Page 132 of The Wild Prince’s Favorite (The Dragon Empire Saga #3)

For the first time, he simply wanted to dedicate himself to someone else’s well-being, and he knew he would be perfectly content with that.

He tightened his fist, his shoulders squaring just as the thoughts swirling dangerously in his head echoed his dragon’s furious growls in the distance.

He could feel his dragon roaming above the mountains, once again doing what they were both aching to do and searching desperately for a trace of Alezya.

Yet he was grounded there, his feet unwilling to move, feeling like he was lacking and terrified by the mere thought of failing.

“...What if I mess up again?” he muttered. “If they get... hurt... because of me, I...”

Cessilia turned around, giving him a sorry expression. She looked about to say something, but she just licked her lips and glanced around, until her eyes settled on a tree trunk lying a few steps off the road.

“...Come sit with me,” she said.

Before he could answer, she was sitting on that trunk like it was a bench, and she closed her eyes, letting the cold wind caress her face.

It took Kassein a couple more seconds before he willed his feet to move and follow her steps. He sat next to her, and for a couple of minutes, they remained silent, Cessilia with her face toward the sunrise and Kassein staring down at his feet, his head low between his shoulders.

After a little while of the two of them listening to the gentle sounds of nature around them, Cessilia let out a long breath, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“You can’t undo what happened, Kassein. But you have to learn to live with it and move on.”

“It was my fault.” He closed his eyes. “If I had controlled Kein better, if I had only done something about my dragon sooner...”

“We both know this isn’t about controlling Kein,” Cessilia whispered gently, now rubbing his arm.

“I... I don’t know what to do,” he whispered.

“I’ll never repair what I’ve done, Cessi.

I can’t. There’s no way for me to ever repay that man’s family.

It is my fault, I know that. I... I should have known that was bound to happen.

Kein and I destroyed countless buildings during our fights, but that day.

.. That man... It’s all my fault. I didn’t even realize someone was dead until after.

.. The building collapsed, and someone screamed, and I.

.. Kein wasn’t stopping... If Kian hadn’t attacked, it could have been even worse. ..”

“Kassein, stop. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.

Yes, we know what happened was a tragedy.

But, as much as you regret it, something like that is bound to happen again until you make it stop.

You’re the only one who can stop Kein, and you haven’t found the way yet.

You need to do that, Kassein. If not for yourself, for them. ”

“I want to,” he whispered. “I just... I don’t know. I don’t know how.”

His sister moved her hand from his arm to his shoulder, pressing gently. Kassein still couldn’t bear to look at her, but he heard his older sister take a deep breath in, as if this was as hard for her as it was for him.

“Dragons are... a part of us,” she said.

“Maybe the most raw, genuine, and untamed part of our soul. Mom always said our dragons reflect our deepest and strongest emotions. When I lost Ashen and my voice, I was lost for many years, Kassein. I didn’t.

.. It was hard for me. Our parents were there, you and the rest of our siblings were there, but I.

.. A part of me broke that evening, and I lost a part of myself.

I lost Cece, and I was so... I couldn’t deal with the sadness that was suffocating my heart.

I was there, and I was alive, but... I wasn’t living.

I think Cece came back precisely the moment I found myself again.

When I let myself truly feel, and be emotional, and be real again. ”

She moved closer to him on the tree trunk, her hip touching his, and gently caressed his nape with her fingers.

“Kassein, you were the most caring boy I knew,” she whispered.

“You were one of the youngest, and yet you were always looking out for everyone, even for Sadara and Shenan, who were years older. You’re so kind.

Too kind, even. What happened that night.

.. I know I should have talked to you before about it. ”

“No,” Kassein groaned. “Cessilia, don’t—”

“I didn’t because I couldn’t,” Cessilia ignored him.

“And then, when I could, I was so far away, and it had been so long, I thought you were over it. I never realized that you... you still carried that burden with you so many years later. And I am sorry, Kassein. I am so, so sorry that I left you and Kein with that wound and never realized. I should have told you a long time ago it wasn’t your fault, Kassein. ”

He closed his fists tight, glaring at a patch of snow ahead, but his sister covered his fist with her other hand, gently rubbing his skin with her thumb.

