Page 25

Parker

The last of our bags was in the truck, and throughout the morning, Anya and I had already said our goodbyes to the majority of my family. Cameron and Ivy the night before—they both had to work early. Erik just a little bit ago before he headed over to Ian and Harlow’s house, they’d all left together. Poppy and Jax came over for breakfast, and my youngest sister wept as she hugged me.

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she said around messy sniffles. “I’m gonna see you at your first preseason game.”

Gently, I patted her back. “That’s what happens when you’re eighteen months pregnant and have to say goodbye to your favorite brother. If Cameron and Ian weren’t such dicks all the time, maybe you’d cry for them too.”

It had the desired result, a slight eye roll that cut through the tears. Jax merely smiled at her, outrageous affection in every single glance in my sister’s direction. “I need to head to work, angel.” He leaned in for a lingering kiss, hand resting on her belly. “I’ll see you at home, all right?”

She nodded, cheeks slightly flushed. I elbowed her after he walked away. “Don’t you have a job to do too?”

“I’m gonna stay and hang out with Mom for a while. You know it’s always hard for her when everyone leaves.” Poppy elbowed me right back, and I rubbed at my side with a grimace.

“Erik is staying with Isla for another night though.”

“Yeah, but he’s in the guesthouse.” Poppy sighed, squinting into the sun as she glanced back at the house. “Did you say goodbye to her yet?”

I shook my head. “Heading in to do that now. She was crying when Anya and Leo went out to the truck, so I wanted to give her a minute.”

“Please. She’s going to be a wreck all morning. A minute won’t do shit.”

With a sigh, I dropped a kiss on the top of my sister’s head. “Fair enough. Might as well get it over with.”

Poppy stayed out in the front, waddling over to the truck to talk to Anya through the passenger window. The house was quiet when I walked in, and Sheila’s back was to me where she stood at the kitchen counter, a yellow ceramic bowl in front of her, and the movement of her body told me mixing something by hand.

I came up behind her, wrapping my arms around her and setting my chin on the top of her head. “What are we making?”

She sighed, leaning back into my hold for a moment. “Some chocolate cupcakes. I was craving something sweet after those brownies that Ivy tried to pass off as dessert last night after dinner.”

My brows knitted together. “I thought they were hockey pucks.”

Mom laughed. “She is trying, but Lord, it is a hardship trying to eat anything that comes out of her kitchen.”

“Need any help?” I dropped my arms, hitching my hip against the counter as I watched her folding the batter together.

Her focus remained entirely on the cupcakes, and I could tell just from her profile that she’d been crying. “Sure, honey. You can grab those liners from the pantry and stick them in the tin.”

Even though Anya and Leo were waiting, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity for one more quiet moment with this woman I loved so much. We worked shoulder to shoulder for a few minutes, her scooping the batter into the cups after I’d tapped the ivory paper liners in.

When the tin was full, the decadent whiff of chocolate had me humming appreciatively as she set them in the oven. Sheila finally looked at me with her slightly red-rimmed eyes, handing over the spoon coated in chocolate batter.

Wordlessly, I took it, sliding it in my mouth to clean the remainder off.

She scooped another spoonful off the edges and handed it to me again. “Your father used to think I was nuts for letting you lick the spatula.”

“His greatest error in life,” I said even though my chest hurt from the weight of the memories. “He didn’t like eating uncooked dough or batter.”

Sheila laughed. “If that’s his worst trait, I think he did all right.”

“Indeed,” I answered softly.

She set the bowl in the sink and filled it with hot, soapy water to let it soak, then dried her hands off using the towel slung over her shoulder.

“Training camp tomorrow, right?” she asked.

I nodded. “Hard to believe, but yeah. Guys are gonna give me shit for missing the last few days of training, but Coach said it was all right.”

She snorted. “They fined you for missing workouts, didn’t they?”

I grinned. “Yup.” I nudged her with my shoulder. “Worth every penny.”

“I’m glad you came back home, honey. We needed this, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, Mom. We did.”

After a pause, she spoke again. “I didn’t get to talk to you very much about Anya.”

“I knew I should’ve left the baby at home with Louise. He’s such an attention hog.”

Mom elbowed me in the stomach, and I laughed quietly.

“What about her?” I asked.

