Page 2 of Weston & Cyrus (Beautiful Shame #6)

Cyrus

“We don’t do that.” Weston sat there for several long moments before he managed a reply, but it wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. I’d been prepared for anything from that’s gross to I couldn’t submit to you but not we don’t do that .

“Correct but I was hoping to change that.” I knew he found me attractive, he peeked when he thought I wouldn’t notice, but he was careful to keep it as subtle as he could. “We’re friends, yes, but we click, and I think we could be more than friends.”

But something was holding us back and I was pretty sure it was coming from Weston.

Wessie had secrets and they were keeping us firmly in the just friends category.

“You don’t date guys like me.” Again, he kept throwing me curve balls.

“Explain what you mean by that.” Because I wasn’t sure if he was talking about something kink related or what he looked like or something else entirely.

His logic was confusing sometimes, so I wasn’t going to pretend to be able to read his mind on this one.

“I’m skinny and kind of dramatic for a sub and not big enough.” He paused, swallowing hard. “You date guys who look like you.”

Did he think that was on purpose?

“They’re the only ones who don’t rush me.” When my answer had him blinking at me, I knew he didn’t get it. “The guys here at the club and the ones I meet randomly go too fast. They don’t give me a chance to get to know them first. My gym friends are the only ones I know well enough to date.”

They weren’t always subs, but a lot of them were bottoms and curious, so we’d made it work. I thought that’d been obvious.

It clearly hadn’t.

“You know how slow I go with that kind of stuff. We’ve talked about it before but I don’t think you get it.

Just tonight I’ve been hit on three times and every time when I said I’d like to talk and get to know someone before we do any kind of scene, they leave.

” They weren’t mean about it but a lot of the guys lately had been looking for fuck buddies or Doms who went really fast.

That was not me.

“You’re closer to demi.” His response said he was at least processing what I was saying but I wasn’t sure we were on the same page yet.

“Labels are hard, but yeah, probably.” I really wasn’t sure why I needed a label to tell people I had to get to know them first before I’d sleep with them or wanted to dominate them…

but I did. “The guys at the gym are used to slow and steady to get the results they want, so it’s easy for me to explain it and they’re patient. ”

It was probably profiling or something but twinks were not patient, so I ended up dating what most people would call gym rats.

The rats were just really nice, though.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that.” Swallowing hard, he paused and inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly.

I was pretty sure he was counting, but I let him process since he seemed to have his stress under control.

“Most of the time we’ve known each other you’ve dated…guys that look like you.” Gesturing toward my chest, he frowned. “I’m not you.”

Was there a good response to that statement?

It kind of felt like my mom asking my dad if she looked fat in a dress. I’d long since stopped playing that game but he was still an idiot and always would be.

“I don’t need me. I need someone who gets to know me first and who’s willing to let me get to know them.

I know you now, but I haven’t been able to shift things from friends to more.

” At first I thought he was ignoring my signals because he didn’t see me that way.

“I haven’t even been able to get you to realize what I was trying to say.

I was aiming for subtle but it wasn’t working. ”

I didn’t want to push him into something or ruin our friendship, but when I tried to ask him out for a date, he always treated it like we were simply hanging out. He’d ask about who I was dating and it was clear we weren’t on the same page.

Hell, we weren’t on the same continent.

“You…you don’t date people like me.” Weston was either in shock or stuck.

“Are you trying to decide if I find you attractive?” Blunt wasn’t my strong suit, but it seemed like one of us was going to have to get out of their comfort zone…and that would probably be me since I was the Dom.

Wessie went completely still and didn’t even seem to be breathing for about ten seconds. As I was getting concerned and trying to decide when I could say something, he took in air and nodded.

“Yes.” It wasn’t enough of a response, but I paused long enough to hopefully make it sink in for Weston. “I always have. But I think I need to point out that you always date suit-and-tie guys. The last three guys you’ve dated were banker types or those skinny runner guys.”

I was not either of those and it’d taken me entirely too long to realize that just because he was dating those guys didn’t mean they were the only types of men he was into. I’d actually started to think he was dating guys he wasn’t that attracted to for some confusing reason.

“They’re the ones who ask me out.” Weston shrugged but he looked slightly guilty about whatever he was leaving out. “I’m not built enough for guys like you.”

“Looks aren’t my biggest draw to a person, so let’s keep that in mind.

” I could see where he was coming from, though.

The last couple of guys I’d gone out with looked more like me and would objectively be considered conventionally attractive.

“I can see your point about some of the other guys at the gym.”

Some of them were very focused on looks, I’d give him that.

“I’m not sure how to prove I’m attracted to you without it getting inappropriate.” Or just weird. “Yeah, we’re at a BDSM club but there isn’t a good way to handle that.”

My confusion finally got a smile out of him and he looked halfway normal again. “Okay, I’ll give you that.”

“Thank you.” I was not whipping my dick out in the lounge to try to prove anything. Besides, it wouldn’t make me hard no matter how sexy Weston was. “So have you accepted that I find you attractive? Can we move on to a different point or do we need to stay on that one for the moment?”

Weston’s ridiculously loud sigh had me rolling my eyes. “I like that point. I’m not sure I want to move to the next one.”

He was such a drama queen.

