Page 29 of Tone Deaf
“Oh…” I’m not sure what to say to that. Guilt hasn’t stopped riding me for the past two days. One or the other of these two men have been by my side, watching over me while I heal from the attack. Tonight, as I look at their bloodshot eyes, I’m ashamed that I haven’t told them how much I appreciate them being with me.
“Would you feel better if we stayed with you until you fall asleep?”
Pen’s question throws me for a second.Stay with me. Do I want these men with me? In my bed? My big, king-size bed? Where every time I lay in it, my loneliness settles in my chest?
But that’s just it. I may be lonely, but I haven’t been alone for quite some time. Especially, not since the attack. Every time I close my eyes, my mind takes me back to when I was beaten up. Every time I look out the window, I expect to see someone standing there watching me. Or they’re going to climb through my bedroom window and attack me while I’m asleep.
I slowly shake my head. I don’t want to keep having these worries and fears. But if I ask them to stay with me, there’s a different risk—I’m too tired and still too physically sore to hide my emotions from these two men. These two men I’ve come to care about. Yet I can’t openly admit my feelings, because then they’ll start in on being in a relationship again. The truth is, that terrifies me.
It’s not that I don’t love them—I do, maybe more than I’ve ever loved anyone—but saying it out loud makes it real. The moment I admit how I feel, it stops being safe. I saw it in the way Brian treated my mum.
There are expectations, labels, with a future I’m not sure I can promise. Commitment has always felt like a trap to me, even when they are everything I want. So I keep quiet, hoping they won’t see it in my eyes when I look at them.
“I get it,” Pen says, releasing my hand and stepping away from the bed. “We’ll let you?—”
My eyes widen, seeing the hurt across Pen’s face. I realize he has mistaken my head shaking forNo, I don’t want you to be with me.
“Pen, I…” I swallow hard. “I want you to… lay with me—both of you.” I blow out a breath and continue. “I feel… Safe when you both are around me. And the doctor did tell me to rest.” I try to make light of the situation, but it falls flat.
“Are you sure?” Pen asks as he hesitates to come closer.
“Yes,” I say earnestly.
A second passes before Pen takes unsteady steps toward the bed and removes his shoes.
I glance at Dom, whose phone chimes with a text. He takes his cell phone out, frowns and shoves the device back in his pocket.
“Who’s that?” Pen asks.
“No one,” Dom says, brushing Pen off as he gets up. “I’ll let Fig know I’m going to be with you.” Dom then leaves the room.
Pen stares at the door, a frown deeper than Dom’s plastered on his face. He removes his shirt but leaves his pants on.
“You can take them off. I know it’s uncomfortable to wear jeans in bed.” I try to be nonchalant, hoping to persuade Pen out of his irritation with Dom. If I’m honest with myself, I want nothing between his body and mine.
Pen turns back to me, his brow hikes high and a smile appears on his handsome face. “Uncomfortable, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say, trying to smile too, but my lips hurt too much.
“Really?” he questions. Pen doesn’t believe me, but he’s not calling me out for it.
The sight of his smooth muscular chest is revving my heart up, but it’s my dick that’s becoming unruly, leaving no room in my underwear. As much as I want Pen to fuck me—have both Pen and Dom fill me up, I don’t have the energy. But it doesn’t mean I can’t have their hands on me, and I grin at the thought.
Pen pauses with his pants half off and he looks at me. “No messing around, Callum. Sleep, and I mean it,” Pen says, and I drop my smile.
“I know. I’m not healed yet.”
Dom enters the room, then closes the door, a soft smile inching across his handsome face. “The house is secured. Dean’s men arrived and are patrolling the outside of the property. Fig is awake and will safeguard the inside. Jordan and John are getting a few hours of sleep.”
“That’s good,” I say, his words easing my worries.
“It is,” he replies then enters the walk-in closet and comes out with another blanket. He removes the torn one, throws it off to the side and then spreads the new blanket over me.
With only his boxers on, Pen slips in to my left. “How do you want to lay?” he asks me, as his eyes move to Dom, a questioning look across his face.
My attention shifts to Dom, specifically his jean-clad crotch, as he slowly—torturously slowly, lowers his pants. I lick my lips, remembering what that cock has done to my ass.
I turn my focus back to Pen, recalling what he asked me just moments ago. “Because of my splint, I’m more comfortable if I lay on my right side. We can spoon,” I say, shifting until I can find a comfortable spot.