Page 30 of Twisted Trails (Rogue Riders Duet #2)

“Oh, it is like that,” she teases. “That boy gets everything he wants, and honestly, I get it. It’s hard to say no to him. Like, why am I his pet-sitter again?”

I glance at her sleeve, and sure enough, a tiny gray head is peeking out of it.

“Can I have him?” I ask, grinning.

“Sure.” Piper looks at me like I’ve lost the plot, and given how I reacted last time she held Toulouse out to me, I get it .

Still, she reaches into her sleeve, gently scoops him out, and places the warm, squirming ball of fur into my hands.

I stroke his fuzzy head and coo, “Mason’s right. You’re cute as fuck. Just don’t show me your tail, okay?” Toulouse squeaks like he’s offended and immediately tries to scurry up my shoulder. “Nope,” I tell him. “We’re not quite there in this relationship, buddy.”

Instead, I open the cuff of my hoodie sleeve and let him crawl into the tunnel of fabric. He settles somewhere near my elbow, warm, twitchy, and weirdly comforting.

We wander down the garden path, the tall grass brushing our legs, the sun warm on our shoulders, and for a while it’s quiet, comfortable even.

Then Piper, totally unfiltered like always, asks, “So, what was that drama with Greer? And him taking your virginity in the gondola? Because, honestly, if he forced himself on you, I’m gonna?—”

“No!” I interrupt quickly, heart kicking up. “No, he didn’t. It was more like I forced him.”

She stops in her tracks. “Have you seen Finn Greer? Tall as fuck and freaking built. And you …” she gestures to me, “… don’t even reach his nipples. I don’t think you could’ve forced him to do anything. ”

I shrug. “I still did.”

Piper stares at me, processing that, then falls into step again. “And now you’re feeling bad for it?”

“Well,” I chew the inside of my cheek. “He said it was a mistake right after.”

“Fuck.” Piper’s voice softens. “That must’ve hurt. Dane said you’ve had a crush on Greer for a long time.”

Thanks, brother.

“Yeah. I did.”

Still do.

“Don’t tell Dane, but I thought what he did was pretty romantic. ”

I snort. “You think losing your V-card in a gondola before a race is romantic?”

She scrunches up her nose. “No, but showing up to apologize, knowing that he will get his ass kicked for it? He said he loves you, Alaina.”

“First of all, I’m mad at him for airing my business to everybody like that.

And I don’t think it was real,” I murmur.

“I think he just said it to take responsibility. He feels guilty. That’s what he does.

He ruined his friendship with Dane because of guilt.

He said he loved me because of guilt. He made it worse because that’s what guilt does to him. ”

What I did to him.

Piper sighs. “Okay, so what are we going to do with that?”

“I don’t know, nothing probably. It’s already fucked enough.”

“What does Luc say to that? Since he’s your boyfriend now. Or, you know, one of them.”

I smile a little. “He is my only boyfriend. And he’s surprisingly okay with it.”

Piper rolls her eyes. “I mean, of course he is. If he wants to have Mason and you, how could he not be okay with you maybe wanting someone else? Would be pretty hypocritical of him.”

“True,” I say, biting my lip. Should I be worried about that? “But it’s never going to happen, anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m over all this bullshit.” Piper eyes me, but I just add, “And Finn’s going to realize it’s not what he wants. He didn’t have time to think , he was just reacting. Out of guilt. Like I said.”

Piper hums. “Okay, but if we forget all of that, right? The races. The media. The guilt. Just your feelings . In a perfect world, who would you be with?”

“In a perfect world?” I echo, glancing around the garden, at the lavender stretching into the distance, bees floating lazily, sunshine dripping golden down stone walls. I turn back to her, whispering, “In a perfect world, Finn didn’t hurt me, and I could have all three of them.”

She stops again. “All three, as in Delacroix, Payne, and Greer?”

I nod, my heart thudding. “Yeah.”

Fuck, first time I’ve admitted that out loud.

There’s a beat of silence, but then Piper crosses her arms. “Does Luc know you’re into his boyfriend too?”

Oh, he so knows.

“Maybe, he suspects it.”

“Okay,” she says, tipping her head. “Then maybe that’s something to work on first, because the way Mason just looked at you this morning? That’s the easiest problem to solve.”

I snort. “I’ll remind you how easy emotional problems are to solve next time you and Dane get into it.”

“You so will.” She laughs, and we keep walking farther down the garden path, where we spot Jim and élise sitting together on a stone bench, talking and laughing.

Piper leans close and whispers as we turn to walk back toward the house, “Love is in the air.”

I grin. “Pretty sure it’s just the French countryside. Lavender. Sunshine. Vibes.”

She snorts. “Sure.”

We turn the corner and reach the front of the house again, and Piper asks, “So, when are we leaving anyway?”

“I don’t know. Tomorrow morning around nine, I guess.”

“Okay. I’m going to drive with you. I think Otis and Luc are too? ”

“Yep. I don’t know if Mason’s going with his dad or with us, but we have room.”

I stop dead in my tracks because Finn is sitting on the step of the Crews’ bus, where it’s parked in the driveway.

