Page 10

NINE

Dante

Thunder clapping from a distance awakens me. It wasn't hard with the restless sleep I was experiencing. Shards of my past presented as dreams, taking away my restorative rest.

Rolling on my side, I look at my bait. Her head is dipped, hiding her face with her annoying crazy mass of black curls, legs folded and tucked under her ass. It looks as if she's trying to warm herself as best as she can while handcuffed to the wall.

Usually, I wouldn't care, but a healthy hostage makes life easier. Besides, both of us can benefit from body heat. Rising, I push off the covers and unhook her from the wall, but leave her handcuffed. Her eyes are open now, but she's not fully conscious. Like it always does, her body folds into mine, but this time, I’m more aware of the transaction. Her puffy cloud of hair tickles my cheek and delivers the same scent I’m beginning to associate with her. My hand grips onto her cool, soft skin as I transport her to the bed. Her bare ass cheek is a reminder that she refused to get dressed this week, citing that it’s not worth the energy or effort. Sometimes, she puts on one of the shirts I left for her or one of her own. It’s a toss-up with shirts after each shower, but the theme is apparent. She shifts in my hold and releases a small puff of breath that teases my neck.

A soft sigh escapes her lips when her body touches the bed like it’s relieved to be off the hard floor. Maybe she’ll stop snooping. This is just one of the places I go. It’s not filled with a treasure trove of information on me, just a few tidbits. I just didn’t expect to hear my name on her lips. I’ve had a reprieve, but I need to get used to hearing it. I need a clear mind to take out Father. As if on cue, the little troll whispers my name in her sleep.

I walk around to my side of the bed and climb in, but she rolls so her body is facing me. Watching someone sleep can be interesting. Usually, this is when they’re the most relaxed. For her, some of her inner light seems to still shine through. I should wake her up and pull her back into the crazy with me. Throughout the years, for very brief moments, I’ve wondered what it would’ve been like to grow up “normal.” What would the Dante Orejón who was raised in a loving family be like? The notion is so difficult to conceptualize that it gives me a headache like it does now. My life will never be “normal” without a parallel universe.

I was raised to be this way. This is my normal.

Her eyes are the first things I see once I open mine. The sun shines on her face as she leans over me, studying me like I’m a science experiment.

“A few scars; two bullet and three puncture scars, to be exact. No tattoos…” Moving the cover, she displays some of my nudity. “Anywhere.”

She falls back on the bed when I cover her face with my palm and push her back. “Get the fuck away from me.”

Swinging my legs over the side, I sit up and roll my sore shoulders. She blows hair out of her face and studies her handcuffed wrists. “I take it we didn’t have sex last night.”

“No, idiota. You would remember.” I push off the bed, and I feel her looking at my bare ass.

“Are you a virgin, Dante?” she asks like she wasn’t on the verge of getting killed yesterday for using my name. She’s my most interesting hostage.

I fight the impulse to act out from the pain my name causes. I must get used to hearing it. I’ll allow it.

“No.” Your dad made sure of that. “ Now shut up.”

She clamps her lips but watches me disappear into the bathroom. Her fascination is dangerous for her. She knows I’m capable of killing her in any way I want, yet the interest I saw on her face when she thought I was just a bartender peeks out even in her reduced state. It’s like she only has three settings: scared, blank, or horny.

Her questions continue to conjure up memories I don’t want to visit. Leaving the spray cold, I step under the icy water and take deep breaths until my breathing normalizes. I know she’s not doing it on purpose. They are just questions that spring from her mind and out of her mouth, but they chip at my composure.

Even now, the water falls down on me like frozen rain. I’m staring at my bamboo wall, but my mind is twenty-one years in the past.

I was practicing my fighting techniques in my room, preparing for the next step of my training. Father said I was allowed to stay in the house because I was the best and most promising protector he would ever have. He’d even tell me account numbers or information he didn’t want to write down. I was stricter on my schedule than he was because I loved taking back some of the control of my life.

My door flew open, and Father came in with some Mexican girl who looked just as coked out as he did. I didn’t like how he behaved when he was on that shit. The girl, who looked to be around sixteen or seventeen, had her arm around him, but his hand was in the bodice of her minidress. I ripped my eyes away from him fondling her breast to find the reason he interrupted my training.

“Feliz Cumpleanos, hijo,” he said in some of the Spanish he learned for me. I spoke English, but he felt it was necessary for me to stay bilingual. “You’re thirteen now, consider this your bar mitzvah. You’re a man…”

“I’m not Jewish,” I corrected, still not sure what he wanted.

Birthdays were for kids. I didn’t want to celebrate mine. He glared at me with his glassy, light-blue eyes, silently telling me to shut the fuck up. “Like I said, you’re a man now. And that means pussy.” He removed his hand and pushed the girl in my direction. “I even got your flavor.”

I’m not Mexican either, but I kept that to myself. “Ah, gracias.” I turned back to what I was doing, but he yanked my arm.

“Now, Dante.” He turned my head in her direction where she was now naked. “Give him head, Susana.”

Her green eyes were glassy when she grinned at me and licked her lips. My stomach sunk and twisted with nausea. It’s not what I wanted.

“I don’t want her-”

My head snapped to the side from his slap and my cheek stung enough to water my eyes. Father glared at me like I betrayed him.

