Page 6

T he morning light is pale as I walk out to the yard. My whole body aches, but it’s a different kind of ache than I’m used to. It’s the kind that comes from anger—the deep kind—the anger that curls its fingers around your heart and squeezes until you can’t fucking breathe. I want to burn them down. Every single one of them. Every last piece of what they’ve done to me. I want to be more than the girl who ran away. I want to be more than a girl who is too scared to be free.

I head into the large area where I find the men more often than not. They’re either drinking, fixing vehicles, or partying. I’m right, because I see them immediately, standing around, cigarettes in hand, discussing something.

Whatever it is, it’s intense, because they all look really pissed.

I already know they’re planning something big. Something dangerous. My heart kicks in my chest, but I don’t slow my steps. I walk straight to them, my head high and my eyes clear. I know what I need to do.

Kael looks up first, his eyes narrowing as he sees me. “Morning, darlin’. You good?”

“I am,” I say, my voice steady. “I’m ready to do this. I want to help. I want this over.”

Talon is standing to my left, but I don’t look at him. I can feel his eyes burning into my face, but I refuse to give him my attention. After last night, I have only one goal, and that is getting this dealt with so I can get the hell out of here. Lily and I can start a new life somewhere else.

Zane raises a brow. “You sure about that? Shit’s about to get real ugly and dangerous.”

“I’m sure.”

Knox crosses his arms, studying me. “You sure you got it in you?”

I look him dead in the eye. “Fuck you.”

The group goes silent.

That’s right, I’m done being the weak girl.

Wolfe chuckles, raising his brows. “Well, fuck me, girl’s got spirit.”

He’s damn right I do.

“I don’t want to waste anyone’s time any further, so I want this done. The longer we wait, the worse it will get,” I answer, my voice clipped.

The men exchange looks, and I know they’re weighing my words, my resolve. I know they’re wondering if I can handle it. If I can handle anything. I meet each of their gazes head-on, daring them to tell me I can’t.

“Think she means it,” Kael says, a hint of a grin. “You got some wild in there, darlin’?”

“Looks like it,” Zane murmurs.

Knox nods slowly. “Well, let’s get this shit started.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. It doesn’t scare me. Not this time.

It feels right. It feels like I’m finally taking control.

“Here’s what we know,” Kael says, bringing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling before he continues. “They got patrols, protection, and cameras, but there are loopholes. We need to find them and get in. Figure the only way we can do that is with you. Which is why we’re goin’ to send you in.”

“Get fucked,” Talon’s words come out harsh and cause me to jerk. “Ain’t no way in fuck she is goin’ in there.”

“Don’t have much of a choice,” Kael says, his voice sharp. “She’s the only one who can do it.”

“No,” Talon snaps. “You’re out of your fuckin’ minds if you think that’s happenin’.”

Knox narrows his eyes, his voice a low growl. “We send her in, we get her out fast. They’ll never know what hit ‘em.”

Talon’s jaw clenches. “They’ll know. You heard what she said—they’re already watchin’. You send her in, and you might as well put a bullet through her skull.”

I flinch.

“She got out once,” Zane argues. “She knows their routines. It’s the only way.”

“Not fuckin’ happening,” Talon bites out, his eyes hard. “We find another way.”

“Enough,” Wolfe barks, causing them all to stop. “Steel’s right, we ain’t sending her in there. They could kill her without so much as a word. Not worth the risk. We need another plan.”

Silence stretches, heavy and thick. I can feel the tension, the weight of their decision pressing down on me. I don’t want to go back in there, but I will, if it means Lily gets out alive. It isn’t the only way, though. There have to be other options.

“She’s just as likely to get caught out here as in there, Prez,” Kael says, his voice finally breaking the silence. “They already got eyes on us. They already know where she is.”

“I hear you,” Wolfe mutters.

“We find another way,” Talon growls. “Yeah, they’re watchin’. They’re waitin’. But we got the upper hand. We’re the ones they don’t know. We use that.”

Knox shakes his head. “It’s too risky, man. We don’t know enough about that fuckin’ place to have the upper hand.”

Talon’s voice is a low growl. “Then we find out.”

Kael leans back, his face firm. “You got somethin’ in mind?”

Talon’s eyes meet mine, and I see the determination there. The promise. “We get the kid out first. We use the old lady, the one watchin’ the kids.”

“Miriam,” I murmur.

He nods. “We make it look like they got a convert. Someone they don’t expect. We hit them from the inside.”

Zane tilts his head, considering. “You think that’ll work?”

Talon’s gaze is steady. “I know it will.”

The others exchange looks.

Wolfe looks to me. “You think she’ll help us?”

I honestly don’t know if she will, but she’s the only person we might just be able to manipulate. “Miriam goes out once a week. Supply runs for the school. It’s the only time she’s away from the compound, and they trust her. If we can make contact with her then, she might listen. She might help.”

Wolfe nods, holding my gaze. “You sure about this?”

