Page 8

Eight

He couldn’t breathe. Fuck, he was good at running, so why couldn’t he breathe . Panic was on his heels as he chased Rami out the door, but he’d given him precious seconds to disappear. Luckily, the grounds were walled in, and it usually took people a good long while to find the back gate to escape.

Rami could have gone for the main building, but Skye had a feeling he would avoid that place unless it was his only option. But he pictured Rami outside crying and frantically searching for a way out, and that was worse than anything else. He didn’t want him to be afraid. Not of him. Not ever.

He’d fucked up so badly. He should have kept his goddamn mouth shut and waited for Rami to tell him.

Heading out of his gate, he came to an immediate halt when he found Rami sitting a few yards away with his back to a tree. He was curled into himself, arms wrapped around his knees, but he looked okay. Mostly. His head popped up when Skye started toward him, and his face was full of distress, but he wasn’t crying.

And he wasn’t scrambling to get away from Skye, so that was something.

All the same, Skye kept his hands up in surrender as he approached. “I’m so sorry. Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t?—”

“I didn’t mean to run. I panicked,” Rami blurted when Skye was close enough to hear him.

Dropping to his knees, Skye fought the urge to reach out for him. “I was a jackass. I knew you had stuff you were keeping to yourself. I was just…I was surprised it was you.”

Rami swallowed heavily. “No one was supposed to know.”

“I get that. I know that’s why you don’t show your face.”

“I didn’t think about my tattoo. N-no one knows. No one knows I have it,” Rami said. He began to wring his hands in front of them. They were shaking hard. “I d-didn’t…hmmmm.” He let out a high hum.

Skye gently tapped him. ‘Sign?’

Rami shook his hands out, then signed, ‘I never told anyone about it.’

‘And you didn’t expect to show me,’ Skye offered back.

Rami nodded miserably. ‘I forgot.’

Skye shuffled even closer and let his legs touch Rami’s once it was clear Rami wasn’t pulling away from him. “It’s okay,” he said aloud. “I won’t say a word. You know I can keep this secret.”

Rami swallowed thickly. ‘I wanted that to be separate. It’s just work. Different work,’ he signed. Skye frowned, not sure he was reading the context of the signs right. Different work? ‘I can’t pay my bills on art. No money my house future gone.’ The last bit, Skye understood the signs and the order they were in, but he didn’t understand what Rami was saying.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m not following. My ASL isn’t as good as yours.” He felt a pang in his chest like he’d failed.

Rami didn’t seem to mind. He lifted his gaze a little and said aloud, “I’m going to lose my house if I can’t pay what my grandfather owed after he died. But I can’t let anyone take it. It’s my home.”

Skye’s heart cracked in his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

Rami shook his head. “No. N-no. No. No, no.” He took a deep breath, clearly stuck on the word, and then he tried again. “I like my channel. People tell me what to do, and I can say no if I want. But they pay me a lot of money because I’m different.”

“Because of…” He gestured toward Rami’s crotch. He hadn’t quite let himself think about the two cocks thing. He’d deal with that later.

Rami’s cheeks darkened, and he nodded. “Mm. Funny how kids who used to beat me up in middle school because of my body are now giving me thousands of dollars to watch me touch myself.”

Skye’s cheeks heated up. It had been interesting when Avan showed him on the video, but now that he knew the cocks were Rami’s, a flame of desire began to burn in his stomach. And a strange feeling of possession. He felt the irrational urge to ask Rami to keep himself untouched by anyone else except him.

He had no right to do that, of course. That would make him the world’s biggest hypocrite, so he kept his mouth shut on that. “You know I’m not judging the way you make money.”

“I know.” Rami whispered the words, and Skye didn’t hear them, but he read them off his lips.

“So why are you afraid of me?”

Rami’s eyes shot up to meet his. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m sad, and I panicked because I wanted to tell you myself. This is”—he gestured down at himself—“hard to explain. It’s just how I was born, but people get so weird about it.”

“Yeah, I could see that,” Skye said.

