Page 26

*for flord’s sake*

“H E’S NOT COMING.” Jackson looked down at me, his eyes intense. “It’s been a good few minutes, so he obviously went somewhere. At the count of three, I’m going to crack open the back door and peek out. If it looks clear, I’m grabbing your hand and we’re running. Got it?”

I nodded, fear making it impossible for me to speak.

Jackson turned the door handle and opened it the tiniest bit. I stared at him as he stuck out his head and peered out the back door, but instead of grabbing me and running, his eyes got huge. Like, comically big. His mouth dropped open into a gaping O as he stared at something, like Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park the first time she saw a dinosaur.

“What is it?” I asked, terrified of the answer. “What are you looking at? What’s the plan, Jackson?”

I felt his hand wrap around mine, and without saying a word, he stepped out of the truck and pulled me with him. I jumped down on wobbly legs, but then I forgot about my legs and the universe because WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I LOOKING AT?

Where in God’s name were we?

It looked like we were in the middle of a forest, but not a normal forest.

As far as the eye could see, there were huge trees.

Like, the tallest, fullest trees I’d ever seen.

With the most vivid foliage I could ever imagine.

Ruby-red leaves, lilac-purple leaves, leaves the color of blood oranges. A grove of hot-pink pine trees was off to the right of the truck, but beyond that was a forest of ice-blue weeping willows that looked like they were dancing as the wind softly blew their branches.

A crystal clear turquoise stream ran between the two tree groupings, so clear that I could see each and every rock that lined the bottom, and I was nowhere close to the water.

And the ground—the ground was covered in something similar to grass, but softer and thicker, like a carpet.

A golden carpet, adorned with flowers of every style, shape, and color. Tall yellow sunflowers stood in groups, rose-colored flowers lay flat on the surface as if leisurely soaking up the sun, and lilies in every conceivable hue were scattered across the landscape.

As I looked out at the space in front of us, the rolling hills of gold were so beautiful that I wished I knew how to paint. Someone should paint what we were looking at. The sky beyond the hills was the softest shade of lavender.

But actually lavender, not the hints of purple that we sometimes saw in the morning if the light was right. This sky was all purple.

With no clouds.

That was it—that was why the sun seemed so bright. There were no clouds at all, and the sunshine seemed to fill every space in the land.

“Where are we?” I asked breathlessly, unable to look away from everything . I could see mountains in the distance, lush hills of pastel and gold without a speck of snow. I reached down and plucked the tiniest blue rose from the grass, lifting it to my nose and inhaling an otherworldly blueberry smell.

“I don’t know,” Jackson said, watching me smell the flower.

I quickly shoved it into my jacket pocket.

I turned in the other direction and couldn’t see a single building. Of any sort. We were out in the middle of nowhere, an ugly food truck parked in the lush wilderness of this unexpected paradise.

“So where did he go?” I asked, looking around. My wonder slid into a panic, and I suddenly longed to see the grouchy burger man, because without him, we suddenly had no path back home.

“He’s here somewhere,” Jackson replied, turning in a full circle as he searched.

He said the word here ominously, as if we’d landed on another planet or something.

That sent a chill up my spine, because there was something threatening about this perfectly beautiful place, like it was too perfect for humans to inhabit it.

We don’t belong here , I thought. We shouldn’t be here.

There was no litter, no smells in the air except for the scent of flowers and trees, no signs that another person had ever been there.

“Look,” Jackson whispered, setting his hand on my arm as if to warn me to be quiet.

I turned my gaze to where he was staring, and I saw someone.

Only… this figure was way too big to be a human someone.

The figure was crossing the field, walking in the other direction. He was terrifyingly large—maybe ten feet tall—and wearing a long red robe with its hood pulled up. And not a bathrobe, but like a judge’s robe. He moved like royalty, like he was a king headed toward his coronation, and I knew we didn’t belong there.

“Scarlet red robes are never a good thing, right?” I whispered, fear skittering through every part of me.

Jackson grabbed my sleeve, yanking me with him toward a lemon-yellow bush that we crouched behind.

Out of nowhere, five other tall figures—in matching red robes—appeared in front of the first one.

There was nobody there, and then boom—six robed giants.

“It’s okay,” Jackson whispered, but when he grabbed my hand and squeezed it, I felt a shake. He was scared, too, as he should be , and that made me feel better while at the same time being more afraid.