“It’s the only person I can think of that might do it.”

Zane nods. “Then let’s fuckin’ do it.”

“How do you want to play it?” Wolfe continues.

Knox keeps his arms crossed but directs his gaze to me. “We know when she leaves?”

“Fridays,” I say. “Always Fridays. Usually around noon. Sometimes she’s got someone with her, but it’s always the same person.”

“How far does she go?” Talon asks, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Usually to the stores on the edge of town. She tries to be quick, because they don’t like her being gone long.”

Silence as they consider my words, the weight of it pressing down on me. I’m giving them everything. I’m trusting them with everything.

“Then we follow her,” Kael throws in. “We pick the right moment, and we make our move.”

“I’m the only one she will listen to,” I say. “If one of you approaches her, she will run. I have to be the one to do it.”

“Fuck,” Talon growls.

“We’ll keep eyes on her, Steel,” Wolfe tells him.

“Only choice we got,” Kael nods sharply in Talon’s direction.

Talon nods.

We all agree.

I’m going to be the one to do it.

The tension breaks, and the room fills with a new kind of energy. Plans are laid out, details hashed out, and my head spins with the rapid, chaotic movement of it all. I can’t keep up, but I don’t need to. They know what they’re doing, and I have to trust in that.

Kael and Zane argue over the best way to tail Miriam, their voices rising and falling. Knox smokes silently, but his eyes are sharp, missing nothing. Wolfe gives orders, his presence commanding, and I find it all incredibly impressive.

The way they work together is effortless and confronting.

They might not be the kind of family I’m used to, but they’re loyal to each other in a way I’ve never seen.

I hope one day I can have that same loyalty in my life.

SOMETIME LATER THAT day, I fall asleep after planning with the guys what we are going to do Friday. When I wake, I’m coated in sweat and my body aches. Is this from the alcohol and drugs the night before? I feel horrible. My head spins, and when I sit up, it’s like the room tilts. I swallow, trying to push the nausea back down, but it claws its way up my throat.

I grab my clothes and pull them on, moving slowly, the effort making my limbs tremble. My heart hammers, drowning out all other noise. Is this some sort of delayed hangover? Or maybe I’m just emotionally exhausted. I have no idea, but I know who can help.

Mera.

I am working at the bar with her tonight, so I know she’ll already be there after her lunch shift. I’m right—I find her wiping glasses behind the bar, her hair in a messy bun, too-big sweatshirt hanging off one shoulder.

She looks up when I enter, and her eyes widen. “Girl, what the hell, you look like shit.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, sinking into a chair. “I feel like it.”

“What’s up?”

I press my fingers to my temples. “I don’t know. My body is aching, and I feel like I’m going to vomit. Is this from alcohol?”

“I doubt it. It’s a bit too late, though I can’t be sure.”

Mera sets the glass down and moves to the cabinet, pulling out a small bottle. She shakes out two pills, handing them to me. “Here. These will help. You had much water?”

I shake my head, swallowing the pills. “I think I’m just overwhelmed. Things happened last night with Talon. Ugh, I don’t know.”

“Okay, well, I need to hear about this,” she says, holding out a hand. “I have an idea. Have you ever had a girls’ day?”

I stare at her, and she laughs. “Guessing that’s a no. Well, you’re in for a treat. Let’s go.”

I don’t argue. I let her pull me to my feet and lead me to her room. It’s a mess—a colorful, chaotic mess. Clothes are thrown over the back of a chair, magazines are stacked high, and there’s a big, fluffy blanket on the bed. I sink into it, letting the softness surround me. It’s comforting, and I can feel some of the tension leaving my body.

“Don’t you stay in Wolfe’s room?” I ask, watching as she moves around the room, picking up things.

“Most of the time, I do. I like my own space, too.”

I laugh. Space. It’s something I am learning to love, that’s for sure.

Mera sits beside me, a smile on her face as she waves a small bottle of red nail polish in my face. “You ever done your hair and nails before?”

I shake my head. “No. Sad, I know, but red nails meant...”

Mera’s brows go up. “What?”

I lean closer, whispering. “Whore.”

She bursts out laughing. “Well, girlfriend, let’s whore you up.”

I giggle. It’s hard not to fall in love with Mera. Her personality is warm and strong. I could learn a lot from her, and I’m quite certain with time, she will become a friend I won’t ever want to leave. I have never had a friend like it, and I’m incredibly grateful the universe placed us together.

I watch as she gathers supplies—nail polish, a curling iron, hair ties. I’m not sure what to expect, but the anticipation is a welcome distraction from the chaos in my mind, and the sickness in my body. Hopefully, it fades soon, because it is a yucky feeling that I don’t particularly like.

Mera points to a chair, and I stand, going over to it, keeping the blanket. It doesn’t bother her, and she gets right to work. She starts with my hair, sectioning it and wrapping pieces around the iron. “This might be a little hot,” she tells me, but it doesn’t bother me.

