Page 34 of The Time Of Queens (An Afterlife Story #2)

34

HAND ME THE SHOVEL

T hree months later…

“I can’t believe today is the day,” I said to Sophia, who was helping me straighten my dress.

The hair stylist and makeup artist had already finished with us all before we had fussed around the bride, the room a flurry of activity. I had naturally cried the moment I saw my beautiful daughter in her wedding dress, telling her what I hoped she already knew. That I loved her, and that Lucius was a lucky man.

The both of us needed to fix our makeup, but after this, she asked for some private time. Private time with her dad. A thought that again brought tears to my eyes. Because as much as I would have loved to have seen his reaction when walking in and seeing our stunning daughter, I knew that it was their memory to cherish and theirs alone.

Which was why the three of us were now in my hotel suite, waiting for the sound of Draven’s footsteps as he left. No doubt to make his way to the lobby to where the wedding cars would be waiting. Because Amelia and Lucius had asked to get married at Witley Court, just like her father and I had all those years ago. Of course, the mother of all battles had also happened that day, something I thought best not to point out. This despite Lucius being there and knowing this history well enough.

But I focused on the positives, knowing that no such battle would happen on this day. No, nothing could ruin it for her, as I would do everything in my power so as not a thing could spoil it.

“Okay, that sounds like our cue,” I said, so Pip, Sophia, and I could make our way to her room. As for everyone else, they were no doubt already gathering at Witley Court for the ceremony. As for me, I hadn’t seen Draven yet since being ready myself. But any chance to witness him in a tux was a sight I welcomed, meaning I couldn’t wait. Of course, it would also mean spending most of the day looking at him like a giant piece of candy I wanted to lick all over.

As for what we all wore, Sophia as always, looked the epitome of class, with her figure-hugging burgundy dress, one that had elegance written all over it. This midi dress was worn off the shoulder, with its sweetheart neckline and wide straps covering the tops of her arms. As for the skirt, it flared out above her knees, which dipped lower in the back.

Now as for Pip, she was surprisingly tame for once, as there was nothing on the dress that lit up, made sounds, or was in any way edible. It was a sunset-orange long dress that had a plunging V-neckline that, according to Pip, tastefully teased the eyes. I was not sure Adam would agree when he saw it but at the very least, there was not a nipple in sight.

The whole dress was made from the same fluffy tulle layers, making it whimsically dance with every step she took. It clinched in at her tiny waist, with a ruffly bow under her breasts before flowing down into an A line skirt.

And as for me, I was wearing a navy blue, satin dress that had thick straps that tied in floppy bows at my shoulders. These matched the bigger bow at the side of my waist from the wrap around style. It was also full length, so I definitely needed the four-inch heels I was now trying to currently walk gracefully in.

We all had our parts to play for the day, and being mother of the bride, I was naturally bursting with pride. Nothing was going to ruin the day, as like I said, I wanted everything to be perfect for my girl.

Of course, this was easier said than done, as the second we were making our way to her room, I saw the bane of my family’s existence sneaking towards her door.

I acted without thinking as I tore a piece of metal artwork off the wall and swung as hard as I could, turning her head into a dong. She hit the floor without a word as I knocked her out cold.

“Layla!” I hissed, gritting my teeth at the sight.

“Whoa!” Pip yelped.

“Er okay, so yeah, that was unexpected,” Sophia commented as all three of us all just stared down at her.

“Shit,” I hissed again, now looking around in hopes that knowing what to do would suddenly jump out at me.

“Erm, so what now, Mrs Bashy?” Pip asked, making me grimace.

“Quick, we need to hide her, I don’t want Amelia seeing this, nothing can ruin her day,” I said, which had become my mantra since helping Amelia plan this wedding.

“Okay, well I left my magic ‘get rid of the body potion’ in my other purse, so what do you suggest?” Sophia replied sarcastically.

“How about the closet? That usually works for us,” Pip offered as I glared at Sophia’s after her unhelpful comment. One she simply smirked at. Of course, the second we opened the closet door, that thank the heavens was not far from Amelia’s room, we all looked down as one.

“What are the odds?” I muttered while Pip pointed out,

“Yep, that trunk is even better.” Then she smirked at Sophia.

“Don’t say a word about it!” Sophia threatened, obviously referring to Persia. Pip threw up her hands and said,

“Okay, okay, jeez, touchy much?” Of course, I ignored this in favour of saving the day, and my arse along with it.

“Let’s put her in here,” I said, opening the trunk and amazingly finding it empty.

“Seriously though, what are the chances?” Pip asked again and in a smug tone, looking to Sophia once again, who just groaned this time.

