Page 18 of Wanted by the Alien Warden (Cowboy Colony Mail-Order Brides #4)

18

TENN

T asha may have been able to fall asleep after the revelation that was human kissing, but I could not. Every breath I took, every tiny movement, threatened to send my cock spewing into my trousers. So, when I was certain Tasha was settled and that I would not wake her, I rose and stole from the tent.

I stalked aimlessly through the darkness, my fingers flexing and clenching at my sides, my crotch tight and aching. I wanted to do a million things at once. I wanted to kiss Tasha again. I wanted to let out a whoop. I wanted to grab someone by the shoulders so I could shout in their face about what had just happened. About what I was feeling.

I wanted to go back to the tent and kiss her again. And again. And again.

And then I wanted to do even more.

Did all the men feel this way when they’d first kissed their women? Did Fallon and Silar and Garrek all feel this… This tempest when they touched their wives? Tasha had done nothing but rain down her human sweetness upon me. And now, I was all cut up. Broken open. Ravaged as if by a storm.

I’d never felt so alive.

The kiss had been a terrible idea.

And it had been the best moment of my life.

It had taught me things. Taught me how deeply I could feel. That kiss had illuminated all the sharpest teeth of my hunger, teeth that had never once pricked me when I’d briefly courted Zavinnia.

I’d tasted Tasha, and I knew it would not be enough. Would never be enough.

It would have to be. That was like a stunner to the guts to admit, but it was true. Tasha had not come here looking for a man like me. She was not a bride, seeking out the best possible future.

She’d already found her best possible future. On Elora Station.

The life she’d work so, so hard for.

A life that I could never be a part of.

And there was the pain, then. Which felt bitterly unfair. I’d known her for so short a time. And already, I was grieving the inevitable loss of her.

That pain, emanating from my chest, moved downwards, clashing with still-pulsing arousal in my groin. Stalking through the trees, I came to the cold creek we’d washed in earlier and stripped down until I was naked. I waded, then dove, into the ink-black water, letting the coldness soothe me.

It wasn’t enough. I stood in the waist-deep water, panting, my cock jutting and swollen despite the cold. I worked it roughly in my wet fist, tension carving up my body.

Tasha wasn’t tense. Tasha was stretched out, or maybe curled up, and sleeping. Safe, soft, warm in the bedroll. My bedroll.

Without me.

The first time I’d ever experienced rain in this world, when I was still reeling from the loss of what had felt like everything, I’d stood beneath the skies as they’d opened, tipped my head back, and opened my mouth.

Tasha tasted like the rain. So pure it was almost sacred.

The things I wanted to do to her now…

There was nothing pure about them.

With a restrained grunt, I came, thrusting against the cold water.

This was all I was going to get. Tasha tolerated me. She’d indulged my request about the kiss. But she hadn’t been affected by it like I had been.

She broke away from the embrace like it was nothing. Turned from me and let sleep take her while I shuddered and barely maintained control, my eyes whiter than they’d ever been.

In a month – less than a month, now – she would leave.

Return to her beautiful life and never look back.

I trudged, dripping, out of the water, letting the cool night air suck the moisture from my hide. When I was sufficiently dry, I dressed and returned to the tent. Tasha was curled on her side. She looked so small that way. It made me want to put myself between her and the rest of the world. To protect her, the same way she tried so hard to protect the other human brides.

They all had a Tasha to look out for their interests.

Who did Tasha have?

A foolish question. I already knew the answer as I lay down beside her.

Tasha had a warden, that’s who.

Tasha had me.

For now, anyway.

But a sorrow-tinged fear nipped at me as I gazed at her sleeping face in the dark.

I was afraid that I would never be happy with “for now.”

I was afraid – maybe more afraid than I had ever been before – that what I really wanted was forever.