Page 11

M Y SLEEP IS MUDDIED with nightmares that I’ve just been sleeping all alone in my parents’ house, waking up to find Remington just a figment of my desperate, trapped imagination.

But every time I stir in reality with a racing heart, Remington’s sweet, sleeping face is still mushed into my pillow.

I love it, but it’s also killing me. What if this relationship won’t last?

I guess I better enjoy it while it does. Snuggling up to him, my heart flutters as he wraps me in his arms in his sleep, mumbling nonsensical words and forcing me to hold in a laugh.

But when I open my eyes to see the light from the window and no Remington, I shoot upright with a pained gasp.

“Hey, hey,” a voice rumbles beside me.

I flip around to find Celeste leaping off Remington’s chest, bolting from the room. Remington gazes up at me, his eyes still bleary with sleep.

He lets out a low chuckle before tackling me back to the mattress. I yelp in surprise, but as he glomps onto me like a huge bear, rolling me over in a tight cuddle, I break into uncontrollable giggles. Remington lets out a low, growling hum, pulling me even closer until my entire backside - from shoulders to feet - is pressed against his front. “Did you forget I was here?”

“Oh, God, no,” I gasp through a laugh. “I was terrified all night you wouldn’t be here when I woke up.”

He hums, scooting higher to press hard kisses into my cheek. Almost all of me is coated in his hot skin, but he rolls up and over me with his leg thrown over my hip, enveloping me until just my head is barely poking out for air. I burst into heavier laughter, making Remington chuckle through his kisses. “And why would you think something like that, baby girl? Did I not love on you enough last night?”

My heart flips. Love? He didn’t mean he already loves me, did he?

But I might.

I swallow hard. “No, I– I think I need to tell you something.”

Shit, that sounded bad. Remington releases me, turning to look at me directly. He looks so worried that I stroke his tense forehead and cheeks.

Thankfully, he softens a little. “What’s wrong, L.L.B.? Are you having second thoughts about us?”

I gasp. “No!”

Remington blinks rapidly before erupting into giggles. “Looks like you learned how to say ‘no’ really well.”

Letting out a surprised laugh, I softly squish his cheeks. “Remington! I’m trying to be serious.”

He laughs. “I know, but you look so petrified that I’m trying to lighten the mood. Are you sure nothing is seriously wrong?”

The second fear crosses his eyes, my heart hurts for him. I can’t make him wait any longer.

“It’s just– I have really deep feelings for you, Rem. ‘Liking’ you isn’t big enough.”

My heart throbs at my confession, especially as Remington’s chest freezes with his sharp inhale. We stare at each other for a long time. Anticipation crawls up my arms, tempting me to believe in my worst fears. Is this when he’ll leave?

“Say something, please,” I whisper.

Remington lets out a frantic breath, sorting out my bangs. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m just– I’m panicking a little, because I have really deep feelings for you too, Lilibeth. So big, it’s scaring me also. I was already thinking hard last night about how right you were - that I wasn’t as open as you’ve been with me - and I felt really bad for you. I’m terrified of somehow breaking your heart - of someday losing this bliss between us and becoming like my angry, arguing family.”

I face him. He looks even more gorgeous in the daylight with his rumpled T-shirt and messy hair, churning my stomach. Is there a rift between us? I don’t want there to be.

But as Remington’s shoulders rise, I realize there’s no rift at all; we’re on the precipice of deciding whether to fully meld together, and if we both feel this strongly, that’s huge . Remington really meant it when he explained he’s petrified to take the leap, so maybe he’s telling the truth: that he doesn’t want to lose me either, and that’s exactly why it’s scary.

“What do you mean, you haven’t been as open with me? You told me so many secrets lately, especially at Club X,” I say.

He huffs, stroking my arm. “Fuck, I’m scaring you. I’m so sorry. I’m dying to stay close to you, Lilibeth. Please, before we continue talking, just know that.”

My shoulders soften. “I’m dying to be close to you too. Can we sit closer?”

He rushes for me, pulling me into his lap. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I hug him tight, holding the back of his head to me as he tucks his chin over my shoulder. My heart shatters; I hadn’t realized he was shaking until I had him in my arms.

I rub his back. “You’re so scared, Rem.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I guess after my ex, I’m also just afraid to allow you to be affectionate back to me too much. And I didn’t do it intentionally, but I realized last night how much I’ve been deflecting your care out of fear instead of just enjoying this with you. But part of me is still afraid that the next time I deflect, you’ll realize my feelings aren’t what’s actually important to you, and you’ll leave me really hurt too.”

I gasp through his words, holding him even tighter. “I couldn’t imagine that. That’s not me.”