“Quick, you grab her legs, I will get the arms,” I said to Pip.

“And how about me?” Sophia asked, frowning.

“You just support the middle,” I replied, making her look outraged.

“Wait, why do I get the bitch’s butt?” she asked, causing Pip to giggle.

“Really, you wanna argue about this now?” I asked, throwing my hands out to indicate the unconscious bitch assassin that had plagued my family for decades.

“Fine, but I do this because I love my niece,” Sophia said, now hiking up her tight skirt so she could move better.

“Then let’s hustle, ladies, before she opens the door and see’s the last thing she ever expected to see on her wedding day,” I pointed out.

“What, me feeling her enemy’s ass?” Sophia grunted as we tried to manoeuvre the dead weight first into the closet and then to the trunk. Something that was hard to do when we were all moving as one.

“Pivot, pivot… sorry, sorry… I couldn’t help myself,” Pip said, making me shoot her a look as if to say, really!

“Please stop quoting Friends and just get your end in first,” Sophia grumbled.

“Why mine? Surely her butt’s better first, as it’s the biggest bit. Man, is it me or has she really let herself go since being on the lam?” Pip said, huffing while trying to sidestep with her ankles in hand.

“Well considering I never gave the bitch a piggyback in the past, I couldn’t tell ya,” I replied, making Sophia snort a laugh.

“Maybe we should just swing her on in there and let momentum do all the work,” Pip offered when it was clear we were struggling.

“All the work! Does it sound like we have been relying on science to you?!” Sophia snapped, making me snort a laugh.

“Alright, alright, Snappy MaGee… I don’t exactly hear you coming up with any bright ideas,” Pip replied, making Sophia and I look at each other.

Then after a little shrug, we started to swing her in. Which meant that when we let go, she hit her head on the doorframe and her legs snapped up to her chest like an abused mannequin. Each of us couldn’t help but wince despite us all hating her.

“Oooh,” we each hissed before Pip shrugged again and said,

“What? She’s in, isn’t she?” I looked at Layla’s awkward, bent position on the floor and agreed.

“Good point, now let’s stuff her in the trunk before anyone walks around the corner and decides to call the cops.” Something we did after first all filing in the small room and closing the door. Then we lifted her up, and folded her body in a purely unnatural way before stuffing her the rest of the way inside.

“Hey, Sophia, bringing back any memories?” Pip teased, winking at me and making Sophia grit her teeth.

“Just shut the damn lid and secure it,” she snapped back.

“Okie dokie, leave it to me, see you later, bitch face,” Pip said, slamming the door and conjuring up a fancy lock that looked magical.

“Huh, I didn’t know you could do that?” I questioned, making her stand and dust off her ruffled chest, reminding me of some exotic bird puffing out its feathers.

“Lucky for some, I did have a padlock spell in my purse,” she replied, making me ask,

“Really?”

“Nooo, of course not, why would I need to bring one of those to a wedding?” she answered, making me shake my head in confusion.

“For reasons like that,” I said, pointing a finger down at the body we had just stuffed in a trunk.

“Good point… but alas no, that was just my natural mojo,” she stated in her proud peacock moment. One that didn’t last as we scrambled out the supply closet just as we heard Amelia clearing her throat. Which meant she found us all standing up straight and leaning against the closet door, now trying to act natural.

“Well at least I don’t have to worry about any fingers this time,” Pip muttered, which resulted in Sophia elbowing her in the side, shushing her.

“Do I want to know on my wedding day?” Amelia asked in a sceptical tone.

“Nope,” I said, followed by Sophia adding,

“Probably not.” And as for Pip, she went with honesty…

“I would say yes, but I will get elbowed again… so no.”

“Okay, so she’s cut the cake, had her first dance, danced with her dad, thrown the bouquet, and made out with her husband about fifteen thousand times. Trust me, we don’t have long to move that body before they make it back to the hotel,” Sophia said as the night wore on, and she was right, if we were going to act, then it needed to be before all the guests started leaving, my daughter included.

Because I was still hoping to see the night’s end without anyone knowing what had happened. Which is why we snuck out, after telling our own husbands we would be back as we were going to freshen up. Because clearly, we were girls and girls did that type of shit together.

Thankfully, we had already disappeared the once, after I had made the excuse of thinking it might be my time of the month and needing girly supplies back at the hotel. Of course, it would end up being a ‘false alarm’ so I could still ravish my husband once the night was over. But before that could happen, we soon found we had another problem on our hands.

Just as dessert was being served, we had made our way back to the hotel, or more specifically the supply closet.

“Gods, please let her still be in there,” I said, so ready to kill this bitch already… as well, I was now half Demon.

