Page 19 of The Time Of Queens (An Afterlife Story #2)

19

PAST ON REPEAT

KEIRA

I was back to that day.

The day Draven rejected me.

Rejected my love for him. I would never forget it. Never forget a pain like it. It had been different than the day I had been led to believe that he had died. Different to the day I discovered he had lied. Different to all the days after that. After all the hurt had turned to simply feeling numb. As if my heart’s only job was to keep me alive and to do so, without feeling. All the pain that Draven had put me through under the name of Fate… but nothing had been quite like that day.

The day he put on the mask of indifference and played a part, just like he had chosen to do now. I knew it the second I had walked into his room, the feeling of it, unwelcoming and tense. As if this was some chore he needed to get over with quickly.

Because at the first hint of his Chosen One being discovered, he had readily cast me aside in favour of something better. Of course, it was irrational, seeing as I was that something better. But he didn’t know that. What Draven was doing now was picking Fate over his heart. He wasn’t picking me because he fell in love with me, but he was choosing an Electus he knew nothing about.

I often feared, in the beginning, about Draven being with me just because the Fates had declared it so. That I could have been anyone. A girl that looked and acted like Aurora. A spoilt bitch, demanding he spend his fortunes on me. A nasty piece of work that spoke to others as though all were beneath me.

I could have been the worst.

Would he have still loved me?

Because the Fates told him so.

The disappointment I felt in him in that moment was what crushed me more than his rejection. The moment he had told me that it was I that had to leave. It was like I had been transported right back to that day on the balcony. Right after that bitch Layla had tried to kill me. Right after Draven had saved me and I had seen his true self on that rooftop. After that, something had switched in Draven, and I had never truly discovered what it was. The most he would say was that he’d had a dream. A terrible dream that clung to him and made him believe that I would never accept him.

I hadn’t pressed for any more details. But I saw what I had seen in him that day. But unlike then, it wasn’t because of any dream that he cast me aside. No, it was the chance at something better. Of course, at the time, I hadn’t understood it like I did now. My fragile mind tried to make sense of it.

But then he started to repeat my past by speaking of my ‘inappropriate feelings’ for him and about a fiancé that would never arrive. However, this time, in his mind, she wasn’t fake, as there was no Celina on his arm to be presented to me. There was, however, the idea of a very real girl who had kissed him and ran. A kiss being enough to throw everything he felt for me aside.

I had never been more disappointed in him.

The rest had been a blur, my denial for accepting his money, the insult of ‘compensation’, it had all twisted in my gut like poison churning and eating away at me from the inside. I had begged him not to say another word. I had just wanted to leave this place and never return. His important business taking him away was just another bitter pill that he forced me to swallow.

Of course, as I knew it would, my telling him that I wanted nothing from him was to be ignored. Which was why I wanted the last word said to him to be my parting gift. As I knew he would be left here with nothing, and it was his belief and trust in that Fate that would be his downfall.

“No one decides my fate. Goodbye, my Lord, I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer you,” I had told him. His look of shock penetrated the mask of indifference just before I turned and didn’t look back, no longer strong enough to hold back my tears. The sound of him calling my name meant nothing to me. For all I wanted now was for him to leave so as I may do the same.

My tears, however, fell as I slammed my door and slid down the length of it until I was on the floor. Then I buried my head in my arms, held onto my knees, and cried more than I had in a very long time. Because it didn’t matter what I knew to be true. That I was still his Electus. Something he may one day discover before I had chance to go back and eradicate this timeline.

But by then it would be too late.

I would be gone.

I tried to tell myself none of it mattered. That I had my own Draven back home, and in that time frame he loved me. He had fallen first for the girl I had been, and not the Electus Fate had claimed me to be. He really did love my snorts, my quirks, my clumsy ways. He loved my Christmas madness, my love of movies, my love of art, romance books, my obsession with tea, my love of pastries, my daft sense of humour.

But most of all, he loved me for me.

All of the good, the bad, and ugly that made me who I was. And had some terrible mistake been made and he woke one day to discover that I hadn’t been his Electus all along, it would make no difference to his loving me. He wouldn’t instantly cast me aside for another. He would have damned the Fates, before giving me up.

That was the love I wanted.

The love I deserved.

The love I had at home.

But more than that… it was the love I was trying desperately to get back to. Which was why I opened the door to find both Pip and Sophia standing there looking worried.

“I need that coin,” I told them, refusing to say anything else as my tears said enough.

“I went to look in his office but if there was one there, now it is gone.”

I staggered back at that, my hand going to my heart as I had been depending on one being there.

“Then I will go to London,” I said, my voice not wavering in my resolve.

“What? No, you can’t…” Sophia tried to argue, but I was quick to interrupt.

“I must. I can’t stay here.”

“My brother, he will calm down,” she argued back, making me shake my head.

“Yes, and we both know that whoever they think they have found will come to nothing,” Pip added, but I had already started to walk back into my room so as I could start packing my bag, stuffing what little I had here into it. A stolen life that was like stealing time.

“You don’t understand,” I told them both.