I’m too busy watching her work, amazed at the way each strand falls into perfect, soft waves. As she moves, I can’t help but ask the question that’s been burning in my mind. “What’s a sweetbutt?”

Her hand pauses. She glances at me, and I see the hint of a smile. “It’s basically a club whore. The girls that just come in and hang around, hooking up with the guys. Most of them love the lifestyle and don’t want anything more than to party hard.”

My eyes widen. “Oh. Why would they want that?”

Mera shrugs. “Status? I honestly don’t know, but it’s a thing. Most men go through them until they find their own old lady and then they stop touching them.”

My brows go up. “I still don’t get why they call their women old ladies.”

Mera giggles. “I know, it makes us sound old as hell, but it is a term of endearment, if that means anything.”

“Has Talon ever had an old lady?”

I bite my lip, anticipating an answer I might not like.

Mera shrugs. “I honestly don’t know. I have never asked. Speaking of Talon, are you going to tell me what happened between you two?”

I hesitate, only for a second. “I tried to have sex with him, and it was so amazing, until it wasn’t. He stopped me and then proceeded to tell me he wasn’t going to be the man I wanted. He said he was going to help me, but only because he thinks I deserve it. Not because he wants to fuck me. Apparently, I’m too fragile.”

She gives me a look that’s part pity, part amusement. “What a dick. What do you think about it?”

“I think he doesn’t want me the way I want him.”

Mera smiles softly. “He’s a complicated one, that’s for sure. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Trust me, he wants you.”

I let out a long breath. “It’s just all so confusing. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Have you been with a man before?” she asks, her voice careful, as if she’s nervous to ask the question.

I hesitate, the words catching in my throat, but I force them out. “I have. But not because I wanted to. The cult thought I’d bring a chosen child into the world, so they basically set me up with a man of their choosing, and we were meant to create the next leader.”

Mera’s eyes widen with a mix of horror and empathy. “Nia...”

“It’s fine,” I say quickly. “It’s not like it was rape, not really. I gave consent. I thought I had no choice.”

“Honey, that’s basically the same thing.”

Maybe it is, but it wasn’t horrible, not at the time. Cyrus did try and make me comfortable, and he was never cruel to me. It was only after I ran that he got mean. Before that, he was quite happy to be the man chosen for me.

“It was what I’ve always known,” I say, my voice calm even though inside I want to scream at how bad it sounds.

“How long have you had this man in your life?” Mera asks, moving to put a clip in my hair.

“Only a couple of months.”

“And you had to just service him whenever he wanted?”

Her face scrunches with rage, and I don’t blame her.

I scoff. “No. That would be a sin. Only when I was fertile.”

Her mouth drops open, and she falls silent. I know how awful this sounds, and to be honest, I have already accepted the world I come from is terrifying to other people. Hell, it’s terrifying to me, but I’ve learnt to somehow accept that I can’t change it. At least, I couldn’t before.

Maybe now, I can.

“Did it happen before you left?”

I nod, confused. “It did. Why?”

Mera is silent for a long moment, the curling iron stilling in her hand as she seems to be thinking. I watch her, waiting for what she’ll say next. When she finally speaks, her voice is careful.

“Nia, do you think you could be pregnant?”

The room goes quiet. Her question hangs in the air and I feel my heart stop. It’s a possibility that I hadn’t allowed myself to consider, something too big and terrifying to even let into my mind. With everything that has happened, I never once considered that I could actually be carrying a child.

I open my mouth, but no words come out.

“Nia, honey, breathe.”

I shoot out of the chair, my hair whipping around my shoulders as I turn to her, my eyes wide. “No.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Mera says quickly. “I’m just thinking out loud, that’s all. It’s only because you’re sick.”

“I just thought it was everything catching up with me.”

Mera sets down the curling iron, her eyes locking onto mine. “We’ll find out for sure, okay? If you are, we’ll figure it out. You’re not alone in this. You have me. You have the club.”

The words are a comfort, but they’re not enough to stop the fear from spreading through my chest like wildfire. The thought of being pregnant, of bringing a child into this world, of them getting their hands on that child... It’s too much.

“I can’t do it, Mera,” I say, my voice trembling. “Not right now. This can’t be happening.”

“Hey,” she says, putting her hands on my shoulders. “Let’s not panic until we know for sure, yeah? I’ll get a test.”

I can’t.

I can’t do this.

“Just...I can’t do this right now. Can we just wait until I have Lily out? I just...please. I can’t do this.”

Her eyes get soft. “Whatever you want. Just know it will all be okay, no matter what. We’re not going anywhere.”

“Please don’t tell anyone, not until we know for sure.”

Mera nods. “I won’t say a word.”

She pulls me in for a hug, and I stare blankly at the wall.

Things just went from bad to worse.

Deep down, I don’t need a test to know the answer.

I feel it, deep inside me.

This is the worst thing that could happen.