Page 40 of Unlocked Dive

“Is he in the kitchen?” Before I can go look, she stops me with a hand on my wrist.

“He’s driving the trash bins down to the road. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay.”What now?

“Did Coen tell you I’m leaving tomorrow? He’s driving me to catch the bus in Santa Rosa first thing in the morning.”

“Yes.”Finally.Even if it means I’ll wake up alone on my birthday, it’ll be worth it to have Byrd to myself for a few hours before the party at Big Top. My obvious relief brings a wry smile to her lips.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” I grin at her, not sorry.

“I know I’ve been a pain in the ass with all the questions.”

“It’s fine.”That’s not why I can’t wait for you to leave.“I get what you were trying to do.”

“You do?”

As if she isn’t about as subtle as a train wreck.

“Sure. Prove to Byrd that I’m a bad idea. But only because you want to protect him, and you don’t trust me yet.” Even if she drives me crazy, I can appreciate her intentions. Neither of us wants to see Byrd hurt, and it creates a kind of kinship.

“Youarea bad idea.”

“Ouch.”So much for kinship. “And also—not your call.”Thank fucking god.

But I don’t really want Byrd’s sister to hate me, so I try again. “I’m not his ex, you know. I’m not going to ask him to give up his dreams.”

“He hasn’t had time to figure out his dreams. Not the ones he can have now that he’s free of Lara. He’s too busy trying to rebuildyours.”

Mine? All my dreams are sweaty and naked and full of Byrd.Nowdreams, obsessive and immediate. But that’s not what she means.

Old Echo was so sure of his future, it was more like a movie—already written and released and waiting for the Oscars to start rolling in.

The kind of dreams she’s talking about? I’m not sure I have those anymore. Future Echo is too intangible—a promise I’m afraid to look at except out of the corner of my eye.

“Maybe we’re making new dreams together?” I like that idea. Naked dreamsandfuture ones, where maybe I’ll become solid again.

Real enough to matter.

But Elke shakes her head.

“You understand how much he’s risking to give you what you want, right? His job, his friendship with Reggie, his trampled heart? I’m trying to figure out if you’re worth it.”

Oh.

This whole time, I’ve been pushing Byrd to be more selfish, but maybe I’m the selfish one, wanting him without considering the cost. Demanding things he keeps trying to convince me he isn’t ready to give.

Did I lie when I said I wasn’t like Lara?

Elke watches the uncertainty flood me with something like pity in her eyes.

“Has he told you about the guy who broke his heart in college?” she asks, and I shake my head, not trusting my voice. “I don’t know that much about him—I was too young and self-absorbed when it happened—but I know Lara wasn’t the first. Coen has a history of letting people in when he shouldn’t.”

I think about the Byrd in my stolen photo, unblemished by the expectations of others, and I want to find the faceless douchebag who took that innocence and fucking bury him.But how many young Byrds haveIruined, without ever caring enough to count?

“I do think you care about him,” Elke continues, a bitter parody of my thoughts. “And I know he cares more about you than he’ll admit. It doesn’t make you good for each other.”