Page 16

Chapter sixteen

Ryder

Three Years Later

Sitting at my desk, my phone goes off.

My soon-to-be wife: When you come in later today, can you please bring me a latte? I'm dying and it's all your fault. ??

I smile at the contact name. She changed it to that the day after I proposed.

How is it my fault?

My soon-to-be wife: You kept me up all night, it is very much your fault.

I laugh out loud at that one.

Whatever you say. I'll bring you your latte.

My soon-to-be-wife: Thank you so much. You are a lifesaver. I love you babes. I'll see you when you get here. ??

Love you too.

Chase walks into my office, his broad shoulders filling the doorway as he checks his watch.

"Man, we have to go. We need to pick up the tuxes before the shop closes. If we don't, your fiancée is going to kill both of us. You know she's perfectly capable of it. We were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago." He drums his fingers anxiously against the doorframe.

"Okay, okay I'm ready. I was just finishing up my vows." I say getting up and grabbing my suit jacket.

"You are just NOW finishing your vows? Your wedding is in three days. You should have had them done weeks ago."

"What, they are basically done. I was just adding some stuff here and there." I say defensively, knowing full well it's a complete lie.

Which is basically true. If you count the two measly lines I had before as basically done, then yes, I was basically done. I've been staring at this blank page for hours, and those pathetic lines are all I have to show for it. Maybe I should just google vows and go with whatever comes up—people do that all the time, right?

It's not that I don't love her, or that I don't want to marry her. Because I do, more than anything. It's just hard to put it down on paper, to find the right words that capture everything I'm feeling. Especially having August as a groomsman, and Danie as a bridesmaid. It's just a difficult situation.

"If you say so, but if you get up there and don't have anything to say. She will kill you." he says as we walk down the stairs.

"I'll be fine. I've got a few ideas floating around in my head already. Now lets pick up the tuxes and head to Rising Sun. We have to make a stop and pick her up a latte. She's a little tired today." I say thinking about her text message asking for her caffeine fix.

Walking into Rising Sun with a steaming vanilla latte in hand, Peggy the front desk receptionist greets both me and Chase with her usual cheerful demeanor. Her silver-streaked hair is pulled back in a neat bun today, and her reading glasses are perched on the end of her nose.

"Hello cuties, the girls are in her office," the mature receptionist tells us, flashing a friendly grin as she glances up from her current romance novel. She notices the drinks in our hands, "What perfect timing. She's been desperately waiting for that."

I smile warmly at the kind receptionist, "Thank you, Ms. Peggy. I'm surprised she wasn't waiting for it in the parking lot. Pacing back and forth like a caffeine-starved zombie." The mental image makes me chuckle, knowing it's not far from the truth.

Chase and I make our way to the office, and just outside the door, we can hear laughter spilling from the room. Opening the door, she practically bounces across the floor to me and gives me the biggest, most enthusiastic kiss while simultaneously snatching the coffee from my hands.

"Hey baby," she says in her sweet voice. "I've been waiting for you all day." Her eyes are locked onto the steaming latte. Of course she is talking to the coffee—not me. I just shake my head, amused but not surprised by her priorities.

"V, get over here right now! We still need to finish these seating cards, and they're not going to write themselves," Danie calls out.

"Okay, I'm coming." Victoria turns to look at me, her blue eyes twinkling with amusement as she rolls them dramatically. "She is a drill sergeant when she gets into planning mode like this."

I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me again. "Yeah, but if she wasn't so incredibly organized and demanding, this wedding wouldn't be happening on schedule." I kiss her once more, slow and sweet, before reluctantly releasing her to go back to the table where Danie sits surrounded by stacks of pristine white cards and calligraphy pens.

"Did you boys manage to pick up all the tuxes?" Danie asks, not looking up from her meticulous calligraphy work as she carefully writes on another seating card. Her eyes are laser focused on the delicate strokes of the pen across the paper.

Chase puts a hand over his heart and stumbles backwards dramatically in mock offense, nearly bumping into the wall. "I am wounded that you would ever doubt me, baby girl. After all we've been through together? Of course, I got them picked up. Every single tux is pressed, fitted, and ready to make us look like the dashing gentlemen we are."

I watch Victoria and Danie work on the seating cards while Chase pulls up a chair next to them, immediately launching into some story about his latest security contract. His animated gestures make Victoria laugh, nearly messing up her careful writing.

"How's the vow writing coming along?" Victoria asks. "You better not be planning to wing it up there."

"It's progressing," I hedge, not wanting to admit how badly I'm struggling with putting my feelings into words. "I've got some solid ideas."

