Page 60 of Unwritten Rules (The Sunburnt Hearts #1)

Chapter Thirty

TATUM

A voiding my father for two days should be classed as an Olympic sport.

It’s not as easy as it sounds, especially when he’s done everything he can to corner me into discussing what happened at the game on Saturday.

The best option for me was to stay locked in my bedroom and only come out when necessary.

It made it easier when Dad went to work for the day, but he would be persistent again as soon as he walked through the front door.

He’s eager to clear the air, but the last thing I want to do is talk to him.

I know he means well and is trying to look out for me, but I’m not his little girl anymore who needs her father to protect her.

I flop back onto my mattress and stare at the ceiling, phone pressed to my ear. “Being unemployed sucks.”

“I know the feeling,” Raya murmurs on the other end of the line. “But on the bright side, now you’ve got some time on your hands to figure out what you want to do now. Are you going to stay in Sydney or move back to Barrenridge?”

The throbbing pain behind my eyes doesn’t ease up no matter how many times I rub at my temples. I’m convinced it’s caused by stress, but Raya pointed out I haven’t been drinking much water these past two days, and I hate to admit that she’s right. But also, it’s likely from stress, too.

“I have no idea,” I grumble, blinking slowly. “I moved to Sydney because Barrenridge doesn’t have anything else to offer me. But now I’m back to square one of not knowing what the hell I’m doing or where to even begin looking for a job.”

“You’ve got time,” Raya reminds me. “Until you find something suitable, just live off your savings and hope for the best. I know the club paid you well.”

I groan and roll on my stomach, feet moving through the air above me. “I’m so lost, Raya. I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s what I’m here for, Tate. I’m going to help you through this and you’ll come out on the other side, I promise.”

My chapped lips roll together as I nod, despite my friend unable to see me.

I miss working with the club. I had spent weeks getting to know the players, learning their histories and helping them in whatever way I could.

The stability I had was ripped out from under me all because of that fucking photo.

What was a unforgettable memory with Sinnett, getting lost in each other’s quiet company and meaningful lyrics, is now the reason why I’m jobless and we had to end things between us.

Who would do something like this?

My gut feeling tells me it was Zoe’s doing—knowing her history with Sinnett—but without evidence to back me up, I’m shit out of luck.

“How are you doing?” Raya asks when I don’t say anything, lost in my thoughts. “You know… with the whole Sinnett thing.”

“I miss him,” I admit quietly. My chest aches each time I picture his inky, messy hair, his smile that has my insides melting or his calming presence. “A lot.”

“I know you do,” she murmurs. “But don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? It might not seem like it now, but you did the right thing. In that moment, you were looking out for Sinnett and his career, no matter how painful the fallout of that decision was.”

Tears spring to my eyes and I blink them back, tired of crying. It’s all I’ve done the past two days. “I know. I just wish there was a better outcome, you know? One where we didn’t have to break things off and we could be happy together.”

It’s wishful thinking, I know. In a perfect world where we met under different circumstances, maybe things would be different. No rules would be holding us back and the fear of getting caught together wouldn’t be an issue.

“Has he tried to contact you?” Raya asks, breaking through my thoughts.

“Too many times to count,” I whisper. “I want to reply. God, do I want to check in with him to see how he’s doing, but I know I can’t.

If I do, we’ll fall back into how it was before Saturday night and we’ll be right back where we started.

Dad would lose his fucking mind, especially after he forbade me from ever seeing him again. ”

“Why would he do that?”

I exhale a sharp breath and pinch the bridge of my nose, remembering Dad’s words from two nights ago. “He thinks Sinnett isn’t good for me. That he’s a player and I’ll end up hurt. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Have you tried telling him that?” Raya says, tone curious.

“I tried, but it fell on deaf ears.” My eyes flutter closed. “No matter what I say or do, I won’t be able to change his mind.”

Raya exhales a low breath. “Gosh, this is all so messed up. I wish I knew what was going on in that head of his.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. But since I’m refusing to talk to him, I don’t know what he’s thinking.”

“You need to talk to him, Tate,” Raya urges. “Clearing the air is better than letting the clouds brew until a full-blown storm is raging in the distance.”