“How about we keep the next one easy and say we want to keep our friendship as an important part of our life and no matter what, we’re not going to let it get fucked up?” His slow nod said we were at least making progress.

“What…what if it gets fucked up, though?” He was a worrier, so I’d already thought of that one.

“Therapy.” I wasn’t a talk-it-out person for a lot of reasons but I’d do it for Weston. “There are several therapists connected to the club who’d understand the problem.”

No matter what it actually turned out to be.

“You…you thought about that already.” After a second, he frowned and looked slightly less generally upset. “You don’t do therapy.”

“No, but you do.” And I was pretty sure part of that had been working through whatever kink thing he didn’t want to talk about.

No matter how vague he was and how dismissive he got about what he was looking for in a Dom, he was not telling me the whole truth. He just hadn’t dated or done scenes with enough Doms at the club for me to figure out what he needed.

I was hoping he knew what he was looking for, but I was prepared for confusion and working our way through lists if it came down to it.

“That’s…” He paused, brain finally seeming to catch up with the conversation. “That’s fucked up. You have to do therapy for yourself, not for anyone else.”

“I’m not looking to understand me. We’d be going to fix some fuckup that we couldn’t handle on our own.” I wasn’t worried about the friendship side but I was worried about our communication skills.

Or lack thereof.

He really didn’t like my answer based on the grumbling he was letting out and the way he scrubbed his face. “I’ve done a really good job of keeping my kinks to myself and not making you uncomfortable, and now you’re asking me to deliberately make you uncomfortable.”

Interesting.

Okay.

“What kind of kink would make me uncomfortable?” Nothing was coming to mind, and he was generally enough of a germaphobe I didn’t think it was anything too interesting.

“I—” He cut himself off as fast as he’d started, and his hands came down so he could glare at me. “I almost answered you. What the fuck.”

It probably wasn’t the time but I said it anyway.

“You’re sexy when you’re going nuts.” I didn’t like it when he was genuinely upset, but fucking with him was fun. “I thought you should probably know that so you didn’t have to guess.”

How had he missed how attractive I thought he was?

I literally gave him compliments all the time.

We’d come back to that once he wasn’t doing a fabulous goldfish impression, though.

It took us several long moments, but eventually he let out a long breath and leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “For fuck’s sake.”

Was that moving us in a better direction?

Being patient again had him taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Well, at least he’s willing to talk to a therapist if I make him uncomfortable.”

He definitely wasn’t talking to me, so I got to practice being patient again.

Being a good Dom was harder than being a good friend sometimes.

“He’s done this to himself, though, so I don’t have to feel bad about answering.

He’s damned near a pain in the ass about it, so I don’t have to worry.

” Shaking his head, Wessie kept going. “This wasn’t my fault and I didn’t do anything creepy or weird.

I behaved myself and kept all my shit to myself. ”

What was he into?

He talked to anyone and everyone and didn’t even have an issue with the pups or the guy who wanted to be used as furniture. Hell, he’d used him as a footrest the last time we’d hung out with his Dom.

“I haven’t done anything inappropriate as a friend and I’ve made sure not to put myself in situations that would make behaving difficult.” His slightly confusing pep talk wasn’t helping me figure out the problem, but it did say he’d made sure not to show how much I turned him on sometimes.

What had I done?

What had he wanted me to do?

What had he been picturing me doing?

Oh, had he been jerking off imagining me doing something?

Randomly guessing would not be helpful in the slightest, so I stuck with being quiet and still as his rambling wound down.

“For fuck’s sake.” When all I got was three of those in a row with no new additions, I was fully prepared for anything when he gave another big sigh and straightened his head.

“I’m ready. I’m not going to be weirded out or think you’re creepy.” He wasn’t the type to do illegal shit, so I had no idea what his kink was or why he was so worried about me finding out.

“Fuck it all.” He pressed his lips together for a few seconds and then huffed. “My biggest kink is humiliation. It turns me on. It really turns me on when I know the other person is just fucking with me and not actually trying to be mean.”

He paused long enough for me to think it was my turn to respond but then he charged back in.

“I was asking Conner to help me find someone who’d put cameras in my house and watch me to be able to make fun of me about it later.

I know it’s not safe to randomly do it, so I was trying to be careful, but then he brought you in. ”

Oh.

“I can see why he was trying to bring me into that. It’s dangerous.” Even with the background checks they did at the club it could go very wrong. “It’s too hard to predict what even a generally nice guy might do. People don’t always make good decisions.”

Weston was trying, though, but he was definitely still people.

“That’s not how you should’ve responded.” His glare was adorable once I didn’t have anything truly disturbing to worry about. “You’re deliberately being dense.”

Sometimes yes but not at the moment…so what was he losing his shit over?

“Am I supposed to tell you that I think you’ve got a screw loose or am I supposed to ask why you’re being a slut for a random guy?

” He’d probably been imagining the first part, but the second had his mouth dropping open and his hand moving so his arm could hide his growing erection.

“Stop that. I know you’re a slut, so there’s no need to hide your stiffy. I don’t mind if you’re hot for me.”

Not all of the guys at the gym were nice, so it was good to see they’d been helpful even if I didn’t want to date them or be their friends.

“I.” Weston managed to get a word out, but then he looked down at his lap and that fried his brain again. He glanced back up at me, but words were toast and he simply stared at me.

So…now what?