Page 22 of To No End (Tales of Forgotten Fae #1)

CHAPTER

21

The next morning, I woke up feeling alert and determined. When I looked in the mirror, the dark circles and exhaustion had mostly disappeared. Perhaps the healing waters of Basdie along with my resolve allowed me to wear a new face this day. Dare I say I looked somewhat attractive for the first time since arriving?

Breakfast provided an interesting turn of events. All of us were instructed to begin a daily regimen of Doorberry tea, both the males and females. Anyone with common sense knew what the tea was used for; I just couldn’t fathom why we were required to take it. Doorberry tea was a naturally occurring contraceptive, and taking it regularly over a few weeks would eventually lead to infertility over longer periods.

My cheeks warmed with guilt and embarrassment. Did Saryn or Theory somehow know about mine and Trace’s encounter? It was awfully suspect that this had begun just after. I drank the tea without question, but remained worried that we had been ousted. Was this to ensure none of us became inconveniently pregnant by our peers?

Not surprisingly, Nori refused to drink the tea. Doorberry consumption was against her beliefs, since the act of impeding fertility would be taken as an offense by followers of Ilithyia.

Over the next few days, we rotated between physical training with Theory and being pulled away, one by one, to Saryn for individual evaluations.

As expected, Nori did not participate in any of the combat training. Occasionally, she’d perform endurance exercises, stretching and flexibility, but as soon as sparring began, she resolved to sit on the floor against the wall. Theory’s patience with her was growing thin. Her approach of ignoring Nori in an attempt to alienate her would eventually unfold into something far worse.

Nori did participate in flight agility out in the valley, but I was certain as soon as we were asked to practice aerial combat, she would sit again. It was hard to watch Nori continually isolate herself from the group. I was the only one who attempted to connect with her in spite of her lack of participation.

The others seemed content to act like she wasn’t there, as she continued to remain “useless.” I wanted to tell Gia and Cairis why Nori felt the way she did, but it didn’t feel like my place to tell them. They’d probably just see my defense of her as a weakness anyway.

One day, it reached a particularly heated moment when Saryn marched across the room, unable to control his anger at her refusals. “You’re nothing but a spoiled little noble. You’re worthless to this team, which makes you worthless to your people and your king. You’d best learn to fight, to fly, and to fuck if it means saving lives.”

The words seared through us all, though Nori remained stone-faced. She let no cracks appear. If Saryn had been in my face yelling like that, I would have immediately broken down into tears. I’m also certain Trace would have become enraged.

He and I had done a decent job of creating a platonic facade in front of the others. He no longer avoided me. We had been successful thus far in appearing cordial rather than awkward around one another. Trace’s protectiveness over me hadn’t yet been put to the test—at least, not to a degree where he’d struggled to contain himself.

I thought back to his parting words about how he could not protect me; perhaps I was mistaken in thinking he would intervene. But I was also reminded of the time I pretended to fall from my horse and how distraught he was—and how he had punished me after…

Despite seeing me get knocked around a bit in training, there had been nothing to trigger him. Truthfully, I’d hoped that it would happen sooner rather than later. I felt the impending dread of waiting for something to happen that he or I could not withstand, tempting us to come to the other’s aid. We needed to move past it, for there would be many others just like it to overcome.

The day Saryn called my name to leave the training room for evaluation, I could feel my hands begin to tremble with nerves. I shoved them into the pockets of my fighting leathers, trying to hide any signs of fear. When I entered the room, I made certain to reinforce my mental shields, as I had already been warned by Gia that he would be monitoring for that at the start.

He began a methodical set of tests; I wondered if the others had received the same ones or if they were created uniquely for each individual. Before me there was a stone, a bowl of water, and an unlit candle. I had reservations about where this was headed.

“Overflow the bowl,” he instructed dryly.

I focused, clearing my mind of distractions, and stared intently at the surface of the water as it began to move with small ripples. Excited at the prospect that I could actually do it, I thought of the time I had poured Gris’s canteen in my bath and filled it to the brim. I let the clarity of that memory guide the magic and watched as the water began to spill over the sides of the small bowl onto the wooden table. My attention broke when I smiled in contentment. Saryn simply moved on to the next item.