“Then explain it to us,” Sophia tried, the both of them stepping inside and closing the door the second they saw me trying to get out of this dress and back into my plain black one.

“Draven is picking his Electus over me, despite how he feels about me,” I told them, hoping this was enough for them to understand. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

“But he doesn’t know who you are to him,” Sophia pressed on, making Pip agree with a nod of her head, before offering,

“Yes, and I could drop that if you like and then he will know…”

“NO! No… I don’t want that. I don’t want him to know. I don’t want him to ever know…” I said dejectedly, wiping my face as I could feel my emotions close to spilling from me again in the form of tears and a snotty nose.

“But why not?” Sophia asked with a shake of her head, making my shoulders slump.

“You don’t understand… I want… I want him to choose me not because Fate finally said, yes, you can have her,” I confessed, and finally Sophia’s expression turned to one of thoughtful understanding.

“You want him to choose you for love not fate,” she said, her voice near breaking for me.

“Yes. He chose wrongly and because of it, for the first time, he has given strength to my biggest fears.” I paused to take her hands in my own as I told her, “Please understand that I fell in love with your brother long before I knew who he was to me. But as for your brother… he has always known. So, which was it Sophia? Did he fall in love with the girl first or the Electus he knew me to be?”

At this she gripped my hands tighter and told me,

“I can’t answer that, Keira, I can only tell you of the character of my brother, and what I have seen these last few days is of a man in love, despite what you think. But that doesn’t mean he knows what to do with these feelings he has never experienced before. For ask yourself, would he be the first to fear love enough to make him walk away before realising his mistake?”

I turned my head away and told her,

“It doesn’t matter, for sometimes the time given to us is all we have and in this one, he made his decision, just as I now make mine.”

“So what is the plan?” Sophia asked, as if it had already failed before I could even step foot from this house.

“I will go to London, find Jared, and try and get him to help me.”

“Then what? You think he will go up against my brother by coming here with you by his side?” Sophia replied, trying to cast doubt my way.

“You said it yourself, you shouldn’t even be here, which means you most likely won’t remain for much longer. I will just wait it out until I can get to the fountain. After all, I only have to make it as far as tossing in a coin. The rest, Janus will take care of,” I told her, knowing this was my one and only option left.

“But…” Sophia was about to argue further but this was when Pip intervened. My friend who had been quiet during this exchange now placed her hand on Sophia’s shoulder and told her,

“We have to let her go. If this is her path to take, all we can do is help her on her journey.”

Sophia finally relented at this, and with it her shoulders slumped before she conceded.

“Fine, but just so you know, I think you are making a mistake,” Sophia said before walking out the door, making me shout after her,

“Where are you going?”

she stopped at the top of the stairs and told me,

“Where do you think…? To get you the carriage.”

A little time later and Sophia didn’t disappoint. As I might not have been sent on my way with a coin in hand, but I did have enough money to get me to someone I knew would have one. Of course, I had no idea what would happen once I got there and faced the HellBeast himself. But I couldn’t think about that now. No, my mind was still solely owned by another King, and one that had just cast me out of his life.

As for the journey ahead, I had some food packed and a few of Pip’s dresses in case I needed them. The carriage ride would take about seventeen hours to get to London from Worcester. But with the stops needed, it would be two days travel at the most. My only hope was that by the time Draven came back, I would be long gone, and he stood by his decision to let me go. He was then free to spend all his attention and efforts on getting back his Chosen One.

And as for that Chosen One, she was currently in the carriage making her way to the very last place he would have ever expected her to go… The Devil’s Ring.

Even the weather seemed to mirror my heartbreak as the rain battered against the top of the roof and ran down the windows.

I couldn’t stop replaying Draven’s words over and over again. But then as I did this, they quickly started to morph into those that were said to me thirty years prior. Which was why I soon found tears left in me heavy enough to fall. For they had yet to run dry, making me wonder if they would by the end of this journey.

My biggest insecurities came back to haunt me like some underlining past trauma that had nothing to do with being kidnapped. Had nothing to do with being tortured, starved, and kept locked up for weeks. Had nothing to do with trips to Hell or finding myself in the middle of a battlefield. No, it was all based on being rejected by the man I loved.

My biggest nightmare.

And speaking of nightmares…

“Whoaa… easy now… who goes there?!” I heard the driver say as he suddenly stopped the carriage.

I didn’t know how long I had been travelling for or how far we had reached. But at a guess I would say as far as a little over an hour of travelling would get us. I wondered what the holdup was which gave me reason enough to open the window. I ignored my hair getting wet by the rain as it lashed against my face when poking my head out long enough to ask,

“What is it? Why have we stopped?”

Of course, the moment he told me, “There appears to be a man standing in the road, for I swear it is like he came out of nowhere!” My heart started hammering in my chest as I knew exactly who it was. Clearly, my desire to leave wasn’t great enough for him to want to let me go just yet.

As Draven may have asked me to leave in favour of his Fate.

But as for his heart…

That was one thing…

That Fate didn’t own… I did.