Page 13 of Ties of Deception (Tethered Hearts)

Chapter

Thirteen

I hovered in the fathomless void.

A voice sounded in the darkness, barely distinguishable, as though coming across a great distance.

“She is dying because of you . Do you think being the Aidis makes what you’ve done acceptable?”

Another voice sounded more like a shriek. “You killed her. You bring nothing but death.”

A plain room materialized around me. My lungs burned, each breath an agony. I was lying on the floor, splinters grazing my cheek. I reached out one hand, straining for the closed door. None of my limbs worked and I could barely shift my weight. I wasn’t going to make it—the distance was impossible.

There was one word in my mind. Begging. Pleading. Ethen.

I sat up in bed, breathing heavily, and looked around for the origin of the voices. Everything was silent except for bird song and the soft rustle of curtains drifting across the marble floor in the breeze. It was barely dawn. My heart calmed.

I massaged my forehead as I cracked a yawn, everything protesting at being awake. My body felt normal again, and there was nothing off about my breathing. It had just been a dream—a brief, half formed dream. I frowned as I tried to remember the words. Had that been a strange memory-like fragment like the basket of pomegranates? Or had my mind made it up after seeing the suffering of so many last night? Either way, it had faded so much that it was hard to tell. I lay back down, my mind still heavy with sleep, and allowed myself to drift off.

I slept in late and woke feeling jittery with anticipation. I tried my best to hide my frustration from my maids at having to wait a whole day, but I couldn’t think about anything other than the Aidis and what I had seen last night.

I remembered Pris’s warning not to even look at an Aida or their gods lest they seduce you and claim you as their bride and whisk you away to the Unseen Lands. Such a prospect didn’t seem nearly so terrifying anymore. Not that I was about to let this go further. I still didn’t know what he wanted from me, and it was hard to believe he was as altruistic as he seemed.

But, in some strange way, he had known what I needed more than I’d known it myself. I’d finally done something useful and learned more about myself in the process.

A butterfly flew between the curtains to land lazily on my finger, slowly fanning its beautiful purple wings. Another landed on my desk.

Flavia gasped. “Oh, it’s good to see a sign of you being happy, my lady. After the empress’s letter and orders, we were all worried.”

I watched the butterfly, mesmerized as the powder on its wings glistened in stray beams of sunlight.

That afternoon, I painted pictures of the bird in its cage and arranged flowers from the gardens. I dozed on silk cushions and ate juicy melons. Everything was designed to help me rest and be happy. Everything that was designed to prevent me from thinking beyond myself to people in hospital beds only a mile or two away, too poor to be treated in their own homes. Everything in this world was designed to make me feel like reality didn’t exist.

I thought about how that hospital would now be empty, the staff finally able to get some well-needed rest, and smiled. I might not trust Ethen, but I was grateful to him for last night. And though the way he had grabbed my face at that first meeting still annoyed me, he had kept his word and not laid a single finger on me since.

I asked the maids to leave as early as I could without raising suspicion, and watched the sunset between the gauzy curtains that were wrapped around the pillars. It had been another clear, hot day, and pinks, purples, and reds streaked across the sky between the trees.

A sudden voice made me jump out of my skin. “You really did send them away early. I was expecting to wait another hour at least.”

I whirled around to find Ethen standing in the middle of the room, helping himself to some wine. “How…isn’t it too light for you to sneak around? How did you know I’d sent them away?”

He shrugged. “I was watching from the roof of your villa. I had some letters to write, and thought I might as well write them up here so I could keep an eye on things.”

I gaped at him. “You’ve been sitting on my roof? Writing letters? In broad daylight? But weren’t you hot?” The red clay tiles were barely sloped and burned to the touch in the daytime.

He grimaced. “Yes. It was very hot. But my clothes keep out a lot of the heat. In the Unseen Lands, it’s far colder. The sun doesn’t shine directly on the land like it does here. The sky is always a grey haze during the day. And so, we make insulating clothes to help us cope whenever we leave. Getting used to the sun is a bit of a shock.” He smiled at the memory.

I walked toward him and sat on the couch, burning with curiosity. “What are the Unseen Lands like? Do you miss them?”

