Page 28 of Ties of Deception (Tethered Hearts)

Chapter

Twenty-Eight

C onstance gave me the pomegranate, then she and Sebastian left, promising they’d return to escort me home in an hour or so. The lock on the door clicked behind them.

I held the pomegranate and reclined on the couch, laying my head back and closing my eyes. I wanted to understand everything.

I concentrated with all my might, tears squeezing out of the corner of my eyes. I needed to remember. I needed to know who I was and what I was fighting for. Emotions flickered through me, and I clung to the feelings, drawing on them desperately and longing to catch each one. I pushed with all my might, fighting to be who I was meant to be.

Then everything vanished.

I sat up. I was in my room in Ava’s house miles away from Erebus, my limbs heavy with exhaustion despite spending hours in bed. My head pounded, a wave of dizziness passed over me, and my lungs struggled to fully inflate. The muscles of my chest ached with every breath. But the most painful part was waking to find the chair beside my bed empty. I wanted to see Ethen. I needed him. The world was much less scary when he was present. I could face this. I could face anything if he was beside me.

But I was alone—so alone. And it was agony. It was hard not to lose myself to anger at the cards life had dealt us. Why should I have to go through this just to be with the person I loved? Why did I have to wait a lifetime to simply kiss him? If this was dying, I wished I could just get it over and done with. He had sworn we would be together in the next life, and then the years of barely touching, the guilt in his face as I grew sicker—all of this would be worth it.

It was all I could say to myself now. And I resorted to it relentlessly. It will all be worth it. Ethen and I would finally be together. But as I looked at that empty chair, it felt like I had already lost him. Why couldn’t he see that I didn’t care if touching him killed me? I just needed him. I needed him like never before.

Through the door I could hear the gentle sounds of Ava in the kitchen. The smell of stew wafted through the door. Despite the pleasantness of the smell, my stomach twisted uncomfortably. I often struggled to keep food down.

I reached through the tangled curtain of my hair to my table and fumbled for the clay cup of water. Beside it was a pomegranate. Its skin was still smooth despite the brown blotches that had bloomed over its surface. It had sat there for months, so the flesh inside was probably rancid, but I couldn’t bear to throw it away. I held it in my palm, and it eased the ache in my chest a little.

Where was he? I hoped he was coping with his guilt. I missed him so much.

I heard a door open and close in the distance. I straightened up and pricked my ears, straining to identify the voices. Ava’s voice was sharp. “What are you doing here? How dare you show your face!”

My breath caught. Ethen . I would bet anything that the visitor was Ethen. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, but even that motion made me feel dizzy.

Ethen’s voice was a guiding light in the darkness of a terrible storm. It was low and thick with concern. My heart squeezed with worry for him. “Just let me see her. How is she?”

Ava’s voice remained harsh. “How do you think she is? She’s dying because of you . Because you couldn’t leave her alone. She’s lying in there, barely able to breathe, and you somehow find this acceptable because you’re the Aidis?”

I shook my head, trying to clear the dizziness. Ava had it wrong. I was the one who’d insisted that he stay close, who hadn’t cared about the consequences, and who still wanted him close now.

I forced myself to my feet, unwilling to let her chase him away. The room spun.

Ethen’s voice was distraught. “I know…I know. But when she’s reborn…”

“Do you really think her being your Fated makes this all right? She’s dying in there, Ethen. Dying . Suffering in a way you will never understand. And now that the empire has Graces through some unknown power, how do you even know that she will be reborn? How will you find her? If I were her, I would never forgive you for this selfishness.”

I placed one foot in front of the other. My legs felt so weak, I almost stumbled. It was hard to breathe. I had to tell him this wasn’t his fault, and I forgave him. I had to tell him that I loved him so fiercely, I would be able to find him in any world. Any lifetime. All I wanted was for us to be together properly.

Ethen’s reply was ragged, his voice hoarse. “Just let me see her, Ava. It’s been two weeks. I’ve brought pomegranates.”

