Page 167 of Vows We Never Made

“Stop it,” I mutter, slapping myself so hard the flight attendant leans forward in her jump seat by the galley to look.

I smile and wave stupidly, signaling I’m fine.

We’re not doing this, Hattie.

We’re not reading more than we should into an ancient history hookup that just so happened to end horrendously.

But sitting here on his private jet, I want to lie to myself.

I want to believe I could be the magic girl who charms Ethan’s heart, not just his dick.

Oh, I know the odds.

I’m not as pretty as the girls he went for, especially back then.

I’m sure I can’t be nearly as sophisticated as his more recent dates.

I’ve never been so scared of losing a man who was never mine in the first place.

When we started sleeping together, I thought I knew what I was doing, but now it’s clear I’m in way over my head.

Maybe Mom was right.

I need to find ways to impress him, to enchant him, to keep him.

But it almost feels like it’s too late, and desperation is not a good look on me.

If he doesn’t trust me, no amount of fantabulous sex will ever change that.

I belong in the Blackthorn’s alien world for six months.

No longer.

Ares grumbles in his sleep, shifting and burrowing against my belly.

Smiling, I stroke his warm head with one hand, still scrolling articles about Taylor Rollins, feeding the growing lump in my throat with every ghostly crumb of her existence.

Her Facebook page is still up. The privacy settings let me see her old feed.

A couple people tagged her in posts as late as last year, sharing happy memories and stricken grief to mark occasions like her birthday.

I want to throw up.

Margot and I have been besties forever, but I was an escape for her. Someone who isn’t part of her inner world and doesn’t need to be.

As Ethan’s wife, Idoneed to be part of his.

And right now, choking on grief that isn’t mine makes me feel so helplessly out of reach I could scream.

I’m not from their world.

I’ll never be part of it.

And I’m a hilariously bad liar.

How do I survive this?

How do I get through six months, living an illusion that’s breaking down before my eyes?