“People…people I’ve met…” Rami’s voice cracked a little. “I let a guy—” He made the jack-off gesture with both hands. “He approached me in a store and hit on me. He was nice. He was sweet. He told me nice things when he had my clothes off. But it was a bet. He knew me from school, and I didn’t recognize him. They all wanted to know what it was like.”

“Who was he?” Skye demanded.

Rami blinked at him.

“I just want to have a little talk with that dickhead.”

Rami burst into laughter and shook his head. ‘No,’ he signed. ‘I’m fine.’

Skye pursed his lips but eventually nodded. ‘Okay. Well, you know that’s not why I wanted to date you, right?’

Rami’s face shifted into something a little sadder. ‘I know. But…how did you…do you like my channel? Do you watch?’

Skye then realized why Rami had panicked. Not that he believed Skye would judge him or that he’d known all along. He was freaked-out because he thought Skye might be into that sort of thing as a fetish.

His whole body relaxed, and he moved to fit his back against the tree next to Rami. Their shoulders touched, and then he carefully reached for Rami’s hand. When he didn’t tense or pull back, Skye kissed his knuckles, then his fingertips, then his palm.

Rami’s body shuddered and went lax, and Skye felt a surge of triumph that he was able to reassure him and calm him down without a word.

“My friend Avan, he found your channel. He showed me one of your videos. I didn’t watch the whole thing. I’m not a subscriber.”

Rami bowed his head, looking like he was taking it all in, and then he glanced up. “Did you like it?”

Skye’s brows flew up, and he reached for Rami’s face, curling a hand around his jaw. “I didn’t feel any type of way about it. You were hot—that much was obvious. And that feeling hasn’t changed since I got to know you. I want you.”

“I know. You were very hard and rubbing on me,” Rami said.

Skye laughed again. “Yes, yes I was. And I was definitely going to come in my pants, which I haven’t done in years.”

Rami’s chin trembled on his exhale. “Me too.”

“I don’t care how many dicks you have. I just like you,” Skye told him. He let his words flow unchecked and honest, the way Rami spoke, and it was oddly freeing.

“Even no dicks?”

“I’m not a person who really gives much of a shit about genitals. I care about how we connect. How a person makes me feel. How I can make them feel.”

Rami studied him for a long moment. “I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me. That it all sounds like the truth when it isn’t.”

Skye leaned over and kissed his temple. “I get that. And we can go as slow as you want. I don’t have the patience for a long con, but I have the patience to prove that I’m into you. For real. If you’d be willing to let me try.”

Rami looked at him, startled. “Why would I need to let you… oh . Because I ran away.” He quickly shook his head. “I didn’t run away from you . Sometimes I…I get overwhelmed, and I melt down, and I wasn’t ready for you to see that. People…people call it a tantrum, and I promise it’s not a tantrum. I’m not a child. My body responds to stress that way, and it happens and?—”

“Hey. Hey .” Skye leaned in and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” Skye murmured. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading about Autism, and I know what a meltdown is. It’s not something you have to worry about with me. I want to get this right. I want you to feel safe, and I don’t want to scare you off. It terrified me when I thought I’d fucked this all up.”

Rami was quiet for a long beat, and then he dropped his legs to the ground and twisted, taking Skye’s hands in his. “Can we start over?”

“Inside?”

“Not-not like before. Um. I think I need some time before we, you know…”

“Yeah,” Skye said gently. “But we still have lunch. Then we can walk around the grounds. Maybe meet some of the guys?”

For a moment, Rami looked panicked, and then he took a deep breath and nodded. “Will they think I’m weird? Did your friend show everyone that video?”

Skye opened his mouth to say that of course Avan hadn’t spread it around, but he realized that could be a lie. Avan didn’t know Rami was that man at the time. The day he showed it to Skye, the guy on the screen had been some anonymous, faceless FanCore star.

If Avan had known, he would have kept it entirely to himself.

“He doesn’t know it’s you,” Skye said softly. “I don’t know who he told, but I swear I won’t say a word about who it is until you tell me I can.”

“What if it’s never?” Rami chanced.

