Page 85 of Tuxedos and Tinsel

“You’re worth a lot more than a fake boyfriend or a casual hookup. You’re pretty and you’re smart, and if Lewis Matolo didn’t appreciate that for anything beyond what you could do for him, then he’s the one missing out.”

Susan would listen to a lot of things, but disparaging remarks about Lewis weren’t on the list. “Lewis is amazing. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I don’t think he even knows how amazing he is. I’m just not in his league.”

Rosalind sat next to her. “Yes, you are. You’re a Collier. You have four hundred years of legacy behind you. You can be in any league you want.”

She didn’t know what to say. For the third time in twenty-four hours, she was being told she mattered to the family.

All you really need are a few people who care.That was what Lewis had said. Looked like she had those people.

If only she could make Lewis care for her too. “I think I’m in love with him,” she told Rosalind.

Her sister-in-law snaked her free arm around Susan’s shoulders. “Then let’s hope he smartens up and realizes what he had.”

Susan didn’t know if that was possible.

Rosalind’s lecture stuck with her the rest of the day and into the evening. How appropriate that it would be her sister-in-law who delivered the tough love. Last year at this time, it’d been Susan reminding Rosalind of something similar. As she nursed her glass of wine, she found herself circling a familiar cliché: the pot calling the kettle black.

Looking across the street, she saw most of her neighbors had their Christmas trees lit. One apartment was throwing a party. Seeing the people laughing in the window, she wondered if it was true and her insecurities were her own worst enemy. She’d certainly been wrong about her family. All those years of feeling like a square peg, unwanted and unlike the rest, and it turned out her brothers didn’t care what shape she came in.

Of course, that didn’t change things with Lewis. All the tough love in the world wouldn’t make him want her. She’d laid herself bare and he’d rejected her.

Did he? Or did you hold him at arm’s length too?

From the very start, she’d been waiting for their affair to end. Pretending for both their sakes that their lovemaking didn’t mean anything.

But it did. She loved him. What they shared had been real on her part. She’d never told him though. In fact, she’d pretended she didn’t care. She hadn’t even invited him to Christmas Eve for crying out loud. How was he supposed to know she cared unless she let him in?

Downing the rest of her wine in one swallow, she grabbed her phone. Lewis’s number was on speed dial. Number one. She pressed the button before her courage ran out.

His voice mail answered.

“Hey, Lewis, it’s me.” She rushed the words as fast as she could. “I know I’m the last person you want to talk with right now, but I wanted to let you know I’m sorry for…”

No, that wasn’t what she wanted to say.

“I wanted to let you know that you were the best fake boyfriend around and that I love…loved every minute we spent together. As far as I’m concerned, the relationship was real—very real—and I’m sorry that I ever said anything to Linus. If I could take it back, I would because you deserve nothing but the best. Oh, and Lewis…”

She stopped herself from disconnecting.

“If there’s any chance you feel the same orcouldfeel the same…please come to Thomas and Roseanne’s vow renewal on Christmas Eve. Not because I need a date, but because I want to see you again and there’s nothing I’d like better than to spend the holidays with you. You…you matter to me.”

There, she thought with a sniff. No one could say she hadn’t made the effort. The rest was up to Lewis.

There was only one thing to do when the going got tough, and that was turn off his phone and belly up to the bar. And, because he was a glutton for punishment, he picked the place where the whole debacle had started. The bar was as empty as it had been a month ago. Emptier. Because a particular brunette wasn’t perched on a stool nearby.

“Hey, welcome back.”

Just his luck. It was the same bartender.

“Are you here alone or is your girlfriend with you?”

“Haven’t you read the papers?” Lewis replied. “She wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“Could have fooled me. You two looked crazy about each other.”

“Goes to show, you can’t always believe what you see. Lady was way out of my league.”

“Huh.”