“No, I know. Sweet isn’t a strong enough word for how empathetic you are towards me. You’re such a sweetheart to keep bringing up my needs, so I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. I— I really want to be close to you.”

I lean back, and Remington clings tight to my waist. Squished in his lap, I raise his chin toward me until I can finally see his sad black eyes. They’re rimmed in red, shattering my heart further.

Running my fingernails through his hair, I soften my voice. “You haven’t been difficult. You’ve been so kind to me. I just worry you aren’t getting enough love from me in return, when I want you to have it all.”

The second those words leave my mouth, I’m breathless. Fuck, why did I say it like that? Telling Remington I had deep feelings for him was enough to freak him out, and now I just implied I love him.

He’s still staring back, but he hasn’t said anything. My heart races into my throat.

But as his eyebrows arch, his sudden tears spill over.

“Oh, Rem? ” I cup his cheeks, my heart galloping. “Did I upset you more–?”

Remington’s lips crash against mine. I gasp through my nose, pulling him closer. His hungry hands on my back squeeze me tight, sending a flood of fuzzy, elated warmth to my heart.

When he pulls back to breathe, he can hardly scrape his words out. “I’m only scared because I love you, L.L.B. I love you, way too much already.”

I choke on my breath, gaping at him. The sunlight clings to his hair, revealing traces of crystalline brown in his black eyes. If he’s this terrified, I want him to remember how I truly feel - to soothe his heart with my words, like he always does for me.

Combing his hair back, I lean into Remington’s desperate embrace until we’re nose-to-nose. “I’m here. You’re safe. I want to be here for you because I love you too. I really do.”

A fire flashes behind Remington’s stare. We rush into a heavy kiss, our hands gripping each other’s heads and backs. I gasp against his lips, unable to contain the rising emotions in my chest. When he leans in to kiss me even deeper, I let out a soft, needy moan. Remington purrs, adjusting me in his lap, and I moan again; I’m not sure if it was on purpose, but his hard shaft just rubbed against my aching pussy. I kiss him twice as heavily, and his breath hitches.

He’s not crying anymore, but he’s certainly feeling something; his shaking, powerful grip roams over me, massaging pleasure into my sensitive lower back. I squirm in his lap, leaning even further into our makeout. His hum comes out as more of a growl as his hips lift into my shifting pelvis, pressing pleasure straight into my core. The second I widen my knees for more, Remington’s hands adjust to protect my head and waist - just before he tackles me onto my back.

I squeak as I hit the mattress, but I’m smiling. There’s a breezy playfulness to Remington’s eyes above me, flooding me with relief.

And his soft smile reaches his eyes. “I want to feel even closer. Can I help you feel good, baby?”

I run my fingertips down his chest. “I want to help you too.”

He swallows hard. “Okay, that would be nice.”

The strained quietness of his voice tells me that was vulnerable for him to say out loud. But as it lifts my heart into giving me a big smile, Remington melts above me.

“But this time, it wasn’t a deflection. I meant what I said last night: I want you to be able to experience how good it feels to come with someone you love,” he says.

Nerves flash through my core. “Thank you.”

Remington adjusts me beneath him, sliding his hand down my side. As his hot palm skates up my shirt, tracing my bare skin, I rush into another kiss, unable to stop feeling shy. There’s no escaping the sunlight illuminating our bodies, so if we remove our clothes, Remington will be able to see all of me — including my mark.

But I want to see all of him too. And a deeper, braver part of me is dying to be seen by him.

As he trails his fingers down my stomach, my breath settles into a heavy, shaking rhythm, forcing my lips to part.

“You okay?” He whispers.

“Better: I’m really good,” I whisper.

He smiles, dragging gentle fingers over my bare belly and leaving a tingling buzz in their wake. “You okay with me touching you even lower, then?”

I flush down to my chest; just his question flexed my pussy. I nod, rubbing Remington’s shoulder. He drops onto his elbow, pressing a smooth kiss into my lips. I chase after his warm pressure, opening my mouth until our tongues press heat down my spine.

But as Remington’s adept fingers pop open my pants and slip inside over my underwear, I gasp through open lips. My breath shakes from how good just his light touch feels outside my panties. My hips are tempted to lift, so I dare to let them. It deepens Remington’s kisses.

When my chest heaves faster, Remington’s fingers stop on my clit. He gives it a quick circle, and I jolt from how strong it feels, breaking our kiss.

Remington softens his voice against my lips. “You’re so sensitive, baby. Do you touch yourself much?”

I gasp, my hips bucking as he spreads another tingly circle over my clit. “N-not much usually, but more the past few months.”

A mischievous grin spreads over his cheeks - both of them, yet again. “Because you’re imagining us together now?”

I nod, my cheeks flaming hot.