“I know, I know,” I rasp out, chest tight. “I’m just not ready yet.”

“If that’s the case, then take your time. But don’t hide from it forever, okay?”

I swallow hard. “Okay.”

“Have you spoken to Noah and Nathan about this? I know they’re your close friends, so I figured this would be something you’d confide in them about.”

I drag my bottom lip between my teeth, thinking back on the phone call I had with my friends yesterday.

Turns out, the three of us have our own shit going on and we were none the wiser.

With how busy I’ve been, I hadn’t been checking in as regularly as I would’ve liked, so when I learned Nathan’s father is sick and Noah is having issues with Mia, guilt chewed away at my already turning stomach.

I should’ve been there for them, but instead, I was too caught up in Sinnett that I neglected my friendship with my best friends.

Not knowing what else to do for Noah, I gave him Sinnett’s phone number in the hopes he could reach Mia that way. Knowing how close Sinnett is with his sister, I have no doubt he would know where Mia is, and in turn, it would help Noah track her down.

Was it wrong of me to give out Sinnett’s number without asking him first? Absolutely. It’s an invasion of his privacy, but I was at a crossroads of wanting to help my friend and feeling helpless in the same breath.

I hope when Sinnett finds out, he won’t be pissed with me. But if he is, I’ll understand.

“They know,” I tell Raya, swallowing hard. “I wish I could be with them right now.”

“You can,” she points out, voice even. “Barrenridge is only a three-hour drive.”

The thought had crossed my mind yesterday; that I could leave to be with my friends. It would be a distraction from the pain seeping into my veins, and I wouldn’t have to face Dad. But the thought of leaving the new life I had created for myself didn’t sit right in my stomach. It felt wrong.

“It would mean I was running away from my problems,” I murmur. “And I don’t want to do that. I’m all for hiding until I’m ready to face Dad, but if I go back to Barrenridge, I’ll never be ready.”

Raya exhales a soft breath. “I hear you, Tate. If you can’t be with your friends, just know you’ve got me to lean on, okay? I’ve got your back.”

I blink back the tears stinging the corners of my eyes. “Thanks, Ray. I needed to hear that.”

A few minutes later, we ended the call. Silence envelopes me, pulling me further into the depths of my mind I’m trying desperately to steer clear of.

After Mum passed away, I was trapped in there for weeks, refusing to feel anything or face the world.

Noah and Nathan did everything they could to drag me out of it.

If it wasn’t for them, I would’ve lost myself.

Without them here now, I need to stay strong and fight the urge to sink into old habits where it’s easier to be numb rather than be overcome with emotions I don't want to face.

Releasing a shaky breath, I reach for my headphones and slip them into my phone. Music has always been an escape for me—a way to switch my mind off and get lost in the lyrics of another story. My thumb hovers over the playlist Sinnett created for me.

After I left the stadium, I couldn’t bear to listen to another song after “Iris”, opting to drive home in silence instead.

Sinnett told me the playlist is a reflection of his feelings, and he started off strong in that department.

I wish I could call him, even just to hear his voice.

It would soothe the ache in my chest and clear the fog in my head. All would be right.

The logical part of me knows I can’t do that because it would make everything worse, but the irrational side of me is desperate to feel closer him when words aren’t on the cards.

Deciding to meet in the middle, I click into the playlist and skip to the next song.

“We’ll Be Okay” by With Confidence blasts through my headphones as I flop onto my back, staring at the ceiling once more.

It’s not a song I’ve heard before, but when the lyrics mention we’ll be okay despite facing numbered days, tears sting the corners of my eyes.

It’s clear that Sinnett knew what we were facing—the end in sight that we were helpless to avoid—but he didn’t care.

He was willing to stand by my side in the face of time and fight tooth and nail in the hopes we didn’t need to say goodbye.

What he didn’t account for was my inability to let him throw his life away for me.

He knew we would be okay, but I didn’t hold the same confidence.

Instead of choosing to fight with him, I walked away.

For him. I did all of this for him because it felt like the right thing to do.

As the song comes to an end, I’m starting to question whether I made the right decision or if I messed everything up.