Page 29 of Under the Texas Sky

TRENT

Journal Entry- Day 912

Hi Freckles,

It’s been a while since I wrote to you. It’s Christmas season now, and it’s starting to get super cold outside. I’m not sure how the weather in Arizona is, but I’m hoping that it puts you in the Christmas spirit. You used to love decorating the tree and listening to Christmas music while we drank hot chocolate and watched old movies.

This year looks different for me. I’m going to meet Hunter’s parents tomorrow. Hunter has a whole dinner planned at his house, and he said I could invite Mitch. It’s hard to get Mitch out of bed these days, but he said the only way he’s missing it is if he was dead.

I like Hunter a lot. He’s funny, smart, and just so much nicer to me than I deserve. He’s not a handyman, so he relies on me when he needs something done around his house. I love the feeling of being needed. Maybe you remember that.

The things I feel with him are so different from what I felt with you. With you, it was a whirlwind of love and lust, and I think that was our downfall. Our love wasn’t steady, it was a forest fire in the middle of summer. With no reprieve and nothing to stop it. We were unstoppable, until we burnt out.

With Hunter, it's a pool of water. It’s nice and relaxing. There’s no pressure to sink or swim. We’re perfectly content to wade in the shallow part together.

We’re leaving next week for vacation, just the two of us. It will be the first time I’m leaving the state of Texas, and I’m excited to be doing it with him. The fuckery of it all is we’re going to be in your area. Or I guess in your state. Hunter loves to go skiing in the winter, so that’s what we’re doing. In Arizona. The thought of possibly running into you has me feeling lots of mixed emotions, which is why I'm writing this final letter.

I’ll always love you, but I have to let you go.

This is me letting you go.

Me and Hunter are trying to take the next step in our relationship, and I can’t fully do that if I’m still holding on to the hope that one day you’ll come home. I want to love him.

I want the best for you, now and always.

Even though this is how it ends, I have to let you know that even if I knew we would end up here, I would do it all over again for the chance to love you. Even if somehow I could see the future and know that we were never meant to be together forever, I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

You’re amazing, Kian. You’re extraordinary. And loving you is something that I’m glad you let me do. I’ll always be grateful for our time together.

Thank you. For everything.

Trent