Page 85 of Waiting For A Girl Like You (Haven House #4)

Jamison would want to finish the movie, and since there was no way out of it, he went for the fridge next. Sticking his head in, he searched for a beer, knowing it would be his last one for the night. He was getting older, and alcohol wasn’t as kind to him as it used to be.

“You’re so handsome when you’re relaxed and happy like this.”

He nearly hit his head on the fridge shelf when he heard her voice. Keeping calm, he snagged the beer and straightened to shut the door. “No, I’m not.”

Laura Jean stood next to him, looking as beautiful as the day she left him.

“Don’t argue with me,” she huffed. “You know I’m right.”

She was never fully solid during these encounters and always wore the same thing. A white tank top and matching broom skirt. Her emerald necklace dangled around her neck when, in truth, it actually sat in a jewelry box back at Haven House, as did the engagement ring twinkling on her pale finger .

“You don’t come to me as much anymore,” he mumbled, feeling like he’d reached a new low by whining to a hallucination. “It pisses me off.”

“You don’t need me to,” she replied in that way of hers that made everything sound so simple. “You’re getting stronger, Ben.”

He didn’t even bother with a bottle opener, wanting the sharp prick of the cap to keep him grounded. “Stronger?” He popped off the beer’s top in one go. “Sure as hell doesn’t feel like I’m stronger.”

Taking a step forward, she laid a hand on his cheek. There was no heat. No pressure. Just the sense of cold air . But he still leaned into her touch, seeking contact with something he knew wasn’t truly there.

“You are stronger, and with that strength, you can be present to live life.” Her gaze held a hint of mischief in it. “Look how happy you’re making our kids. Look at the life you’re giving them. It all matters in the end, Ben.”

Good and drunk, he couldn’t stop staring. She was barefoot, as usual, with her wavy blonde hair hanging loose around her shoulders. “Your eyes sparkle like Edward Cullen’s skin.”

“The vampire?”

“The very one.”

Laura Jean burst into laughter, and it wasn’t the laugh of some small woman.

Not when it came from her. It always started in the belly, rolling upward through her body until she was gasping and heaving like some sort of deranged hyena.

God, how he missed that sound. It had once been as vital to him as oxygen.

And it still was, except now, it existed only in his pathetic mind.

“I think you’re drunk, Ben.”

He took another huge swig of his beer. “I think I know that, Laura Jean.”

His sarcasm made her laugh harder, and he grinned in the darkness.

“The movie isn’t bad, and I get why Jamison likes Edward.

He’s handsome with a sharp jawline and has that forbidden nature all girls find attractive,” she explained.

The hand on his cheek dropped to his chest, and if he concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel the pressure of her fingertips.

“You know, Edward kind of reminds me of someone.”

“I do not sparkle.”

“If I rolled you naked in glitter, you might.”

It was his turn to bark out a laugh, but he sucked it in just as fast as it burst out of him, afraid Jamison might hear and wonder why her father was standing in a dark kitchen talking to himself.

“You’ve been watching the movie with us?”

“Not exactly,” she exhaled, tipping her head to see past him and into the living room. “I like to watch her. She has so many expressions, and I’m trying to memorize them all, but she changes so quickly. Time… I can’t keep up with it here.”

“Where?” he asked, as if he could jump through space and infinite levels of existence to find her. “Where are you?”

From the other room, Jamison squealed at something Evie said on the phone, and Laura Jean’s unwavering stare filled with tears. “My Evie is growing up. She gets so sad sometimes, and while this boy is not her end, he is a beginning. A real start to her learning how to live.”

“So, you’re saying,” he reached out and toyed with a strand of her wavy hair, “that I need to be nice to this guy.”

She grinned. “Yes, be nice to him. And make Simone be nice, too.”

“Now you’re pushing your luck.” He leaned his hip against the counter, marveling at how she mirrored the motion. Their bodies tucking together perfectly as they talked. “That’s like asking me to get Samuel to be nice to Evie.”

She found his comment humorous. “Samuel loves Evie very much.”

“He would’ve been a good brother to her.”

Laura Jean’s lips parted, her eyebrows shooting upward. “Brother? Uh … okay.”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“You need to pay attention more, Ben.”

“Pay attention to what?”

“Nothing,” she sighed in exasperation and wiggled her fingers at the small radio beside the fridge. The thing popped on with a click, cycling through static and fuzz until it landed on something they both instantly recognized.

Their song.

