Chapter Seven
L ocks walked toward the cemetery. Sometimes he drove the side-by-side, but today he needed the time by himself. Helping this weekend had been both a blessing and a curse.
Oh, my! Those kids had him laughing so much. He had no doubt they’d all grow into phenomenal individuals. He’d raised his girls to be strong, and he loved seeing the younger girls on the compound getting that same type of encouragement.
The curse had come with how cold Hope had been toward him. He deserved it, but it didn’t make it any easier to see her so hurt that she had to ignore him. And he knew it was hurt and a way of protecting herself from him.
He’d known he needed to come here and sit by Kathryn’s grave. He knew she wasn’t there, but he felt closer to her here.
Thinking back over his life with Kathryn, he smiled at the woman she’d been. He’d been chasing down individuals who didn’t show up for court when he and Kathryn had been dating. She’d started answering the phone for him and doing his bookwork. They’d been friends first, then more.
When they’d decided to get married, she’d been the one with the idea of providing the bail too and expanding the business.
He opened the small wrought iron gate, walked over to the bench, and sat down. It had been a while since he’d come out here.
Locks stared at her stone and took a deep breath. His wife had always said to not mess around and just get whatever was on his mind out.
“I’ve been the type of man we warned our daughters about, and you’d be so ashamed of me,” Locks said, his voice cracking as tears filled his eyes. He wasn’t sure he could go on. He sat there, letting the tears run down his face. His tears had watered the grass here many times.
Before he’d built the bench, there were times he’d brought a blanket and pillow out so he could lie beside her. He’d missed her so much he didn’t think he could ever breathe normally again.
Now he was ashamed of himself because of his feelings for Hope. He’d had sex with others, but that was different because his heart wasn’t involved.
But Hope had touched a part of him that he hadn’t believed would ever feel again. He’d resigned himself to being alone in his final years because how could he accept anything less than what he had with Kathryn.
Then, on Christmas Eve, Hope had been so strong, keeping her grandson safe but showing Locks the marks on her wrist when her son wasn’t looking. He’d been attracted to her, but he’d ignored it until she and Benji needed a safe place to stay when trouble came for Slice’s son. Her down the hall, her scent in the hallway, and that delicate spot on the back of her neck that he couldn’t resist kissing.
She was so different from Kathryn, yet they both had the core of strength he admired. And it was more than his cock getting hard for her. Seeing her smile and laugh filled that empty spot in his heart.
“I don’t know what to do. What we had was everything to me. You were the love of my life and gave me our girls. You stood beside me every step of the way. And I didn’t think I could even breathe when you left me,” Locks said, pausing to wipe his nose with his handkerchief.
“If it wasn’t that I needed to be here for the girls, I’m not sure I could have stayed here. Everywhere I look in that house, you’re there. I still miss you, but I can’t stop thinking of Hope,” Locks whispered.
The creak of the gate had him turning. Regina walked in and sat down beside him. He wiped his eyes. She grasped his hand.
“Do you know what I remember most about our last trip to Sturgis?” Regina asked.
“No,” Locks said softly. Even though they hadn’t visited the oncologist yet, Locks had known everything would be changing for them.
“How you were so protective of anyone seeing Kathryn, but instead of diminishing her joy about crossing something off her bucket list, you supported her. Though your growl every time someone complimented her during supper and through the evening was funny as hell. I will forever remember her giggle every time you growled or grunted at someone.”
“She was so happy to do that. I couldn’t ruin it for her even though I hated everyone seeing her body like that, but the joy on her face was contagious,” Locks said, wiping his face again.
“You and she were meant to be. The girls you raised and the life you built were a joy to be a part of. I remember crying in Baron’s arms, wondering how to help you all through the loss,” Regina said.
Locks slid his arm around Regina. “We couldn’t have survived without you, Baron, and the club. So many times you walked in our house, making food and making us interact as a family. I’m not sure I ever thanked you enough.”
“You’re family, and family takes care of each other. It helped me process my grief with losing my best friend to help her family.” Regina breathed deeply and stared at him, then pulled something out of her back pocket. “I’ve debated multiple times on when to give this to you. Kathryn’s only requirement was when I thought you might have found someone to spend your life with. I couldn’t tell you why I didn’t give it to you when you were dating Stella, but something kept telling me to wait. Seeing you with Hope, I think it’s time,” Regina said, handing him an envelope, yellowed a little with age and crinkled on the corner. She stood up, patting his shoulder.
“She loved you so much, and she would kick your butt if she thought you were denying yourself a chance at happiness because of her,” Regina said, then turned and walked out of the cemetery.
Locks sat there, fingering the envelope. He just wasn’t sure he was up to reading this today. He stared at the headstone.
“You never did anything easy, did you, baby? I’ve loved you for more than half of my life. Even though you’re not here, it doesn’t diminish my love. I just don’t know how to reconcile that with what I’m feeling for Hope. I’ll read your letter but not today. I need to prepare myself for that. There are still times I leave my dirty boots by the back door instead of putting them away and can almost hear your voice yelling my name. I love you, baby. I’ll be back soon.”
Locks breathed deeply and wiped the tears away. It wouldn’t do for his girls to worry about him. They had enough on their plate. He stood up and blew a kiss at the grave. He had a lot to think about.