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Jay

J ay woke to Alexei’s lips on his, then Alexei’s lips on Jay’s cock, and then a long, hot shower.

Jay didn’t usually think of showers as sexy occasions, but Alexei managed to make it one, lathering Jay up and doing that thing he apparently did now where he didn’t expect Jay to do anything at all except receive pleasure from Alexei’s hands.

Was that a human thing, maybe? Because it was really very nice. Like, so nice.

And Jay couldn’t even feel properly guilty about it because Alexei seemed to enjoy it so much. He even hummed as he rinsed Jay off. Hummed.

But then Alexei’s landlord called him about a burst pipe, and Alexei had to leave, and Jay was left on his own.

He didn’t know how many hours had passed when his doorbell rang.

Oh, dang it. He’d lost time again. He hadn’t meant to. He’d only been thinking, trying to figure out the right next steps. Because Jay had told Alexei he’d stay. But he’d also first promised Wolfe a particular arrangement.

Jay had even considered a pros and cons list about leaving with Wolfe.

Pro: I’d be keeping the promise I made once. Con: I’ll be miserable and lonely for the rest of eternity. Double con: I’ll miss Alexei more than I can stomach. More than should be possible.

And then had followed the pros and cons of staying.

Pro: I’ve found true happiness in Hyde Park. I could have Alexei by my side for the rest of his days. Con: Wolfe and the den might get angry and try to murder everyone I love.

Jay knew what he was supposed to do, what Vee would have told him to do: honor his prior commitments and go back with Wolfe. It didn’t matter what he wanted , only what had to be done.

But Vee’s voice wasn’t in Jay’s head anymore, and Jay had so many people he didn’t want to leave. But then again, he shouldn’t risk bringing any unwanted drama or violence into his friends’ lives, should he? That wasn’t why he’d come here.

It was all making his head hurt. He wished Alexei were with him. It would be nice to be held right now, to be told again that he wasn’t alone anymore. That he had a person just for him.

Jay jumped as the doorbell rang again. Oh, right.

He found Soren waiting for him on the other side, arching a judgmental brow. “You didn’t even check who it was before opening the door, did you?”

Jay shrugged. “No.”

Soren placed a (judgmental) hand on his hip. “And what if it had been Wolfe?”

Jay shrugged again. “I would have invited him in, I suppose.”

Soren scoffed at that, breezing past Jay into the house, making his way into the living room in his heeled boots. “Big mistake, Jaybird.”

Jay closed the door carefully and followed after him. “He’s not my enemy, Soren.”

“He wants you to leave Hyde Park. That makes him my enemy.”

Warmth pulsed in Jay’s chest even as dismay filled him at the thought of two of his friends being enemies. Really, he’d had no idea Soren wanted him to stay so badly, that he hadn’t minded Jay sticking around for so long after an unexpected arrival.

Not that Jay thought Soren had hated it. But there was a big difference between tolerating an inconvenience and declaring enmity over Jay’s potential removal.

Jay wanted to hug him. He was going to hug him.

But Soren spun around before Jay could fully enter the room, crossing his arms and scowling fiercely. He looked beautiful even when he scowled. He was like Alexei in that way. “Don’t look at me like that,” Soren warned.

“Like what?” Jay asked, trying to figure out if he should lower his hug-ready arms or just play it off like he’d been stretching.

“Like I just professed my undying devotion and then gave you a solid-gold handbag.”

Jay cocked his head, deciding on lowering his arms after all. “Is a solid-gold handbag something someone would want?”

Soren huffed. “We’ve all just gotten used to having you here is all.

Plus, I haven’t had a proper chance to fix your horrible fashion sense.

Now that I know you have billions? The sky’s the limit, baby.

We’re talking designer. Couture. ” Soren spun again and made his way over to the couch, the heels of his boots clacking pleasantly on the wood floors.

Did he ever try to tap-dance with those shoes on?

Jay bet he could do it. Soren could do anything. Clickety-clack. Clickety-clack.

Soren flopped back against the couch cushions, arms spread wide. “Jay.”

Jay shook the mental image of Soren tap-dancing out of his mind. “I’m sorry. Shall I get you a drink?”

“No.”

“Tea? Water?”

“No.”

“A strawberry Pop-Tart, perhaps?”

“Jaybird. Jesus Christ. Sit down.”

Jay sat next to him on the couch, careful to keep an appropriate distance between them. Soren repositioned himself quickly, twisting to face Jay completely, one leg curled up under him.

Jay did his best not to fidget as Soren studied him, but Soren still didn’t seem to like what he saw. “You can’t be thinking of going with him, Jaybird.”

Jay wasn’t, not really, but that didn’t stop him from pointing out that he should. “It’s the right thing to do though.”

“And what about your mobster?”

Jay didn’t have an answer to that. If he did end up having to go with Wolfe, he couldn’t very well take Alexei with him. Jay couldn’t stomach the thought of his wonderful human having to put up with the den and all its cruelty.

Soren gave a heavy sigh. “Jaybird. I know you don’t have a lot of…experience. But with the scent thing…the instant attraction…” Soren trailed off as Jay cocked his head. Then, exasperation roughening his usually melodic voice, he said, “Well, Jesus. Haven’t you considered he could be your mate?”

Ah. This.

“Oh. Yes, I know he’s my mate.” Jay couldn’t help but frown a little at his friend, as much as he loved him. “I’m not stupid, you know.”

“I—what? No, you aren’t ,” Soren agreed with a fierceness that had Jay smiling, just a little. “It’s just— Well, okay. Christ. Aren’t you going to do anything about it?”

