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CHAPTER FOURTEEN

A va stared down at the outstretched hand of the skinny, manic-grinning, silver-haired fae in front of her. He was still holding a coconut with a straw sticking out of it in his other hand.

With a shrug, giving into the farce of it all, she shook his hand. “Ava.”

“I know. Oh, I know.” Puck let out a laugh as if she’d only just touched onto a very, very hefty topic. He slurped on the straw loudly. “Welcome to the shit-show, kid.”

“Yeah. No kidding.” She looked down at the mess that was the table. Alex and Izael had climbed out from underneath the overturned piece of furniture. Izael was brushing Alex off, picking bits of food from her dress.

Valroy was still sitting there as though nothing had happened.

Ibin and Nos looked more the worse for wear, having been the projectiles who had caused the mayhem. They were slowly getting up to their feet.

Bitty and Lysander were already standing. Lysander was staring at the scene in shock. Bitty had taken up a position by a tree close to the edge of the clearing and was doing her abject best to be tiny .

“Clean up this mess.” Valroy gestured with his other clawed talon.

From the darkness of the woods stepped forward—well— goblins.

There was no other word to describe them.

Hunched, hulking, grotesque, disgusting things.

Their faces were covered in pustules and blobby forms, some with too many eyes or with features that had drifted into strange and unnatural positions.

Many had limbs that were too short or too long for their bodies—or had too many or too few of each set.

They came lurching from the darkness. Some were small, like she would have expected if someone had said “goblins.” But others were huge, seven-foot, monstrous things that made her reflexively take a step back, almost bumping into Puck.

Several of them righted the long dining room table with a thud.

She couldn’t help but stare at the one next to her.

And found it glaring back at her, its one usable giant, bulbous eye milky and bloodshot as it stared right back, before it sniffed dismissively. “What the hell’re you lookin’ at?”

If she wasn’t mistaken, the goblin was from Jersey.

She stammered out an apology, but the goblin was already going back to his job, shaking his head.

“So, here’s the thing I can’t figure out.” Puck brought her attention back to him as he pushed the sunglasses up onto the top of his head. “Ooh, that’s better. Forgot I was wearing those things. I was wondering why it was so dark in here.” He snickered.

“Focus, you irritant.” Valroy looked once more like he had an epic headache.

“Do you know how hard that is for me? You all should be glad you get any kind of cohesive conversation out of me, literally ever.” Puck slurped loudly on the coconut again. “Which…now I completely forget what I was going to ask Ava about. See?”

On purpose, Ava guessed. He clearly liked to push Valroy’s buttons—and that made her instantly fond of the weirdo. “Um. Can I ask…if nobody else is going to…why do you have a coconut? ”

“Oh! That’s what I wanted to know! Thanks!” He laughed. “I can’t figure out if you really hate Nos or really like him.”

Jury was out. But the newspaper reports were leaning towards guilty. She arched an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with the coconut?”

“Because I found him on a beach on a deserted tropical island, that’s what.” He slurped again on the straw. “Coconut trees, fish—crabs—squid—had a freshwater spring. Sunshine and waves. Absolute paradise.”

Ava glanced at Nos. He and Ibin were back up to their feet, standing close together and watching the proceedings warily. But they were eying her in particular with deep concern. She supposed that made sense—she did hurl them through dimensions, last time they met.

But Nos did look a little redder than usual. Did fae get sunburn? She really dropped him on a deserted island? “That’s fucking hysterical.” She couldn’t help but laugh quietly.

“I know! That’s what I thought! But I can’t figure out if you did it because you knew his grumpy ass would hate it, or if you did it because you thought he’d like it.”

Taking a second to think about it, she let out a thoughtful huh. “Neither.” She turned back to Puck. “It was instinctual, but I think I did it because I was making some kind of commentary on how he needs to get the stick out of his ass and chill the hell out.”

Puck threw his arms around her. “I love it and I’m keeping it—Valroy, I’m keeping this one and you can’t stop me.”

“I am so thrilled you found a new amusement. Perhaps now you will leave me alone?” Valroy poured himself another glass of wine.

The goblins had now left and ghastly, ghost-like creatures that were perhaps a bit more delicate with the silverware were now going about resetting the table with food and drink.

“Do I get a say in this?” Ava decided it was best just to hold perfectly still around the deranged, clearly insane Puck .