But Remington grows serious, just before tackling me into another fiery kiss. The pressure of his lips doubles the pleasure he whispers between my legs, curling my toes. As his fingers slip lower to circle my labia, I can’t help but push my hips into him for deeper contact.

He hums, breaking our kiss. “You’re so wet, baby. I can feel it through your underwear.”

My breath shakes. “I want to go further.”

“Oh, what a good girl. Thank you for telling me. How about I play with you directly? Would you like my fingers inside you?”

I nod furiously, even though I feel super embarrassed to have all the focus on me. But I want him so badly that I grip his shoulders, clinging on as he gently pulls my pants and underwear off.

With nothing to cover my bottom half, my breath triples in speed. What if he thinks I look or feel gross?

Leaning closer to drag his nose over my ear, he softens into a gentle whisper. “Shh, I’m right here too. Just like you are for me. Thank you for reminding me.”

“Thank you too. And I— Are you okay if I touch you too?”

With a soft kiss on my cheek, I can hear his smile in his whisper. “Yes, baby. Thank you for asking.”

The second my breathing slows, he slides his bare hand down my naked thigh to find my soaked core. Remington hums at my shuddering response. He toys with me, jerking my hips with swirling sweeps until he lightens his touch. But even his gentlest circles create slick sounds I’ve never heard from my body before; I’ve never been comfortable enough with someone to get this wet around them.

But as he slips the tip of his finger into me, all I can think about is how nice it feels. I open my knees with a hard breath, searching out his hard cock with shaking fingers. When I find him just as wet as I am through his clothes, my gasp escapes as more of a breathy moan.

“Yes, fuck, you’re doing such a good job. I love seeing you express yourself, so don’t hold back your breaths or moans, okay? They’re beautiful.” Remington’s low voice flexes me over his finger.

I smooth gentle pressure over his shaft, breathing even harder as he slips deeper inside me. Sedating, pulsing warmth expands in my pelvis. His gentle entry feels so good that I might come in less than a minute, just from his finger penetrating me.

Remington swallows my needy breaths, his lips brushing mine as he whispers into my mouth. “Have you figured out where your G-spot is on your body so I can give you an extra massage?”

I gasp as he pulls softly out of me, stroking my soaked labia before entering me again and leaving me breathless. “I-I don’t know, isn’t it always on the rough part? But that spot usually hurts when I rub it too much.”

He carefully brushes the textured inner wall of my pussy, only an inch or so inside me. As usual, I wince.

Remington freezes. “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t think that’s the right spot, then. It’s different for everyone.”

My heart flips as he slips even further. I stroke his erection through his tented pants, aching to make him feel just as good. I think it’s working; he shudders just before he speaks.

“Do you like any toys?”

“I do like my G-spot rabbit. But I have to shove it all the way in for it to feel nice.”

Remington’s sly, sultry smile clenches my core. “So, it’s deeper. That’s normal too, baby.”

I can’t respond; he slips deeper, but now he’s prodding me, curling his fingertip toward my belly. It feels better and better the deeper he pulses, until he reaches an even deeper spot that drops my jaw. I grip his working forearm to beg for more, breathing harder than I would for my G-spot toys.

Remington’s voice is rough with pleasure, and I’m not even touching him anymore. “There you go, baby girl. Is it too strong?”

I can’t speak; he’s genuinely giving me an internal massage, pulsing the most thorough, blooming pleasure I’ve ever felt through my body until it reaches my face. I moan, arching my back, and he pauses.

“Can you answer me, gorgeous? Is this okay?”

I grip his shoulders, desperately tugging him closer. “Green—” He pulses inside me again, and I gasp out. “Green, green —” Moans replace my words as my hips buck in desperation.

Holy shit, I really am about to come. But Remington doesn’t even have his pants off.

I gasp hard and fast, my eyes wide. “Red,” I choke out.

Remington freezes, removing his hand with wide eyes. “Shit, are you okay?”

I’m struggling to catch my breath. “I don’t want to enjoy myself without you— unless— unless you don’t want to either, but—”

His tip has leaked so much precum that I can see the pool of it spreading through his black pants.

“Do you mean you’d like to use your hands on me?” Remington asks.

“No, I really want you inside me, i-if you’d like to be.”

He stares at me for a moment before letting out a hard breath. “Oh, I’d love to be. Do you have a condom in your drawer I can grab? Otherwise, I’d have to escape your clutches to get mine in my jacket.”

I laugh, realizing I’m gripping Remington’s shoulders so hard that my fingertips are white. Releasing him, I collapse back into the comforter with a shaky laugh. “S-sorry. And I do have condoms if you want, but I—”

I swallow hard. Remington’s eyebrows raise, awaiting my next words.

