Page 33 of Things I Wish I Said

He responds in kind by kissing me harder, until my lips are swollen and my head spins, and I don’t even realize he’s moving until his hands encircle my wrists, pinning them to the bed above my head as he leans down to my ear .

“Let me make you feel good, Ry,” he whispers, sending a shiver down my spine.

I nod, unable to speak, knowing it’s better than the mortifying moan threatening to leave my lips.

One hand slips beneath my ass, lifting me and angling me so the throbbing in my center aligns perfectly with his groin.

I buck, moving my hips against his hardness, and he groans.

My skin catches fire.

The world around me spins.

I’m not even sure if I’m breathing when he pulls away to lift my shirt.

His mouth trails down my neck, my breasts and stomach, like he’s tracing his own personal roadmap.

I feel the scrape of his teeth right above my waistband at the same time his fingers curl around it.

“Let me make you feel good, Ry.”

Lust pools in my gut, his words unfurling like a flower as I realize what he means.

I glance down at him and our eyes lock as he licks his lips.

Slowly, he unbuttons my jean shorts while the breath hitches in my lungs, a cocky smirk tugging the corners of his mouth.

He pushes them down my legs, revealing a pair of black lacy panties. His breath hitches as he stares.

Anticipation curls in my stomach, and then he’s lowering his head, the warmth of his mouth—his tongue—against the lace, and I gasp .

Bang, bang, bang, bang . “Ryleigh, I thought I told you to keep the door open?”

Shit.

His gaze darts to the door and back while I shake my head frantically. “Don’t stop,” I whisper.

He grins before dipping his head again, his hot breath cascading over my throbbing center as he lowers his mouth, tasting the skin at my inner thigh, teasing me, just beyond the edge of my panties.

More .

His tongue snakes out, dipping below the edge of the fabric and I arch my back, needing more at the same time his fingers find me, pushing the fabric aside, and I moan.

Bang, bang, bang, bang .

He slides another finger inside me while his mouth soothes the pulsing ache.

“Ryleigh!”

Grayson curses and rises above me, palming me as he kisses my mouth, silencing me with his tongue while he moves his fingers, his thumb hitting the sensitive bundle of nerves while his finger curls.

My body shakes. Trembles. Erupts.

My eyes fly wide open at the same time I gasp, fireworks exploding inside my core. My breath rasps, body pulsing.

“That’s it! You have two seconds before I unlock this door, and then I’m coming in! ”

I couldn’t move if I wanted to. A tornado could blow through my room, and I’d stay right here, riding this wave until I crash.

The sound of the key in the lock startles us into movement.

Grayson yanks my shorts up, quickly buttoning them since I’m seemingly incapacitated, before scrambling to his feet.

The lock slides open as reality crashes back in, and I hurry to right myself on the bed, smoothing down my T-shirt just as the door swings open.

Glancing over at Grayson with wide eyes, I see he’s grabbed my remote and is scrolling Netflix. How the hell he reacted so quickly is beyond me. Then again, he wasn’t the one with my head between his legs just now.

Mom’s gaze flicks over the room and back, her eyes narrowed. “Why was the door locked? And why did you ignore me.”

“Huh? I answered you,” I lie. “And I didn’t realize it was locked,” I say with a shrug. “Bad habit.”

“Keep it open,” Mom warns. “John and Katie are coming over for dinner.”

I nod like it’s no big deal, and once she’s out of sight, I turn to him and toss a pillow at his head. “You’re right. You are trouble.”

“Me?” He points at himself, then closes the gap between us, his gaze traveling from my mouth, which I have no doubt is swollen, to my chest before he groans. “If I recall, you’re the one who told me not to stop.”

“Yeah, well. I couldn’t think. My hormones were clouding my judgment. I can’t be held accountable in that state.”

“Mm-hmm.” He grins, then draws closer and pecks me on the mouth. I’m about to offer a return favor when he adds, “I should go.”

My stomach twists, but I try not to let my disappointment show. “Yeah. You probably don’t want to be here when John and Katie get here anyway.” I roll my eyes, and he laughs.

“They didn’t seem too bad at dinner.”

They’re not, but for some reason, it’s easier to pretend they are.

“Are you sure you have to leave?” I stand, suddenly self-conscious about what we just did.