Danie snorts, not even bothering to look up from her task. "That means he hasn't written a damn thing yet."

"I have!" I protest, though my defense sounds weak even to my own ears. "I've got more than two lines now."

Victoria sets down her pen and fixes me with that look—the one that says she sees right through me. "Ryder Donovan, our wedding is in three days. Three. Days."

"I know. Trust me, they'll be perfect." I move behind her chair and massage her shoulders, feeling the tension there. "When have I ever let you down?"

She leans back into my touch, humming contentedly. "Never. But there's a first time for everything."

"Not with this," I promise. The familiar scent of her shampoo fills my senses, and for a moment I'm struck by how incredibly lucky I am. Maybe that's what I should write about in my vows. How lucky I am that she came into my life. Pulling me out of a darkness I never thought I was going to escape.

"Well, while you're standing there being useless, you could at least help us sort these cards by table number," Danie suggests, pushing a stack toward me.

I pull up a chair, accepting my assigned task. As I sort through the cards, I can't help stealing glances at Victoria, watching her deep in concentration as she writes. I know that marrying her is a good choice. Now I just need to figure out how to say that in front of all our guests without diminishing any of the love I still have for Ava.

Looking down at my watch for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes, I see it's 6:46 PM. My leg bounces restlessly under the table as I try to focus on the task at hand. Victoria catches me fidgeting. She always notices everything.

She leans over, "Go ahead babe. I know what time it is." The warmth of her understanding smile matches the tender kiss she places on my cheek before returning her attention to the place card in front of her, carefully writing someone's name in her elegant script. She knows my evening routine is important to me, especially with all the wedding stress lately, and I'm grateful she doesn't make me explain.

As I stand to leave, Chase tries to stop me. "We still have like 20 cards left." His objection is immediately followed by a sharp, "Oww!" He glares at Danie, who apparently just kicked him under the table. I suppress a smirk.

"It's almost 7:00," she says pointedly, giving Chase a meaningful look. Everyone knows about my evening routine by now.

Chase glances down at his watch, realization dawning on his face. "Oh, sorry man. Go ahead. We'll finish this." He waves his hand dismissively at the pile of remaining place cards for the wedding reception.

"Thanks. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I grab my jacket from the back of my chair and bend down to give Victoria a kiss on the cheek.

I make my way down the familiar hallway to suite 14, nodding at nurse Jenkins as she exits another room. After three years, the staff here at Rising Sun have become like family. They've watched me come religiously every weekday, never missing a visit unless work absolutely demanded it.

"Evening Ryder," Sarah, one of the newer nurses and Victoria's best friend, calls out with a sympathetic smile. "She has had a good day today. Her vitals are strong." It’s what they say every day. Basically saying there is no change.

I return her greeting but keep walking. The pull to reach Ava's room grows stronger with each step. It's like this every time—this urgent need to see her, to confirm she's still here, still fighting.

My footsteps slow as I approach her doo r. The moment I step inside and see her still lying there, it’s like my lungs can finally expand fully again. As if I've been holding my breath since leaving her yesterday, and only now can I properly breathe again. Even with all the wires and tubes, she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on.

"Hey sweetheart," I whisper, crossing to her bedside. I lean down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, breathing in the clean soap scent that has replaced her usual vanilla perfume. Settling into my usual chair, I take her delicate hand in mine, careful of the IV line.

The guilt immediately starts bubbling to the surface—thoughts of Victoria and the upcoming wedding trying to intrude. But I push them away. This time with Ava is sacred. I finally had to admit to myself that she may never wake up, and I had to find a way to keep living. Even though I’ve done that, my heart will always belong to her.

Sitting beside Ava's bed, my thoughts drift to how Victoria and I started dating. It wasn't exactly romantic—more like convenient timing two years ago. Everyone had been riding my ass about dating again, especially Danie and August. The irony wasn't lost on me that neither of them are in serious relationships themselves, yet they feel entitled to lecture me about moving on.

That particular day, Danie had cornered me during one of her visits to Ava. She gave me the same speech I'd heard a dozen times before.

"Ava wouldn't want this life for you Ryder. If you can even call it that. You are going to have to start living again at some point. Ava wouldn’t want you to just pause your entire life just because her life is on pause. She would want you to be happy again." As if I wasn't living. Just because I spend most of my free time here with Ava doesn't mean I’m not living.

Victoria walks in right in the middle of Danie's lecture, coming to check Ava's vitals like she did every afternoon. Something about her gentle way with Ava has always caught my attention. Maybe it was just timing, or maybe I was tired of the constant pressure, but I asked her out to dinner right there.

