Page 25 of To Steal a Lyon’s Heart (The Lyon’s Den Connected World #85)

D aisy couldn’t pull her eyes away from Alston even if she wanted to. She could still feel the ghost of his lips on her cheek and his warm breath on her neck. The simple caress hours ago had left her aching with a longing she’d never felt before.

Sitting at the table while they’d talked, she couldn’t help but feel there were things being discussed around and over her but not revealed to her, and it was infuriating.

Mrs. Dove-Lyon was intimidating, but also fascinating.

Daisy could imagine how exciting the story of her life must be.

And now she ran a gambling den and had the kind of power that men feared.

In comparison, Daisy felt small, like a child.

And if even someone like Alston, an earl, a respected, wealthy peer of the realm could lose his agency, what hope did she have?

What was it like to be brave? Amelia and Graham had been brave and done something incredible for Alston.

It had come with a price, but they’d done it anyway, for their own happiness and for Alston’s life.

Why couldn’t she? Why must she be at mercy of Lady Claystone?

Why must she wait for her life to happen to her, for permission to exist in the manner she wanted to?

Or rather, in the manner she didn’t want to.

Her fate had been decided long ago. Not by her, but by her parents, as was often done.

But Daisy was tired of waiting, and she was tired of living by the rules the countess had written for her. She wanted to decide for herself what she wanted, and the very first thought she had was... she wouldn’t be marrying Cliffton. Not now, not ever.

The decision enveloped her in a flurry of anxious energy, her stomach turning with nausea, her skin prickling with chills and a cold sweat beading on the back of her neck. The room tilted, ever so slightly. Thankfully, Daisy was still sitting.

Her heart pounded like she’d been sprinting across the lawn.

“Are you well?” Alston asked. “You’re flushed.” He slid his hand over the table to touch hers.

“I just... I want something to be mine. I’m not happy. Is that odd? I live a comfortable life, I want for nothing, and yet I’m not happy.”

He tilted his head as he studied her. “Wants and needs are different things. Your needs are met, but are your wants? We must all do things that feed our souls as well as our bodies.” He looked away, frowning at the fire.

“That is quite philosophical,” Daisy murmured.

Alston smirked. “I studied philosophy at school.”

He shifted his body toward her and Daisy bit her lip. What did he want? His health and strength, of course. Those things were going to come, yet he still seemed so despondent. There was something else hanging over him, just like her betrothal hung over her.

“What do you want?” she asked. His gaze felt like a touch, like an invisible hand that stroked her check, holding her focus on him.

“I can’t have what I want,” he said. His hand tightened around hers.

Daisy searched his gaze. “Why? What is it?” What could possibly stand in his way? She couldn’t imagine an obstacle Alston couldn’t overcome. He’d already beaten death.

He leaned toward her, gazing down at her in a way that stole her breath.

“What do you think it is?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. You’ll soon be back to health. I don’t think anything could stop you from getting whatever you want.”

“It would appear like that on the outside, but I haven’t been able to make my own choices lately either. In fact, they have been taken from me, my future decided.”

“How?”

He glanced away from her again, frowning at the fire.

“I want to...” He shook his head. “I want to know I can choose. Anything. Everything. I want that power back. I hate the way this feels. Like I’m lost. I don’t know who I am anymore.

Sometimes I think I died and woke up in someone else’s life.

Everything looks the same, but I can feel a difference. ”

Daisy blinked. The pain in his voice shook her. “I know who you are.”

He let out a clipped laugh and then winced. “You can’t.”

“I do.”

He shook his head. “If I can’t recognize myself in this weak body, then how could you?”

“Because I’m looking in your eyes. Bodies break and mend. But who you are is in here.” She put her hand on his chest. “You’ll get everything you want.”

He stared at her. The air in the room heated more the longer he looked at her, then he smirked. “Now it’s your turn. What do you want? What would bring you happiness?”

Daisy shifted her feet. She knew what she wanted—or at least what she didn’t.

She always had, but she’d been too afraid to say it.

