Page 28 of Things I Wish I Said

My hands clench in my lap with the need to shake her, to make her see what I do.

“You know what I see?” A beat of silence passes before she looks at me, her expression wary.

“I see someone who’s so strong, it intimidates me.

You’re the kind of person who doesn’t give up without a fight.

You stood up to a bully tonight to protect a fucking stranger, regardless of the consequences. ”

“I hardly—”

“I see a girl who does whatever she can to ease the worry of others and make life just a little easier, even if it means sacrificing what she wants and eating nothing but salad if it gives them peace,” I say, interrupting her.

“I see a woman with a wicked sense of humor. A girl who speaks her mind, who’s not afraid of the truth.

Someone who is beautiful.” Her eyes widen.

“Yeah, Sinclair, like it or not, you’re fucking beautiful, and the fact you don’t even know it makes you even more desirable, and no, I’m not just talking about on the inside. Even cancer can’t change that.”

“Grayson—”

“And you’re brave, too. Ry, you’re so fucking brave.”

“I’m not brave,” she chokes out. “I don’t have a choice,” she argues.

“Everyone has a choice. Yet here you are. And instead of hiding in your room or lying in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself, you’re out with me, playing beer pong and dancing and making friends with people you didn’t even know a day ago.”

She turns away from me as if she doesn’t want to believe any of the things I’m saying, and it hurts like a fucking dagger to the chest because I wouldn’t lie to her. Not about this.

“And don’t even get me started on your body,” I say.

Ry groans and covers her face with her hands. “Stop. You’re just saying that.”

When she drops her hands and turns to me, I slowly skim my gaze over her body and back, allowing the flush of desire that accompanies my perusal to play over my face.

“Face it, Sinclair, you’re a fucking baddie.”

She stares at me for a moment, as if she’s reading the truth in my eyes. “I don’t know about all that,” she says, breathless.

“I do.”

And I want to touch her again so badly my fingers ache. I could show her exactly how attractive I think she is.

But I won’t. Not when I stand the chance of hurting her.

I clear my throat, hoping to clear my thoughts.

“Did you at least have any fun tonight?” I ask, changing the subject.

“I did. Actually, it was probably the most fun I’ve had in a while. ”

I stare at the steering wheel before glancing over at her. “Even though I ditched you?”

Her smile falters, her gaze searching mine. I expect her to ask me about it. Maybe I gave her the opening so she could, so I could apologize once more for being an ass in the hope we can forget about it. Strike it from the record.

“Where’d you go?” she asks.

“Out front. I needed a smoke.”

She nods, and I see the subtle tightening of her expression.

I wonder if she hates me for smoking when she’s never touched a cigarette in her life, yet she’s the one with lung cancer.

But I won’t lie to her either, pretend to be something I’m not.

“So, Hannah found you, I presume?”

My brow creases as I slowly nod. “Yeah. Why?”

She lifts a shoulder. “Just wondering. I ran into her in the bathroom, and she was pretty upset. I guess she assumed we were together, and I felt kind of bad letting her think it. I cracked a lot of jokes the day I met her at your game, but I never meant to hurt her. I didn’t realize how into you she was.

” She glances down at her hands, picks at a ragged nail.

“But don’t worry. I set the record straight. ”

I frown. “What do you mean you set the record straight?”

“I told her we’re not really together and sort of . . . I don’t know”?she waves her hand in front of her?“gave her my blessing to go for it.”

So that’s why Hannah was so insistent.

I groan and allow my head to fall back on the seat. “I really wish you wouldn’t have done that.”

“What? She’s gorgeous and seems nice enough. Besides”?her brow furrows?“you called me that night and asked me about other girls. I’m pretty sure it was her in the background, so I thought—”

“Sex, Ry. All I wanted was sex.”

Ryleigh’s cheeks flush, and damn, is it sexy.

“Not everything is about liking someone,” I say. “Sometimes it’s just about sex.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Silence follows, and I feel like a dick, so I add, “But I didn’t sleep with her, just so you know. I went home alone that night.”

“Why?”

I think about how we talked on the phone, how I’d discovered she was in the hospital, and the mood just . . . vanished.

But I don’t say that.

Instead, I shrug and say, “Just wasn’t feeling it.”

“So, you don’t like her?”

“No.”

“I just, I didn’t want to stand in your way.”

“You don’t have to worry about that with me,” I say, holding her gaze.

“And Cameron, is he the type who will only want sex?”

My spine stiffens. I don’t like that she’s wondering about Cameron in this context. Scratch that. I fucking hate it, but I can’t exactly say so, considering I just told her I only want casual sex.

“No,” I choke out. “Cameron isn’t that type.”

It’s true. The dude might crack jokes with the boys, but he’s never been careless with women.

“Listen . . .” I rake a hand through my hair. I have no idea what she’s thinking, and it’s fucking killing me. “I don’t want you to be worried about me and other chicks, okay? And as long as we’re doing this thing”?I motion between us?“I’m not going to have sex with anyone else.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to interfere with your personal life just because of my wish.”

“I’m sure,” I cut her off.

“And what if you want sex? What then?”

I offer her a wry smile. “Despite what you might think, I can control myself, Sinclair.”

A lot of restraint you showed tonight on the dance floor, dickhead.

“For the bulk of the summer? But what if you want—”

“I can easily reacquaint myself with my hand.”

I laugh when her cheeks flush again. I could get used to being the one to make her blush.