“Pomegranates! Pomegranates!” Ava shrieked. Something was being grabbed and thrown. Another rustle and a dull thud. Ethen grunted. “Just your presence alone could tip her over the edge. Would you steal what little time she has left? Haven’t you done enough?”

I bit back the tears. Ava was wrong. I needed him. I needed to soothe his pain before it was too late. What if his guilt and pain over losing me meant he never came to find me in my next life? What if he thought I was better off without him? Graces were said to lose their memories. If he didn’t come for me, I might be lost for an eternity thinking I was somebody I wasn’t. And all of these years would have been for nothing.

I stepped forward, my dizziness not abating.

“Just…give her the pomegranates. The ones you’ve not thrown. Please. Tell her I love her and that not seeing her is agony. Tell her…I’m sorry.”

“Tell me yourself,” I said, but my words were too hoarse to travel beyond the room. I forced my feet forward faster, but they didn’t move as I intended. I tripped, falling, falling, colliding with the hard floorboards.

The voices on the other side of the door fell silent for a moment.

I groaned in pain, unable to feel my body properly. Black stars burst into multicolored flowers around the corners of my vision. “Ethen.” I croaked. I knew there was no way I was going to find my feet again, but I so desperately needed to see him. I stretched out one arm toward the door to see if I could drag myself to him.

“What was that? What was that noise? Did you hear it?” His voice sounded panicked. I almost sobbed in relief when I heard his footsteps growing louder. He threw the door open, and my blotchy vision could barely make out his figure, distorted from where I lay on the floor.

Ava gasped, her hands to her mouth. “Why did you get out of bed?” But Ethen didn’t let her push past him.

He ran to me. “Snow!” His voice broke, and he started to sob. “No. No, no, no, no…” He began to pick me up, then recoiled, stepping back and letting Ava take his place. His face was twisted with self-hatred. I lifted my hand toward him as Ava lifted me under my armpits. “Ethen,” I managed. The word was harder to form than usual. “Ethen, I…”

My fingers brushed his hand and my remaining strength leached away. Everything vanished.

I sat up on the couch, breathing heavily, the pomegranate still in my hand. Its skin was red and absent of blemishes. I stared at it, trying to ground myself in the present as tears streamed down my face.

I may have only relived one moment, but now I could remember everything. A lifetime of memories, experiences, and emotions. The one I had just experienced so vividly was my final memory. That was my final moment as Snow.

Ethen.

I wiped my face, trying to get my shaking breath under control. It hadn’t been his fault. It hadn’t. And now, it had to be worth it. I had gone through all that suffering and waiting because I had never given up hope. And I refused to give up now.

I would fight to be with him with every last breath in my body. I knew that if I told him the words I’d meant to say, he would fight with everything he had too. His guilt and my missing memories had made him cautious. He’d known they would likely come back, but he hadn’t known that what Ava said wasn’t true. Did he worry that I would blame him for what had happened? That I would never forgive him for killing me? He hadn’t spoken to me for weeks before my death. How could he know I had loved him in every second of that suffering?

He had distanced himself to avoid hurting me. His guilt was clear in every interaction we’d had in this life—in every kiss broken short. After the scene in the council room, I imagined he was distancing himself from me again to protect me. Not because I wasn’t enough, but because he wanted to protect me better than his father had protected his own Fated. He was scared it was happening all over again and must be in agony. I hadn’t managed to say those words then, but I could say them now. And now that I had been kidnapped, he would fall into Constance and Sebastian’s trap.

I sprung from my chair, relieved to have strength in my limbs and air in my lungs. I also had a lifetime of happiness and pain to guide my powers. I could feel all those memories and emotions bubbling inside me, begging to be let out.

I wasn’t just Snow—I was Purity too. And both sides of me had power.

“Ismara,” I muttered into the empty room. “I know you don’t involve yourself with this world much anymore. But still, you resurrected me, even if my soul appeared in another body. Thank you. Please help me end this corruption. Please help me be with Ethen as you intended. Please help this all be worth it.”