He paused to pour me another glass of wine. I thanked him before he took a sip from his own glass. “Yes, I miss them a lot—both the place and the people. They’re very…different from here. The landscape and fashions are far less colorful, but very beautiful in their own way. When you look out from the palace tower in Erebus, you can see the river Tier, gleaming like a giant silver mirror. Behind it rise the Black Mountains, their base always shrouded in pale fog. I like the contrast of something pale, ethereal, and ever shifting, with the constant black stability of the peaks. The way the mist sits over the water every morning…it is beautiful.”

I nodded along but struggled to imagine such a strange land. It sounded so monochrome. I wondered if Pris would be able to smuggle me any library books on those lands so I could learn more.

I licked my lips, choosing my next words carefully. “But you’re staying here until you find a bride? Because you have to be wed a Grace to bear children and so an heir to the throne?”

He sat down seeming a little uncomfortable with that question. He kept his eyes on his wine. “Not a bride. I’m looking for one person in particular. I’ve been waiting for her.”

I swallowed, both wary about pushing him further on what was clearly a sensitive topic and deeply intrigued, especially since he’d shown me quite a bit of interest. But it made no sense for him to have been waiting for me in particular. “Can you tell me who? How do you know her? Are you betrothed already?”

He looked up and met my eyes with a guarded expression. His wide jaw was firm and determined. “You asked me yesterday to tell you everything. Do you still want to hear it? Knowing what I’m about to tell you…well, it's dangerous, and…you won’t be able to return to this moment of innocence. It will change the way you see everything.”

I shifted, my heart stuttering against my rib cage. The way he spoke made me think his story was going to strongly involve me. Maybe his intentions for these nighttime visits would finally be revealed. “Don’t you think that I have a right to know?”

He looked at me with a mournful yet longing expression that a few days ago, I wouldn’t have thought him capable of. It caught me off guard and made my heart stutter. I was frozen as he spoke. “Yes. You more than anyone.”

My stomach dipped at his words. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of this conversation, and my questions were only growing. And my nerves at what he was about to reveal. “Tell me,” I whispered. “Please. Tell me everything. Hide nothing from me.”

He shifted and forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “If you want me to stop at any point, let me know. This…this will be a lot for you to process, and a lot of information, but I will try to be as clear as possible.”

He waited for my nod before continuing. “The woman I had promised to marry was stolen from me.”

I gaped. “What? How?”

He looked down to the floor. “Let me begin with a story. Long ago, there were just two immortal beings, Ismara, the Goddess of Life, and Ienar, the God of Death. Ismara governed over the living world until Ienar claimed each being at their death and took them to the Unseen Lands. Together, they created and destroyed, maintaining the world’s delicate balance.

“After a thousand years, the two of them had a child, the first Aidis. And he took after his father. Ienar’s son grew up to have immortality and powers over death, even if they weren’t as potent as his father’s. The powers of life and death cannot exist in the same person, you see. They are opposite—incompatible—and should never be mixed. So the Aidis had powers of death alone. And with that came a problem: Since he was of death, he couldn’t procreate because no wife suitable for him could be found.” His voice dropped to a sorrowful tone. “Despite this, he fell in love with a mortal woman, but their interactions were limited by his deadly powers, they could barely touch, and she was doomed to die while he would live forever. When she died, he was devastated and withdrew, failing to see any joy left in the world. He lingered in the depths of the underworld, catching glimpses of her ghost, and haunting wherever her spirit tread.

“His mother, Ismara, decided to intervene. She used her powers of life to bring back his love. But to perform such a difficult act, she had to give some of her own essence to the girl. The girl gained immortality and a shadow of Ismara’s powers over life. She was what you call a Grace—the first one—though she had nothing to do with Atos. The Aidis and his bride could now be together forever. After a hundred years, they also had a child, another son who inherited powers of death alone. He in turn became the Aidis when his father started to rule the Unseen Lands, while Ienar distanced himself more and more from our world. When that Aidis also chose a mortal as a wife, she too was raised by Ismara after her death and became a Grace.

“And so, the pattern continued for over a thousand years. Every two or three hundred years, one mortal woman would be reborn for a prince of death, and he would become the new king of the Unseen Lands. The old king would retire from that responsibility to watch over the souls in the Vale.