What on earth is happening?

I watched, holding my breath, as all six of the robed figures lowered their hoods.

And then I squinted, because it looked like—

“Fae?” Jackson said in disbelief. “Em, look at their—”

“Ears, oh my God.” I covered my mouth and stared at the pointy ears, wondering if this was a dream. Four of the figures were men, handsomely huge and hulkingly large, all with pointy ears and long, flowing hair. The other two were women, both tall and thin with long red hair, beautiful and also in possession of pointy ears. “Ultimate Fae.”

“The Flords,” Jackson said, and my stomach dropped.

The Flords.

And as I crouched there, I remembered Archie’s weird explanation of the fish.

It’s a flawless land created to perfection, where the water is the color of turquoise, the mountains are covered in exotic flowers, and food is delicious and abundant, but fish simply don’t exist there.

The figure we’d first noticed seemed to be in conversation with the other five, gesturing wildly with his arms, like he was excited or angry. The others seemed to calmly listen, as if entirely unfazed by his erratic behavior.

As we watched, one of the female Flords smiled and slowly shook her head, as if refuting everything he was saying with a mere gesture. I could see she was speaking, and then the overexcited Flord yelled loud enough for us to hear.

“That’s it!” he said, his deep voice booming across the lush terrain. “ Thank you!”

He leaned forward and kissed her, and apparently that was it, because he immediately turned and started walking in our direction.

We quickly moved, trying to press ourselves into the yellow bush so as not to be seen, but his amber eyes found us. I sucked in a breath, feeling pinned against the branches as the Flord’s amber gaze burned into me.

He sees us , I thought, my legs feeling like they might give out underneath me.

“He sees us,” Jackson whispered.

It felt like slow motion as that… creature stalked in our direction, those piercing eyes never wavering from us as he came closer.

“Should we run?” I asked, knowing that running from that glowing gaze would do nothing. If the giant Flord wanted to reach us, I was certain he could.

But suddenly, his eyes stopped glowing.

His eyes stopped glowing, and as we watched, it appeared that he was shrinking. His pace didn’t slow as he crossed the field toward us in his flowing robe, but his height was decreasing with every step. His robe wasn’t, so it was like his form was getting swallowed by the billowing scarlet fabric.

Not only that, but the man’s long dark hair was getting shorter. With every step, his flowing mane of black hair seemed to be retreating into his head until he was completely bald. In the matter of a moment, he’d gone from having waist-length hair to a shiny head that could belong to The Rock.

When he reached a clearing, he pulled off the cloak and let it fall to the ground, exposing a short, round body dressed in a tuxedo T-shirt and a stained apron with a huge H on its center, and there was a hamburger tattoo on his fleshy biceps.

Hamburger Man?

“Holy catfish,” I heard Jackson mutter as Hamburger Man strode toward us.

“No way,” I whispered.

“How are you here?” Hamburger Man yelled in that familiar grouchy voice. He gestured with his hand for us to follow him toward the front of the truck and said, “What’d you do—hide in the back?”

“We didn’t—”

“Shut up and get in,” he growled, rolling his eyes. “Before the council sees you and this becomes a big thing for all of us.”

“Um, I’m not sure—”

“It’s fine,” Nana Marie said, suddenly appearing from behind one of the spectacular trees. “This is only a dream, and I’m catching a ride, too.”

She was smiling, her always lipsticked mouth turned all the way up like she’d missed me, too. Her silver hair was pulled up in a bun, like always, and those reading glasses she’d said she didn’t need were perched right on the tip of her nose.

It was my nana.

“Nana Marie!” I screamed, running into her arms and wrapping myself around her in the biggest hug, not wanting to ever let go. I closed my eyes and breathed her in, hyperventilating on the mix of mints and dryer sheets that were her smell.

She patted my back, her tiny hands feeling exactly the same as she gave me those reassuring taps she’d given me since I was a little kid. I laughed a little because I was instantly giddy that I could feel her again.

“Nice to see you, too, Emmer,” she said, and everything inside me instantly relaxed because everything was going to be okay now that she was there.

“This is Nana Marie,” I said proudly to Jackson, not even embarrassed that there were happy tears in my eyes.

“Nice to meet you,” he said with a nod.

“Right back atcha, but no time for chatter,” she replied. “We’ve gotta get out of here.”

