Page 13 of Two Weddings and a Shoot Out (Bluff Creek Brotherhood MC #9)
Chapter Thirteen
T hey’d made it back ahead of the storm and had just pulled in by the clubhouse. They were going to drop some of the bags for the guys there, and then she was heading to Slice and Faith’s house with her purchases.
Bootstrap said he and the guys were going to get the lumber unloaded and inside one of the garages to keep it out of the storm that was coming.
She started to grab a couple bags and saw Locks standing in the covered area in front of the clubhouse.
“I’ve had a great day with you, Hope, and it was fun after you forgave me for baby girl. So I’m going to butt in. I said it earlier, but I want you to hear this. You are a gorgeous, funny, and amazing woman who deserves the best. If Locks is that one for you, then make the man work for it and get the life you want. If he isn’t the man for you, then cut him loose and go on. You both deserve unconditional love.”
“Thanks, Bootstrap. I wish he weren’t the one for me, but he is. But I have to be first and be treated like it.”
Bootstrap leaned across and hugged her. “Then consider me the big brother who will either kick his ass for you or support you however you need.”
She sniffed at how sweet he was. “I appreciate that, but then if I’m the little sister, I’m going to need to help you find someone, too.”
She grinned at his startled look, then got out to help with the bags.
Locks walked over and took a couple of bags.
“I thought I’d help you, and then maybe we could spend a little time together talking. Just talking,” he said.
“I guess,” she said.
His mouth quirked up, and he nodded. “I guess I deserve that less-than-enthusiastic response.”
She dropped the bags off in the common room. Bootstrap had said he’d settle up with the guys. The only things she’d paid for were her own items and the ones for Faith’s household. She waited for Locks to bring in his items, and then he helped transfer her stuff to his truck. Speedy and Dex followed Bootstrap out. Locks let them pull out and head to the garage before he started the truck.
“I thought the truck might be a more neutral space. I’d originally planned to chat under the big tree by the racetrack, but the storm changed that,” he said, starting the truck up and driving toward Faith and Slice’s house. He pulled in by the barn and stopped there.
He breathed in deep and then turned to stare at her. She kept quiet because he needed to make the effort. She wasn’t going to make it easy for him. She’d been entirely too easy from the beginning, just accepting what he was giving her and not demanding more. More respect, more time, and more give and take.
“I’m going to start off by apologizing. When I first saw you on Christmas Eve, I was attracted to you, the whole package. Your strength, your compassion, and the sexiness that just exudes from you. And the attraction scared the hell out of me. I’m not saying I haven’t assuaged needs since Kathryn passed, but man, this makes me sound like an ass—they were only physical releases. It was sex. A biological need to try to feel some type of connection.
But Christmas Eve, it wasn’t even sex. It was an instant attraction and a need to get to know you better. So I did what I needed to—I ran. Flat out ran as far and as fast away as I could so that there wasn’t any threat to my quiet solitude.”
He paused, and she waited. He was finally sharing, and she was a tad scared if she said anything, he’d clam up.
“Then circumstances forced us together. At least, that’s what I told myself, but you didn’t have to stay at my house. I pushed for you and Benji to live with me. Meg and Rascal offered, along with a couple others. My house wasn’t the only option, but it was the only one I could live with.
My attraction continued to build until I couldn’t stop myself. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself when I’d be an ass in the morning, trying to convince myself it was only sex. But it wasn’t just sex. When I was with you, I could feel you peeling away each layer that I’d wrapped myself in to survive Kathryn’s loss. And it scared me. No, that’s not true. It petrified me because what if I let myself love you and you left me like Kathryn did? Would I survive a second time?”
Locks shuddered as he whispered those last words. Her heart ached for him, but once again, it was dark as the storm rolled in. Nighttime when they never had trouble expressing anything. What would happen in the cold light of day? Would he close up again and push her away?
“It’s not like I don’t worry about the same things, Locks. Giles leaving me ripped a hole in my heart, but the way you treated me, as if I was nothing, left a scar, too. I want to believe that you recognize where you went wrong, but how do I know this isn’t just, once again, you wanting me in the dark? I love our time in the dark, but it can’t be the only time. I want a man who puts me first. That shouts to the world, This is my woman, and I’ll fucking do anything for her. The man who is willing to say, I don’t know what comes next, but I want to face it with you. That man, Locks, is inside of you, but the question is, are you willing to bring that man into the light of day in front of everyone?” she said, wiping the tears off her face. She’d sworn to herself that he’d made her cry for the last time, but as soon as they started talking, the tears had come again.
But just like Bootstrap had reminded her, she deserved to be first. She was raising Benji, and what type of example would she be setting if she just accepted the scraps of a relationship?
“I’m sorry that I’ve done this to you and made you feel this way. I’m not going to try to convince you any more tonight because, like you said, it’s dark. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me tonight. If it’s okay with you, I’ll drop you where you’re staying. I’m going to take tonight and think about how I can repair what I broke. I’d like you to take tonight and consider what you need for us to try going forward.”
Locks started the truck up and drove back to Faith’s house. The rain started as he got close. He pulled the truck around until her door was under the overhang. He turned the truck off and hopped out to open her door. She got out, and he opened the back, grabbing almost all the bags. Hope grabbed the remaining two and walked into the house. Locks brought the bags in behind her. He immediately turned and headed for the door. She followed him and stood at the door.
“I’ll think about what we talked about,” she said. Locks nodded and then turned and ran toward his truck. The wind and rain were picking up. She closed the door and then leaned against it.
Why were relationships so hard? Was it too much to want the shining knight on a white horse to take her away from all this?