I crept to the door and channeled my grief and anger at all those who had come between us. I focused on the door handle. My heart leapt as the metal cracked. I dismantled it, revealing a hole where I could reach for the catch of the lock with a long, thick hair pin. I pushed it up and slowly opened the door.

A vacant corridor loomed before me, lit by sunlight from huge windows. Unfortunately, these had expensive glass panes, rather than open space for the breeze to waft in.

I crept out and listened for voices, hoping to find where Sebastian and Constance had gone and stop them from persuading Ethen to marry somebody else. The only noises were faint, coming down the corridor. I followed the sound, keeping to the wall, and treading carefully on the marble tiles to avoid tapping my heels. Voices came from behind a richly painted wooden door. I pressed my cheek against one of the panels.

For a long while there was only silence, and I worried I’d found the wrong door. Finally, I heard the prince’s voice. Sebastian sounded bored. “What if he doesn’t come? You were hiding in Purity’s maid’s room for hours earlier waiting for him to show up.”

Constance’s voice replied. “Hush. Wait a moment. Somebody’s coming.” There was an indistinct murmuring of voices.

Constance’s voice became a heady mix of nerves and excitement. “He’s here. They’re bringing him, Sebastian. Are you ready? Remember what we practiced.”

“How could I forget? We’ve gone through this hundreds of times. I’m ready.”

Constance’s voice softened. “This is really it. The final stage. We’re so close.”

I could see Sebastian’s charming grin in his words. “We are. You’ve been magnificent.”

All was silent for several moments, and all I could hear was my thudding heart. They had to be referring to Ethen, didn’t they? He was coming.

I had seen him often these last few weeks, but it felt like now would be the first time I truly saw him—truly knew him. I had so much to say to him. I couldn’t let us run out of time again. I couldn’t let others stand in the way of us. I couldn’t let him believe their lies that he was bad for me.

A door creaked open, quieting my thoughts as I strained to hear everything.

“Where is she?” The anger in Ethen’s voice sent shivers down my spine, and I could hear the subtle pain and the fear behind it. He had always been so good at hiding his fear from the world, even as it ate him up from the inside. I clenched my fist around the pomegranate to stop myself from running to him and reassuring him that I was all right. I wanted to wait for the right moment so I knew what we faced.

Constance’s voice was jarringly bright. “Ah, I see you got our little invitation, Aidis. Please take a seat.”

There was no sound of movement. “I asked where she is. This is your last chance to tell me.”

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Now, now. She’s safe for the moment. And if you cooperate with us, she will stay safe.”

Rapid footsteps crossed the room. “Don’t you dare threaten her.”

Constance’s voice was soft. “Listen to us, Aidis. She is safe, safer than she has ever been with you. We heard from people in the Unseen Lands that you killed her in her past life from being around her too often. You caused her a slow, painful death. Your friend, Ava, gave us a lot of information. Wasn’t her name Snow? Snow hated you by the end of it. She suffered when you could have simply come and married an existing Grace. Why make somebody your Fated and put them through that?”

Deafening silence until Constance tutted. “I heard she was just middle aged when she died. It’s a blessing she lost her memories otherwise the trauma would have probably broken her.” She quietened her voice. “You claimed to love her, and then you killed her.”

I closed my eyes. Not again. Ava’s words still haunted us, driving a wedge between us, and here I was still stuck behind a door. Only this time, I would open it at the exact right moment. This time, things would be different.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “We don’t think you should take Purity with you to the Unseen Lands. Not after what you’ve done to her. We have a different bride to offer you. If you take her instead, you will never see Purity again, but we promise we will keep her safe and happy. She’ll never be tormented by Charity or my mother again. She’ll have peace and not have her future forced on her. She’ll be able to choose if and when she gets married.”

Constance smoothly continued. “This is your way to make amends. If she had her memories, would she truly want to be with you? If you marry the woman we’ve chosen for you, Purity will be happy and safe. If you refuse, the same thing will happen that happened to your father’s Fated. Purity will be retired and disappear. You will never see her again.”

There was a scoff. “You mean you will recycle her? Let her soul go into oblivion so you can use her body for a new Grace in a few years’ time in Hassia where nobody would recognize her?”