The one they were supposed to dance to on their wedding day.

“Dance with me? ”

Could he dance with a figment of his imagination? He figured why not and set the beer aside to take her in his arms. “I’ll never pass up a chance to dance with you.”

“I’m the only one you better be dancing with,” she said, trying to be serious as her cold arms wrapped around his neck. “I would hate to haunt some poor innocent woman you might try to date.”

He smiled bigger than he had in years. The idea of being with someone else was ludicrous, and as they swayed, Laura Jean felt a little more solid, and so—on impulse—he dipped her low in a sweeping motion. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Don’t test me, Benjamin.” She nuzzled his nose with hers. “I will scare—”

He kissed her.

Insanity and cheap beer had dragged him to the brink, and tumbling off the cliff sounded like a great idea. She was here. The woman he would love for all eternity was in his arms exactly where she belonged. He wasn’t about to waste a second of it.

And of all the torturous things, she kissed him back.

Burying her fingers in his hair, she didn’t feel quite so cold anymore.

The touch broke his heart, but it also multiplied his desperation by a thousand.

With every stroke of her tongue and every tiny moan that escaped her, he allowed himself to believe.

“Stay with me.” This begging was getting old, but he sure as hell would keep doing it if it meant keeping her near. “I know I’m crazy. I know it, and I don’t care. I’m not strong. I’m not okay. Please don’t take these visions of you from me.”

“I will never leave you,” she whispered, breathless from their kiss.

He recognized it was an odd state for a hallucination to be in, but he wasn’t about to argue.

Having her like this, with her lips swollen and her face flushed, reminded him of their first kiss in the middle of a hurricane.

“Remember, we have a deal. You stay, and I wait. It sucks for both of us, but the years will become nothing, and then we’ll be together. ”

She was growing entirely too serious, and he couldn’t stand it. He needed to see her smile again. “Why in the hell would you think I’d ever want to dance with someone else?” He tickled her ribs, holding on tight as she squealed and squirmed in his arms. “I’m offended. ”

“Because women throw themselves at you, and some are very pretty!” She popped up on her toes, trying to meet him face-to-face. “I can’t blame them. You are the most beautiful man to walk the earth—”

“Oh, you are so full of shit.”

“For certain, but I can still have that opinion.”

He chuckled and continued their dance. Whatever beer he’d been drinking, he was going to bring home cases of it. “I’m doing better, but you know I’ll have to tell that doctor about this.”

“I’m so proud of your progress.” She leaned her cheek against his chest. “And yes, tell him. It’s okay to talk to people, Ben.”

“People are overrated.”

She poked a finger in his side. “What I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to talk about me.”

“I do talk about you. I talk about you all the time with Jamison. I tell her stories so she knows her mother. I do it with Evie, too, so she won’t forget, but I include Albie.”

“Don’t let anyone make you think you’re not a good man, Benjamin Fairweather. You’re the best man. And I can’t thank you enough for caring for my girls.”

“Our girls.” He rested his chin on the top of her head. “If Evie weren’t an adult, I’d change her name to Fairweather. I should have done it already, but I’ve just been so… lost .”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be a Fairweather one day.”

“Dad!” Jamison shouted from the living room. “I’m off the phone. Is the popcorn ready?”

He dropped a kiss on Laura Jean’s head before turning just enough to yell over his shoulder. He wanted to make sure Jamison could hear him or else she might come running in to investigate what was taking so long. “Almost. Two more seconds.”

But when he turned back, his arms were empty. The dark kitchen, with its beautiful floral tiles and white curtains dancing in the night wind, sat completely vacant. Laura Jean was gone once more, leaving him alone to deal with this long life without her.

He knew none of it was real. It never was. His brain might have faulty wiring after losing so much, but he at least could keep a level head. He understood that these ghostly visits were his way of coping. They felt good. They allowed him to breathe again .

But it was time to admit the truth.

It was time to let Laura Jean go.

At least, that’s what his shrink would have said.

When she was alive, Laura Jean taught him to believe in the impossible, and it would be a disservice to her memory if he stopped now.

He would remain Benjamin Fairweather on the outside, but on the inside, he would always be her Ben—the man tamed and conquered by a fierce woman who would forever hold his heart.

Grabbing the popcorn off the counter, he grinned as their song continued to play on the radio. It didn’t hurt to hear it like it once did, and as he passed the countertop jukebox on his way out of the kitchen, he cranked the volume higher, thinking he might ask his daughter to dance.