“I know you like sentimental things, and maybe this won’t seem like a big deal to you, but it is for me. When I said I only use condoms during sex, I meant with everyone else. I don’t usually tell guys I have an IUD because I know they'll try to convince me to be bare inside me when I don’t want them to be, b-but with you, I— I’d like it. Love it.”

He’s motionless for a full ten seconds, leaving my heart to pound wildly. When he speaks again, his voice is raspy. “L.L.B., that’s a big, big gift you’re offering me. Are you sure?”

“Yes, very. I really do love you, and I want you to feel it.”

Emotions crease his eyebrows. “You really touch my heart. I’m sorry, I-” He swipes over his eyes.

I cup his cheeks, so worried about him that my heart aches with his shaking breath.

But Remington gives a soft, wet laugh. “I’m okay. I just really love you too. I love you so much.”

Remington dissolves back into tears, pulling a pained whimper from my chest. I place my hand over his heart, dying to protect it.

“Breathe with me,” I whisper.

We stare at each other, the only sound our anxious breaths. But the more we relax our bodies into each other, the slower our breaths melt. Tilting my head, I leave my open lips gaping over his, intentionally inhaling his air. Remington’s shoulders rise as he draws me in, softly placing his lips against mine until we exchange breaths almost solely from each other’s lungs.

I don’t know what compelled me to start this, or why, but the desperation in his hands tells me Remington must feel the same; there’s a tender intimacy in sharing our life force that I’ve never experienced.

A tremendous ache grows in my chest, yearning to feel Remington all over - until I can’t take it. My lips collapse into his, and Remington softly moans, flipping my heart. He cuddles me so tightly that when he kisses me twice as hard, wetness gushes between my legs. I spread my knees for him, bucking to rub up on him.

Remington breaks our kiss with a sharp breath. “Can I take the rest of your clothes off for you, baby? If it’s too scary, I understand.”

Cupping his cheeks, I huff through my speeding heartbeat. “It’s scary, but I want to feel you against me. I’ve– I’ve never shown anyone my back, either. I always keep it hidden against the mattress.”

“Fuck,” Remington breathes as he sits back. “How did I get so lucky then?”

I pull my arms and knees in, feeling shy without anything covering my bottom half. “Because I– I love you.”

He smiles. “I love you too, baby girl. Are you shy about anything other than your back?”

I bite my lip. “I think my boobs look too heavy. I feel like guys haven’t expected them to hang so much.”

“Then, do you trust me not to judge you if you sit up for me while I lift your shirt over your head?”

I can hardly breathe. But I sit up. “Yes.”

After flipping his shirt over his head, Remington scoots closer on his knees. I gape; his neck tattoo doesn’t start at his chest. It starts below his waistband, drawing a thick line up his stomach and sternum until it explodes in beautiful, fiery geometry over his chest and throat, a collection of different patterns I’m dying to memorize. I run my shaking fingers down that center line, leaning into his touch as his palms caress my sides, rolling the base of my shirt. I shiver, meeting his eyes - just before I have to lift my arms.

I tense with nerves. I trust him not to judge my breasts, but I still judge them.

Remington makes quick work of stripping my top, flipping it over my head like ripping off a band-aid. As my breasts droop from their support, I hold my breath. I’m kneeling on the mattress in front of him, fully naked.

But Remington’s shaft visibly twitches in his pants. I loosen my shoulders, struggling to process it. Is he really that turned on by my bare body?

As he scoops one hand behind my head, drawing me in for a sultry kiss, I assume the answer is yes. I grip his forearms hard. They ripple beneath my palms, lifting his hands to softly stroke the heavy underside of my breasts.

I shudder hard enough to break our kiss, open-mouthed as he shifts to stroking over my nipples.

“You didn’t think you were absolutely stunning, baby girl?”

An avalanche of heat crashes through my core, flexing my pussy as Remington resorts to tender, all-encompassing massages over my breasts and nipples. All I can do is moan, my hips shifting on the bed. I didn’t know I could get this turned on by someone playing with my breasts, but I’m absolutely weak from it, my back arching and thighs quivering.

“Can I see your back?” He asks. “Not if you’re not ready. But so that you know from now on, I won’t judge it.”

My heart flips, but I grip his palm flat against my chest, craving a deeper squeeze. He gives it to me, and my eyelids flutter. “Y-yes, but– But it’s definitely not cute. Please, just don’t say anything.”

“Okay. But I’m confused what you mean by a mark. Is it a birthmark, or–?”

Remington pauses when he peeks over my shoulder, witnessing my bare back in the morning sun. He says nothing more. My heart drops through the mattress. This silence is worse than I imagined, and not what I had in mind when I told him not to say anything.