“Of course, she will be, ain’t no one getting past my magic,” Pip replied, yet despite this, we each held our breaths, even Pip, making me raise a brow at her.

“What? I need the added oxygen,” she exclaimed.

“Sure, sure,” Sophia commented wryly, before opening the door. The collective sigh of relief left each of us, making me look once more to Pip, who in sight of the untouched locked trunk, said,

“See, I told you it would hold.” Then she snapped her fingers, releasing the lock.

“Now it’s time to wake up this… oh no,” Pip said, as I was the first to find anything in this closet to kill her with. Meaning when I did turn around, I did so with a plunger in my hand.

“Really? What are you going to do with that, clear out her colon?” Sophia asked mockingly. I was just about to reply when Pip beat me to it and said,

“Even if you were, there would be no point as she’s flush out of luck.”

I frowned.

“Why? And eww, by the way,” I added when Sophia gave me another ironic look.

“Because I might have forgotten something,” Pip admitted sheepishly.

“What?” Sophia asked, beating me to it.

“Airholes.” Pip admitted, making us look closer to see that yep… she was dead.

“Fuck! Damn it, I really wanted to kill this bitch myself!” I complained, throwing down the plunger before staring down at her white face.

“Really, Pip, you had one job,” Sophia exclaimed.

“Hey, you said shut the lid, you didn’t say, ‘and don’t forget to poke it first with some airholes’… she’s not a hamster!” Pip argued, using quotation marks in this argument.

“No, and what happened to your last one, Pip? What happened to Mr Peanut?” she asked with her hands on her hips, making Pip gasp.

“Don’t you dare bring Mr Peanut into this, he had a good life,” she disputed as I continued to stare down at the corpse.

“Yeah, until you forgot his cage was open, realised he wasn’t there, and then found him a week later stuck in the barbie sex castle you made.” At this I burst out laughing, something that stopped when Pip shot me a furious glare. Then she turned back to Sophia, put her fingers in her ears and said,

“Lalalaala, I won’t listen to this blasphemy on my character as a pet owner… besides, how did I know he would get stuck in the fleshlight tower… it was one of the alien pussies,” she told me behind her hand, like this was a point I needed to know.

“Jesus… this is way too much information to process while we try and dispose of a dead body,” I muttered.

“Jesus is dead, let him go… and as for you, you get the ass end for killing her,” Sophia said, first to me and then to Pip.

“Fine, at least she won’t fart now she’s dead,” she commented in return.

“Erm, Pip…” I had been about to tell her that dead bodies often still expel gasses, but one look at Sophia shaking her head at me, and I said,

“Never mind, let’s go.”

In the end, there was no arse grabbing needed, as we decided the best way to get rid of her was to take her outside in the trunk. Something that helped when Pip suggested the luggage cart. Hence why, ten long minutes later, we had wheeled said trolly over to the car and lifted it in the trunk. Of course, our limo driver had offered to help, to which we had all replied as one, with a stern,

“No!”

This was before realising how weird this looked, something we were reminded of when the poor guy backed away with his hands held up.

Which brought us back to now, as we left to retrieve said trunk from the car, now that it was dark outside. Which also meant that, hopefully, the sight of three women in dresses wouldn’t be seen as we dragged this big old trunk across the gardens of Witley Court and off towards the wooded area.

“It really was a beautiful ceremony,” Sophia said as we all pulled as one.

“It was, wasn’t it?” I said in a dreamy voice, despite what we were doing now.

“She’s all grown up,” Pip added, making us all sigh.

“Well enough of the mushy stuff, we’ve got a dead body to bury,” Sophia added, whipping away her teary eyes.

“You know, I think this is literally like the last thing on our list of stuff we haven’t done together,” Pip said, making me say,

“Jesus, you have this on the list… let it go, Sophia, Jesus can live on in all of us,” I exclaimed before she could make another Jesus comment.

“Not in me, I’m a Demon, remember? Pretty sure I would make him cry,” she replied, making me chuckle.

“Not me, I would ask him to sign my Jesus is coming, quick, look busy, T-shirt,” Pip offered, making me groan.

“I dread to think of how many religions we just insulted,” I replied, making her say,

“What, you think I should get him to sign my Poo one?” she questioned instead.

“I am going to regret this, I know I am, but what poo one?” I asked.

“Oh, you know the one, it has a smiling Jesus on the front, pointing his fingers at the camara and it says, I don’t always poo but when I do… holy shit!” she replied, making Sophia snort a breath. As for me, I shook my head and said,

“My previous comment about insulting religion still stands.”