“Each mortal and Aidis couple would swear vows of eternal commitment before her death, mixing their blood, and they would become each other's Fated. She would be resurrected back into her body in the Unseen Lands. Each couple bore a single son, and so the powers of death continued and grew.” He raised his eyebrows at me. “Are you following me so far?”

I nodded, though the connotations were making my emotions seesaw. “One Grace and one Aidis every few hundred years. One goddess of life and one god of death making a son of death. But…not any more? There are loads of us now, and we have nothing to do with the Unseen Lands. I got the impression there had been Graces in Atos for thousands of years. We also haven’t lived before…have we? I was told I was merely born as an adult. Nobody talks about memories of a past life.”

I thought back to the pomegranate basket and the strange dream where I had been in agony on the floor. But those weren’t enough to mean I’d lived an entire previous life.

His face hardened. “Something happened with no warning, and we don’t understand what. It meant mortals here in the west managed to control some of Ismara’s powers and bring women back to life by stealing their souls from their rightful place in the Vale. But we in the Unseen Lands, who are meant to guide and protect those souls, don’t know how they managed this. Ienar has grown too distant from us lower beings for us to ask his advice. And any record of the origin of Graces in Atos seems to have been destroyed or altered. All we know is that every year souls are still stolen from the Unseen Lands that are not Fated.”

I stared at him, my mouth dry. Surely this couldn’t be true? “That’s what Graces are? Women who have died and been brought back to life? But…but we have no memory of our past lives. That’s what I am?”

He nodded, his eyes studying me carefully as if waiting for a sign that it was all right for him to continue.

I pressed my fingers to my lips as I sorted through the sudden explosion of questions in my mind. “What of the other goddesses? The Amazones in Hassia?”

He shook his head slowly. “You use the blanket term goddesses here, but the Amazone’s powers are not like yours or mine. The first Amazone was Blessed by Ismara with strength and vitality in return for protecting her son, but that’s another story. They don’t have immortality. Their strength and height are passed down through their genetics, so they have strict rules surrounding reproduction. In my opinion, they are far from any definition of goddesses. But the empress likes to make her guards seem as powerful and mysterious as possible. It adds to her own power. She has some Amazone blood herself.”

I supposed that made sense. The Amazones seemed to separate themselves, barely interacting with the rest of us.

We sat in silence, and I resisted the urge to fidget. One question was building inside me with burning intensity; I feared I already knew the answer, and it felt too ridiculous to speak aloud, but I had to. I’d said I wanted to know everything, and this would consume me if I didn’t make him state it plainly. I just…didn’t know what I would do with the answer.

“So…” I swallowed and took a deep breath, though my voice remained quiet. “When we first met, you said we were Fated. Does that mean…” I couldn’t say it. What if I had misunderstood and he laughed at my ridiculous assumption? What if he had said something else entirely? But I needed him to be explicit, if I were to believe any of this was real.

Ethen met my eyes with such an intense, serious expression, all my thoughts stilled. I couldn’t look away. In contrast, his words were achingly tender. “It means in your last life, I loved you fiercely, and I have vowed to love you in this one too. It means you are the person I care about most in the entire world, and I always will, whatever your form or features. When you died, I was devastated, though I knew you were Fated to come back. It was still…a very dark time for me. When I could face it, I came here to wait for Ismara to resurrect you and for you to appear here among all the new Graces in a different body like the last Fated did. And after three agonizing years, you have.” He stopped to swallow, his voice becoming thick with emotion while my heart pounded so hard it felt like it was battering my ribs. “I didn’t recognize you when I first saw you from a distance. Though I knew to expect it, you look so different in your new body. But as soon as you came close, I could feel the bond from our vow. A vow meant to transcend death. And your expressions are all hers. You are her.”

My mouth was dry, and I realized I was holding my breath. This was too much. I was torn between wanting to step away from the intensity of the moment and so having the space to breathe and the desire to be caught in his stare and his words. Having him look at me this fiercely was intoxicating. “But…I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything before I woke up here.”

The basket of pomegranates. The outstretched hand straining for the closed door. I frowned.

