that.“Maybe both.”Dr. Colleen leaned forward slightly.

“What about Sarah dating again? What’s that been like for you?”

Matt gave a weak laugh.

“Hell. I hate that I hate it. She deserves to move on, but it still guts me. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin because he’s getting a version of her I used to know. The one who laughed. Who dressed up. Who still looked at the world like it was hers to claim.”

Before Dr. Colleen could respond, the office door clicked opened.

Sarah stood in the doorway, slightly breathless.

“I’m so sorry. Babysitter emergency. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Dr. Colleen gestured gently.

“You’re not interrupting. You’re welcome to join us.”

Matt straightened in his seat.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

Sarah shrugged off her coat and sat, still a little winded, smoothing her skirt before settling.

“I thought the invite was open. Was I wrong?”

Matt smiled, small but genuine.

“No. It’s good to see you.”

Dr. Colleen glanced between them.

“Sarah, since you’re here, can I ask how you’re feeling about dating again?”

Sarah’s eyes flicked to Matt before settling on the therapist.

“It’s... weird. Necessary, maybe. I need to feel like myself again. Carter is nice. Light. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s not heavy.”

Matt spoke up.

“I was just talking about that. How jealous I’ve been.”

Sarah’s eyes widened. “Jealous?”

He nodded.

“Yeah. And not just of Carter. Of anyone who gets a version of you that I forgot to appreciate.”

She didn’t speak, but the air between them shifted. He wasn’t playing the victim. Not anymore.

Dr. Colleen smiled slightly.

“It sounds like you’re both trying, in very different ways. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t immediate reconciliation. It’s understanding. It’s growth. Have either of you considered going through the stages of discovery with each other, rather than with other people? No matter how long couples stay together, they can continue to uncover new things, new fears, new dreams, new joys. It’s not just about rebuilding. It’s about becoming curious again. Choosing to rediscover each other, piece by piece.”

Matt looked at Sarah, his voice low.

“I don’t want to learn someone else. I want to learn you again. If you’ll let me.”

Sarah looked down for a moment, then back up. Her eyes were uncertain, but not closed.

“Maybe,”

she said.

“But only if we start from where we are. Not from where we were.”

Dr. Colleen nodded.

“Then that’s where we begin. Curiosity. Openness. That’s the first step. Discovery isn’t a phase that ends; it’s a choice couples make again and again. So if you’re willing to be open, to listen differently, you might find something in each other you didn’t even know was there.”

Dr. Colleen paused, then added.

“Why don’t we try that now? I’d like each of you to name something new you’ve noticed or rediscovered about the other in the last few weeks.”

Matt shifted in his seat, thoughtful.

“She still bites her lip when she’s thinking hard. I forgot that. It used to drive me crazy, in a good way.”

Sarah’s expression softened. She glanced sideways.

“He’s showing up. Not just therapy. To the kids. To himself. That’s new. And it matters.”

Matt leaned back, his shoulders less tight than when he came in. Sarah folded her hands in her lap, her thumb grazing over the base of her ring finger, a habit she hadn’t noticed until now.

The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. It was full of something else. Something not yet named. But maybe ready to be.