“Light the flame.”

Concentrating on the small candle, I hoped for some new power to stir, but nothing came.

Saryn slapped his hand on the table abruptly. “Stop trying to call forth fire, you’re not gifted like that. Pull from your surroundings.”

Embarrassed by the correction, I turned, looking at the walls and noting the torches lighting the room. He had simply wanted me to draw fire from another source like I’d done many times before. I was so nervous, unsure of how these tests would unfold and if his instructions were a test in and of themselves. I used the fire from the nearby lantern to ignite a spark on the candle, which quickly formed a solid flame.

“Extinguish the candle,” he ordered.

I closed my eyes, trying to feel even the slightest rustle of wind or breeze in the room, but the air was stale and still. I had never wielded wind magic and no matter how long I tried, nothing stirred.

Saryn rubbed at his temples in disappointment.

“Move the rock.”

I bent down low, putting myself eye level with the stone on the tabletop, thinking maybe proximity had something to do with it. I gritted my teeth, feeling nothing but frustration as I could not get the stone to so much as wiggle.

He made a couple of notes in his journal; they couldn’t have been any more critical of my performance than I was already.

It took no time at all for him to determine through various questioning and other tests that I had probably wielded magic the least. Shots at mesmerization were fruitless, and my attempts at shifting were laughable, at best.

He assured me that it did not mean I didn’t have potential or that I couldn’t improve, but that it would be hard for anyone who had it ingrained in them not to practice it or rely on it, while for others it might feel more like second nature.

He was right, I was inclined to avoid magic. I had tried to take on a different mindset over the last few days. Doing little things like warming a bath or healing scrapes and bruises from training were just a few examples. The non-existent staff at Basdie made it easier, since there was no one to rely on for these menial things. But that was the crux of it; everything I had been toying with was simple magic. Nothing that would be considered useful in the field.

While I did not impress Saryn much, he was pleased to discover that I spoke the old tongue quite well. He noted that Varro could speak it a bit, but not nearly as convincingly as mine, stating that he lacked the proper inflection which only came with practice. I felt like he was implying I should tutor Varro, and the mere thought displeased me greatly.

I did make sure he knew that despite none of the proper materials being in Basdie, I was quite comfortable in chemistry. With that information, he requested that I read some of the books available to us and begin redirecting that skillset toward the art of poison-making and antidotes. I’d like to say I was shocked, but I wasn’t.

This was not something they taught at the academy; it was forbidden. But the skills were largely the same; it was just the knowledge of ingredients and outcomes that I lacked.

We hardly ever heard Saryn or Theory compliment any of us. Their praise was often veiled in layers of critique. He did mention that he was very impressed with my ability to improvise and lean on my team, and that he did not hold it against me that I threatened to expose his entrails with a blade. He made no mention of the slapping.

His summary of my evaluation was that while I was academically inclined and showed promise in physical combat, I was severely lacking in magic-wielding and all things flight-related. He encouraged me to master the basics quickly: mental shields, basic healing, followed by glamour. If I began to show progress, he’d find other ways to challenge me.

I felt relieved that he hadn’t deemed me entirely worthless just because I wasn’t an experienced wielder and had no obvious unique gifts to exploit.

“Cress, the fact that you’re well-read means you possess the gift of knowledge. You may not feel that this is valuable during your training at Basdie, but we’re not training you to stay here. What lies ahead will require you to navigate many complex decisions. Stay sharp and you will be valuable to your team. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get yourself or them killed in the process. Focus or perish.”

That was Saryn’s way; build you up only to break you down. His words would stay with me in the days that followed my evaluation. Frustrated with my performance, I glanced back at the objects on the table and focused my magic, causing the water to displace unevenly so that the bowl tipped over, extinguishing the tiny candle. I looked up at Saryn, worried he would be angry with me, and instead I was met with a knowing smirk.

Following the week of evaluations, our instructors directed us to have an early dinner and to meet them in the common room after our meal. We all gathered and lounged about, awaiting Saryn and Theory’s arrival.