Dating Victoria meant compromising on my time with Ava. I can't spend every free moment here anymore. We worked out a schedule—I'd visit between 6 PM and 8 PM Monday through Thursday, and on Sundays at noon. Victoria has never complained about my visits with Ava, never tried to change them. She understands this is a part of who I am, a part of the package deal she is getting into. I think the fact that she doesn’t try to stop my visits is a large part of why we work.

This got everyone to back off because i t gave them what they wanted—proof I was moving on. But sitting here holding Ava's hand, I know the truth. You don't move on from something like this, it stays with you. A love like this takes root deep within your soul, the gnarled vines grow, wrapping tightly around your heart, never letting go. I will always belong to Ava.

I gently stroke Ava's hand, my thumb tracing familiar patterns across her skin. I know what I have to do. I’ve been avoiding this conversation for months. I always feel like I’m about to confess my betrayal.

"I should probably tell you about the wedding," I say softly, though I know she can't respond. "It's in three days. Victoria's been amazing with all the planning. Danie too, actually. You'd be proud of how well they work together. It's been three years since I have been able to hear your voice, see your eyes, listen to your laugh. Three years of waiting for you to wake up."

My throat tightens as I think about the vows I still need to write. How do I put into words my commitment to Victoria while I’m sitting here holding the hand of another woman that I love? That feels like a betrayal to Victoria. This is such a fucked up situation.

"I wish you could tell me what to do, Ava. You always knew exactly what to say to cut through my bullshit." I let out a quiet laugh, remembering how direct she could be. "I love Victoria, I do. She's patient and kind, and she accepts this—accepts that I come here every day. She doesn’t come to the club. It’s not her thing. Which I’m okay with. Because that was our thing. I haven’t been able to enjoy that since you."

I run my thumb across Ava's knuckles, the familiar gesture both comforting and painful at the same time. "But, these vows are killing me, sweetheart. Every time I try to write them, the words feel hollow. It feels wrong because it’s not you."

The steady beep of the heart monitor fills the silence as I gather my thoughts. Victoria is perfect on paper—supportive, understanding, stable. She accepts my daily visits here without complaint. But that fire, that intensity I had with Ava? It's not there.

Victoria has never shown interest in Club X, politely changing the subject whenever I've hinted at that aspect of my life. We've settled into a comfortable routine—morning coffee, work, dinner together three times a week, quiet evenings at home. Safe. Predictable. The complete opposite of the passionate chaos Ava brought to my life. Don't get me wrong, the sex is good. Just not what it was with Ava, because it’s not Ava.

"Remember that first night at the club? " I whisper to Ava. "God you were beautiful."

I lean back in the chair, scrubbing a hand over my face. The truth is, I've let that part of myself go dormant. The Dom who commanded respect, who craved the exchange of power—he's been replaced by someone who goes to bed by 10 PM and discusses kitchen renovations over Sunday brunch.

Victoria tries to keep things exciting in the bedroom, I'll give her that. I play along, but it's not the same. After she falls asleep, I find myself unable to escape the memories of Ava. I slip out of bed, sneak into the bathroom, and replay that last night I spent together with Ava, it haunts me. I touch myself, thinking of her, and then I go back to bed, hoping for a few hours of dreamless sleep. It's not that Victoria isn't beautiful or desirable, it's just that my heart and my body craves the intensity and passion that only Ava can give me.

"Maybe that's why these vows won't come," I admit quietly. "How do I promise forever when I know what the real thing feels like? When I remember how it felt to have someone match me step for step, challenge for challenge?"

Looking at my watch, I see it's already past 9:00 PM. The evening has slipped away from me as it always does when I'm with Ava, lost in memories and one-sided conversation.

Standing up from the chair that has molded to my body over countless visits over the years, I lean down and press a soft kiss to her forehead. Her skin is cool beneath my lips. I straighten up and gather my jacket.

At the doorway, I pause for one final look. The dim evening light filtering through the window casts long shadows across her peaceful face. Three years in this bed, yet she hasn't aged a day. She's frozen in time while the rest of us keep moving forward, pulled along by life's relentless current.

The drive home is quiet. No radio, just the hum of tires on pavement and my thoughts for company. Victoria will probably be in bed by now. Our comfortable house with its pristine lawn and white picket fence awaits, so different from the urban apartment I once had.

Three days until I marry Victoria. Three days until I officially start my new life, the one everyone says I deserve. The responsible choice. The healthy choice. The right choice.

As I pull into the driveway, I see the porch light Victoria always leaves on for me. Such a simple gesture, she really does care for me.

I head inside to my waiting future, leaving behind the woman who still holds pieces of my heart that I’ll never get back.