“Oh, I am pretty sure the dead body we have stuffed in the trunk would come up before anything else,” Sophia pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re probably right… so how are we doing this anyway?” Pip asked once we were at the tree line, far enough away from the marquee where the evening party was still in full swing. We all dropped the trunk as one and looked at the very slight incline of grass.

“Well, we won’t get far without shovels,” Sophia replied, wrinkling her nose the second Pip conjured some up.

“Look who drank her mojo juice this morning,” I said, patting her on the back and making her beam at me.

“I know, right? The mother tree must have known I would need it today.”

“It’s us three, of course she knew,” Sophia commented dryly.

“Right, well, this shouldn’t take long, three supernatural’s with added strength digging a hole… easy… right?” I asked, making them both shrug.

“Do I look like the gardening type to you?” Sophia replied with a shrug.

“You love flowers,” I pointed out, making her admit,

“Yes, and I am also a germaphobe, hence why I usually just conjure that shit up.” Well, I couldn’t argue with that statement.

“Think of it as battle. Only instead of the blood of your enemies, it’s mud and an already dead Demon,” I offered,

“Great. Hey, did you see any bleach in that supply closet?” she asked, as clearly my logic hadn’t helped.

“Come on, the quicker we get this done, the quicker you can go scrub your skin off.”

“Bleach bath for one, coming right up,” Pip added after I said this, doing so with a ding ding and a raise of her finger, making Sophia grumble.

After this we hiked up our skirts, each wishing we had brought something more substantial to wear. I asked if either of them could just will the hole to appear. Which surprisingly, neither of them could, as they had never done it before.

“Really? Neither of you have ever buried a dead body before?” I asked, unsure why I was so shocked… oh yeah, because Demon and Imp, both of which replied in very different ways.

“Nope… I have lackies for that.”

“Only Mr Peanut, and he was small enough that I just stuffed him in a plant pot and grew daisies.”

“Okay then… digging some more it is,” I said, and after listening to Pip talk about Minecraft and wishing for a pickaxe and singing ‘whistle why we work’ ten million times, I finally asked,

“Is that deep enough, you think?”

“Only one way to find out,” Sophia suggested, tossing down her shovel, making us do the same. Then we dragged the trunk closer and kicked it over with a little too much force. Which meant that it quickly rolled, cracked open, and Layla popped right out, falling in the shallow grave like she knew it was her destiny.

“Wow, now it’s like she helping us bury her or something,” Pip said as we walked closer to see if it was deep enough. I could tell it wasn’t… in fact, we all could tell it wasn’t. But despite this, we all said collectively,

“Ah, close enough.” Then we picked up our shovels again.

“You know, this really reminds me of a movie.”

“As long as it isn’t, Night of the Living Dead ,” Sophia muttered.

“No, Weekend at Bernie’s .”

I burst out laughing, agreeing. “Now that was a great movie.” Something that caused Sophia to look confused.

“A weekend at someone’s house includes burying a dead body… actually, second thoughts, I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, well I am still pissed off that I didn’t get to be the one who killed her. After everything that bitch face did, not only to me but then to my daughter!” I said, tossing more soil on top, but then the second I heard a groan coming from behind me, I turned and acted on instinct. We all screamed as one the second Layla’s dirty body popped up, like some dazed zombie.

I swung my shovel so hard, that when I hit her head with it, I couldn’t help but wince as I did this with the edge part of the shovel, which ended up acting like an axe. Which meant that it half chopped her head off, making it arch to one side as a spray of blood pumped up like a fountain.

“AHHH!” we all screamed again as she blinked at us a few times. This before her eyes then rolled upwards, and she fell back into the grave. We each remained frozen before taking small steps closer to the now bloody corpse.

“Well, I think she’s definitely dead this time,” Sophia said after we all inched even closer to look down at her now mutilated body.

“There you go, you got to kill her, after all,” Pip said, patting me on the shoulder.

“Although, I also feel like she may be like a cat and have nine lives at this point,” Sophia pointed out, making Pip swing her shovel up to her shoulder and ask in a happy tone,

“Want me to bash her head in… what’s left of it anyway?”

“Nah, that’s okay, I think even half severed means it’s good enough… unless she really is a zombie, then in that case, we can let the boys handle her,” I said, shivering at the idea she would pop up again any minute and start making gurgling zombie sounds.

“Speaking of which…” I started to say, as we continued covering the body.

“Oh yeah, there is no way we are telling them,” Sophia said, already seeing where I was going with this.