Jay frowned in confusion. “Like what?”

“Like turn him.”

“Oh no.” Jay shook his head fervently. “I wouldn’t do that.”

Soren threw up his hands. Jay had to admire how expressive he always was. “Why the fuck not?”

“But why would I?”

“Why. Wouldn’t. You?” Soren bit the words out, clearly doing his best not to give in to the impulse to yell, an effort Jay very much appreciated. “He’s your mate. Your tether.”

Jay took a moment to gather his thoughts.

What he was going to say next wasn’t something he’d ever voiced aloud to his friends, or to anyone else for that matter.

“Well, I can see how it would help me , yes. But what about Alexei? Have you ever considered that we need our mates but they don’t need us?

” Jay held up a finger when it seemed like Soren was going to interrupt him.

“Not if they’re still human when we find them, that is.

Alexei is completely, gloriously human. He doesn’t need a tether.

He doesn’t need me. It would be selfish of me to take his humanity away to serve my own purpose. ”

“And what does your beastie have to say about all that?”

Jay shifted in his seat. “Oh, well…he’d very much like to turn Alexei.” Even now, it was hard to focus with how much his beastie was clamoring for their mate. But Jay wasn’t one to give in to the beastie’s urges without reason, not when it could hurt other people.

“I—” Soren’s words seemed to fail him, and for a while, he just sat and stared at Jay.

He didn’t seem to know what to say, and Jay didn’t want to rush him, so he busied himself straightening the coasters on the coffee table while Soren figured it out.

If Alexei were there, Jay could just scatter them on the floor, and they’d both laugh about it. Jay smiled a little at the thought.

A good while after the coasters were all straightened, Soren finally spoke. “What about Gabe, then? You turned him for me.”

“He asked me to,” Jay answered simply. “And you were in immediate peril, Soren. It was sort of extenuating circumstances.”

“And you think, if there hadn’t been… You think it would have been wrong to turn him,” Soren mused.

Jay shrugged, uncomfortable. He didn’t have an easy answer, not when he was so pleased for his friend to have found happiness with his mate.

Soren seemed to consider that for another moment, and then he straightened in his seat, fixing Jay with a surprisingly tender look.

“You’re wrong, you know. And maybe even a few years ago, I might have agreed.

But Gabe does need me. He did need me, even as a human.

People need love, Jay. Most do, anyway. They need connection.

They need to be seen and understood and accepted.

I gave that to Gabe. I’ll keep giving that to Gabe. ”

That was such a nice sentiment Jay was tempted to try to hug Soren again.

But Soren was already continuing his speech. “And no, you’re not stupid, Jaybird—not at all—but you are inexperienced. You tend to put humans on a pedestal. You think their mortality gives them something vital, something maybe you lack. But you know what?”

Jay shook his head when Soren paused to look at him because no, he didn’t know. He had no idea.

Soren sighed. “I’ve been around humans. Some are great.

Truly great, I’ll give you that. But a lot of them are just…

sad. And numb. And their eventual demise doesn’t make them wise or deep or anything else you seem to think.

It just makes them scared and mean. And you know what I see when Alexei looks at you? ”

“What?”

“I see a man who was one of those numb, sad, scared people, who has since seen the fucking light. You’re the fucking light, Jay. Anyone can see it, the way he looks at you. You really don’t think he loves you?”

“Oh, I think he loves me.” Jay could feel it, whenever he was with his human. The care. The consideration. The desire and the acceptance. He’d seen it in Alexei’s eyes the night before, when he was entering Jay for the very first time.

Jay might not have had much experience with love, but he had plenty of experience with its absence. He could tell the difference.

Soren rubbed at his forehead. Was he getting a headache too? Maybe they were going around. “Then…I don’t understand, Jaybird.”

“I may know it, but he hasn’t told me so.

I don’t know if he’s ready to. We’ve only known each other a little bit, barely a few weeks.

That’s fast, for a human. And if he’s not ready to even say the words, he’s definitely not ready for eternal commitment.

Even if he were…I don’t take turning someone lightly. I never will.”

Soren’s face was a strange mix of sad and amused. “Oh, Jaybird. You just— Okay. All right then. Go at your own pace.”

Jay smiled at him. See? Soren had such a big heart, underneath all that snark. Jay had always known so.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Soren broke it. “I used to envy you, you know.”

“Because Vee was so much nicer than Hendrick?”

Soren waved a dismissive hand at the mention of their makers. “Because you were so much nicer than me . Because you managed to stay so sweet and kind, even in that toxic atmosphere.”

Jay hadn’t had any idea Soren felt that way. The thought that there was any part of him enviable to Soren was almost laughable. “You don’t think that makes me weak?”

“I think it makes you anything but weak.”

“I’ve lost other things though. Other parts of myself.” Like Soren had said, Jay was lacking in life experience of all kinds. Stunted.

“I know you have, Jaybird.”

“I’ve always envied you . Your bravery. Your boldness.”

Soren laughed airily. “Oh, I’ve got plenty of other faults to make up for it.”

“But Gabe loves you as you are.”

“Yes, he does,” Soren said softly, his expression turning serious once again. “And he doesn’t regret turning. I know that for a fact, through the bond if nothing else. What he’s gained means more to him than what he lost.”

Jay knew that was probably true. But Gabe had only been a vampire for less than a year. How would he feel after two hundred more?

What was right, what was wrong, and what was just a matter of choice?

Jay wished someone could tell him for sure.