“Kassein, none of what happened that night was your fault. You were just a boy, and I was ten years older. I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened; I made my mistakes, and I learned to live with them.

But you should not be forced to live with that pain too.

None of what happened to me was your fault, Kassein. Absolutely none of it. Do you hear me?”

“You don’t understand,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “If I hadn’t listened to you, if I had stopped you, or if I had told Dad or Kassian—”

“It would have ended the same way, either way, Kassein. Do you think my baby brother could have stopped me? Do you think I would have let you get to them if I’d had any doubt you wouldn’t listen to me?

All you did was do exactly what your older sister told you to, Kassein.

I am, and I was, ten years older than you.

I carry the weight of my own decisions, but I will not let you carry that too. ”

She moved to kneel in front of him, her hands moving to his cheeks to force him to look her in the eye. His eyes were misty, his jaw trembling, and his fists shaking; Cessilia gave him a sad, sorry smile.

“Kassein, you might be a grown man now, but you’re still and will always be my baby brother, and I love you. ...And I am so, so sorry about what happened and that you felt any guilt for it.”

“But Kassian—”

“Kassian said a lot of things he never should have because he was a lot madder at himself than he was at you,” Cessilia cut him off.

“Our older brother always has too much on his plate, and when it overflows, rather than ask for the help he needs, he turns to anger and lashes out at others. Whatever he said to you, Kassein, isn’t what he truly thinks.

He loves us. He’s terrible at being honest, but he does.

And you let me worry about him. Right now, I want you to do something you should have done a long time ago, Kassein. ”

He swallowed, trying hard not to cry. He hadn’t cried in a very long time, but his older sister was opening up old, deep, and raw wounds in a way he hadn’t been prepared for. His chest was painful, his heart was heavy in his ribcage, his throat tight, and his eyes burning.

Cessilia let out a heavy sigh, her thumbs caressing his cheeks.

“You need to forgive yourself, Kassein,” she whispered.

“None of what happened was your fault. You were just a boy. All you did was listen to your big sister, who was madly in love. Stupidly in love, I should say. You shouldn’t have been there.

It was my decision. I disobeyed Dad and left.

I know everyone blamed themselves one way or another for what happened to me, but you, most of all, did not deserve it, Kassein. ”

“It was my fault,” he hissed. “I could have stopped it all. I–”

“Kassein.”

His sister’s gaze hardened, and she looked into his eyes with the most determined expression he’d seen her with in a long time.

“It’s over,” she said. “It happened, and we cannot take it back. But I do not blame you. If I ever did, I forgive you. Mom and Dad never blamed you. Kassian was no madder at you than he was at himself, but this is all long over. It’s been fifteen years, Kassein.

I am fine. I am healed, and I am happy. I found Ashen again when we were both in a much better place, and now, I am the mother to three of your wonderful nieces and nephews, and I am happier than anyone could hope to be.

And you deserve to be happy too. You, of all people, deserve to move on. ”

“I... I don’t...”

As she witnessed the first treacherous tear escaping his eyes and crossing his cheek, his sister took a deep breath, her expression softening.

“Kassein. I know better than most people what it is like to hate yourself, to let yourself be eaten up by regrets. But it does absolutely nothing for you or others. Nothing can change what happened, no matter how much you resent yourself for it. It’s over, baby brother.

You need to move on and let your regrets go.

You need to forgive yourself once and for all. Make Kein stop.”

“I.. I don’t know... He...”

“Don’t lie to me, Kassein,” she whispered. “We both know exactly why your dragon wants to harm and kill you. He’s not the one who truly wants that; he’s just echoing the pain. Our dragons reflect our deepest and strongest emotions, remember?”

Another tear escaped his eyes, and he kept his eyes riveted on his big sister’s teary eyes.

He’d never said it. A part of him had always known, but he had never let himself face that shameful truth.

How much it hurt. How much he loathed himself and how much he couldn’t make his dragon stop. Because he couldn’t stop hating himself; the pain, the guilt, the self-hatred was too much.

Cessilia was right; Kein was just a tool. A tool he had been using, subconsciously or not, to harm himself. To punish himself. Because he resented himself so much that he had wanted to...