“Then it’s never. This is your secret, and I will protect it from everyone if I have to. It’s not their business. It’s never their business.”

Rami reached for him. “Kiss me again. We can still do that, right? You said as many as I want?—”

“And I meant it.” Skye surged in and kissed him, deep and possessive. His toes curled against the grass, and Rami’s fingers dug into his shirt. When it was over, he pulled back and realized that Rami’s jeans were still undone. He met his gaze and reached between them, doing up his button and fixing his shirt until he was put together again.

‘Thank you,’ Rami signed.

Skye kissed him for that, then pushed to his feet and offered both hands out. “Come on. I make a great sandwich, and you can teach me the way you like yours done.”

“I’m a simple person,” Rami warned as they headed for the house.

Skye laughed and tugged on his hand just a little. “Exactly the way I like you.”

Rami smiled, looking bright and happy—exactly the way Skye liked him.

“Wow.” Rami’s voice carried in the chapel. It had taken a massive amount of convincing and promises to get Rami through the doors. The place could look like a sex dungeon, and there was a St. Andrew’s cross on the dais, but when it wasn’t trussed up for a client, it looked like the inside of any cathedral—minus several statues and most of the pews.

Now, though, it held seven Renaissance era–style paintings done by August of each one of the Sins.

Rami had given them each a cursory glance, but he was now transfixed by Skye’s portrait. It was him lounging back on a throne made of cushions, two men and two women around him. Three were kneeling at his sides, and one—the taller man—was hovering beside him, leaning halfway into a kiss.

Skye was still in awe that after sitting for several hours, this was the result. The painting felt lonely though. Almost everyone else’s had come with the image of a lover they now had. Even Flint’s had two lovers that looked very much like Luke and Tomás. Skye thought maybe the sinners in his painting would forever be anonymous. But now, he was starting to wonder if August had some clairvoyance because the man leaning in to kiss Skye looked a lot like Rami.

“You’re very beautiful,” Rami murmured.

Skye bit his lip and shrugged. “The idealized version of me. Or, well, my Sin.”

Rami turned and looked at him and shook his head. ‘Same-same,’ he signed.

Skye didn’t entirely agree, but it wasn’t a hill he was willing to die on. Art was subjective, after all, and so were the aesthetics of living people. Rami saw him in ways he didn’t see himself. Skye had a feeling Rami saw him in ways most people didn’t. Or couldn’t.

“I wanted to sculpt you when I first saw you,” Rami said as they moved toward Mauro’s painting. He didn’t linger on it, nor did he linger on Avan.

Skye coughed a little. “Did you say you wanted to sculpt me?”

Rami nodded and turned to face him. ‘You’re beautiful,’ he signed. ‘I wanted to put that in clay.’

“You can,” Skye said aloud. “If you ever want me to sit for you.”

Rami shook his head quickly. “I don’t have models sit for me. I study them, and then I make the piece on my own. It’s…complicated.”

Skye tugged him close and kissed him softly on the corner of his mouth. “Your process is your process. But you have whatever permission from me that you need.”

Rami’s breath trembled a little on his exhale. ‘Thank you,’ he signed. His fingers hit Skye as he drew them down.

The door across the room opened suddenly, and Rami went stiff, shoving his whole body into Skye’s arms. Skye quickly pulled him close and glanced over, relieved that it was just Hen. He was the easiest person to meet. He had a way of making everyone feel at ease.

“Hey, babe!” Hen called.

Rami stiffened, and Skye quickly tipped his head down. “He calls everyone that. He’s with King. Greed,” he clarified, pointing to the middle painting. “You’ll like him.”

“Am I interrupting?” Hen was crossing the room quicker than Skye could ask him to stop.

“I was just showing Rami around,” Skye said, not letting his lover go. Rami was relaxing inch by inch though, just the way Skye expected.

Hen was dressed casually—leggings, a fuzzy off-the-shoulder sweater, a little glitter on his eyelids and lips. He wasn’t wearing shoes, but his feet were covered in thick, fuzzy socks, and he immediately slipped and only just managed to catch himself before falling on his ass.