“No.” Valroy and Puck answered in unison, if in very different tones of voice.

She laughed. She couldn’t help it. They were terrifying—absolutely terrifying— creatures. Powerful things that were older than she could honestly wrap her head around whose mere existence had implications on her understanding of reality that she hadn’t fully processed.

And they were funny. And kinda fun. Even Valroy. Sure, there was no doubt in her head that he was absolutely one hundred thousand percent the megalomaniacal, murderous fiend that everyone made him out to be. But there was something else there, too.

A person, buried under it all.

He was married, wasn’t he? And there was no doubt in her mind, either, that Abigail loved him, and he her.

“Hey, Puck?” She looked down at the silver-haired fae who was now…snuggling her boobs. “Can you maybe not?”

“Fiiine.” With a whine, he straightened up and let her go. Plopping his coconut down on the table to the left of her plate, he shoved Lysander’s chair over to make room. With a gesture, he plucked a folding chair out of thin air, snapped it open, and dropped it down at the table with a clatter.

“You are not joining us, cretin.” Valroy bared his fangs. “Under no circumstances are you?—”

“Too late.” Puck sat down in the folding chair. It was about two inches too short for the table, making him look like he was a little kid. “Besides, mom said I had to stay to keep an eye on things.”

“Things.” Valroy repeated thinly.

“You.” Puck grinned.

“Are you always such a dork?” Ava sat back down in her chair, and was happy to find one of the ghastly servants had poured her a new glass of wine.

“Who, me?” Puck pointed at himself. “Hm. I suppose I just realized long ago there’s no point in going about eternity seriously.

Because if you take the universe seriously, it’ll be serious.

And serious things are miserable things.

Why choose to be miserable?” Puck reached over the table and grabbed a dinner roll before gesturing at Valroy with it. “Look at what it does to you.”

“I am not miserable.” Valroy grimaced.

Puck shoved half the dinner roll into his mouth and spoke through it, sending crumbs into his lap as he did. “Right. You’re not a rabid dog in a kennel waiting to eat whole worlds, pacing a hole in the floor searching for a way out. Not at all.”

Lysander seemed afraid of the hyperactive, bizarre silver-haired fae, and shifted his own chair a few inches farther away from Puck before retaking his own seat.

“I would rather not rehash this old discussion in front of our guest, if you do not mind, botfly.” Valroy’s hand tightened where it rested on his leg briefly before he clearly had to focus on relaxing it.

“I think it’s important that we do. Isn’t that why she’s here?

” Puck sat back, leaning the folding chair onto its two back legs.

“To figure out if our species should continue to exist? To figure out if she wants to learn how to be a walking demigod avatar of an ancient otherworldly entity from Big Daddy V himself?” He glanced over at Nos and Ibin.

“Will you two sit down already? You’re making me nervous. ”

They jolted in surprise at having been spoken to, but glancing at Valroy, who just waved at them as though he were an exhausted Pope, they uneasily sat down at the table.

“Very well. Do I have an eternal and unending desire to end humanity? Yes. I will not deny it. I wish to see Earth burn, along with the entire Seelie race brought to heel.” The casual way he admitted it was almost humorous.

Like he was simply listing off his chores for the week.

Valroy’s eyes were shut as he rubbed his temple.

“That is, however, why my wife stands guardian against my better nature.”

“For now. Funny thing about nature, though. It always catches up with you, eventually.” Puck ate the rest of the roll and reached for another .

“Are you siding with Serrik?” She eyed Puck curiously. “Because it sounds like you’re voting for genocide.”

“Heh. No. I very much like being alive.” He pulled open the roll and started piling enough butter in the center of it that it was quickly becoming more butter than bread. “I simply am stating the fact that both sides have a pretty good argument, and one side is failing to make its case.”

“You are insinuating I am doing a poor job, then?” Valroy was sounding less and less bored, and more and more angry. This wasn’t going to end well. For anybody. Least of all, the people who couldn’t seemingly just blip out of existence like Puck could.

Puck snorted. “I’m not insinuating anything, bucko. I’m saying it to your face. Sitting around waiting for Serrik to screw up isn’t going to work. Especially not when they’re already screwing.” He stuck a thumb out at Ava.

“Oh. Oh, no. Don’t you dare—” She glared at Puck. “Do not bring that into this like it somehow matters?—”