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After dropping Valerie home to a very apologetic Mable and making sure she got inside, I reluctantly steered my car in the direction of school for hockey training.

It's not that I didn't like hockey, I really did, I just liked Valerie more. I wanted to spend more time with her this morning but instead I was driving myself to a freezing game with a team that I hate (with a few exceptions) to skate around.

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"Hey, Thomas." Toby said. I just nodded in response.

"It's my birthday next week and I'm having a thing at mine. Do you want to come?" He asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Who's going?" I asked.

"Marcus, Theo, Angela, Kyra, Dan, George, the other George, Bill, Molly, Nina and some others. Basically the whole team except a few."

I nodded again in response.

"I'm going to invite Val too, just so you know." He said, giving me a look.

"Since when are you friends with Valerie?" I asked, my eyes narrowing. I liked Toby, I considered him a friend but his face was looking very punch-able right now.

"Since our professor moved her next to me in History." Toby said, giving me a knowing look.

I didn't like this piece of new information at all but if Valerie was going then so was I.

"Yeah, sure I'll go. And Happy Birthday."

Toby grinned, "Thanks, Thomas."

I grabbed my hockey bag and made my way out of the changing room, Marcus no where to be seen. Probably off following Mable around.

Like I'm any better.I thought.

I turned round a corner, making my way to my English Literature class, already thinking about Valerie and what we would speak about, how her hair would look and how many different ways I could make her smile.

The hallways were weirdly empty and I checked my watch to see that I was running ten minutes late. Great. That talk with Toby must have made me late.

I turned round another corner to see a familiar brunette walking to our class. Her hair was down today, falling down her back in soft waves. I frowned. Valerie is never late.

I was about to call out her name when she slowed down and stumbled a bit. She staggered forward and had to put a hand on the wall to steady herself.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"Valerie!" I called out after her. She didn't turn or acknowledge that she had heard me and carried on staggering forward.

I wasted no more time and went straight for her but before I could reach her she slumped to the ground in a messy heap, her head hitting the floor and making a thud that made my heart jolt in my chest with fear.

Her eyes fluttered shut and her face was deathly pale.

She had passed out.

"Valerie? Valerie!" I said, willing her eyes to open.

Not knowing what else to do, I crouched down and scooped her into my arms, bridal style, to try and get her somewhere safer.

Her head rested against my chest but her limbs remained lifeless.

Just as I was making my way to the school's nurse, her eyes opened. Her head lolled to the side as she took in her surroundings before they widened in panic.

"Tom- what- where are you taking me?" She said, her voice filled with alarm.

"I'm taking you to the campus nurse. You collapsed, Valerie." I said calmly, not wanting to panic her anymore than I already had.

"What- no! Don't take me there!" She said, trying to scramble out of my arms but realising I was holding firmly onto her and she was too weak from whatever had caused her to pass out.

"Why not?" I asked, "You're clearly unwell."

"Please Tom, I'll explain- just don't take me there." She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and before I knew it, we were going in a completely different direction.

"Thank you." She sighed in relief.

"You'll be explaining." I said.

"I can walk, you know." She said, frowning. At least she was slightly back to normal if she was already irritated at me.

"I'm not taking you to the nurse, the least you could do is let me carry you."

She huffed in frustration and I took that as a yes.

I carried her all the way to the library, found some secluded couches, everyone was either in class or studying with headphones on, and set her down.

She groaned slightly and squinted up at me. I frowned at her thin form.

"Valerie, when was the last time you ate?"

Her cheeks pinked and she looked down. "Tom, you don't have to stay here with me. I'm perfectly fine. You can go back to class. You shouldgo back to class."

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving you. Now, when was the last time you ate?" She looked down.

"I haven't really."

"Haven't really what?" I asked, completely confused.

"Been eating." She answered, in the smallest voice I had ever heard.

I went completely still. "When have you eaten?" I asked, trying my absolute hardest to remain calm.

"At your house."

"That's it?"

"Yes." She whispered.

I crouched down so our eyes were level but she still wasn't looking at me.

"Valerie." I said softly. "Why haven't you been eating?"

She turned to me then, her eyes were slightly glassy but I pretended not to notice. "I get anxious sometimes."

I nodded, waiting for her to go on.

"My brother, Will."

"Your oldest one?"

"Yes, that one. He and I arranged for him to come and visit me, here in New York, for the first time since I left." She took a deep breath. "But he also wanted my father to come. Who I barely spoke to, even back in London, and I didn't want to be selfish so I agreed."

I frowned. Is she afraid of her father?

"Why would that make you anxious?"

She continued. "I don't really know." She avoided my eyes. "It's probably because it's been so long. And when I say I haven't seen them since I left, it's more that I haven't seen them since I ran away."

My whole body went rigid. "You ran away?" I clarified, my tone a lot sterner than I intended.

"Yes." She nodded, giving me a strange look. She hesitated before asking, "Are you angry?"

"No, I'm not." Although even I could hear the anger in my voice. "Do they know where you live now?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Do they have your phone number?"

"Only my house number, so I can choose when to pick up. And they don't follow me everywhere I go."

"How often do you pick up?" A small voice in the back of my mind told me to think about why she doesn't want them contacting her, but I ignored it.

"Why are you asking all of these questions?" She said, starting to get defensive.

"How often?" I repeated.

"Maybe once every two weeks, if that. Why?"

I shook my head. "So you've pretty much cut all ties with them?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"I think they would."

She frowned at me, starting to get angry herself. "Thomas, we may be friends now, but you don't know my family, and you certainly don't get to speak for them."

"I know what it's like to be abandoned." I say, frustrated.

Her features softened. "I'm sorry to hear that, but-"

"Don't you think what you've done is selfish?"

The library went deathly silent.

I regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out of my mouth. I looked at Valerie and her expression nearly broke my heart. She looked at me like she had been slapped across the face. Ihad done that. She was looking at me like she looked at me on the first day we met, only this time it was worse.

She took a deep breath and I could tell she was fighting tears. What had I done? I knew exactly what I had done, I was taking all of the built up resentment and anger that I had for my sister out on her.

"Valerie, I-"

"I did what I had to do." She whispered to herself, almost reassuring herself. Guilt swept through me. Why did I say that? I didn't even mean it.

Valerie didn't make my sister leave, Valerie could have had different reasons. I paused. What were those reasons? An icy sense of dread seeped into my body.

"Why did you leave?" I asked softly.

She looked up at me, confusion marring her beautiful features. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and I knew, I just knew, that she was anxious. And I had made her like that.

"I think I should go." She said quietly.

"No, we should talk about this. Why did you leave London, Valerie?" I had the feeling that something terrible had happened to her. And now she wasn't looking at me and I watched as she built up walls around her. Protecting her. From me.

She stood up, tucking imaginary hair behind both her ears. I reached for her, unsure if she was steady so soon after fainting.

"A lot of people think I'm weak. And I am, sometimes. I know that. I also know when people pity me or feel like they have to take care of me, even if they mean the best. I see it when Mable asks me to dance, I hear it in my brother's voice when he calls me." She looked directly at me. "And I see it when you look at me."

"I don't-"

"Stop. I know what happened to my mother was my fault. I have never said otherwise, and for that I am selfish. But what I did, what I had to do, running away, was not. I ran away because for once in my life, I stuck up for myself, I didn't need someone else to do it for me. That was the scariest and bravest thing I have ever done and I won't let you destroy that."

"Valerie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just- My sister-"

"Goodbye Tom." She said quietly. She picked up her bag from the couch and walked away.

I didn't follow her.

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