Sebastian’s voice was firm and unnerved. “You must make your decision now. Otherise, you’ll never find her in time to stop the priests.”

It was my turn to scoff. They were such manipulative liars. Ethen sighed as if they were boring him, but I heard a hidden pain within that wrenched my heart.

“I am the Aidis, a god of death. Threats don’t work on me.”

Constance laughed, high and bitter. “You killed her in the last life, and you’re willing to kill her again in this one? And you think you deserve love? If you marry Purity, and she eventually remembers the pain and suffering of what you did to her, what do you think will happen? You’re taking advantage of her ignorance.”

Heavy silence. I could feel him reliving my death. Those heart-wrenching sobs erupting from his devastation. He couldn’t go through that again.

“I…” I could hear the hesitation in his voice. I suspected that Constance could now too.

“She’s happy and free, Aidis. Leave her be. That’s all you ever had to do to prevent her suffering.”

I heard a heavy sigh, and his reply was quiet. “I need solid evidence of your word that if I marry another, Purity will be happy. Never retired. Never in danger.” The pain in his voice wrenched at my heart.

I couldn’t bear this any longer. I had no weapon or plan, but no good was coming from remaining hidden. I needed to stop being their bargaining piece. I opened the door as softly as I could and entered the room. It wasn’t quiet enough. Four pairs of eyes turned to face me. I hadn't realized there was a guard on the door.

My heart beat like a scattered drum as I straightened my back and glared at Ethen. My stomach dipped at the sight of him, stronger than ever before. “If you dare choose any other woman after all we went through and let Ava stop you from being at my side again, I will never, ever let you hear the end of it.”

His eyes widened in relief then shock as understanding dawned on him. “Snow…”

I gave him a small smile in confirmation.

Sebastian was behind me in an instant, his hand twisting my wrist. Then his knife pressed to my throat. The cold metal felt hard against the exposed, tender skin. My chest tightened, and I didn’t dare swallow. How had he moved so fast? I knew Ethen had mentioned he was exceptionally strong and quick, but I hadn’t expected the qualities to be this extreme. Had being around Constance for so long strengthened him in the same way as I had been weakened around Ethen as a mortal? Not to mention all the Graces he had embraced and kissed…

Ethen’s expression darkened, and his cold rage seemed to permeate the air. He didn’t speak or issue a warning, but I felt a ripple of tension across my skin. The guard at the door behind him fell to the ground, motionless. A flicker of confusion swept over Ethen’s features as Sebastian remained unharmed.

Constance raised her eyebrows. “You have very admirable control of your powers.”

Ethen took a step closer. I noticed his usual broadsword wasn’t attached to his back. They had disarmed him, just as they’d done to me. I wiggled in Sebastian’s grip trying to drop below the knife blade, but the prince’s grip on my wrist tightened as he jerked my arm higher behind my back in a painful position.

I gasped as my eyes watered. I focused on Ethen. “Constance isn’t a Grace, she’s Ismara and Ienar’s daughter. She’s able to counteract your powers.”

Ethen gave me a pained look before his gaze narrowed on her in a mixture of horror and determination. He might not have his sword, but his posture was that of a prepared fighter. “It was you. You’re the one who’s been stealing souls and resurrecting Graces in other bodies.”

Constance nodded. “You can’t challenge me. I’ve been circumventing the powers of death for many, many years. And I won’t let you harm Sebastian.”

We all paused, eyes passing over each other. I licked my lips as I struggled to calm myself, drawing on vast experiences from a lifetime of fighting for what I wanted so I could think clearly.

Sebastian’s breath tickled my ear, making me grimace. “Promise to marry the bride we have chosen for you, Aidis, or I will slit her throat.”

Ethen’s powers might be counteracted by Constance, but mine weren’t. Life couldn’t fight life.

I concentrated on the blade at my throat, funneling my rage and anger, and hoped beyond hope that this was going to work, and I wasn’t going to accidentally slice my own throat.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then the blade shattered. Shards of metal exploded outward, and I gasped in pain as metal fragments embedded themselves in my neck, cheek and chest. Ethen yelled my name.