For longer than she cared to admit, she’d battled with this guilt.

How could she refuse the gift of a prominent marriage?

She’d elevate her family into the peerage.

Become a countess. Birth the heirs to an earldom.

Be the start of a legacy for her family.

But in every ounce of her blood, she did not want to marry Cliffton.

What she wanted was to kiss Alston. She wanted to feel his lips against hers. Not a peck on her cheek—a real kiss. There was no one else she wanted to kiss her more than him. Her first kiss, not claimed by Cliffton, but someone she chose for herself. If only she were brave enough...

Daisy swallowed and stood. The words hung heavy on her tongue. Glued together by the fear of rejection.

His steady gaze unraveled her, the warmth, the clarity, the blue as bright and wide open as a wintry sky.

But there was nothing cold in his gaze. How could there ever be?

Not after what he’d been through. He was alive, radiating vitality.

His height, his build, he’d be overwhelming if he weren’t so.

.. him. So inviting, soothing, like he exuded his joy for life, even when he was angry.

He sparked with life. A life she wanted to touch.

If she did, she might be more alive too.

She might feel all the things she was starved of.

“I want you to kiss me,” she said.

The words had unfrozen and slipped out like an illicit whisper.

He didn’t react at first. Daisy thought maybe she’d imagined saying them aloud.

But then his eyes blazed with fire, hot blue, a prism of so many shades.

It stole her breath. His gaze consumed her and swallowed her voice, her fears, her silence.

He slowly pushed to his feet until he was standing over her.

They were so close she could feel the caress of his breath against her lips.

“You can’t say something like that and take it back. Not with me.”

Her heart splintered and burst into light. “I know, I just . . . I thought . . .”

“What? What are you thinking?” he urged.

“I don’t want to wait for someone to corner me in a garden. I want my first kiss to be with you. Who else could I trust with something so...”

Alston was a beautiful man. She had no doubt he’d kissed any number of women. Kisses could be as trivial as dandelions to him, and she’d asked for one like it would change her entire life. She was such a ninny. Whatever had flared to life in her chest swiftly died.

His hand grabbed her chin.

“Eyes on me,” he said.

“I wasn’t—”

“Yes, you were. You were about to look away, coward.”

Daisy sucked in a breath of indignation. “You try asking someone to kiss you for the first time.”

He smirked. “It’s easy. It goes like this. Daisy, I want you to kiss me.”

Was he teasing? She would not look away, but looking at him made her pulse race and her body tingle with anticipation. Like she’d tripped and knew she was about to fall. Would it hurt? Would she be embarrassed?

His smile widened. “I bet your thoughts are scattering.”

She couldn’t look away, but she could nod.

“You don’t need to think. I’ve already thought about it too much.”

“About what, exactly?” Her thoughts were fleeing like blossoms in a strong wind, but she needed to hear it.

His head moved closer. “Kissing you.”

His lips brushed hers. The hand on her chin moved to the side of her head and into her hair. Then he drew away, looking down at her. Was that it?

Her world blurred as he bent again, his mouth firmer, and Daisy had to move with him, their lips molding to each other, caressing.

Another short breath and he was back, more assertive, his mouth teasing her lips apart and his tongue slipping inside.

The hot velvet sensation of his tongue against hers made her toes curl.

Daisy whimpered, but didn’t break away. She reached for him to steady herself, her hands curling into the embroidered lapels of his robe.

He took her wrists and brought her hands to the back of his neck.

Daisy speared her fingers into the hair at his nape.

He put his arms around her and pulled her against him.

All the air left her body, and she was floating in bliss.

The world outside his embrace did not exist anymore.

There was only Alston, and Alston was kissing the wits out of her.

She never imagined a kiss involved one’s whole body.

But Alston’s kiss touched her everywhere.

He teased her tongue with licks and flicks until Daisy responded.

Then he rewarded her with a squeeze of his arms. Her breasts pressed against his hard chest, and that, too, was a new and invigorating sensation.

Her fingers sifted through his hair like they’d known all along that was their purpose in life.

