Page 6

Morning light filters through the torn curtains, pulling me from sleep. Haven’t felt this rested, this content in a long time, if ever.

Devon’s still curled against me and I relish in the feel of him against me a few moments longer.

Even with Mac and Colt cuddling was never our thing. We fucked, got off, went to sleep. The times we crashed in a heap was still more friendly than what I’m feeling right now. But there’s uneasiness in my chest too.

Not sure how Devon’s gonna react when he wakes up. If he’s gonna bolt. The deal was he'd stay until morning and time's up.

After nuzzling into him one last time, I gently remove my arm from his waist before I stretch, wincing at the pleasant ache in my muscles then hop out of bed and gather my scattered clothes from the dingy floorboards.

Behind me, the sheets rustle. And when I glance back, Devon’s watching me warily, clutching the sheets to his bare chest. His guarded response douses the contentment I felt waking up together.

“You’re safe, Devon. Our deal’s done. I won’t touch you again.”

He continues staring wordlessly, a flush creeping up his neck. His lips part as if to speak before pressing closed again.

A flicker of hope sparks in my chest. “What is it?”

He seems to steel himself before asking in a rush, “Is it . . . is it always so intense?”

My hands still on my boot laces. Oh. Not what I was expecting, and not sure what exactly he’s referring to. “Intense how?”

The blush on his cheeks deepens, the color now more a delicious crimson instead of a frail pink. He flings an arm over his eyes, hiding his face from me. “You know . . . the way it felt. Mostly good. But also overwhelming. Consuming.”

Something powerful stirs in my chest at his shy admission.

That I could show this beautiful, broken man some joy, makes me feel alive in ways that frighten me far more than anything the hell we live in has to offer. “It should feel good if you’re doing it right. And with the right person.”

Of course my dumbass is staring at him in hopes that last night meant something to him. That he might share the same feelings, because there’s no denying I’ve fallen for Devon.

I finish tying my boot then stand. “Should probably head out. But . . . you want me to stay awhile longer?”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. Been trained to kill, am really good at it too. But putting myself out there like this makes me nervous.

Devon looks away, his scowl deepening in irritation or perhaps embarrassment. “No.”

One word.

One fucking word carves out a hollow space in my chest that I scramble to fill with hardness instead because I’m the biggest dumbass in the world. “Yeah, of course, you’ve got your own path. I’m gonna get going. But don’t let me catch you following me again.”

He turns and meets my eyes with that defiant glare I know so well. “You didn’t catch me last time.”

Devon’s insolent tone only twists the knife deeper. I bristle, hands clenching at my sides. “Yeah, well, now I’ll be watching for you. So don’t test me. Got it?”

He merely scoffs.

“Try me. You won’t like the punishment that’ll be doled out.”

I infuse the warning with some real bite, trying to mask the hurt.

But he just turns his back on me. “Whatever, old man.”

Last night he was pliant in my arms, now he can’t get away from me fast enough. The whiplash leaves me reeling. Clearly I mean nothing to him beyond a means to survive another day.

Just a transaction, a deal to get what we each needed.

Fuck, I’m such a fool. As if I’ll ever find any real happiness is this fuckin’ hellhole we call Earth.

Fuckin’ moron.

I walk over to the nightstand and grab my gun then go downstairs, doing my best to ignore my heart, which still longs for the impossible. I leave some food on the table for him, and as I reach the entryway, Devon’s soft snores drift down from the bedroom upstairs, oblivious to the tempest he’s left raging within me.

With a deep, shaky breath, I heave my pack over my shoulder and stare at the picture of the family in the broken frame on the wall. They look happy.

After all these years, my foolish heart longs for the unrealistic, that happiness can still be found in this shithole world.

Gripping the straps of my pack tightly I open the door and step outside, forcing my feet to carry me down the overgrown path, away from the little cabin.

Time to get my head out of my ass, shove these feelings down deep, and refocus on surviving solo. No sense daydreaming about fantasies that’ll never happen.