His eyes softened and filled with such sorrow, I bit my lip to halt my own tears. He presented initially as such a cold, strong, hard man, seeing him like this kicked me in the stomach. “I know. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Whatever is going on here in Atos stole you. You lost your body. You lost your memories. And you came back away from your home. But I hope at least some of your memories will return with help. You never came here to Atos in your last life. Maybe back in the Unseen Lands—your home—memories will be triggered. And some of our friends accompanied me here. I can introduce them to you. They might be able to help you remember too.” I stared at him. There was acute pain in the way the corners of his eyes creased. And…was that wariness in the slight upward tilt of his chin? Certainly a gritty determination in his jaw.

I looked away quickly, shocked by how easily I had just read him, as if his expressions were intimately familiar. I closed my eyes, calming myself. I was reading too much into everything.

Ethen continued, slowly and cautiously. “Whatever mortals did to steal souls and create an endless supply of Graces, it corrupted the rebirth of the Fated too. The last Fated was the first one to not appear in the Unseen Lands in the body she died in. She appeared here, in a new body with no memories. It took my father a very long time to find her, over a decade, and…well that’s another different story.” He dragged in a deep breath as if pushing that thread of thought from his mind, and I wondered if something bad had happened to her. Wouldn't she have been his mother? “Whatever secret the mortals perform means your memories are almost erased, and your forms change so you look like a person from Atos. You’re resurrected in the same way as all the other Graces. Yet you’re still my Fated. Because of what my father went through, I knew you would be here. I knew what to look for. And I’ve found you so much quicker.”

I remembered the vague memory of black hair streaming down my back. Was that the woman Ethen had loved? But I wasn’t her. Not in body or mind. I felt no connection to her at all.

In fact, the whole idea that I was somebody who this man could love so deeply felt unbalanced. I had very little to complement his strength. Could he be mistaken? But he was so confident, and he seemed like the sort of person who was usually right. Even if my soul used to be his lover’s, what if the parts he’d loved had been lost? What if the ache in my chest was because my soul was only a shadow of what it had previously been?

I looked down, away from his intense expressions to break the gravitational pull relentlessly tugging me toward him. Emotions came crashing down on me, and I needed to think clearly so I could understand exactly what he meant. “So the Fated used to be raised back to life in the Unseen Lands.”

He nodded in encouragement.

“And returned to their old bodies.”

His voice was soft, and his eyes flicked between mine as if trying to work out what I was thinking. “Yes. They would only be dead for a week or two. But that didn’t happen with my father. His Fated one’s body decayed, yet he couldn’t find her departed soul in the Vale. So he came to Atos to see if he could find it among those stolen to become Graces.”

“Was she the…the same as in her previous life?”

He winced. “She appeared to be, apart from her new body. It was certainly her soul. We who become familiar with the Vale learn to recognize the souls of those we were close to. But it had taken two years for her to be reborn, and an additional nine for him to find her. Some of her memories returned, but she’d been suppressing them since they made no sense to her. I hear most Graces remember nothing at all. She didn’t have the easiest time.” He seemed to stop himself from saying more, and there was pain bracketing his mouth.

I swallowed. “And…the same happened to you? Your Fated lover’s body rotted after her death?”

He was still analyzing every small movement I made. “It did. And I came here as soon as I verified your soul hadn’t entered the Vale. Its absence reassured me that Ismara hadn’t failed in her vow to resurrect you. I knew it might take a few years for you to reappear like in my father’s time, but I didn’t want you to have to wait for me. If you started to regain your memories, I didn’t want you to be scared. And most of all, I didn’t want anyone to harm you while you were so vulnerable. I hated the thought of you being here, used for your powers, completely alone.”

The tenderness in his voice made my chest ache. It felt so strange that it was directed at me. I looked away from him again, pulling at a free thread on my night-robe. “What was her name?”

“Snow.”

Snow . Could that be me? The name triggered nothing inside me.

“It’s an unusual name.”

“In the Unseen Lands, snow falls black and white. You were born on the first snow of winter, your skin was pale, and your hair like the blackest ebony. Your mother found it fitting.”

Snow. Mother. How was I meant to be able to comprehend all of this when it was so far from what I knew?

“And what did Snow do for a living?”