Her body was hungry for more touch, for every brush and scrape of clothing across her skin.

She pushed up on her toes and locked her arms tighter around his neck. She couldn’t get enough.

His hands roved over her back and Daisy arched into him, drawing out a groan she could feel through his chest.

He brought his hands back to her face, and Daisy wilted against him without the support of his arms. He held her face, slowly easing back, and she fought it.

She wanted more—needed more—but she could not keep him, she knew that.

Their lips broke apart and Daisy buried her face in his chest. She could not look him in the eye after that wanton display.

He stroked a hand over her hair, one hand returning to her back and stroking up and down her spine. Daisy could have purred like a cat, but she found some reserves of her dignity and let go of her hold on his neck.

She lifted her forehead off him, dragging her greedy hands down over his chest. “I’m—”

“If you’re going to apologize don’t. That probably falls to me as a gentleman, but I’m not going to either.”

It was hard to hear over the drumming of her heart. “Then what do I say after... after a kiss?”

He lifted her chin, his blue eyes duskier than before. He searched her face, coming to some sort of decision she didn’t understand.

“If it’s done right, there isn’t any talking, but that’s a lesson for another time.”

The flame inside her stoked brighter. Another time?

“I like kissing you,” he said

Heat and giddiness washed over her. “Oh?”

“Dangerously so.” His deep voice reverberated between them. “We have a conundrum it seems.” Daisy frowned. “I want to kiss you again.” She brightened. “But I won’t.”

Her hopes sank like a stone in a murky pond. Never to be seen again.

He chuckled. “Such disappointment. Don’t make this any more difficult than it is.”

She blinked at him. “I don’t understand. If we both liked it, then—” She swallowed the words. She was not going to beg for another kiss.

He eased his hold on her, and Daisy stepped back, her legs less sturdy than when they began. His hands slid from her body, and she missed them instantly.

“When you came in that first evening, in your robe and nightgown, ruby hair disheveled...”

Daisy remembered it well. The sight of him had struck her like a bolt of lightning.

“You stunned me,” he said, his voice dropping.

“I’m crossing so many lines by saying this, but Daisy, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on.

Your smile, your blush, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear and look away when you get shy.

They way the green of your eyes fragments with light when you laugh.

.. I never get tired of looking at you, talking to you.

“You’ve made this unbearable situation tolerable,” he continued.

“You agreed to help me, knowing it would risk the wrath of your brother. I’ve already asked too much of you.

I’ve already shattered every rule in the book.

And yet I cannot find the will to deny myself your company.

But Blakewood would gut me if he knew about this.

If one of us is to be the reasonable one, it cannot be me.

I’ve met death, and perhaps that is why I didn’t have the will to resist you, to deny myself something so lovely as you.

I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I’ll be damned if I’ll regret it.

However, I’m intelligent enough to know it should not happen again. ”

He thought she could be reasonable. But Daisy was weak with the need to touch him.

She had no will resist him, either, but what could she do?

Or say? He was right. They’d done something disastrous, though Daisy couldn’t summon any shame or regret either.

Everything about Alston was perfect and right. How could kissing him be wrong?

He closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I should have—I’m sorry. It isn’t right I put the responsibly of maintaining propriety on you. I am older and expected to be the wiser one. This is my fault. Not yours.”

Her heart split right down the middle. “Alston...” Just saying his name hurt. Heat flooded her, not the delicious kind like before. Humiliation scalded her insides. Daisy nodded, hoping to extricate herself from this horrible moment with a shred of her dignity intact. “I understand,” she said.

“The sorrow on your face indicates otherwise.”

“Even if I don’t like it, you’re right. I know that this shouldn’t happen again.”

He sighed heavily. “I’m still honored to be your first kiss, Daisy. I want you to know that. But we cannot let this change what we are. Don’t run and hide from me. We’ll behave as we did before.”

Daisy didn’t believe that for one moment, but if he could pretend, so could she. She’d got what she’d wanted. But once would never be enough.