Page 99 of Three

I don’t remember that. But I was upset when I started reading it and shoved the letter in the drawer as soon as I got home, never wanting to see it again.

It was stupid of me since it could have been helpful to resolve this mess. I get behind Ramiel’s shoulders to look at the piece of paper.

“I found… Damn, I can’t read this word. His hand must have been shaking.” Michael huffs.

“He was a drug addict, and this letter is about his best friend’s death. He must have been very upset when he wrote it,” Ollie utters.

“…and there’s new information about what…” Rague’s deep voice stops.

“He should have just told you face to face,” Raph unhelpfully declares.

“…happened,” Michael adds. “Why did u?—”

“…do it? Why did you do it, Hunter?” Uri finishes.

Fuck! I remember this part.

“Loretta’s…cult?” Ramiel’s brows are wrinkling with the effort.

“Guilt,” I correct him without the need to read it. Those words are imprinted in my head. “Loretta’s guilt killed her, not the drugs,” I finish.

“Why did she feel guilty?” Ramiel turns to me. My eyes are closed, but I feel his body shifting in front of me. “Hunter?”

When I look at him, his gold-brown eyes are almost shining, demanding the whole truth.

“That evening, when I arrived at St. Joseph’s, I did hear Loretta and Cal, but…”

“You didn’t kill him. She did.” Uri takes the words out of my mouth.

“What?” Michael almost screams, making Raph move quickly to pull him into his arms.

“I knew it.” Uri has a small smirk on his face, like he’s fucking proud of himself.

Ramiel’s nostrils are flaring, his gaze full of fire and…betrayal. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I—”

He doesn’t let me talk. “I had my suspicions after seeing the pics from the crime scene. Cal fell too close to the pulpit because Loretta pushed him off, not you. Hell, you never said anything, Hunter! You should have told me.”

“I never lied to you,” I stupidly blurt out, copying his earlier words. It’s just a self-defense impulse.

His bitter laugh is like a stab to the heart. “Right. I should have asked you point blank: did you kill your cousin?”

“Yes!” I say vehemently. “That’s what I replied every single time I was asked…by the police, my family, my colleagues, my cellmates. Every-fucking-body. Because nobody should ever know she did it.”

“Why?” Ramiel asks with a quiver in his voice.

“Because I would’ve done it if Loretta hadn’t. Worse! I would’ve torn every single limb off him and waited for him to bleed to death in the fucking house of his God. A blind God, that let a priest rape and abuse innocent children.” I’m panting. My chest is heaving, and my throat hurts, but I keep going, looking straight at Ramiel. There’s nobody else in the room but me and him. “I saw Cal’s body fall from the pulpit, and when I looked up, there was Loretta. Her big, frightened brown eyes spilling tears, her ponytail half loose, her jean jacket and t-shirt torn at the shoulder. She looked so fucking lost and scared and young. I told her to leave, to leave and never come back. That I would take care of it.”

“And she did,” Michael whispers.

“It didn’t matter, did it? She killed herself a year later. Couldn’t live with it.” I stroke the two bracelets on my wrists. “You are the first person I ever talked to about it, Ramiel. The only person I wanted to tell the truth to.”

“So why didn’t you?” he retorts. His soft, breaking voice grips at my insides.

“Because it’s my sword of Damocles to carry, nobody else’s.”

“You’re an idiot!” Ramiel suddenly punches me hard in the chest. And then again. “A huge, grizzly asshole!” Another strong punch and another. And I let him. Because I know I deserve his anger. “You don’t get it do you? What I have been doing all this time? Fucking helping you! Trying to protect you, you dick! I couldn’t give a furry crack of a rat’s ass about your sword. My numbness is gone… Gone!” he bites out. “And do you know why? Because I needed to feel you.You! I needed to be completeforyou,withyou, to share everything. You made me fucking whole again, Hunter. I give everything to you. And you don’t!”