“Most of you have done well enough this week,” Theory said, giving Nori the side-eye.

“In the coming weeks, your physical training with me will escalate and your practice of magical abilities with Saryn will become more focused.” Theory’s expression went rigid. “You will need opportunities to practice these skills in private, after hours, and during your free time.

“There are some skills that are best practiced in private until you become bold enough to demonstrate them in the presence of others, or because they won’t be useful until you’re behind enemy lines. The intensity and shame of such practices must be overcome.”

Saryn instructed us to follow him as he began to lead us downward toward a section of Basdie we had not yet been shown. As we followed, my cheeks heated at the thought of Trace and me in the depths of the waterfall.

He pointed to a series of doors all in a row along the hallway. He opened the door to one of them and ushered us all into the very small space, causing us to squeeze tightly together. The room was cold and empty. There was a small cot and not much else.

My eyes scanned all about, trying to take notice of any other details, but there were none. Suddenly, from the dark corner of the room beside Saryn, a glowing orb appeared, floating in place. Its light illuminated the room in a warm amber hue. I had never seen anything like it.

Turning to the group Saryn asked, “Does anyone know what this is?” The room remained silent; our gazes fixated on the glow like moths to a flame.

“Thought not,” he said with disappointment. “This is a Vesper. They are an extremely rare creature with even rarer magic.” He continued, “Vespers have sometimes been referred to as ‘Small Gods’ or ‘the Infinite Ones,’ and that is because of their unique abilities.”

I could not look away from the floating orb. It was as if it had attached itself to me, drawing me in and locking me in place. My limbs felt heavier the longer I stared at it. There was no sound, yet it called to me in a silent song. That faint humming sensation returned, and I struggled to distinguish between it and the feelings caused by the glowing entity.

“Each of these rooms contains a Vesper, and these will be at your disposal whenever you need to use them, as frequently as you need to use them. It is best not to think of a Vesper as a creature or thing, but rather as pure energy. To the best of our knowledge, Vespers do not have feelings or consciousness. Their identity only exists in your mind, and they feed off of your imagination to acquire shape, form, and function.”

The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Everyone appeared to be just as transfixed by what was presented before us.

“When you are ready, you simply need to welcome the Vesper into your mind, set your intention clearly, use your imagination, and allow it to serve you.” Saryn paused, making a bit more space between him and the glowing orb. “Let me demonstrate.”

We all looked on as Saryn closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, the glowing orb began to shake and shift before our eyes. Expanding and changing, it morphed into a beautiful Fae female. I and a few others let out a small gasp in surprise. Theory did not move, indicating there was no threat. Seeing a new face in Basdie was jarring in and of itself. She looked real in every possible way. She was real.

Saryn began to move closer to her, and before we knew it, we were watching him full-on lean in and kiss her. It was unbelievably awkward standing practically shoulder to shoulder with everyone watching this unfold.

Their kiss deepened passionately. Had it not been for the dim light of the room, my blushing would have been obvious. He snaked one arm around her waist to pull her flush against him, and she bent to his will, letting out a small whimper of pleasure.

One second, we were witnessing an almost erotic private encounter and the next, Saryn had removed a small blade from his back pocket with his free hand and plunged it into the stunning female’s side.

Pulling his lips from hers, he held her as her body went limp and blood began to seep from the wound, spreading across the pale blue dress she wore. Shock and horror spread across her face as the expression of trust shifted to vulnerability and fear.

Nori screeched, trying to push forward to help the girl but Theory flung out her arm. We all watched as the light left her innocent eyes and her limp body lay on the floor at Saryn’s feet.

He wasn’t showing the slightest hint of remorse, and I was still grappling to understand what in the three moons of Demir I had just witnessed. Had he killed the Vesper? Was that girl real? What in Gods’ names was he expecting us to do with what he’d just shown us? Suddenly, the body on the floor disappeared, transforming back into a floating, glowing orb.