“Be grateful for my gifts, you little shit. I’ve already broken her in for you. Be a man. Or do you not like pussy? Are you gay?”

“No,” I denied with a shake of my head. “I just want to focus on training.”

He ran his hand over his shaved head, but his face was full of disappointment. His disappointment hurt more than the slap. I worked hard to please him, and I couldn’t let him lose faith in me now.

He pulled out a gun and aimed it at me. We stared each other down for a beat, then he smiled and dropped his hand, passing me the gun. “Kill her, then.”

The metal was heavy in my hand, and while I was skilled at using guns and a damn good shot, the weight felt different once it was placed in my hand for murder. I’ve killed for him before, only through talking people into eating poisoned food since they didn’t expect a child to poison them, but I’ve never pulled a trigger for this reason.

“Those are your only two options, Dante. Kill her or fuck her.”

The girl sniffled and pleaded with me with her eyes. She didn’t do anything to me, and I was not detached enough to kill for no reason. I was taught to have a purpose, to protect Father, not kill people for fun. With a heavy sigh, I passed the gun back to him.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” I conceded.

Susana started kissing my neck as Father nodded his encouragement. The door flew open and the six-year-old with big brown eyes and two puffy ponytails bounced inside.

“Dante! I gots you a burday gift!” The Rubik’s Cube clanked on the floor and her little face crumpled in despair when she saw Susana all over me. “No! My Dante…”

Her dad grabbed her mid-stride and held her to him, wiping the tears from her brown cheeks.

“He’s a big boy, sweetheart. He’s not the guy for you.” He called her nanny to come get her, but I heard the last thing he said before the door closed behind him. “He’s not able to love...”

“Look, let’s do this. He said he would kill me if I didn't take your virginity. Let me get his proof. You don’t have to cum.”

When I allowed her to push me on the bed, she removed my clothes. My eyes squeezed shut when her mouth found my flaccid dick. I ran through the breathing techniques from my training to clear my mind and allow my body to respond naturally. I yelled internally, but refused to show any outward emotions. Crying was futile. It never helped me in the past, so there was no point doing so now.

I’d reached that supreme place that allowed me to take myself out of the moment, where I successfully stayed, until Father re-entered the room and started clapping. She was riding me, and I was amazed that I’d reached such a level for meditation. I was upset that he pulled me back into the moment I was trying to escape. He watched for a minute to make sure she was actually fucking me, then he left and closed the door.

“Get off of me,” I told her when I was sure he was gone.

“Okay,” she said and laid down next to me.

I ripped off the condom and threw it on the floor as we lay there living every second of this unwanted situation. Eventually, she got dressed but I stayed in the same spot asking myself if I should have killed her instead. It’s not her fault Father was just trying to give me a nice gift and assumed I was sex obsessed like other boys my age. It was a gift and not anything I should be upset about; I told myself that over and over in a loop.

Susana slipped out of my room, and I didn’t flinch when I heard her scream right before two shots ended her life. It was clear she was never meant to live.

The next morning, I exited my room to go for a run but was attacked the moment I stepped out. Father fought me like I’m a stranger he was trying to kill. I landed a few hits to get him off me, but he was bigger, stronger, and more skilled. I lay there bloody and hurt as he stared down at me, wiping my blood on his shirt.

“What did I do, Father?”

He pointed at me like I was guilty of a crime. “Stay the fuck away from my daughter, pervert.”

I coughed in pain and clutched my bruised ribs while ignoring the hypocrisy of his words. The girl from the night before was a teenager after all.

“She’s six. I hardly talk to her.”

“You shouldn’t have said anything ever.” He was back in my space and my body seized from the electric current of his taser. He'd switch between tasers or stun guns depending on how long he wanted me to hurt. He spat on the ground in my direction. “She will never see you again. I’ll kill you just for touching her. That’s a lifetime promise.” As his face shifted into a smile, he reached out his hand to help me up since his taser fucked with my ability to move. “You landed some hits. Very impressive. I knew you were my favorite for a reason. Come on, let’s get you bandaged up so you can continue your training."

After my thirteenth birthday, he made it a birthday ritual. He’d present me with a high girl and give me the option to kill her or fuck her. On my fifteenth birthday, the woman he brought me was high and obviously depressed. Her arms had slashes from when she tried to take her own life. That time, when he presented me with the option, her eyes held a different plea than the other two girls who he killed anyway. She wanted to be put out of her misery, and I wanted to be left alone. I grabbed the gun and put it to her forehead. A faint smile played on her lips. We both knew the same thing. It was her only way out. He would've hunted her, and I didn't have the power to protect her. After a silent prayer to her maker to take her to a better place, I pulled the trigger.

Her body dropped at my feet, but I kept my eyes on Father. “Enough of that. I pick my own pussy."

His eyes glittered with pride because I had turned into the person he wanted me to be.

I fall out of the memory when I begin shivering. Cutting off the water, I climb out and wrap my towel around my waist. My reflection catches my attention, and I stare at myself, trying to find any trace of the person I think I used to be.

Father always ran hot and cold. He’d treat his harsh punishments as challenges to test my resilience. Then congratulate me for being the only one to pass it. He was right; I never saw her again until she ran from him six months ago. I don’t know why, but I kept tabs on her. She's terrible at disappearing, but he didn’t go after her.

He should have locked her away when he had the chance because I have her now.