He huffed a laugh, his eyes glazing over as he smiled into the middle distance. “That’s a hard question. A little bit of everything, I suppose. You could never stay still. You were always fighting for one cause or another whether it was hospitals or flood relief or knitting blankets for elderly people or raising funds.” His eyes met mine again; they glowed with fondness. “After the rate you lived your mortal life, you could do with a rest, but I can imagine this new pace of life is driving you mad.”

I supposed it was. Could that be why? I wanted to be productive, but to achieve as much as Snow apparently had…it was hard not to feel the pressure of Ethen’s expectations.

I blew out a gentle breath. “Do I…do I have a choice in any of this? What if I don’t feel the same way toward you in this life as I did in the last? Would you really…kidnap me? Or what if you decide that you don’t love this new version of me?”

His deep breath was ragged at the edges, and I couldn’t help but look back at him. He was looking down with his eyes closed. “The Aidis never kidnap anyone.” He said the words forcefully, as if this was a fact he was tired of repeating. “And of course you have a choice. You’ve always had a choice. My hope is that you will fall in love with me again. We swore vows to each other before Ismara and Ienar to become Fated, and I will always keep my vow. I will always be here for you in whatever form. But I know you can’t remember the vows or what came before. I won’t hold you to them if you feel differently now. Nor will I rush you if you need time.” His gaze flicked up to catch mine. “We are immortal, Purity, and I will wait millennia if I have to. And I can also give you space if that is what you wish. I want you to be certain about what you want, ideally with all of your memories returned. Only let me protect you from the threats here, even if only from the shadows.”

Suddenly, I was in desperate need of a drink. My wine glass was empty, and I didn’t even remember drinking it. I stood and grabbed a goblet of juice, gulping it down before pouring a second cup. The juice was thick and sweet and cloying, clogging my throat. My hands shook droplets over the table. I didn’t turn back to him as I asked my next question. “So you’ll wait here in Atos until I agree to go back with you to the Unseen Lands?”

I heard sounds of him shifting. “Well, there’s something else I’ve been doing while I’m here. I knew that waiting for you to appear and then resolving things between us could take a long time, and I don’t like to be idle. Especially since you deserve space to process all of this when you don’t have your memories.”

I whirled back around. “What is it?”

He was in his seat, angled slightly away from me. “I hope to uncover how the mortals are stealing souls from the Unseen Lands and filling their own land with Graces. My father’s own investigations all those years ago didn’t get very far until he was forced to leave with his bride. The empire doesn't like us to out stay our welcome.” Ethen grimaced. “Not only does this practice of stealing souls prevent the Fated from being resurrected within the Unseen Lands with her body and memories, it also takes the souls of so many others without their permission and uses them as puppets. It forces them into bodies which aren’t theirs and makes them bring Blessings to the empire. And when they no longer perform as needed, we suspect they are destroyed. You can’t be reborn twice. If you die a second time, there is no place for you in the Vale. Your soul disintegrates in the abyss. There is so much corruption here in the empire, Purity. So much is not as it should be. I want to learn their secret and stop anyone else being reborn and manipulated. As the Aidis, it is my job to protect the souls of the Unseen Lands. And the way Graces are being used here has changed a lot even since my father’s time here. I’ve been learning everything I can about them.”

I nodded slowly. Yes, this seemed to be a way to make a positive difference. Even after such a short time in this world, I could tell that something was deeply wrong among the Graces of Atos. “I want to help.”

A knowing smile with a strangely savage edge spread across his face. “I hoped you would say that. You might not remember, but we make a good team.”

The shiver of excitement and expectation that ran down my spine was all too real.

He held up a finger. “But if you change your mind and want to return home with me, stepping away from all this mess, just say the word.” He grimaced. “Seeing you caged here has been more painful than I had anticipated, especially when you didn’t even know who you were.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to leave now. I want to help. I want to find out what’s going on and stop more people getting hurt. But I also want to protect the people of Atos who rely on the Graces. Those people in the hospital…they had nobody.”

He smiled and tilted his head fondly to one side as if I reminded him of something. He lifted his hand halfway to my arm as if on instinct before letting it fall.

He cleared his throat and stood up, taking a few strides toward me. “Then maybe you’ll allow me to start courting you, Lady Purity.”