“I have a game tonight.”

“Oh.” I forgot, and since John hasn’t been around all week, I have no doubt my mother will want me to have dinner with them instead of going to Grayson’s game. “Well, I could . . .” I glance at him, biting my lip. “You know, return the favor before you go?”

Grayson reaches out, drawing me in and pressing a kiss against my forehead before lowering his mouth and whispering in my ear. “It wasn’t a favor. It was my pleasure.”

When I wake the next morning to a hacking cough that won’t quit and a tight chest, I’m disappointed. I desperately wanted to go to Grayson’s game today, but he has a doubleheader, and the heat index is supposed to be well over one hundred degrees. Based on the way I’m feeling now, I’d be miserable.

I send him a quick text, hoping he gets it before his game so he’s not worried when I don’t show.

ME :

Hey, I don’t think I’m going to make it today. Rain check? Call me after your games.

I hit send and smile when my phone rings a minute later. I answer and press it to my ear.

“Is everything okay?” Grayson asks immediately.

I half laugh, half cough. “We really need to work on this texting thing.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

I sigh, skirting the truth. “I’m just kind of tired. Didn’t sleep great, and since it’s going to be so hot, I think it’s best if I just stay put.”

“You’re sure that’s all that’s wrong?”

“Positive.”

“It’s not because of . . . yesterday?”

My cheeks flush at the memory. I should probably be embarrassed at how quickly I responded to Grayson’s touch. It makes me wonder what we could do with more time and privacy. But I have no idea if that was a one-time thing, and I’m not about to ask, so I clear my throat and answer, “Uh, no.”

“Okay, good.” He sighs in relief. “You have your appointment tomorrow, right?”

“Yep. The big one.” My nerves tighten at the thought.

Tomorrow, everything might change. Either the doctor will look at my scans and tell me I’m cancer free. Or not.

I try not to think about what it means if I’m not.

“You’ll call me? Let me know how it goes,” he asks.

“I’ll text you.” I grin, knowing he’s rolling his eyes.

“Then I’ll call you.”

“Good luck at your game,” I say.

“Thanks. Later, Sinclair.”

I exhale and set my phone back on the nightstand, deciding on a cup of tea with honey to help with my cough, followed by a hot shower.

I make my way into the kitchen and go through the motions.

I have to clear my throat several times to purge the phlegm, but I don’t give it much thought because my thoughts are on Grayson.

I use the electric kettle to boil the water and pour it into a mug with a teabag, letting it steep before adding some honey.

I know Grayson is worried about hurting me.

He’s used to hooking up with girls, and I know how he feels about dating and love and relationships.

Even if his feelings weren’t clear, I can see how he’s keeping me at arm’s length.

While I’m an open book, he rarely shares anything of significance about himself, and when he does, it’s in microscopic pieces.

Maybe I could puzzle them together if I had enough of them, but I don’t.

He said his father left them, so I assume his parents are divorced, and it wasn’t amicable.

If he’s going to George Mason to follow in his father’s footsteps, then I can also assume they were close once.

Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about him.

Maybe things ended poorly, maybe it got ugly.

It would certainly explain why he doesn’t believe in happy endings where relationships are concerned.

I take my tea back to my bedroom, lost in thought.

I know he lives with his mother, and it’s not lost on me that he’s never taken me to his house.

Even though this wish is for my benefit and requires us to hang out here, more often than not, it still feels deliberate somehow.

Like he’s avoiding it. Like the less he shares with me, the less he has to feel, and the more control he maintains.

I hold my face over the steam of my tea, breathing in the vapors and letting it open my aching lungs before I take a sip.

After what happened yesterday, I believe Grayson when he says he’s attracted to me. He’s simply worried about hurting me. Concerned I’ll want more, regardless of what my future looks like. Regardless of if I even have one.

But he’s wrong.

I know what this is, and I know what it isn’t.

Grayson is mine for the time being, even if only for a stupid wish .

Who knows what the future holds? I might never go to college or walk down the aisle one day. I might never have a serious boyfriend or experience the rush of a first date.

But I can have this.

This wish may have started as a way to convince my mother to allow me to go to the Gatorade awards, but maybe I can have this, too.

Maybe I can feel what it’s like to be a girl with a crush, if only for the rest of the summer.