Page 45 of Those That Are Lost

I really don’t deserve her, do I?

Releasing my hold on the shadows, I ease us up now she’s lucid once more.

Her face is streaked with tears and mud from the cold ground. Her braided hair looks wild as strands have been pulled free in her thrashing.

She pulls out of my hold to sit cross legged as the world comes back to her. Part of me commands that I pull her into my lap, but I recognise the selfishness for what it is.

I want her. I need her. But she doesn’t need me. I’ve done nothing but traumatise her and refuse to leave her alone. She’s said she’s glad I’m alive, but if I can trigger her like this, I shouldn’t be around her.

Henry comes closer again as I force the shadows to recede further.

“Hey,” he addresses Red as he sits down beside her. “How are you feeling?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause such a fuss.” She wipes her cheeks with her palm, her voice weak from the screaming.

“No. You don’t need to apologise.”

“Gods, I’m so embarrassed,” Red admits.

“Again, you don’t need to be embarrassed, Rory. That wasn’t something you could control.” His gaze forces her to look at him, and I know she registers the sincerity in his expression. I watch as she nods at his words, taking them onboard, no doubt using them to squash the voices in her head telling her otherwise.

I zone out as they continue to talk. I can sense Henry is easing her discomfort. He’ll do a good job of looking after her.

I always thought he would, it’s why I told her to seek him out.

I ease myself away from them slowly, and they don’t seem to notice as I withdraw. Standing, I catch Ash’s eye and take a few steps towards him.

“Is she okay now?” he whispers quietly so only I can hear him. I look over to where the other wolves have all moved to the other end of the cleared pitch. They’re standing around chatting whilst a few of them playfight in their wolf forms in the snow beyond. I’m grateful they provided Red with some privacy.

“I think so,” I tell him.

Sparing another glance down, I see Henry now has his arm around Red again as they talk. She’s fiddling with her hands in her lap but her head leans on his shoulder.

The earlier jealousy I felt returns but it's coated in a level of understanding now. He can give her what I can’t. He won’t remind her of the most traumatic days of her life.

“I’m going to head off,” I tell Ash.

“Don’t you want to walk back with them?” he replies, giving me a confused look.

“Nah, Henry will look after her. I need a few minutes alone.”

His eyebrow hooks up like I’m being an idiot right now but I don’t care. I’m seeing this more clearly than I ever have.

I had my shot with her. I blew it on multiple occasions. And if I’m the one who can trigger such a visceral attack, I shouldn’t be near her.

Blowing out a long breath I shake my head and turn my back on him.

As I get to the treeline, my chest feels like it's going to cave in, each breath feels harder than the last. I force myself to keep going. I even force the shadows to leave me as they glide to my feet, dancing through my legs as I walk.

I want to be alone, entirely alone.

CHAPTER 21

AURORA

My limbs feel like lead. It takes me forever to feel steady enough to stand and when I do, I immediately look for where Ty has gone.

Henry stands at my side, hand hovering to balance me in case I wobble. I just want to get Ty and head back to our room for a nap.