Page 29 of The Viscount Needs a Wife (All for Love #2)

E mrys rolled over in bed and groped around. She is gone! He sat up and bellowed, “Annis!”

“Yes, Emrys?”

He blinked, bringing her into focus. She was sitting at the writing table under the window in her robe.

“What are you doing over there?”

“Writing to the girls,” she said composedly.

“Well stop it and come back to bed,” he said grumpily.

She cocked her head at him, and he added, “I want my morning cuddle.” I sound like Ewen. What is wrong with me?

They had spent the rest of August at The Castle and returned to Cavendish Square in London three days ago. The truth is I am struggling.

She rose and came toward the bed, shedding her robe. She climbed in beside him, and he pulled her close.

After a bit she said softly, “What’s wrong?”

He sighed and kissed her hair. “I’m sorry. This is the bed I used to share with Caro. I feel like she’s haunting me.”

He felt her stiffen slightly and cursed himself for being too blunt. She placed a hand on his bare chest and said calmly, “We can change rooms or change the bed. Would that help?”

“Perhaps.” He stroked her back. “Thank you.”

She nuzzled her head into his chest. “I thought you were restless.”

“Hm,” he grunted. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“It’s only been five months, Emrys.” She spoke quietly.

“It feels like an eternity.”

“I’ll get us moved into a different room and have this bed replaced, shall I?”

He hesitated a moment and then nodded. “Yes, that would be best. I had all of her things removed, but...” He trailed off. “The place still feels like her. She chose all the colors and the furnishings. The whole damned house feels like her,” he admitted.

“Then perhaps I need to do some redecorating?” she said quietly.

He nodded.

“Are you sure?” she pressed, searching his face. “If I sweep everything away, will you resent it?”

He paused to consider this carefully. Will I?

If Caro had just been killed without the drama and betrayal, it would all be different.

He wouldn’t want his past eradicated. It was highly unlikely in that circumstance that he would have chosen to marry again at all.

He would still be mourning her, still wallowing in sorrow. ..

But that wasn’t what had happened. He couldn’t recapture the fantasy he had been living with Caro, because it didn’t exist. It had all been an illusion, and he knew that now.

He couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle.

And the truth was he didn’t want to. He had Annis and the children and a new life. He didn’t want to cling to the old one.

“No,” he said slowly. “No, I want to start over, fresh. But you might check with the children. I don’t want them to feel they have lost touch with their mother. They still need to feel connected to her.”

She nodded. “Of course. I’ll be careful.”

His throat suddenly seized up, and he felt the prickle of tears under his lids.

He closed his eyes and tried to swallow, but the lump was stuck and wouldn’t be pushed down.

He had cried tears of rage and hurt in the immediate aftermath, but he hadn’t cried much since.

He was surprised to find it happening now.

But Annis’s sensitivity and understanding undid him.

He slid down the bed a bit and buried his face in her bosom and cried.

“Oh, Emrys,” she said softly. And she held him and stroked his hair and murmured things that made no sense but were comforting all the same.

When the storm passed, he sat up sniffing and wiped his tears on the sheets.

“Emrys, you’re such a grub!” she said affectionately and reached for a handkerchief from the bedside table and handed it to him. He blew his nose and noticed her wiping her own cheeks.

“I made you cry!” he said, conscience stricken.

“Sympathetic tears,” she said bracingly, sniffing. He handed her the handkerchief, and she found a dry bit to use.

“Do you feel better?” she asked, putting the handkerchief aside.

“Yes, I do.” He kissed her hand. “You’re a treasure, and I don’t deserve you.”

“Nonsense!” She shook her head, flushing faintly. “You have done so much for me—”

He cupped her face and kissed her. “We have already had this conversation. I consider the ledger well and truly balanced.” He pulled her against his chest and heard his stomach rumble. “I think it is time we got up. What do you have planned for the day?”

“Apart from redecorating the house?” she said playfully.

He nodded, smiling. Annis’s ability to make everything fun was one of the things he liked about her.

“Getting better acquainted with the servants and the way this house is run. Sarah is going to take me shopping for dresses on Friday, which will save you that chore. I know it’s not something you would relish.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” he said, shoving back the covers and rolling his legs out of bed.

