Page 26 of These Old Lies

“Ha! Self-respect? That’s rich. I’m not the one without even enough courage to put a flamboyant hat in a shop window.”

This was too far, cut too close to the bone, too much truth. Ned braced himself for Charlie’s response, which he knew would be just as biting. How long could they go back and forth like this? Slashing until their souls were nothing but ribbons?

Instead, Charlie unclenched his hands and looked at Ned with eyes as cold as ice. “You don’t have any fucking clue about my life.”

And then he disappeared into the London mist, and Ned was alone.

10 Holding the Line

Leuze Wood, Early September 1916 / Charlie

“Three weeks in No Man’s Land as a stretcher bearer.” Charlie’s words hung in the air between him and Ned.

He hadn’t planned on saying anything about the field punishment. Charlie had wanted to sneak a kiss and then go, but he wasn’t able to prevent the words escaping.

“What happened? Who handed down the punishment? Was it Pemberton?” Ned’s voice was tight with anger.

“At least I’ll have my rifle,” Charlie answered instead. “When the French punish their soldiers, they send them over the top unarmed and wait for them to die.”

That didn’t answer any of Ned’s questions, but if Charlie couldn’t protect Ned from the knowledge of his field punishment, at least he could protect Ned from the reasons.

If Ned knew the truth, he would go straight to the higher-ups. Maybe even confess to Pemberton’s witch-hunt. Lieutenant Edmund Pinsent would think it was the right thing to do, to protect Charlie and face the consequences of his actions. But Charlie protected Ned too. Charlie was the one who’d kissed and held Ned, and who had sat with him in his silk dressing gown while reading him ridiculous books.

So Charlie was going to keep his mouth shut and hope he survived the next three weeks. Which meant no more questions.

“Ned, I can’t…” Charlie held his forehead against Ned’s for a moment. “I need you.”

Ned was already kissing his neck, fumbling with his belt, but Charlie could sense that he was waiting for Charlie to take control. Except that wasn’t what Charlie wanted. Not knowing how to explain his splintering thoughts, Charlie dropped to his knees. Ned froze. Charlie had never offered this before, and Ned had never asked.

“You sure?” Ned whispered as Charlie fumbled with Ned’s half-undone trousers. It occurred to Charlie that maybe Ned didn’t want to switch roles.

Charlie looked up. “Do you not want me to?”

“I will dream about this for years, but only if you want it.” The conviction in Ned’s voice calmed Charlie’s fears.

“I want to try.” Charlie began to undo the buttons, exacting another groan from Ned as he pulled out his hard cock and leaned in.

He was immediately overwhelmed. Ned’s taste was stronger than he imagined. Charlie hadn’t previously thought his mouth was small, but it seemed there wasn’t enough space, and he wasn’t sure how to hold his jaw. Ned didn’t try to guide him, he just ran his hands through Charlie’s hair over and over again. Charlie was sure his hands were supposed to be doing something, but he wasn’t sure what, and he couldn’t figure out how to get a rhythm. He was probably making a right mess of it, and wondered if he should stop.

“Oh God, Charlie.” Ned’s voice shook. Clearly, Charlie was getting some part of this right. He hollowed out his cheeks again, and moved his hand around in a corkscrew action around Ned’s cock.

Charlie lost himself to the act, revelled in the power and control of bringing Ned pleasure. Charlie was aching with his own need but felt oddly grateful that the focus was all on Ned, his own pleasure heightened by the intensity of it all. He glanced up to see that Ned had his hand nearly stuffed into his mouth to block the noise he was making.

There was a gentle pressure on his shoulder, Ned panting, “Too much, too good. Need to stop.” Charlie pulled off and knelt there for a moment, basking in the vulnerability Ned only showed in these moments.

Charlie stood up and leaned against Ned. “I did it right?” Charlie knew he was fishing for compliments and didn’t care.

“Christ, yes,” Ned responded, his eyes still closed.

Matthews’ voice cracked across the trench lines. “Anyone seen Villiers? Lieutenant Pemberton’s yelling for him.”

In a single movement, Ned had Charlie pressed up against the wall as his hands grappled with Charlie’s fly. Charlie was a bit taken aback with the strength Ned had displayed. “I saw Corporal Villiers down the trench line ten minutes ago,” Ned called out, his voice sharp and harsh, while his hand, now inside Charlie’s trousers, deftly worked him up and down.

Ned’s eyes locked with Charlie’s. Everything was there, the fear, the despair, the hope, the raw physical need. Charlie bit his lip to keep from crying out. Ned pressed his mouth to his, muffling Charlie’s moans.

Protected in the shadows, with Matthews sent away on a wild goose chase, Charlie kissed Ned with everything he had to give.

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