That was when she turned and looked me in the eye with a devastating sort of directness. It made me want to hide. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see this day, Parker. Where you let someone like her in.”

There was an uncomfortable sensation turning sideways in my stomach, and I did my best to ignore it. “Someone like her?”

Sheila glanced down for a moment, like she was gathering herself. “We all need different things from the people in our life. Everyone has a role, they close the gaps inside us that we might not be able to reach on our own. And I wasn’t sure you’d allow anyone into the space that I see her filling.”

I kept my voice steady. “Which one is that?”

When she redirected her gaze, I could see how the past couple of years had aged her. How long had I gone without noticing things like that? The new wrinkles and the new gray. The tiredness that she couldn’t quite hide. She held out her hand and I grabbed it with mine.

“It’s a strong person who can look our fears in the face and not walk away,” Sheila said. “She’s not afraid of you, honey. And I didn’t think you’d let anyone see the things you were trying to hide.”

It was splitting hairs of what I was and wasn’t allowing. Anya saw things I’d never intended, and I still wasn’t sure how to reconcile how good she was at handling them. At handling me.

But the rest? Hiding from my family?

There was no point in denying it. I'd hid as much as I could from all of them. For a while, it felt like my grief would simply blend in with the rest of the family’s. That in the busy-ness of life moving on, mine wouldn’t stand out, wouldn’t seem any more remarkable than theirs. I didn’t love him more because it had been hard, and it wasn’t a competition I set out to win, but wearing those masks around felt like I was doing them a favor.

“I assumed someone would get in my face about it if they noticed,” I admitted. “This family literally cannot help themselves.”

She laughed. “I know. But every once in a while, even your sisters know to give you boys some space. You wanted us to think you were okay.” Gently, she cupped the side of my face. “You didn’t want us to worry, and every single one of you kids have a terrible tendency to think you can make choices that will stop me from doing that.” She smiled. “Believe me, you’re not that powerful. None of you are. You could have a perfect life, whatever that is, and I’d still find a couple of you to lose sleep over. It’s part of being a parent. You’ll see soon enough.”

I folded my arms around Sheila, hugging her as tightly as I dared. She hugged me right back.

“I’ll learn how to do that from you,” I told her. “Is that okay?”

“Of course, honey,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “And if you learned how to be a husband from your father, she’ll be the luckiest woman in the world.”

The guilt made me sick.

“I love you,” I told her quietly.

She said it back, just like she always did, then gripped my hands after she pulled out of the embrace. “We’re coming to your first preseason game, all right? Every single one of us.”

I gave her a wry grin. “Even if you hadn’t told me, I’m sure I’d hear you all the way down on the field.”

She patted my cheek. Hard. Then smiled. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now get that wife and baby home, okay? I expect pictures of Leo every day.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The wife and baby. It was all so normal, wasn’t it? Back to my house. Back to separate bedrooms and no eyes watching us all the time. My gut churned with unease as I walked back to the truck, the press of reality heavier than I expected, the weight of the lie pulling at all my limbs. Anya was on the phone when I pulled open the door, and she gave me a tiny smile when I turned around to check on Leo before hooking my seat belt. He was sound asleep.

“I can work on it when we get home,” she said. “I finished up the sketches for those two new scenes you sent me, too.”

“You’re the best,” Vida answered. “Have a good weekend with the in-laws?”

Anya cut me a quick look. “We did. Parker just got back in the truck and we’re about to head back to Portland.”

“Ahh, so it’s not safe to talk about him. Got it.”

I rolled my eyes and Anya answered around a wide smile. “Exactly.”

“So I shouldn’t ask about his?—”

“Goodbye, Vida,” Anya interrupted, her cheeks flushed.

Vida laughed good-naturedly, and I shook my head as Anya disconnected the call.

“It’s a good thing I love her,” Anya muttered.

“That’s how I feel about every person I’m related to.”

She laughed. “You have a great family, Parker.”

I pulled in a deep breath. “I know.”

Anya glanced at her phone, and before I put the truck in reverse, I saw an impressive to-do list. “Looks like it’s back to work for both of us.”

She nodded, giving me a quick, searching look. “I guess this means the honeymoon’s over, huh?”

Something pinched under my ribs, and I ignored it.

“Yeah. I guess so.”