“In this room, you will discover your demons and darkness. Face them head-on and learn to control rather than be controlled by restraint and reluctance. Here is where real fear is overcome. Here you can practice anything you can imagine. In these rooms with the Vespers, you will harden yourself and find the necessary callousness that it takes to survive. The disciplines of violence and seduction seem estranged, but their mastery is born of similar principles. Learn to manipulate all things in your favor. One cannot defeat what one refuses to face. Nothing that we teach you or train you to do outside of these walls will ever be viable if you don’t put in the real work here.”

Saryn paused, allowing us to take in everything we’d just seen, everything he’d just impressed upon us. Could the Vespers truly take on any form we imagined? Did they truly not feel pain? Could they hurt us back?

In a moment of shock, I’d failed to keep my mental shields up, and my barrage of thoughts became fodder for Saryn.

“Cress, what have I told you about shields?” he scolded me. “Yes, a Vesper can take on any form, so long as it comes from your imagination or memory. You give it the details to provide its form, and your will gives it action. No, we don’t believe they feel pain, as they are a form of unending energy. And they will only hurt you back if you want them to.”

“What do you mean if we ‘want them to’?” Cairis asked casually.

Theory nodded at Saryn, implying she’d take this one.

“Violence is a very unique thing to master. There is inflicting pain to defend oneself, there is also inflicting it as a means of extracting information. With two sides of this coin, one hopes you’d be the one inflicting this pain, however that may not always be the case.”

My eyes widened in fear and my breath hitched.

“If you happened to be captured, how much pain could each of you endure? What kind of pain could you withstand? How long could you witness someone else undergo such horrific treatment? And even worse, what if you cared for that person?”

Torture. She was describing torture, and instinctively I glanced over at Trace, who had a hard line set across his jaw and his arms folded tightly over his chest. He stared ahead, never meeting my gaze. Is this what he meant he couldn’t protect me from? Are these the horrible things they wanted us to do?

Realistically I could fight someone, I could defend myself and others by magic or other means, but this was something else, entirely. This required cruelty. But then the words echoed through me—what if I was on the receiving end? What, if anything, would I be able to withstand? If someone tried to hurt Trace or even Nori, I don’t think I’d be able to contain myself, but moreover, I’d probably be as good as dead if someone wanted to torture me for information.

“In time, when you find the courage—and I hope each of you does—then you should explore your limitations with the Vesper. It is the safest way to do so, because as soon as you wish for your pain and suffering to cease then your commands will be followed,” Saryn explained, as if that did anything to calm my nerves or resolve my concerns.

The underarms of my shirt were now damp with sweat and my hands were moist and sticky; my anxiety seeped out of my skin. I began to feel nauseous in the tight space surrounded by my peers.

Theory snapped her fingers at us, trying to draw our attention back to her. “I will warn you all explicitly. I cannot stop you from doing what you want within these walls with the Vespers, but I recommend you do not spend your time with them dwelling in the drowning pools of the people from your past. It’s an undertow from which you may not escape.”

I found myself drawn to new ideas I had only just now realized. If the Vesper could take on any form, then that must mean I could see Versa again, or anyone else of my choosing. Did that include the people who were here?

Saryn led us out of the tiny room, where the glowing orb remained, unbothered and in darkness. He pointed to the row of rooms in the hallway, one for each of us.

“They each contain a Vesper. It does not matter which one you occupy, and you don’t have to choose the same room each time. Remember, the Vesper is merely a vessel to bend to your will. It cannot manifest anything on its own. You provide it with thoughts, feelings, and form. It’s only as good as what’s in your head. What you give it is what it has. Before, it has nothing, and after, it takes nothing with it.”

Thoughts of those powerful orbs and what was possible with them overwhelmed me as we paced back to the common room.

That night I was too distracted by thoughts of the Vespers to do any reading; never mind the growing collection of books I had stacked up in my room. I lay in bed thinking about what I’d witnessed and how we’d been encouraged to use them. I had no idea if any of the others had made their way back down to the Vespers that night, but I lacked the courage to return.

Instead, the possibilities formed a mental list of all the things I feared most. My mind raced in circles until I fell into a sleep that danced with more dreams than I’d had in a very long time.