“Thank Chri… the Gods… happy now?” I said, making Sophia smirk as I corrected myself. We continued like this for a little while longer, until there was a very suspicious body-shaped mound. As it was a little bit like a sleeping bag, it never fully rolled up as tight as it did when you first bought it and pulled it from the bag.

“Are we sure this is going to be okay?” I asked, turning my head a little and cringing at the obvious mound.

“Ah, we will just pound it down a little, a couple of grass patches, some branches, and we are good to go,” Pip assured me, which sounded like way too much work at this point.

“Or we could just leave like that,” I suggested.

“Works for me,” Sophia said, who was the dirtiest I had ever seen her, and no doubt itching for a shower. Then again, she most likely looked just like I did. As for Pip, she had used some dirt to spread on her face like a superhero mask at one point, pretending to be Arnold Schwarzenegger from predator.

We continued to look down at our half-arsed job of burying someone when I reaffirmed,

“Now we have to swear this doesn’t leave here, no one can ever know.”

“What happens when grave digging stays with grave digging,” Pip replied, doing a scout’s honour salute.

“Technically, it’s burying,” Sophia added.

“But we had to dig said grave first,” Pip argued, making her concede,

“Fair point.”

“Okay, so we are in agreement then, no one finds out,” I reiterated.

“Yep, dirty, pinky promise,” Pip said, holding out both her little fingers for us to take. She was in the middle of where we all were staring at our not so handy work. We each linked pinkies and shook on it.

“Yes, we are in total agreement,” Sophia added, looking down at herself and seeing like my dress and Pip’s, we were all covered in mud.

“So how do we explain the mud?” I asked, thinking it was wise at this point to get our stories straight.

“We all ended up falling in the mud after trying to help you up on our way back,” Sophia offered.

“Hey, why me…? Okay, don’t answer that,” I said when they both shot me a look. One that said, hello you are the clumsy one, remember.

“Right, well on that note, we better get back before they do discover what we have been up to,” Sophia said with a grimace.

Of course, all three of our heads snapped up the second we heard someone clearing their voice behind us. Our reactions to this were simultaneous as we turned as one, at the same time putting the shovels behind our backs. I then sucked in a quick breath when finding not only my husband standing there, but Adam and Zagan too. Each one with their arms folded across their chests, staring at us.

“Do you think they heard us?” Pip asked,

“What do you think?” Sophia groaned sarcastically.

“A little late for gardening, isn’t it, sweetheart?” Draven asked, being the first to speak and making me squeak out,

“I can explain.”

At this Pip accidently dropped her shovel, making them arch their necks to see what had fallen.

“Oh no, well would you look at that, how did that get there… my flabbers have been well and truly gasted,” she said, making me groan. The sight of Draven’s brow lifting prompted Pip to lean closer to me and whisper,

“Not sure you can talk your way out of this one, Toots.”

“Yeah, but she will give it her best shot,” Sophia added, winking at me.

“I’m waiting, my queen,” Draven stated, making me clear my throat before telling him,

“Okay, so we found Layla creeping up to Amelia’s room, so I hit her over the head with a piece of artwork, we dragged her arse in a trunk, locked her in it, and were waiting until after they cut the cake before we got rid of the body,” I said, making Sophia mutter to Pip,

“Okay, I guess she won’t come up with something.”

“Come again?” Draven asked incredulously.

“I forgot the air holes but, yeah, that about covers it,” Pip added, now waving a dirty hand to her husband, who was shaking his head while rubbing his forehead in exasperation. As for Draven he started rubbing the top of his nose, looking as if he was trying to find the words. Zagan, on the other hand, winked at his wife as if he was proud.

“And I gather that she is finally dead?” Draven finally asked.

“Well, she wasn’t the first time, but then Toots hit her in the head with the shovel and it kinda started to fall off, so yeah, I would say she’s dead now,” Pip added helpfully, shrugging her shoulders.

“Good, then if that is the case… can we all have this next dance?” Draven replied, surprising a laugh from me. Then we looked to one another, shrugged, and said,

“Sure, seems like a good way to celebrate to me,” I said, tossing my shovel and prompting Sophia to do the same.

“Me too, although I need a drink,” Pip said.

“I need a bath,” Sophia added.

“I will happily oblige,” Zagan said, taking his wife’s hand and helping her across the grass.

“Dancing does sound good… oh wait, we should have done it on her grave… what, too soon?” Pip commented to Adam, who tucked her next to him, telling her,

“Perhaps tomorrow, my little Winnie, perhaps tomorrow.”

As for me, Draven came and swept me off my feet, his suit getting instantly dirty. Then after looking back over his shoulder, he said to me,

“That’s my queen…”

Making me reply with a smile and a single word said over his lips…

“ Always, my King.”