“Whoops.”

“Hasn’t literally everyone warned you about those fucking socks in here?” Skye chastised.

“It’s a small price to comfort my little toes,” Hen said. He stuck out his hand to Rami. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Skye is obsessed with you. In a good way,” he added when Rami took his hand.

Instead of shaking it, Rami twisted it to look at his nails. “Like stars,” he murmured.

Hen lifted his brows at Skye, then nodded. “Mm. I’ve been in a sort of space theme lately.”

Rami let him go. “They’re very beautiful. And you’re very beautiful. Why aren’t you up on the wall?”

Hen burst into delighted laughter. “I’m not a Sin, honey. I manage these disasters. They’d fall apart without me.”

Rami glanced over at Skye, who grinned. “He does manage us well. We all love him. We’d be lost without him here.”

“That’s really nice. It’s like a family. You’re the fun uncle,” Rami said.

Hen folded his hands under his chin and sighed. “I love you. I know it’s early, Rami, but I do. You’re amazing, and I want to keep you.”

Rami looked slightly panicked. “I want Skye to be my boyfriend, and I’m not really into polyamory.”

Hen all but swooned into Rami’s arms. “Yes. We’re keeping you. He can be your boyfriend.”

Skye wanted to smile, but his head was spinning. He had a feeling Rami didn’t mean it literally in the sense that he wanted to be exclusive now. Or put labels on it. He meant it as he said it: that it was what he wanted.

It felt too good to be true, but he reached for Rami’s hand and tugged him away from Hen. “I like that idea.”

Rami softened. “Then I can stay.”

“Tell me you’re bringing him to the barbeque,” Hen said.

Skye shifted uneasily. “I think we’ll take our time with that one.”

“I don’t know if I like barbeque,” Rami told him honestly. “And I have a hard time around large groups of people until I know them really well.”

“Stone will make you whatever your lovely little heart desires, but we don’t need to rush things. Just know there’s an open invite. We cook out at least three times a week.”

Rami nodded, then tugged on Skye’s hand. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can we go?”

“Go,” Hen answered for them. “I need to do some setup. Mauro’s client booked the chapel for the night.”

Skye didn’t even have a chance to respond before Rami was tugging him toward the doors. They went out the back exit, and Rami didn’t slow until Skye’s cottage came into view. His feet hesitated in the grass, and then he came to a stop.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to panic.”

Skye shook his head and took him by the shoulders. “I’d never have you in there to witness something you didn’t want to be part of.”

“Is that…can people do that?”

Skye shrugged. “Some clients are really into being watched. Some of the other Sins will participate in that capacity. Stone and August have done stuff together with Jet’s clients.”

“I don’t know everyone’s names,” Rami said. “Which one is Stone, and which one is Jet?”

“Sloth and Lust,” Skye said. He moved his hands up, stroking his thumbs along the sides of Rami’s neck. “You’ll meet everyone. I think we should do them one by one at first. The dinners can be a little…hectic.”

Rami nodded. “I’d prefer it. I don’t like being in situations I’m unfamiliar with.” His hands danced restlessly at his sides. “But I really liked Hen. As long as he wasn’t hitting on me.”

“He wasn’t. He only has eyes for King and always has. The two of them are very, very in love.”

“I like the idea of being in love. I think I’ll like it when it happens to me,” Rami said.

Skye leaned in close. “I hope so.”

Rami met his gaze for a second, then closed his eyes and leaned in. Their lips met—soft, slow, careful, heavy with promise of what a future between them could look like. Rami’s tongue touched him, and Skye groaned softly.

“Can we start over?” Rami asked for the second time that day.

Except, this time, Skye knew he meant something else. He meant the thing Skye wanted to hear. To touch and be touched. “Whatever you’re ready for.”

“You,” Rami murmured. “Your lips. Your hands. Please?”

“Yes,” Skye said. He stepped back and took Rami’s fingers, tangling them with his own. “Come inside?”

Rami bowed his head, nodded, then let Skye lead him to the door.