“Yes, as reluctant as I am to deck myself in finery, even I recognize I can’t go out in public in my governess dresses. And I can’t keep borrowing Sarah’s clothes!”

“I like your governess dresses,” he protested. “Don’t get rid of all of them. You can wear one in private for my libidinous fantasies.”

She laughed, rolling out the other side of the bed. “Really?”

He came round the bed and wrapped his arms about her. “Yes, really. I told you the prim and proper cut of the bodice drove me mad.”

“You did,” she admitted.

“Well, now I know what’s underneath, I like the idea of you wearing them to continue to drive me mad.

Because I can have the pleasure of revealing your lovely bosom to my gaze slowly and torturously.

” He cupped her breasts and massaged them through her semitransparent nightgown.

“They are by far my favorite of your assets,” he said, bending and kissing first one and then the other.

“I don’t have assets!” she protested.

“Oh, yes, you do!”

“I was never a beauty, even when I was young.”

“You are beautiful to me, Annis,” he said softly and kissed her lips.

“And you aren’t not young!” he scolded, letting her go and striding over to the water jug to wash and shave.

He used not to bother shaving daily, but he didn’t want to scratch his wife’s soft skin with his stubble, so he had begun to adopt the habit.

Perhaps I will get my hair cut, too. It is getting very long.

*

After breakfasting with her husband and their joint morning visit with the children and Mrs. Green, Annis repaired to the servants’ quarters to consult on the logistics of rearranging their sleeping arrangements.

After that, she sent a note round to Sarah, asking if she could recommend someone to consult on redecorating the house.

The duchess had mentioned that she was slowly making changes to The Castle and the London house.

The duke and duchess had followed them to town and arrived yesterday.

Sarah had her sister Deborah with her, whom she was planning on presenting in the little season that was about to begin.

As she would be taking Deborah for dress fittings, she had generously offered to include Annis.

Annis suspected the duchess knew that she hadn’t a clue how to go about selecting a fashionable wardrobe, and that, unlike many more dandified husbands, Emrys would be no use whatsoever in that endeavor.

Annis had been adjusting to her new status since the wedding. Spending the better part of a month at The Castle had helped to ease her into it, but she was woefully aware of her shortcomings and quite dreading going out into society. She was more than grateful for the duchess’s guiding hand.

Having sent off her note, she returned upstairs to relieve Mrs. Green of the children and institute the first of her daily lessons with them.

She had discussed this with Emrys and pointed out that while they could engage a governess and a tutor for Ewen, and probably should when the children were older, she wanted to initiate their lessons herself to begin with.

“For the girls have been without a governess for too long—you said so yourself, Emrys—and that will not stand them in good stead later. I can teach all the foundational skills the girls and Ewen will need, for I was taught mathematics and science as well as the arts, history, languages, and literature. And I would love to do it. Please say I may.”

“Of course, if you want to, but won’t it be a lot of work?”

“A labor of love,” she smiled. And it was true, but she didn’t reveal that she had an ulterior motive.

She needed to keep up her skills, for if something went wrong.

.. She didn’t want to think of it. She was so deliriously happy at present.

But the fear that her nemesis would suddenly reappear and rob her of her happiness persisted, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it.

And when things like this morning happened, she was reminded of how much Emrys loved Caroline and how far away was her secret dream of earning his love for herself.

His tears had wrung her heart. But a little flame of hope burned persistently still.

For he was fond of her—his open affection made that blatantly obvious, and he wanted her physically in the most powerful way.

She could only hope that with time, Caroline’s hold over him would fade and leave room for him to love her a little. Perhaps if I bear his child...

She swallowed and wiped her eyes. It would not do to dwell on that.

She stopped outside the nursery door to compose herself before opening it and stepping inside to be rapidly enveloped in the squeals and hugs of Emrys’s children, who were her own now.

That felicity alone was enough to cement her heart and commitment to Emrys, for she loved the darlings so much.

Each day was a revelation as she came to know them better and understand their individual personalities and quirks, their likes and dislikes.

To all intents and purposes, she had her dream come true, if only she could be sure of her place in Emrys’s heart.

*