Page 9 of Wedding Whitney (Alaska Blizzard #4.5)

Jake

When the doctor’s office doesn’t call back with any results right away, the first inklings of doubt creep in.

Whitney and I gave the office permission to leave her a message since we don’t have time to go back in person, yet we haven’t heard anything, which tells me there’s a good chance it’s bad news.

The idea of breaking things off with Whitney is inconceivable, yet I’ve actually considered it once or twice in the last couple of days.

The truth is—I’m scared.

Whether it’s of getting married again, the idea that we might go through something similar to what I went through with Addy, or something else entirely, I’m not sure. Whatever’s wrong with me has to be settled before I can go through with the wedding, though, and I don’t know what to do.

Aaron Ferrar, my best friend and best man, is arriving in the morning, so the plan is to get up early and get out of the house before Whitney or her grandmother are awake.

Maybe I’m a coward, but it’s more about giving myself one day to get my head out of my ass. With most of my teammates and their dates arriving soon to prepare for the wedding, I have to do some serious soul-searching.

The issue isn’t Whitney.

I know that for sure.

She’s beautiful, kind, sexy, sweet, and independent.

Everything I’ve ever wanted wrapped up in the most gorgeous package I’ve ever had the pleasure of unwrapping.

I love her with everything I am, but that’s part of the problem.

I loved Addy once too, and if we’re going to set off on a life that might be riddled with miscarriages, constant testing, and heartache, it might be better to walk away now.

I don’t have her results yet, but I can’t shake the bad feeling in my gut, like something really bad is about to happen.

My knee-jerk reaction is to protect Whitney at all costs, even if I wind up breaking both our hearts.

But I can’t make a decision like that lightly, especially considering I don’t have all the information I need to make it.

I toss and turn until about five-thirty before I get up, take a shower, and sneak out of the house like a thief in the night. I feel a little bad about that, but I’ve slid a note under Whitney’s door, so she won’t worry.

Aaron isn’t landing until closer to ten, so I’m going to find a place to have breakfast and maybe go for a run.

I haven’t worked out at all the last week, and it feels strange.

Training camp starts the day after we get back from the honeymoon, which is terrible timing, but Lillian needed as much time as possible to put together the type of wedding we’re having, so I knew I would have to run and lift weights while we’re in Europe.

The wedding is probably another one of my issues.

A big-ass ordeal of a wedding that I don’t want.

Whitney never asks for anything, ever, but she asked me to help her indulge her grandmother on this one thing.

Who the hell am I to say no since I’m not paying for it?

Guilt rocks through me because I shouldn’t be having doubts at this late stage of the game, and it feels disloyal as hell to be thinking all these dark thoughts without even talking to Whitney about them.

In a little while, I’ll talk to Aaron, though, and if anyone can talk me off a ledge like this, it’s him.

I find an open diner, eat a huge breakfast, and then go on a five-mile run.

I almost puke at the end, with so much in my stomach, but it feels good to sweat out all my frustrations.

I cool down as I walk back to my car and stop to buy a bottle of water from a street vendor at the park.

Then I head for the airport. Aaron said he would meet me outside, and I spot him right away.

He lifts a hand in greeting as I slow to a stop, and Aaron throws his suitcase in the back and gets into the passenger seat.

“Hey!” He gives me a grin. “How’s it going?”

“You have no idea,” I mutter, pulling into traffic.

“Christ, what does that mean?”

“Would I be the world’s biggest dumbass if I canceled the wedding?”

Aaron bursts out laughing. “You’re shitting me, right?”

I don’t respond, and Aaron is suddenly quiet. “You’re serious?”

“I’m scared. For her.”

“For her or for you?”

I don’t answer again, and Aaron gives me a friendly punch in the arm. “Come on, man, this isn’t you. What’s going on?”

I catch him up to speed on the genetic testing we’ve done and the missing results.

“So you’re being a dumbass before you’ve even gotten the results?”

“But how could they lose them? That doesn’t just happen in today’s world of technology! There must be something wrong.”

“They lose shit all the time,” Aaron protests. “Doctor’s offices, utility company, the driver’s license place—shit gets lost constantly, and you know it. You’re getting cold feet and using this genetic thing as an excuse.”

I look over at him. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Neither of us speaks for a few minutes. “You think it’s that simple?”

“Absolutely. And if necessary, I will beat the shit out of you until it sinks in.”

I chuckle. “Thanks a lot.”

“Come on, you know that’s what this is. You’ve had plenty of time to change your mind, and it wasn’t until this testing shit came up that you started to panic. It’s all going to work out. I’m a hundred percent sure.”

“You can’t be a hundred percent sure.”

“Okay, ninety-nine-point-nine.”

“And what if you’re wrong?” I ask quietly.

Aaron shakes his head. “Not about this. No way in hell.”

After just a few minutes with Aaron, I feel better. We meet up with Kane a while later and go bowling, something none of us is great at but decided it would be a low-stress way to spend a few hours indoors.

It’s a thousand degrees outside, so we look for something that will keep us out of the heat, and now we’re eating buffalo wings and drinking beer at two in the afternoon.

“Sergei’s going to kill us for not calling him,” I laugh. “He loves to bowl.”

“Yeah, but then he’d make us look bad,” Kane says, shaking his head. “Probably throw a three hundred or something.”

“Has he bowled a perfect score?” Aaron asks incredulously.

“I think he has,” I admit, nodding. “His brother Toli has too.”

“Damn Russians,” Kane mutters. He’s only kidding since we’re all close, but Sergei is one of those all-around athletes you love to hate.

“So tomorrow is the rehearsal dinner, right?” Aaron asks, sitting down.

I nod.

“And we’re going?” Kane arches a brow. “You’re not being a moron anymore...?”

I chuckle. “No, I think I got it all out of my system. I’m good.”

“Getting married is scary,” Kane says, nodding. “Especially since you’ve already done it and it didn’t end well.”

“I might have panicked,” I admit. “All the genetic testing and talk about babies and all that. It fucked with my head. Speaking of which, I need to call Whitney and get back to the house to start getting ready for tonight’s family dinner.”

“Yeah, I’ve left Hailey long enough,” Kane says, as we start to gather our things and take off the bowling shoes we rented.

“I have nowhere to be until tomorrow,” Aaron says. “I’m going to take a nap.”

We split up, with Kane taking Aaron back to the hotel since he’s staying at the same one as Kane and Hailey, and I get in the rental car and head home. I call Whitney on the way, but she doesn’t pick up, and I hope she’s not mad at me.

I needed a little time to clear my head, but I’m okay now. I’ve definitely been hit with a case of pre-wedding jitters that screwed up my head, and I can’t explain it.

I owe Whitney a huge apology but know her well enough to know she wouldn’t just give up on us.

Or on me.

We’ve overcome too much and come too far to give in to nerves, missing lab results, and family drama.