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Zoe

BOSTON

I look at the people sitting at the table, trying hard not to let my emotions show, but all I can think about is running out of here. The desire is so strong it makes me nauseous.

I’m in a cold sweat, and my forehead and palms are damp—I even thought I had caught the flu that has spread across the planet at an alarming rate. Several people have died, but no one knows for sure what the main form of contagion is.

I try to inhale, but the air doesn’t come.

It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way. It’s been happening ever since I married Mike six months ago.

Yes, I was stupid and needy enough to believe that someone like him, handsome, kind, older, someone my family knew, would make me forget about Christos Xander, when in fact, I always knew that, at least for me, there would never be another man. I thought that maybe I could have a fresh start, as my love life had been on pause since I left Barcelona.

Dreaming for the rest of my days about someone who, even if he wanted me, I wouldn’t allow myself to be with, was a journey down the road to madness .

I was so sick for the first few months that my mother went looking for a pro bono psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with depression.

Talking with him helped me get back on my feet and forgive myself. Also, based on his advice, I did more research on the accident involving Christos and Pauline but found almost nothing other than some vague reports. They didn’t even explain who was to blame for the accident.

Her mother told me the Lykaios family was very wealthy and demanded a closed, confidential agreement. With no other option, she accepted it. The money, however, wasn’t enough to pay for a decent life for Pauline, but the alternative was to fight against the powerful Greek family in court for years, at the risk of them pulling strings and the lawsuit backfiring.

I researched his name more deeply only once: a Greek billionaire who migrated to the United States with his family as a child, always surrounded by beautiful women, and who, as far as I read, has never had a lasting relationship.

To my surprise, I also learned that his main business is focused on the fashion world, and I was astonished to see that his group owns the most famous brands on the planet.

Still, in all the fashion shows and events I’ve attended, we’ve never met, so I think he must have several people managing his wealth, as I remember well when he said he would buy the cruise ship fleet in which I worked at the time.

God, that seems to have happened in another life!

I’ve changed so much since then. If the situation had been today, I would never have locked myself in the ship’s bathroom in fear of the captain and the traitor Tamara, but I would have made such a fuss that even first class would hear. I’m still shy, but I never let people step on me. Now, I play by the rules of tit-for-tat .

People at the table keep talking loudly and laughing.

My head is pounding because I’m exhausted. I just want to go home and settle my story with Mike once and for all.

The day after tomorrow, I need to go to New York and introduce myself to my new employer.

A few months ago, Bia came to me with a proposal for a multi-million-dollar contract, an offer so unbelievable that it was impossible to refuse. I signed without a second thought because Mom’s health care expenses are very high. She didn’t have health insurance before she got sick, and when I tried to get her one, they claimed a pre-existing illness, which was true. The fact is, no matter how hard I worked, my bank account was always practically empty. All I have left of my savings are a few stocks I invested in on the advice of Bia and Miguel.

So, it’s not like I can afford to say “no” to such a significant amount.

I’m going to New York just to work out the details, but it’s all legally agreed, and that’s one of the main reasons I want to file for a divorce today. Starting a new cycle without feeling like I’m in a constant war inside my own house will already be an advantage. I rarely stay in Boston for long, but when I do, I want peace, and I haven’t known the meaning of that word since I got married.

I’m nervous as hell about the meeting with the new employer—yes, employer , because they paid to have my face and body in their campaigns for the next five years.

I’m not as fragile as I used to be, and I credit that to therapy, but I haven’t gone from being a wild animal to the bravest person in the world, either. Premieres and interactions with strangers scare me, too, and there will be a bit of each in New York.

I hear Mike laugh and get even more irritated.

God, it was all wrong from the start.

The way I gave in to what I now see as cheap, well-rehearsed charm. I tried to make my mother happy because she liked the idea of me being in a relationship, but mostly I believed that a prince could rescue me from loneliness.

I only managed to add more disappointment to the many I’ve had in my past.

The one time we went to my parents’ house for dinner, on one of my mom’s good days, Mike was arrogant and belittled my family. We’d been married a month, but I’d been thinking about leaving him since our wedding night.

When I told my father of my intentions, he talked to me and asked me to wait a little longer.

“Marriage and the coexistence that comes with it can be very difficult, ” he had said .

Difficult how? I’m twenty years old and feel more mature than Mike at forty, who behaves as if the world should pay him homage the way his students do.

“Have you read the book we’re talking about, Zoe?” a very beautiful brunette asks me. I know she is one of my husband’s students.

I hardly ever stay in the States because of business trips, but I’ve had two or three dinners with Mike’s friends. All of them looked at me as if, just because I am a model, I had a pea instead of a brain.

Just one more day, Zoe, I promise myself.

I’ve waited and tried just like my father asked me to, but I can’t even bear to hear my husband’s voice. I’m getting sick again because he makes me feel like I have to thank him on my knees for marrying me when, in fact, he’s a toxic, immoral human being.

“Zoe?” I hear his voice, but I don’t turn to look at him, focused on the brunette. “I don’t think it’s my young wife’s idea of fun to read something so complex,” he says before I can open my mouth. I feel my face warming up as everyone starts laughing.

My psychiatrist told me the other day that Mike is unleashing anxiety triggers for me, but right now, it’s really a hate trigger.

I look at his friends. People who’ve despised me since the first time we met. Teachers with spouses half their age, just like Mike and me, with the difference being that their women are respected, while I’m always the butt of teasing.

After facing them one by one, I turn to my husband, trying to strip him of the colors I painted him with before we were married so he would suit my dreams.

Tonight, the only thing I can see is a small, petty man who has to humiliate his wife to make himself feel better.

I get up from the table and grab my bag. “You are right. My atrophied model brain can’t fraternize with such brilliant minds. So, I’ll leave you to it with your average citizen’s wages while I head home to review the seven-figure contract I just signed.”