In his lap is a bouquet of wildflowers, messy, beautiful, and impossible to ignore. My entire body freezes, my breath stalls in my throat, and I think someone flipped gravity off.

I’m floating, weightless, panicked.

“You gonna talk to him?” Piper halts beside me, her gaze flicking from him to me.

“I guess so.”

“I’m gonna wait inside. Yell if you need me.”

“Sure,” I whisper, eyes locked on the boy—no, the man—on the step who looks like he’s been through the wringer.

As we approach, Finn stands up quickly, tugging his red hoodie down. There’s a dented, half-rusty car pulled up awkwardly on the side of the road.

Is that how he got here?

“Greer,” Piper greets, cool but not unkind.

“Hey, Piper.”

“Don’t do anything dumb.” She squints. “I’ve got just as hard a punch as Dane.”

Finn nods. “Noted.”

Piper disappears inside, and then it’s just us.

I stop a few feet away, arms crossed instinctively. My sleeve shifts, and Toulouse moves up to my wrist like he knows I need some emotional support. I feel his tiny twitching nose against my skin, and somehow it helps.

Let’s get this over with.

I square my shoulders. “What are you doing here?”

Finn steps closer and holds out the bouquet. “These are for you.”

Vivid purples, whites, blues, greens, and petals slightly bruised from his grip. There are so many, and it must have taken him ages to pick them all.

Memories flood me of the countless flower bracelets I once made for him, and my vision blurs briefly. Still, I hold firm. “No thanks.”

Finn nods quietly, placing the bouquet gently on the bus step. He moves toward me again, a cautious advance that instinctively makes me step back.

“I’m here because I fucked up. The way I apologized last time wasn’t good and wasn’t enough.”

I finally look him in the eyes. They’re a mess. Red, ringed in exhaustion, black and blue from Dane’s punch, and still they’re his .

“You were right, baby girl. Actions speak louder than words, but I still need to apologize properly before I show you. I’m sorry .

I was a coward. I was a fucking fool, and I didn’t deserve your love.

Not then, and especially not now. But I swear I’m going to earn it.

I’ll do everything in my power to be someone worthy of it. ”

Fuck . I feel my knees go weak, but I grit my teeth against the onslaught of feelings his words stir inside me.

“Even if you don’t love me anymore…” he says quickly, “… I’ll still step up.

I want you to be proud that you loved me for a decade, even if that’s all I get.

Because, Al, when you looked at me like that, like I’d gutted you, it almost broke me.

I don’t regret you, not for a fucking second .

I don’t want you to regret me either. So I’m going to be better. ”

I can see how he’s cracked down the middle, and it’s not only because of me. Whatever happened in the years we were apart, Finn lost something vital. His confidence. His sense of self, the light behind those arrogant grins.

And I hate it. I hate that he’s not the guy I used to know anymore, but I also love who he is now, even if he’s not for me .

I feel it, the weight of his regret and the sincerity bleeding from his every pore, but that’s the problem, isn’t it?

Looking back, it wasn’t even the big things.

It was those tiny glimpses of him that kept me sane.

Just the crumbs of attention he tossed my way when I was younger were enough to keep me hoping.

Wanting. I made a fool of myself over him, and it felt worth it at the time.

Because I had something. I clung to scraps like they were gold.

And now, seven years later, I did the same, even if the scraps he threw me were bigger. They hurt more too.

“It would have been best if all of this had never happened,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have to know how your arms feel when they’re wrapped around me, and I shouldn’t have to know what your voice sounds like when it’s whispering the things I always wanted to hear from you.”

Finn winces, but I don’t stop.

“You not wanting me back hurt, but I was used to it. I understood it.” I take a breath, trying to steady the ache clawing up my throat.

“But the cold shoulder after giving me warmth? That cut deeper. And now, this version of you, being all sorry, saying all the right things?” I look at him, and my heart twists. “It hurts the most.”

His expression cracks, but I ignore it and go on.

“After all those years of wanting you, I finally got what I wished for, but it doesn’t feel good. It feels like a punishment because it’s not real. Those feelings you claim to have for me are not the real ones I was aching for.”

He steps closer, eyes pleading. “I love you, Alaina.”

“No,” I say, barely above a whisper. “You don’t. And you shouldn’t.”

“I know I was bad at showing it, but I will. I’ll prove it.”

“Even if you do…” I murmur, “… what happens when you change your mind again?”

“I never did,” he insists. “I was just scared?— ”

“And I was pathetic ,” I cut in, voice sharp with self-loathing. “Starved for love, chasing after you like you were the only thing keeping me alive , literally. And now I have to live with that version of myself.”

He looks like he wants to say something more, but I don’t let him.

“ I can’t keep doing this . I can’t live always bracing for the moment you leave.”

“Please, Al. I know I fucked up, but?—”

“I don’t doubt that you believe what you feel is real, but even if you’re right, I’m not sure I can ever feel safe being happy with you, Finn. I’d always wait for you to go and break my heart. I’m sorry.”

So damn sorry we both fucked up so badly.

The silence that follows is deafening.

And somehow, it’s still not enough to drown the sound of my heart breaking as I turn around and walk to the front door, leaving the boy I loved for almost half my life in the ruins of the future I used to dream about.