Page 76 of The Words Beneath the Noise

Neither of them complained. That wasn't how we'd been raised. You got on with things. You managed. You didn't burden others with your troubles when everyone had troubles of their own.

But I could see the strain underneath. The way Rose's hands shook slightly when she thought no one was watching. The shadows under Alfie's eyes that spoke of interrupted sleep. The general air of exhaustion that hung over the house like fog.

“The raids have been bad lately,” Rose said when Mum went to check on something in the oven. Her voice was matter-of-fact, but her fingers had found a loose thread on her sleeve and were picking at it compulsively. “Those bloody V-2s. No warning, just... boom. The Hendersons, three streets over. Direct hit last month. Nothing left.”

“I heard.”

“Did you hear about the Marsh boy? Billy Marsh, used to play football with Alfie?”

My stomach tightened. Billy Marsh. The name Madam Fortuna had spoken with such sadness. Arrested. Two years.

“What about him?”

“Arrested.” Rose's voice dropped, even though Mum was out of earshot. “Not bombs. The other thing. You know.” She made a vague gesture that somehow conveyed everything. “Police got him and some others at a club in Soho. Mum won't talk about it, says it's shameful, but I remember Billy. He was always nice. Helped me carry groceries that time I twisted my ankle.”

“Two years,” Alfie said quietly. He'd gone pale, wouldn't meet my eyes. “That's what Jimmy Porter said. Two years in prison for... for being that way.”

The kitchen felt smaller suddenly. The walls pressing in.

“What do you think about it?” The question came out before I could stop it. “About people like Billy?”

Rose and Alfie exchanged a glance. Some silent communication I couldn't read.

“I think it's rotten,” Rose said finally. “The whole thing. Arresting people for who they love when there's actual criminals walking about, actual danger everywhere you look. What's the harm in it? Two men wanting to be together? Nobody's getting hurt.”

“Rose.” Alfie's voice was warning.

“What? Tom asked. And it's true. Mrs Patterson goes on about sin and abomination, but she's also the one who reported the Kowalski family for having too many candles during blackout, so I don't put much stock in her moral judgments.”

“It's illegal, though,” Alfie said. “That's the thing, isn't it? Doesn't matter what we think. The law says...”

“The law says lots of things. Doesn't make them right.” Rose's chin lifted, defiant. “Remember when Dad got fined for taking that bit of scrap metal from the bomb site? Technically illegal. Was it wrong? He was going to fix Mrs Chen's gate with it, theone that had been hanging off its hinges for months. Sometimes the law is stupid.”

I wrapped my hands around my teacup, feeling the warmth seep into my palms. “So you wouldn't... I mean, if someone in the family was...”

Both of them went very still.

“What are you asking, Tom?” Rose's voice had lost its heat. Careful now. Watching me with those sharp eyes.

“Nothing. Just wondering.” I took a sip of tea that I didn't taste. “Hypothetically. If Alfie, or... or me, turned out to be... that way. Would you still...”

“Would we still what? Love you?” Rose's laugh was too loud, too bright. “Christ, Tom, you're my brother. I'd love you if you turned out to be a bloody Martian. Though I might have questions about the logistics.”

“Rose.” But Alfie was smiling now, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “She's right, though. Family's family. Doesn't matter what else.”

“And Mum? Dad?”

The smile faded. Rose looked down at her tea.

“Mum would come around,” she said slowly. “Eventually. She loves us more than she loves being respectable, even if she doesn't always show it. Dad...” She shrugged. “Dad doesn't talk about feelings. You know that. He'd probably just pretend nothing had changed and refuse to discuss it, which isn't ideal but isn't the worst either.”

“Why are you asking, Tom?” Alfie had turned to face me directly, his expression serious. “Is there something you want to tell us?”

The question hung in the air. I could lie. Could laugh it off, change the subject, retreat into the comfortable fiction that this was all just idle curiosity.

But I'd come here for a reason. Come here because the thoughts in my head had grown too heavy to carry alone, and these two people, this sister and brother who'd known me before I'd known myself, were the only ones I could imagine trusting with even a piece of the truth.

“I don't know what I am,” I said quietly. “I thought I did. Thought I was just... normal. Whatever that means. But lately...” I stopped, started again. “There's someone. At my posting. And I feel things about them that I've never felt about anyone. Things I don't know how to explain.”