I let go of her and we followed Hamburger Man into the truck, and when I hazarded a glance toward the spot in the field where the five figures had been, there was nothing there.

It was a beautiful field of extraordinary colors, without a being to be found.

“Let’s get you two home,” Hamburger Man said to Jackson and me before looking at Nana and saying, “And then I’ll get you back.”

“Back where ?” I asked, but it was like no one heard me.

When Nana sat down beside Jackson, she smacked his arm and said, “A third little partner in crime—loving this.”

Jackson gave me an eyebrow raise and looked confused as she patted his knee, but I just grinned as I sat down, because I knew everything was going to be fine.

Hamburger Man fired up the truck, mumbling under his breath about stupid kids, then said, “Hold on to your pants, boys and girls.”

“Shhhh—I’m going to take a nap,” Nana Marie said, resting her head against my shoulder the same way she did when we used to watch TV together after school before mom got home from work. And in typical Nana fashion, she said, “Try and drive chill, Sal.”

Hamburger Man put the truck in drive and floored it, tearing through the field like it was his personal runway.

“It’s none of my business,” Jackson said to Hamburger Man, “but are you fae?”

I gasped in shock, because my friend was asking a ridiculous question, but I wanted to know, too. “Yeah, are you?”

I expected Hamburger Man to rage, but he said, “What’s it to you? That’s personal. You don’t hear me asking you if you’re fae, do ya?”

What a weird answer. He said it like Jackson had asked if he was a vegetarian, not whether he was a mystical faerie from another world or something.

“No,” Jackson answered, his eyes narrowed in confusion, like he was thinking the same thing I was. “So, I mean—”

“I suppose there’s no harm in telling you, since I’m doing an erase.” The engine went quiet and everything out the window turned into a blur. “Yes, I am a fae lord. Surprised?”

Was he serious? No one in the human world who’d met him would ever—and I mean ever —believe that Hamburger Man was a mystical being.

“ Yes ,” I answered, because it was impossible to believe that the squatty man who grilled meat patties for the masses was some sort of mystical creature.

Also, what the heck did I’m doing an erase mean?

“I mean, I wasn’t born a fae lord. I was born Salvatore Bray, a kid who liked stickball and cheeseburgers. But I fell in love with Archiandece, who’s half-fae and a descendant of Ultimate Fae, which is how I gained the lordship.”

I don’t know what I’d expected from his story, but it wasn’t that . “How did you meet her?” I asked.

“She smelled the hamburgers and followed the scent,” he said, and then he grinned. When he smiled, I could see a glimmer of his handsome Flord face. “She ordered five doubles, I told her she could never eat them all, then she challenged me to watch. It was love at first bite.”

“So how did the Flord thing happen for you?” Jackson asked.

“Love,” he replied, like it was simple. “It seemed impossible, as she was betrothed to another, but my Archiandece made it happen. She convinced the council to set her free of that wish, demanded she be allowed to marry me, and they found a way to magic the worst human parts out of me and replace them with faerie traits. Now we’re both fifty-fifty fae and human, split our time between the human world and Hyorithipithidian, and we share a passion for food service.”

This was fascinating, but we didn’t have time for their bizarro love story.

“Okay, but back to the magic,” I said. “We made a fish offering to try and fix the situation, but it didn’t work. How can we fix it so Jackson can transfer the fourth wish to me?”

“Yeah, that was a disgusting mess,” Hamburger Man said, shaking his head. “I nearly puked when I saw that shredded headless fish. What the heck did you do to that thing?”

“It got stuck,” Jackson said, “so we used a stick to try and get it down the hole.”

“Like a crime scene,” Hamburger Man said in horror.

“So the Flords really do love fish?” Jackson asked, sounding like he still couldn’t believe it.

“Imagine if hamburgers didn’t exist—you couldn’t smell them or eat them ever —but on a random day, a couple Quarter Pounders showed up on a plate in front of you. It’s like that, multiplied by a thousand,” Hamburger Man said.

“But what about the wishes?” I asked, not wanting to talk about the Flords’ love of fish anymore. “Are they going to be fixed now?”

“They don’t need to be fixed,” he said definitively, shrugging and reaching out to turn on the radio. “Because he isn’t getting your wishes.”

“He’s not?” I asked, even though I knew that he was. It was the only explanation.

Hamburger Man looked at me with those unsettling eyes and said, “No, he’s getting his .”