Page 60 of They Love Me Knot (Starsfalls Omegaverse #2)

Ciro

I ’ve heard all I need to.

I sneak back the way I came until I reach the end of the alley behind the booths, straightening up and striding back to my own booth.

I have no idea what I thought I would accomplish by following Daphne so closely all week, but I couldn’t help it. With her being just down the street, my alpha was rattling around inside me, skin itching with the need to see her. No, to touch her.

I wouldn’t allow myself that, but being close to my princess when she didn’t know I was there was a little treat I did allow. A treat that hurt no one.

At least that’s what I thought.

I left before I heard everything Alister said to Daphne, but I know he’ll buy us time for me to fix this. There’s no point in waiting around when I could be making up for my behavior.

Alister shouldn’t have to cover for me like this, but I’ll forever be grateful that he has my back.

I walk quickly past the Flower Gully booth, cutting Merle off mid-greeting, “I’m taking the rest of the day off, but I’ll be back later for the awards. Can you handle everything for me?”

I don’t wait for his acknowledgement, continuing down the street to my truck.

I drive to our packhouse as fast as I legally can, despite my alpha pushing for more. His instincts are a jumbled mess in my head, and I’m so used to ignoring them it seems like a foreign presence inside me.

It’s normal for our designations to seem like another mind inside us, impulses driven by instinct and hormones, but it should be one part of the whole, instincts tempered by intelligence.

Now my alpha is practically a wordless mess of howls and growls, urging me to do things I can’t quite understand.

I’m not entirely sure how I’ll fix this, but I have a semblance of a plan. If that doesn’t work, I’ll come up with something else and keep trying, unless Daphne tells me to stop.

The first thing I need to do is explain my past and hope my promise to change will be enough for her to give me a second chance. Then I’ll show her I can be the alpha she deserves.

Which is why I’m rushing home. I have a lot to explain, and I hope I can get it all written down before it’s time for the awards ceremony.

I want to be there to cheer Daphne on, she’s worked so hard on her flower arrangements.

Alister wouldn’t stop texting me updates on her, so I know all about how busy she’s been the past few weeks preparing for the fair.

What I didn’t know until it was almost too late was what Daphne needed for her special arrangement.

It was pure luck I overheard Barclay talking with Merle, wondering if Queen of Hearts ever found the vanilla orchids they were looking for.

My staff know I grow vanilla orchids and that they’re a personal project, not for sale, which is why they told Anicka we didn’t have any without even asking me.

Vanilla has always been one of my favorite scents. Sterling usually makes vanilla desserts just for me, without any of his other usual floral flavors. In return, I give him all the vanilla beans my plants produce.

I’m protective of the orchids because they’re difficult to grow, and I don’t even let my staff in that greenhouse if I can help it. Even when the air conditioning broke, I had to fix it myself.

But when Merle said it was Daphne who wanted the vanilla orchids, I rushed to pick them for her, barely getting them to her in time. I gave her all the flowers that were in bloom, leaving them anonymously, unable to admit my interest in her.

If I’m honest, I know we’re meant to be together. She’s the omega for our pack, my princess.

I’ve been denying it for so long, only thinking about how much pain I would be in if Daphne rejected me. I somehow deluded myself into thinking I wasn’t doing the same to her, that avoiding her before we even dated was better for both of us.

My avoidance was a rejection, however unintentional, and that was just to protect myself.

Seeing Daphne so upset because of my behavior finally made me realize what an idiot I’ve been, how selfish I am.

Daphne is nothing like my ex-pack’s omega.

In hindsight, I recognize the red flags. The way Cary enjoyed pitting us against each other, rewarding the ones who catered to her every whim, icing out anyone who was slow to agree or questioned her.

Suggesting Cary not berate our server for forgetting to refill her drink was met with an icy stare, and pouting and fake tears so my packmates would rush to defend her.

Of course, yes, the server was being purposefully rude.

So many people are prejudiced against omegas, jealous of what they have.

My packmates all eventually agreed with Cary, no matter how clear it was that she was wrong.

