Page 4 of Watch Your Back (Devil’s Backbone #2)

The best thing for all of us would be if Ashley changed schools. Maybe moved to the East Coast or even Europe. All of this started when she arrived… Didn’t it? Or had it been going on longer and we just didn’t notice? I’m so confused. I just know it’d be easier if she weren’t around.

H eath looked good. I mean…really good. He looked like he did the day we met, back in Panner City when he inappropriately propositioned me for sex after a massage—calm, confident, rested.

If I didn’t have the vivid memory of seeing him hanging, lifeless, from a makeshift noose, I’d never guess that, just three weeks ago, he was suicidal.

I couldn’t seem to let him go. Even as Carly hugged me, whispering a nonspecific apology, I still clung to his fingers, utterly terrified that if I let go, then he would disappear and this would all turn out to be yet another fucked-up dream sequence. Or delusion.

Sometimes I questioned whether anything was real…or if I was locked in a padded room somewhere, playing out a whole life inside my broken mind.

Heath gave my hand a squeeze, and it snapped me back to the present.

“…staged a jailbreak from the facility using inflatable banana suits…” Carly was saying and I tilted my head to give Heath a confused look.

He just smiled back at me and shook his head. “That was her intended plan but then I explained to her that I wasn’t being held against my will and was perfectly capable of discharging myself anytime I wanted.”

Carly gave an exasperated sigh. “My plan would have been way more fun. Royce would have rolled with the banana suit.”

I flinched slightly at the mention of Royce, and Heath’s grip on my hand tightened.

“Are you staying to eat with us?” Mom asked, breaking the awkward tension that’d just settled over us. “We have plenty of food! Almost like Max anticipated we would have extra guests…”

Nate chuckled and clapped Heath on his shoulder. “Dad always expects three extras on all holidays. Good to see you, bro.”

Heath’s fingers left mine as he returned the dude-hug, and I desperately tried to swallow back the small gasp of fear that I’d see him disappear in a puff of smoke.

“You okay?” Carly asked quietly, bumping my shoulder with hers as Nate led Heath through into the snow-globe living room.

I blinked, frowning as I shook my head. “No. I’m really not.”

She just gave a small nod. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. Heath was only allowed limited visitation during his recovery and I’m basically the only family member he doesn’t hate.”

I had nothing to say to that. On the one hand, that was perfectly understandable and I couldn’t hold it against her.

If he’d have let me be there, I’d have dropped everything and everyone to give him my total focus.

But on the other hand…why Carly? Why not Nate or Carter or Royce? Or me? Why didn’t he want me?

At a loss for a reply, I just gave a tight smile and headed through to the living room, where Dad was introducing himself to Heath. Which made me blink twice, because I’d totally forgotten they’d never met. Did Dad know that Heath and I had been sort of dating before he tried to kill himself?

Awkward and uncomfortable, I started toward the single armchair across the room from the enormous sofa, but Heath quickly grabbed my wrist, tugging me to sit on the lounge with him instead.

His fingers intertwined with mine, holding me tight even as he responded to Mom’s offer of coffee and brunch with an enthusiastic acceptance. A heavy breath of tension escaped me, my shoulders sagging as I squeezed his hand back, leaning my shoulder into his broad side.

Maybe it wasn’t a delusion after all. Or maybe I was just further gone than I realized. Whatever, I’d take whatever I could get at this stage. Just a few weeks ago I thought I’d never hold his hand again…

“I missed you, Ash,” Heath whispered, leaning down so his lips brushed my ear while he spoke.

My heart seized and I needed to swallow past the choking emotions before I could croak a weak reply. “I missed you too, Heath.” More than I could even put into words.

He brushed a featherlight kiss over my cheek, then gave a small sigh. “We need to talk.”

Fuck. Those four words made my heart drop right out of my ass, and a cold chill set into my bones. I couldn’t even find the words to respond because it was all I could do not to cry. We need to talk? That was never good.

The doorbell rang but it only dimly registered somewhere in the back of my mind.

Whoever it was couldn’t be more important than the fact Heath was unquestionably about to break up with me on Christmas Day.

Shit, was that even a thing? We weren’t dating exclusively.

He knew full well Carter and I had—past tense—been involved as well.

So maybe he just wanted to say he was also seeing someone else?

That thought made me almost throw up, selfish bitch that I was.

“Oh shit, the whole gang is here!” a familiar voice said, snapping me so hard out of the depression spiral that I almost blacked out.

“Royce?” Stunned didn’t even begin to cover how I was feeling. Especially when I glanced past him to the handsome, expensively dressed, and scowling Brit who’d just followed him inside. “Carter? What the?—”

“Stew, have you met the rest of my boys?” Max asked my dad, cutting off my stunned question like he hadn’t noticed the extreme tension that’d just flooded the room.