I snorted in a very unladylike manner. “Isn’t that what you’ve already been trying to do?”

He grinned. “Barely. I have much, much more up my sleeve.” He stepped closer, and my stomach dipped. He lowered his voice. “But we must continue to keep it secret. If people find out you’re the Grace I wish to take as my wife, you will become a target. And I want you to have the space to come to your own conclusions. Others will also be far more careful of what they let you see and hear, which might hinder our investigations. So forgive me if I’m cold to you in public. I will try to make my feelings abundantly clear when we’re in private.”

I nodded. “I understand, and forgive me for asking this, but how do I know I’m the only one you said this to? If I keep it secret with no public interactions, you could play many Graces, making all of them believe they are the only one. All believing they’re Fated.”

His grimace sent a stab of guilt through me. He rubbed his forehead. “I would never…” He winced and took a deep breath. “The memories. If we focus on trying to restore your memories, you’ll know for certain who I am. You’ll know that you can trust me like you used to. But I…I understand your concern. Somebody who says they’re for you while everyone else is against you is a difficult person to trust.”

His voice grew quieter, becoming hoarse. “I think I would feel more comfortable if you remembered everything before we married. There were good things, but also bad things that happened before. I would hate for you to…” He closed his eyes and smoothed his features so I couldn’t tell what he’d been about to say. “The last Fated could remember at least some of her past life. As far as we’re aware, normal Graces remember nothing.”

I swallowed, the strength of his emotions reminding me to be cautious. But I wanted more of this honesty and freedom and to learn if my past life could possibly be true. Could this god of death really be the man I had once loved? Somebody so confident and capable in contrast to me—not to mention attractive—the perfect balm for my loneliness and restlessness. I didn’t feel worthy of his attention, yet I hungered for his knowledge and wisdom—uncensored by the court or my family.

I tossed back my hair and sat up straight, opting for formality to show that I wanted to move forward slowly. “I agree to us getting to know each other better. But I’m saying you can court me, not that I want to be your wife or leave Atos with you. I only have your word about Snow at the moment. Forgive me if it takes time for me to trust you.”

He gave a curt nod. “I understand that. As I said before, I will give you millennia if you need it.”

His dark eyes met mine, and my heart squeezed even as I felt the urge to smile at the serious dramatics of his statement. I couldn’t quite bring myself to tease him for it. Instead, I nodded and rubbed my forehead, the adrenaline ebbing away into exhaustion. After a while, I realized Ethen was still staring at me. The muscles in his face were loose and his expression was unguarded.

He looked away with an awkward swallow when our eyes met as if he realized what he was doing. “You might look different, Purity, but you’re still very, very beautiful.”

Heat rose to my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Saying that I thought he was very attractive as well just felt awkward.

He clapped his hands and stood up. “I will leave you to rest. There is more to tell you about my investigations into the Graces, but they can wait. I know I’ve given you a lot to consider.”

Despite my desire to know everything, he was right. I had a lot to think through already. I nodded. “I’ll see you soon then. Goodnight.”

He bowed and grinned that feral grin that made my heart stutter. “Goodnight, my lady.”

He melted away through the curtains into the shadows. When had it grown so dark? It had been hard to concentrate on anything other than him and the words he was speaking.

I walked to the other side of the room and sat down heavily on the bed. Emotions coursed through me, thick and fast, and I tried to steady myself enough to untangle them. Foremost was shock and confusion, but only slightly below it, I felt excitement. I had to admit the thought of me being head over heels in love with this man was not so hard to believe. Not hard to believe at all. Especially when he said things like he had tonight, with that look in his eyes telling me I was his whole world. My heart was still thudding like I had run around the whole of Yienna.

But I barely knew him. I didn’t wish to be foolish or gullible, and it was hard to believe I’d attracted such devotion—even in a past life. I needed time to arrive at my own conclusions and feelings. He simply had no proof, and I had nobody who could confirm his story. Not to mention that the fragments of memories I had were vague and hard to distinguish from my own dreams. If they were memories at all.

Something fluttering in the breeze caught my eye. On the couch in the middle of the room was a woven basket. On the handle was a silver ribbon. Even without being able to see inside, I knew it contained pomegranates.