Page 68 of This Might Hurt

“Mom and Dad always said you did drugs that night and then chose to run away after they confronted you. They never mentioned anything about you having a mental health crisis. Andrew told me that they kicked you out and wouldn’t let you come back, even when you offered to get help.

” Her voice wavers, but she clenches her small jaw in determination and keeps going.

“And he said that there were never any medical grants. You earned all that money for me.”

Great, at least there’s one tiny detail he didn’t rip open and give away without my permission.

Andrew’s watching me, stress in all the lines of his face.

But he doesn’t look sorry, and that makes me so fucking angry.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” I snap at him, not even caring that Lena is watching.

“You had no fucking right to do that.” I push myself to my feet, not sure if I’m going to yell at him more or run for it back into the lonely evening where it doesn’t matter what I do or think, because I have absolutely no one who cares.

“Jude Ellis Bishop.” Lena’s sharp voice makes me jump and stare at her guiltily. She looks furious. “Quit ignoring me, sit down, and listen. Do not speak until I’m done. Okay? Okay.”

“Brat,” I mumble, dropping back into my seat.

“And hold my hand while I talk, you giant knucklehead,” she demands. My heart’s still pounding out of my chest as I take her hand and wait meekly for her to keep going. I decide I’m not going to look at Andrew ever again and that will solve all my problems.

“So,” she continues, in a voice that tells me she’s cried about this enough that she’s not going to break down again now, “I talked to Mom and Dad and asked for an explanation.” I sit up sharply, but she tilts her head in silent warning and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep quiet.

“They got, like, scary upset. I told them that if they didn’t let you come home or at least see me regularly, I’d cut them off.

That…didn’t go well. I know they’re traumatized, but I thought they were healing along with me.

Apparently, they’ve spent the last two years seeing me as nothing more than their ruined, helpless baby. ”

“Lena, no. Don’t let me take them away from you.” I’m too overwhelmed to feel anything besides this aching mess of pain that has no clear beginning or end. All I can think is Andrew, please, but I’m not even allowed to look at him.

“No, listen,” she emphasizes, more patiently this time.

“Our parents have done a lot for us, but they are not good people. My whole life I’ve noticed how they treated me better than you for no reason.

And when I tried to stand up to them, they said I could never cut them off because no one else can handle my medical care.

Just because I’m paralyzed doesn’t mean I don’t get a choice, and I’m choosing not to forgive them for doing this to you. ”

“I—I don’t…” Exhaling helplessly, I stare at my big tan fingers in between her smaller, more delicate ones. This is the part where I’m supposed to say something, but the entire order of my universe just got flipped upside down. I can barely understand what she said, let alone react to it.

When I don’t answer, she shifts her other arm over so both of her hands are touching mine and glances at Andrew.

“I’ve been thinking so much the last couple of days, Jude.

When I go to school in the fall, I need a roommate who can take care of me part-time.

We could find an apartment, and you can get whatever treatment you need.

If you still want to be an English teacher, maybe you could finish your degree there with me.

Yeah?” She watches me with bright puppy dog eyes.

Her hope scares me, like even after everything she’s been through, she still only sees the possibilities and not the obstacles.

“Lena, that’s… There’s…” I need to finish a single goddamn sentence, but it’s not happening. “Maybe?”

She perks up, like she just figured out the answer to all my problems. “Andrew can come too! Sorry, I didn’t think of that.”

Breaking my rule, I glance over at his face, the defined brows and strong nose, his dark, worried eyes.

He’s trying so fucking hard to keep all his feelings hidden so that I can talk to her without his opinions influencing me.

But I hate it, because we’re supposed to be in this together and he’s giving me nothing to work with.

“Where?” I stammer finally, not even sure what I’m asking her. But she beams blindingly.

“I’ve researched so many apartments near campus.

I found one where you can have pets, but there’s an ugly green wall in the living room and I already asked, you can’t paint over it.

Or there’s one that comes with an electric fireplace, but the countertops are speckled, which means you would never wipe up after yourself and that would be super gross for me. ”

We both glance up at the sudden snort of laughter from across the table. Andrew is gazing at Lena with a perplexed but genuine smile. Yep, I want to tell him. That’s Lena. Do you understand now, everything I’ve done for her?

Lena squeaks in excitement, and I realize I’ve accidentally started smiling too, telling her yes with my face before my mind can line up all the reasons this might not work.

“Hold on,” I protest, waving a hand at her to calm down.

“I haven’t said yes. But we’ll think about it.

Would you get mad at me if I didn’t put the toilet paper on the little holder? ”

“Yes.”

I sit back and shake my head. “Never mind, then.”

Her laugh dies when the bag on the back of her chair starts vibrating, followed by a ringtone of chirping birds. I start to reach for it, and she sucks in a breath. “Um—”

“Is it them?” Fucking Ron. I glance around at the huge windows onto the twilight parking lot, telling myself my parents aren’t out there watching us, that they won’t come charging in here and make sure I understand, once and for all, that they wish I’d never been born.

“Jude,” she says in that calming, confident voice that will make her a great therapist, “would you please go pay for the food? Andrew can help me with the phone.”

“I—” The loud ringtone is scrambling my thoughts. “Are you sure you don’t need me?”

“What I need is for you to not listen while I talk to Mom and Dad, okay?” She looks freaked out, and I remember what she said about them coming unglued when she confronted them.

Every instinct in my body tells me not to go, but I force myself to my feet and take a step toward the register on the far side of the empty restaurant.

Andrew’s already jumping up to circle the table and grab her phone.

He’s good. He’s safe. He’ll take care of her as well as I could.

I stalk across the dining room to the front counter.

Ron is right there, I can see him walking out from the kitchen, but I slam the Have you been served?

bell a couple of times anyway. Lena’s phone has stopped ringing.

When I look back, Andrew’s holding it to her ear with his head ducked low next to hers, listening.

If I wasn’t freaking out, I’d think about how sweet they look together, with their matching serious faces.

How living with the two of them is the kind of blissful thing I would have dreamed about behind some truck stop and cried when I woke up.

“Sixty-seven fifty,” Ron grumbles behind me.

“Jesus. You couldn’t buy some decent fucking ingredients with those prices?” I still have Andrew’s credit card in my pocket from earlier today, so I make him pay for the un-buttered hash browns. “Why’d you have to call my parents, anyway? Did your dog shit in your Cheerios this morning?”

“I know you’re not supposed to be talking to your sister. She’s a good girl, and everyone keeps an eye on her.”

“Right.” I can feel a thousand snarky answers hanging just out of reach, but I’m too exhausted to find one.

They turned the entire fucking town against me, and I have no idea why.

I write a giant zero under “tip” on the receipt, flip him off, and walk back toward where the two of them are staring at the phone face down on the table.