Dad crossed the room to greet Royce and Carter with firm handshakes, and I scrubbed a hand over my eyes. Now I was sure I couldn’t be delusional because not even my imagination was this wild.

“Um, I’m going to help Mom,” I mumbled, slipping my hand out of Heath’s and making a lightning-fast retreat out of the living room while avoiding all attempts at eye contact from Carter. Royce hadn’t even tried. He hadn’t even so much as glanced my way when I said his name.

Mom was busy making coffee and humming a Christmas carol under her breath when I came in, but she turned a bright smile my way as I grabbed a water glass. “Everything okay, hon?” she asked with a touch of concern. “Are you still feeling unwell?”

I jerked a sharp nod, filling my glass with ice water from the fridge dispenser. “Yeah. Not great. Did you, um, did you know all the boys were coming today?”

She arched a brow. “Heath and Carly, yes. Carly called me a couple of days ago to suggest it. Are Royce and Carter here too?”

I hummed my affirmation as I sipped my water. Carly wandered into the kitchen a moment later, giving me a long look before asking Mom if she needed help with anything.

“I might just go lie down for a bit,” I murmured, thinking that surely no one would notice if I slipped away for a bit.

I just… Christ, my head was a mess. All I’d wanted for weeks was to see Heath alive and well, to get the whole gang back together and have everything go back to normal.

But now they were here and the tension was fucking suffocating.

I’d rather be alone.

Before I could escape the kitchen, Carly physically blocked the exit with her arms crossed and a frown marring her brow. “Ash. Quit it.”

My eyes narrowed as my temper flared. “Quit what? I have a cold, so I’m not feeling well.”

Carly rolled her eyes. “You do not, you big liar. Snap out of the sads, girlfriend. Heath needs this today. Okay? He needs us all together and acting like nothing happened. He needs normal right now, and more than anything else on this whole damn planet he needs you. So turn that frown upside down and help me carry those platters through for brunch. By the look of things, Max was expecting the big eaters to show up.”

Stunned, I just stared at her, mouth open and eyes wide like a fish.

She sighed and smoothed a hand over her ponytail. “And I know I’ve been a shitty friend lately, which I really am sorry about. Between Heath and exams—which I did horribly on, by the way—I just kept failing to text back. I’m sorry.”

I wet my lips, shaking my head a little. “And you blamed me…didn’t you? That’s what you said, at the hospital that night. That it was my?—”

“I didn’t mean it,” she whispered with heartfelt regret. “I was scared and angry and…I lashed out. Ash, you know I never actually blamed you. If anyone was responsible, it was the three guys who literally lived with him…not you.”

She’d already left me a choked-up voicemail the day after making those accusations, apologizing for her words, but it still stung. And I was pretty sure that had contributed to her ghosting me ever since.

“Should I…maybe give you two some space?” Mom asked with an uncomfortable smile. “I can leave…”

I shook my head, my lips tight. “No. It’s fine.” Because despite the hurt, Carly had a point. Heath needed this…so I would suck it up and pull on my big-girl panties. Biting my cheek, I turned back to the enormous array of food and picked up a platter.

“Ash…” Carly groaned. “Don’t?—”

“It’s fine,” I snapped back. “We’re fine. Okay?” I met her gaze, glaring hard and begging her silently to just let it the fuck go. We would be fine…eventually. But right now, things were raw and sensitive. The best I could do was exactly what she asked: not running away when Heath needed normal.

Returning to the living room with the platter of pastries, I busied myself setting up the huge low coffee table for everyone to graze at their leisure, while Max handed all the boys gifts from under the tree. He’d definitely known they’d all show up sooner or later.

“If they don’t all get the matching pajamas,” Nate muttered quietly as he appeared beside me with a fresh coffee in hand, “I’ll start a riot.”

I snorted a laugh despite my mood and shook my head. “If they try to make us wear them for a group photo, I’ll start a riot. Did you know our dads were friends?”

Nate shook his head. “Nope. I’m just as weirded out as you.” He held out the coffee. “This is yours. You look like you need it.”

He returned to the lounge to chat shit with Carter while I sipped the coffee. Surprisingly, he’d already sweetened it, but he’d used what tasted like butterscotch schnapps, rather than my usual syrups.

Fuck it. He was right. The very faint buzz from my spiked coffee helped me relax enough to paste on a smile and rejoin the sofa as everyone ripped into gifts and snacked on the brunch platters.

Heath pulled me back into sitting at his side, confusing the fuck out of me, but I didn’t pull away when his arm draped around my shoulders.

When I put my empty mug down at some stage, Nate just wordlessly collected it and disappeared back to the kitchen. Five minutes later I found myself warming my hands on a fresh—spiked—coffee and my smile came more easily.

Was it a healthy coping mechanism? Fuck no. But I made a mental note to finally book a therapy session for the new year and took another sip of my drink.