Sebastian’s grip on my wrist loosened in shock as he also cried out in pain, withdrawing his other hand and dropping the hilt, which clattered to the marble floor. Blood ran down his fingers, and he cursed.

I used his moment of distraction to my advantage before Constance could heal him, and whirled, slamming the pomegranate into the prince’s face. It cracked in the most satisfying way as it hit his nose; red seeds and juice sprayed across his face. I darted back, lifting my hand to my throat and the searing wounds. My skin was sticky with blood, but the flow didn’t seem too worrying. Shards of metal still dug into my skin, however, and when I brushed a particularly large one, the pain was enough to make my vision flash white. My eyes watered as I lowered my hand and a wave of dizziness made me blink rapidly. I needed to focus right now. We could work out how to get it safely out later.

Constance was staring at me. “When…how…you’ve never been able to control your powers like that.”

I smiled at her, the movement making the wounds in my cheeks sting. I continued to back toward Ethen, who was beside me in a heartbeat. “Your system never gave me the experiences to learn.”

Constance raised an eyebrow. Sebastian wiped the mess from his face. His wounds were already healed. Mine were not. A Grace’s powers couldn’t work on herself.

Ethen’s eyes scanned my throat with horrified concern as one of his hands found the small of my back. My heartbeat calmed with the familiarity of his presence. How desperately I had wanted him close. How desperately I wanted to touch him, embrace him, kiss him now that I knew it wouldn’t kill me. I fought another wave of dizziness, my pulse bounding in my ears. Something was swelling under the skin of my throat.

“Don’t remove those metal shards,” he whispered to me. “One is too close to your jugular.” He glared at Constance. “Heal her.”

Constance laughed, a horrid bitter sound. “Why?”

His face darkened, and his voice was pure cold rage. “We will leave for the Unseen Lands now. If you don’t heal her, I will take this as an act of war, and we will reclaim all the souls you stole by force.”

She folded her arms. “After your little performance for the empress, and your refusal to comply with our demands, war is inevitable. I’ve always wanted an excuse to ‘visit’ the Unseen Lands.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Are you worried she might bleed out once those shards are removed? I did warn you not to kill her again. You’re just like your father. I saw the death of his Fated too, you know.”

I glared at her, ignoring the growing terror on Ethen’s face. I would be fine. We would find a way to safely remove them. There was no way I was going to die on him again. Speaking hurt my throat, but I didn’t care. “How can you call yourself Ismara’s daughter when you seek war? When you seek the power of death to give to your soldiers to conquer the world? You say it is to bring Blessings to many, yet you can’t even Bless the people of one small island fairly. Life and death were always meant to be kept separate.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Sometimes short-term sacrifices have to be made for the longterm good. Once I have enough Graces, I will distribute them more fairly.”

I laughed at her and the sound came out strangled. “Nonsense. You’ve had enough for years. The world you have created for Graces here in Atos may look idyllic, but it is evil, Constance. Evil!”

Her face smoothed into an expressionless mask. “I see you have both made your choice. Pity. I had looked forward to working alongside you, Purity.”

My breath caught as Ethen tensed beside me. What was she…

The shards of metal in my throat shattered. The pain was unbelievable. I screamed. My vision flashed and fragmented, and I fell to the floor, not even sure which direction was which. I raised my hands to my throat and felt a warm fluid engulf them. Desperately, I tried to staunch the flow of blood in horror as the world became fainter by the second. Every touch was agony.

Ethen screamed beside me, his hands on my shoulders, then moving to try to staunch the bleeding at my throat. “Heal her! Heal her now! I’ll marry whoever you want. I’ll do whatever you want. Just heal her!”

The world started to slip away as familiar blackness crowded the corners of my vision. At least I’d fought with everything I had. At least I’d had those extra moments. At least we’d kissed.

I hoped I had left some good in this world in whichI’d been reborn as a Grace. I thought of those empty hospital beds. Maybe those saved lives were enough to make it all worth it.