I was always the one least likely to give in to her unfair demands. The ones where she wanted us to jump through hoops for her amusement, just to see what she could make us do.

The irony is I would be happy to jump through millions of hoops for Daphne, but that’s because I know she’s a kind person who deserves that kind of devotion. I want to take care of my omega and treat her properly, give her everything she wants. I just need the right one, and that’s Daphne.

My packmates stopped questioning Cary, but I still pushed back, which proved to be my undoing. I held out hope that Cary would eventually feel secure in our affections and stop testing us. Now I think that’s just who she is, though I hope for the sake of my ex-packmates that she’s changed.

If my ex-pack hadn’t kicked me out first, I’m sure I would have left soon enough.

I love my new pack, and I fit in with them better than with my previous one.

Surviving the broken bonds with my first pack was hard enough, but losing the packmates who feel like my true soul brothers… I don’t think I would make it through that.

That’s why I always pushed away any dates they brought around. Acting indifferent and uninterested until they eventually left, much to my relief. I couldn’t have another potential mate break my pack apart.

But it’s time I deal with my past .

I curse as the ink smudges when I cross the t on the last word.

As a left-handed person, I’m used to holding my hand up, so it doesn’t drag across the page.

Now I’m in such a hurry to get everything out before I forget, and I have so many things to tell Daphne, I’ve not been as careful as I usually am.

I look at the papers scattered across my desk, smudges and ink stains marring most of them.

I thought handwriting my apology and explanation (not an excuse, but so she knows where I’m coming from) would be better, more heartfelt, than typing it. Hopefully Daphne can still read it.

I want to show her the inside of my mind, and this is the best way to do that outside of a bond, which I don’t deserve yet.

I could spend hours analyzing and rephrasing all the things I want to say and all the ways I want to apologize, but there isn’t time if I want to get back for the awards ceremony.

I want to give Daphne my letter as soon as possible, so I’ll give it to her afterwards.

I hope it won’t spoil her celebration, but I don’t want her to spend another minute unhappy, wondering about my affections.

Once she has my letter, she’ll know that I care about her, desperately so, and my princess will have all the information she needs to decide if she wants to give me a second chance.

I gather the dozens of pages to get them in order, but my fingers leave more smudges as I sort through them.

I drop them and look at my palms, which are covered in ink.

I’m not sure how my right hand got in on the action, but I push away from the desk without touching anything and go scrub myself off before I make everything completely illegible.

When only a few dark lines remain in the crevices of my fingers (along with the soil stains that seem to be permanent), I carefully organize the pages into some kind of logical order.

It’s difficult because I kept going back to add things or starting new pages with a tangent related to the previous page but not following the original train of thought, so I ended up with a not quite linear progression of things to tell her.

If Daphne wants to hear everything from me directly, I’m happy to tell her, but having it all written down will help me remember everything I need to say.

It might not look like much, but it’s from the heart, so I hope that counts for something.

I chose the best paper I could too, not the cheap, thin printer paper.

I dug through Alister’s file cabinet to find the Good Paper.

He buys all the fancy types and hoards them for the Perfect Occasion to use a piece or two.

When I point out that the 165 gsm and 200 gsm paper weights look exactly the same, Alister always gives me that look followed by a detailed explanation about exactly what their supposed differences are.

I went through all the paper he has, touching each one, and picked the paper for Daphne based on the nicest look and feel. During which time, I came to the conclusion that Alister was right, the paper types are completely different.

I also borrowed one of his nice fountain pens, which in hindsight was maybe not the best choice.

I look over the first page of the letter. Actually, my handwriting looks better with the fountain pen, even with all the blotches and smudging. I want my letter to show that I’ll give Daphne the best, even when it’s an apology from an alphahole.

If my princess will allow me, I’ll be her loyal servant forevermore.

I check the clock and growl. There’s not much time to get back before the ceremony ends. I have to be there to see Daphne get her big award.

I carefully put my letter in the leather portfolio that I stole from Alister’s home office and dig through my closet to pull out the secret box I have hidden at the back. I unlock it and remove the sweater, gently tucking it in a duffle bag with the folder, and run out to the garage.