Page 92 of Three Widows

She drank in the glorious sight of the lake down the field from her house, realising how lucky she was to live in such a beautiful location. If only the house wasn’t falling down around her ears.

An owl, or maybe a pigeon, hooted in the trees; a dog barked in the distance; the grass rustled around her feet, and the scene became a shrouded backdrop to the horror she encountered in her job. With a sigh, she made her way inside.

Hanging her jacket on the banister, she felt bone weary. It was the dead ends that lowered her mood. She kicked off her boots, removed her socks and massaged her feet. An emptiness lodged in her stomach, a craving hollowness. The urge to have an alcoholic drink was immense. Why now? Was it from the stress of her mother living with her? Rose’s constant repetitive questions? Or was it Sergio? It was no lie that he had taken over Boyd’s attention. She couldn’t be jealous of an eight-year-old, could she? Whatever the reason, it was hard to adjust to this new way of living.

A drink would ease the turmoil in her brain. A small one. No one need know. A sip, maybe? It couldn’t do any harm, could it?

‘Nana Lottie! Why are you sitting on the stairs?’

She smiled as Louis ran to join her. He nestled in on the step and put his head on her arm. ‘It’s cold out here, Nana.’

She hugged him tightly, rousing herself from her musings, hoping the little boy could somehow fill that gnawing void inside her.

‘Where’s your mammy?’

Lottie knew that Katie had a new boyfriend, Benji or something like that. She was probably upstairs plastering make-up on for her first night out in months. She was pleased for her daughter. She deserved happiness after all the heartache she’d endured so far in her young life.

Louis raised an eyebrow quizzically. ‘Mammy is painting her face with a brush. She won’t let me use it. Not fair.’

She couldn’t help but smile at the child. ‘Come with me and we’ll see if there’s any cheese strings in the fridge.’

‘Yes!’ The little boy clapped his hands, then jumped up and ran into the kitchen ahead of her.

Rose was sitting at the table, frantically buttering bread. She was working methodically, creating a tower of buttered slices.

‘What are you doing, Mother?’

‘Making sandwiches,’ Rose said.

‘You don’t need all that bread.’ Lottie picked up the bread wrapper. Only the two heels remained.

‘Are you telling me I don’t know how to butter bread?’ Rose threw the knife onto the table. It hit a plate and fell to the floor. Butter everywhere.

‘I’m simply saying you don’t need so much bread.’ Lottie fetched a cloth and began wiping up the mess.

‘You think I’m useless, don’t you?’

She couldn’t help thinking her mother sounded just like Louis.

Rose continued, ‘I want to go home to my own house. I’m not staying here a second longer.’ She folded her arms like a child and her bottom lip quivered. ‘You’re so mean to me.’

Louis closed the refrigerator door and climbed up on a chair to sit beside his great-granny. He handed her a cheese string. ‘Will you open this for me, Nana Rose?’

‘What in the name of God is that?’ Rose turned her nose up and her lips down.

‘Cheese!’ He thrust it towards her.

‘Get it away from me,’ Rose snapped, and slapped the table as if swatting a fly.

Louis got down from the chair, his bottom lip quivering. ‘Nana Lottie?’

‘I’ll do it for you, pet.’ When she had the wrapper peeled off, she handed him the cheese. ‘Louis, go and find Sean. He might let you play a game on his PlayStation.’

‘Yeah!’

She watched him scamper off, wishing she could escape too.

‘Why do you allow that child to run everywhere?’ Rose said. ‘Has he forgotten how to walk?’